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Discuss Vercetti- Sub Comms Q&A -Body Language, Voice, Presence, Beliefs at the Vercetti within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Hi Lads, Apologies for the delayed replies. Been teaching abroad, working and preparing for the ...
  1. #21
    Vercetti's Avatar
    Vercetti is offline Love Systems Instructor
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    Hi Lads, Apologies for the delayed replies. Been teaching abroad, working and preparing for the Super Conference. I'll have all your questions answered in with the next week.


    LIVE FULL, LIVE FREE!!!


    Voted #1 Love Systems Instructor 2010




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    Hey Vercetti,

    Thanks for doing this. A couple quick questions:

    1. How should you be talking in a smaller, quieter area? Loud enough to be heard by everyone or just loud enough for the person you're speaking to. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking too loud or too soft in small areas.

    2. I read somewhere that when you're sitting down, your lower spine should be against the back of the seat. When I try this, I feel uncomfortable at times and feel stiff. What's the best way to sit down anywhere and have an alpha presence without looking too stiff and comfortable? Should I be following this lower spine stuff til I feel comfortable or is this just unnecessary crap?

    Thanks!

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    1. How much space should I take when sitting or standing in the group and should I always try to take more space than the other males in the group to achievie dominance? Taking much space is known to be an Alpha quality, but too much always seems to be bad...

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    What are some things to keep in mind, when trying to reflect a strong sub-communication?

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    I'll write this one down before I forget.
    Can I FTC with my body language (for example, facing her a bit sideways and weight on the back foot like I'm going to eject any second now) alone, or do I have to actually do it verbally?
    "Excuses separate the losers from the champions"

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    hi vercetti,
    thanks for doing this.

    what do you think of the alexander technique? i hear a lot of actors do it. is it a good way to improve your body language and subcommunications?

    also, how much do you feel subcommunications are things that have to be specifically worked on, and how much do you think they'll improve naturally as you get better with women and your confidence and inner game inprove?

    thanks,

    chica

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    hey V, thanks for putting this together. awesome idea.

    just a question on presence- im wondering how i can stand out from the crowd and make myself seem more present in an interaction and within a group. i have read all of Eckhart Tolle's material and find that stuff really helpful and intuitively i have calibrated the slightest movements in order to stand out from the crowd. i can't even explain these movements in detail because its simply intuition i have known to make me stand out, unconscious microcalibrations. do you have any advice to make yourself stand out when you are with a group of guys and in a club.

    some of my thoughts are:
    -walk and move slower than everyone else
    -work on making my eye contact more present
    -i also find myself more comfortable when im in my house, so i have make it a technique to imagine myself moving like i would as if i was just chillin at my house (it does wonders for presence) everyone else is moving as if they are anxious in a club and im just relaxed chillin in my house.

    anything else?

    thanks a ton!!
    My Natural Attraction is:
    -Masculinity (strength/leader)
    -Preselection/Social Circle
    -Authenticity
    -Character/Boundaries
    -Sexual Tension (push-pull)
    -Value (give positive emotions)
    -Presence (*with eyes+body)
    -Challenge (takeaway/qualification/teasing)
    -Connection
    -Humor

  8. #28
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    Storm Boy
    How should the body language, facial expressions voice tone, eye contact etc match?


    Here’s the thing with all your facial expressions and voice tone etc, you should do the work on them prior to going into the field to ensure that they are working for you without too much conscious thought in the moment.

    The aim is to regularly exercise your Face, Body, voice so that it is responsive to your command and under your control. As a starting point get your voice to the point where it accurately portrays your intensions. For example If you are being playful and teasing yet your tone sounds serious due a lack of vocal agility then you know there is work to be done in the voice department. I’ve got a Post on Voice coming up shortly.



    Rennato
    Do you believe that is it possible to display perfect non-verbal communication just by working when we are having inner game issues and toxic beliefs which are severely jeopardising our game?

    You need to work on inner and outer game at the same time. These are life skills and take time to develop. Is it possible to have messed up inner game and yet display strong Sub Comms, yep, I’ve seen it many times. You have to have an awareness first and foremost of what your body is communicating to other people.


    Hands are playing huge role in non-verbal communication. it very easy to understand whether the player is comfortable\confident or nervous. What do you recommend about "hand gestures"?


    Give hands something to do, the old pinch your middle finger and thumb together. In the movement quality section that I teach we imagine moving through mud and letting that sensation move through your whole body. The problem generally is not that people use hand gestures, it’s the speed at which they move that can be very distracting.

