Destroy Your Negative Reactions!
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- 09-05-2009, 03:57 AM #1
Destroy Your Negative Reactions!Inhibition – Out with the Old, In with the New
An important concept that I learned from Alexander Technique and then incorporated into my Game and Sub-Communications work, was a process called Inhibition.
"Inhibition is the process of pausing before an Action- giving us the necessary time to register “How” we are preparing for an activity and therefore the opportunity to change our Habitual Reaction."
For the purspose of learning this invaluable process, let me make an important distinction between to very similar concepts:
Reaction = Unconscious – Habitual
Response = Conscious - Selected
A few years ago when I was just starting out I had one of the most important realisations I've had in Game. I was with Mr M and we couldn’t have come from more different starting points; Mr M was a Lawyer and very Logical and Analytical and I was an Actor living by that old adage "Acting is Reacting" and always looking to React in the moment. Two polar ends of the spectrum!
As he is notorious for(And one of the reasons he got good so quickly), Mr M asks me what I did in a set that went “well”, I said “Dude, I'm just in the moment and do whatever comes to mind” he replied “You can’t just live in the moment completely, how do you take the interaction forward and lead it to where you want it to go”
At the time I remember thinking “This Dude doesn’t have a clue, you can’t be strategic when you’re in the field you have to live in the moment.”
Then it hit me. I was having great interactions, lots of fun, energy and excitement but I wasn’t getting laid!
I went back on what Mr M was saying and whilst in an Alexander class at Drama school, it all came together. I realised I wasn’t Responding in the moment, I was Reacting and with those Reactions came unpredictable and uncontrollable results. I then realised that you needed both a map of where you're heading and the ability to live in the moment.
"By stopping our habitual reactions we give ourselves a chance to make a choice how we’ll do things. As our mental attitude changes, there is a chance to break our habits."
A word on Learning Game
When starting out and learning anything new, you’re going to be a little stiff and artificial at first then as you practice and gain agility your fluidity increases and things that once were difficult, become smooth and unconscious, “Habits”.
It’s the same in the field.
If you take a look at most of the guys now solely advocating “Natural” Game they have all gone through the lines and routines, the robotic behaviour as they analysed what they were doing.
Take it from an Actor who was spontaneous in the field and living in the moment, You need to go through the process of being out of sync, you need to go through the process of being slightly robotic and having things prepared to say to spike your conversation. You need to have an eye on the Emotional Progress Model, your map and how to get to the final destination. You need all these things and if you haven’t been through that and try to go “Natural” straight of the bat, you’re shooting yourself in the foot and limiting the potential impact of your interactions and also how attractive you can become as a man in general.
Routines in the beginning are as much about learning the “Vibe” of Attractive Behaviour and Conversation as they are about having stuff to say. Once you’ve got a feel for this “Vibe” you’ll then be able to have “Normal” Conversations and still keep the “Vibe” running underneath, appearing "Natural."
Breaking a Bad Habitual Reaction
The process of Inhibition becomes your most valuable Ally in the field when it comes to learning Attractive Behaviour.
Below is a process I teach for changing your habitual Reaction but you have to go through the discomfort of stepping out of the moment slightly in order to break the bad Reaction and choose a more effective Response.
Become conscious of its existence
I became aware of what was happening to my body when circumstances arouse which gave me a nervous Reaction. I’d put myself in all kinds of environments and become conscious of how I was Reacting to the stimuli.
For example, when I got AA it was a Physical Reaction, my heart would start beating faster, my temperature would increase and my breathing would get shallow. Now when it comes, it’s just a mental block that I overcome simply by making the decision to man up and take Action.
I observed all these things and brought them to my consciousness.
When I was walking past a hot girl on the street my walk would get all fucked up, my rhyme would go and my eyes would flicker all over the place, trying not to seem as though I was checking her out. Again, I brought this to a level of consciousness so that I could gain control of it.
Your Reaction may not be distracting movements it may be that you just freeze and do nothing and think you are being “Non-reactive” and are just being “Passive”, whatever it is use the process below to highlight and eliminate it.
1. Make a list of the circumstances where you have negative reactions and note what happens to you.
• Approach Anxiety – Sweaty Palms, Increased Temperature
• Shit Tests – Laughing Nervously
• Hot Girl Walking Toward Me – I start to walk funny etc...
2. Discover the Impulse
Keep putting yourself in the fire and get a feel for exact moment when you have the “Reaction” to the stimuli. Discover the impulse.
3. Say "No" - Choose to do Nothing
The Absolute first step after discovery is to say "No" to the impulse and Choose to do Nothing. This means rejecting the negative Reaction. This will seem weird at first because you’ll feel as if you are stopping dead in your tracks (In some cases you will) and taking yourself out of the moment. Trust me, this is necessary and what seems to you like an eternity, will actually only be a second and then a split second; but it will give you enormous power and control over yourself.
4. Choose a different Response
From the position of a blank slate you then have the option and the clarity to choose whatever Response you like including the original one. If you practice your new Response over and over you’ll eventually create a new Reaction forming a new Habit and becoming a “Natural”
**If this feels like painting by numbers it's because it is! I never wanted to be average with women, I wanted to be exceptional, I never wanted average Women I wanted the ones that I fantasied about - That required painstaking attention to detail and now I don't have to think about these things.**
PROCESS! PROCESS! PROCESS!
Hope it Helps
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