    If you practice moving smoothly with your hands imagining that you are moving through thick mud whilst still speaking at your normal pace, the contrast can be mesmerising! Failing that, Thumbs in pockets, Hands by your side...the problem with these examples with your hands doing nothing is that it then becomes a big gesture when you reach out to touch her, if you make your movement an extension of you speech then touching her as part of your conversation becomes natural.

    So what are your recommendations about changing and destroying our negative beliefs and perspectives?

    Follow a similar process that I outlined in my post about Negative Reactions
    This is a simple process is it easy..? Well that depends on how deeply rooted the belief is, some are harder than others to replace.

    1. Highlight a Negative Limiting belief
    2. Increase the pain attached to keeping this belief – Past and Present Pain + Future compounded pain (20yrs down the line still having this belief
    3. Choose a New more Productive belief
    4. Seek Reference experiences to Root the new belief

    a. External references – Mentors
    b. Personal – Things you have already experiences that support the new belief


    I like the way Tony Robbins puts it, Beliefs are just feelings of certainty that we have about a certain idea. So an Idea is like a Table top without any legs, the legs are reference experiences that ground that idea and turn it into a belief.

    Highlighting your negative and limiting belief is probably the hardest part because they are often hidden away in our ego or our sense of self – “I believe XYZ, it’s just the way I am” so then for someone to change a belief it challenge stheir sense of self which can be extremely difficult to deal with.

    I’ve gone through spells of challenging my limiting beliefs with such intensity and questioned what I believed to a point where I felt I didn’t know myself (I’m not recommending going for it this hard), I hit rock bottom but who I’ve become because of that experience and the level of self awareness that I’ve developed on the otherside has made me so much stronger than I was! Now I create belief that serve my greater purpose and build the reference experience to root the new beliefs.

    A good way to highlight limiting beliefs is to find good mentors who are having success in the area that you want but don’t currently have success. Now here’s the important thing, don’t just look at the result they get, look at their way of evaluating the process e.g. “Meeting women is a fun adventure where you never know what will happen” as opposed to “I hope she doesn’t reject me” or “If this doesn’t go well everyone will laugh at me”.

    Honestly compare your thought process and your beliefs, the difference in belief usually reflects the difference in success.


    Voodooz
    How do you move in a set? It is said that the male with the largest, most space-taking hand gestures is the most alpha. Yet I feel like I'm somehow qualifying myself when I make a lot of hand gestures.
    When telling a story, for example... should I make hand gestures (almost "talk" with my hands) or better off not move them?


    Having relaxed open body language says more about your confidence than trying to take up the most space by doing grand gestures, if you feel try hard then listen to what your body is telling you. Don’t do anything that closes of your body or makes you shrink or take up less space but don’t feel as if you have to over extend yourself.

    Nilz

    This happened a couple times, when i'm asking a girls name and dont hear it the first time, or it's not an easy name to remember, i'll ask her again and lean in slightly so i'll definitely hear it properly the second time.. My wing pointed it out, so just wondering if it demonstrates low value, like it does in night game?


    If I don’t hear someone I do a few different things depending on my perceived value in the set

    1. Use my LEGS and step in closer - I try not to peck in from the waist and lean in to hear her.
    2. Pull her in to get her to repeat what she just said.
    3. Point to my ear and tell her to say it again, she'll come in closer and say it again.

    SYS
    Hey V, I don't know what is happening to me, I used to be unstoppable during day time but now, after not gaming for a while, It is very hard for me to get back gaming again. AA always kicks in.

    Is there something wrong with that? Is there anything wrong maybe with my mindset or believe? or what?


    Mate as Mystery said years ago, it’s like jumping into the cold pool, you’ve been out of the pool for a while and now you have to jump back in again and get used to it. Set mini missions for yourself if you don’t want to dive straight back in but it’s going to be uncomfortable for the first few sets until you get back up to speed.


    Unrated
    What are your top cues/techniques/practices in developing presence?

    I read a book called "Acting Techniques for Everyday Life" and it talked about taking up a character to start acting a certain way, is this something you advocate?



    • Increased Presence is the result of
    o Developing Sensory Acuity – The ability to use our senses to make accurate observations about ourselves or other people. Being alert to the environment and the effect it has on your body. This brings you into the moment.
    o Spatial Awareness – Having a developed sense of your surrounding space and your relation to it. Spatial awareness requires that we have a model of the three dimensional space around us

    • Do things like Yoga – for sensory acuity, Salsa/Dance for spatial Awareness.

    • I teach other methods of developing Presence but they are practical and difficult to write about.

    Krytek
    I seem to be telegraphing interest or flirting when I make conversation with HBs. I'm generally unaware of what I'm doing to make this impression, other than the fact I'm sometimes genuinely interested in other people, but that's controllable.
    Do you have any suggestion about what signs do I give? or how to look out and eliminate them.



    It's hard to tell without seeing you in set. Be aware of how much of your attention you give to a group early in the interaction. For example if you are facing a woman fully and she is disengaged, with her body only slightly facing you then who looks more interested in the interaction? Make sure that you are locking in as early as possible, if you don’t know what Locking in means get magic bullets. Makes sure you're not leaning in as you're talking or listening early in the interaction.

    Can I FTC with my body language (for example, facing her a bit sideways and weight on the back foot like I'm going to eject any second now) alone, or do I have to actually do it verbally?

    A general rule of thumb for me is “Don’t SAY anything that you can portray with your Body”. So if you can effectively FTC with your body language alone, that is perfect. If you want to then reinforce it verbally then you have that as an option.

    Sansay
    1. How should you be talking in a smaller, quieter area? Loud enough to be heard by everyone or just loud enough for the person you're speaking to. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking too loud or too soft in small areas.

    Speak loud enough so that your listeners can hear you without strain. This means that you adjust to your environment.

    2. I read somewhere that when you're sitting down, your lower spine should be against the back of the seat. When I try this, I feel uncomfortable at times and feel stiff. What's the best way to sit down anywhere and have an alpha presence without looking too stiff and comfortable? Should I be following this lower spine stuff til I feel comfortable or is this just unnecessary crap?


    Good chairs are designed to facilitate good posture, when you use the back of the chair and sit on your “Sitting Bones” (the bones in you butt), then you should be able to relax and look comfortable in the chair. See some of the images below (not great but examples none the less)









    Sinque
    What are some things to keep in mind, when trying to reflect a strong sub-communication?


    Relax in the environment – If you can get the sensation of being “at home” and comfortable where ever you are then that sends out very strong positive signals.

    Chicheebee
    what do you think of the alexander technique? i hear a lot of actors do it. is it a good way to improve your body language and subcommunications?



    Alexander Technique is awesome! If you can get to do it then go for it.

    also, how much do you feel subcommunications are things that have to be specifically worked on, and how much do you think they'll improve naturally as you get better with women and your confidence and inner game inprove?

    Some things may naturally improve, the things related to confidence, if you have nervous ticks that are the result of you feeling uncomfortable talking to women then they’ll hopefully disappear as a result of improved skill. However, I don’t know any guys that have got exceptionally good with women who have not worked on their Sub Comms – Not one!

    TopGun

    Contrast Movement in Speed and direction – Slower or Faster – experiment with both; Moving directly to a spot with purpose and drive is as effective a way of standing out as moving slowly and gliding through. It’s not the SPEED so much as the CONTRAST to what is going on around you.

    Also Vulnerability in a “hostile” environment full of competition, loud music, alcohol etc and being comfortable is a sign of strength in itself. Being relaxed, having open body language without trying to dominate and over power others is a rare quality.

    Hope these answers help guys, keep them coming. I'll be doing videos shortly for the Lovesystems channel to demonstrate some of the things I talk about aswell as doing 1-1 training, I'm well aware that a lot of this stuff is easier to observe than it is to read about.
    LIVE FULL, LIVE FREE!!!


    Voted #1 Love Systems Instructor 2010




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    Thanks man!!!

    Thanks Vercetti,

    i appreciate you taking the time out to answer our questions. i can definetly understand the whole contrast movement would make a difference and it is not necessarily based on your speed, but contrast against those around you.

    love,

    TG
    My Natural Attraction is:
    -Masculinity (strength/leader)
    -Preselection/Social Circle
    -Authenticity
    -Character/Boundaries
    -Sexual Tension (push-pull)
    -Value (give positive emotions)
    -Presence (*with eyes+body)
    -Challenge (takeaway/qualification/teasing)
    -Connection
    -Humor

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    Thank you for doing this. Totally awesome.
    "Excuses separate the losers from the champions"

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