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I'm a Junior, so it's too ...
Junior in college, no social circle. Am I fucked?
I'm a Junior, so it's too late for me to follow the whole freshman plan of building a social circle. I have two people I consider friends. Neither of whom is particularly high value.
Friend 1 is one of my roommates. He is a nerd, and not attractive to women, but he is a true friend and I WILL NOT ditch him.
Friend 2 is a girl I worked with two summers ago, back when I was a WBAFC. She's not too attractive, but not ugly either, maybe a 5.She has a large social circle that includes guys and HB's, but I am outside of it-- we go to different schools, and I only see her when we're both home, and not often enough to be integrated into her social circle.
I also have a bunch of former high school friends who have drifted farther and farther from me, but not from each other. I have been slowly dropped from their social circle over the past three years, and I can't seem to get back in. I make resolutions to ditch them, but never follow through, because occasionally I get invited somewhere.
Also, I have a job and am a full-time student. I take taekwondo 3-4 times a week and have just joined the sparring team. I started taekwondo partially because I thought I could make friends from it; maybe that just takes time though.
There's one (male) coworker who I'd be interested in being friends with but I'm not sure how to go about doing it. Is it really as simple as grabbing a drink after work? Oh and I don't have a car, so if I did this I'd end up having to bum a ride from him. That's a DLV, IMO.
I've already resolved to take the minimum number of credits I can get away with next year so as to free up my schedule for a social life. I'll be going to grad school after I graduate, and I don't know what's in store there socially. But what can I do now? I see building blocks for a social circle, I'm just stumped on how to put them together.
Work on getting a car first. That would be my first piece of advice. Then as well I would recommend probably try find high value people and just chat with them. If you can keep up a conversation then ask what's up and what happens at the university.
Just don't be shy and socialize and go out to parties,clubs, events. Trust eventually everything will come to you.
Now this actually gets to another interesting dilemma.
Originally Posted by clik
I have enough money now to get a car.
But I'm also trying to save up to go on a dig in Cyprus this summer. I've already been overseas the last two summers-- first to Serbia to dig at a Roman frontier site, then to China for another anthropology thing. The China trip in particular helped me a bit with my game; it was there that I first became comfortable using kino. I find it much easier to socialize (and build higher value) in a group of people where nobody knows each other and everybody's opening each other anyway. I'm pretty sure my game is up to the point where I'd be able to have an overseas fling if I go to Cyprus.
So my choice is... car or Cyprus trip. One or the other. I know I'll have a great time if I go to Cyprus (not to mention it'll look good on my grad school application), but will it help me in the long run?
It's basically a choice between a car now, or a potentially great experience (and DHV story) this summer.
Ok, I'll tell you what to do. I sincerely hope this helps you.
Let me first start off by saying that it is NEVER too late to make friends. I don't care if you were the most unpopular guy in high school (I was), or if you're 90 years old. If you're a cool person, and down-to-earth, you can ALWAYS make friends. It's important that you understand that right off the bat. And don't just say you do.. look at the title of this topic: "Junior in college, no social circle. Am I fucked?" ....the first thing you absolutely must do is change your attitude.
It's not "Am I fucked?" ..it's, "ok. I've got some things I need to work on. Let's get started!" You gotta truly believe that there's just some things you gotta take care of. And in time, with a little work, you'll be where you want to be.
The fact that you already have one friend is an excellent start. Sure, you may wish you had 333 more.. but some people don't have ANY friends. So work with what you have. But don't ever refer to him as a "nerd" or "unattractive to women" again, alone or in private. If he's such a good friend, he doesn't deserve that from you or anything else. Besides, he didn't make this topic.. you did. So, not only do you not do this for his sake, you don't do it for YOURS.
We all have things we can work on.. If he IS such a nerd and unattractive to the ladies, and he IS such a good friend.. try to get him to improve himself in these areas. You guys can do this at the same time.. but it's important that you do it in a constructive way. Don't beat him up about it, or he'll say fuck it, and not want to change. But ANY guy can pick up women.. you don't have to make a million new friends just to pick up ladies. Start with what you have.
That's enough for what you probably didn't want to hear. Now, for what you were probably looking for...
I was probably the most unpopular guy in high school. I had only one or two friends, and never hooked up with a single girl in the entire four years. I had a terrible mindset, and constantly victimized myself. But when I got to college, all that changed. I had a chance to start fresh, and it came with a new mindset. I read up on game, and learned how to make friends with people. That is the area that you seem to need help with.
Probably the easiest way to make friends in college is your classes. I don't care WHAT things are like now.. start fresh and go in with a new attitude this Monday. It's amazing how many people walk into classes slouched, and frowning, as if they hate their life. From jump, I want you to walk in confidently, with your chest out, and a big smile on your face, as if you are silently greeting everyone (note: NOT goofy, just a smile). This will prime others to want to talk to you.
Next, choose a spot next to some friendly looking person, and AS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN, greet them. I don't give a damn if you know them, have ever spoken a word to them... SAY SOMETHING FRIENDLY AS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN, and if you do it right.. they will most likely say something back. Congrats, you have now started a conversation. Now continue it. Ask them something about the class.. this is a perfect time to talk about the midterm coming up, or the paper that was due last week. Just ask them their general thoughts about it, and quickly move on to another school-unrelated topic. Ask them what they did last weekend, or what they're thinking about doing for spring break. Ask them what this summer is lookin like, or if they've seen the latest horror flick. You don't have to talk long, but just be friendly, and engage them. Let them know what you're doing this weekend coming up (bowling, karaoke night, party, etc.) and DONT BE AFRAID to invite them along.
Tell them, "Hey, I'm doin [insert really cool DHV-sounding thing you're actually planning to do, regardless of whether or not they show up] this weekend, and it sounds like it would be right up your alley! You should join us.. it'll be a blast!" and leave it at that. If they're interested, they'll tell you. If not, they'll say they either have other plans, or they'll say "Ok cool. I'll let you know."
Either way, if you guys have had a pretty good conversation, you can exchange numbers with them, and tell them they should come next time. At the very least, exchange facebooks. I swear it's not creepy in the slightest. That's what it's for. To NETWORK with others. So, ALWAYS get the facebook!
This is how you make friends; it's so easy, ESPECIALLY because you're in college. People generally just want to be around others who are a good time. People want to party. People want to get laid. Make it easy for them and be the coolest guy you know.. instead of looking to befriend that guy.
These are all things that friends do, and I swear you can start doing this after even ONE MINUTE of conversation with a stranger. Because I attend a big state school, and am very friendly to everyone I meet, I tend to make a lot of friends every day. You can do it very quickly.
Thanks for the advice. And I have been trying to constructively help him, but he doesn't seem to want help. IMO it really comes down to how he dresses and carries himself, but he is not motivated. He insists that he is who he is and doesn't want to change.
Originally Posted by Rob9346
Problem... I don't do much on weekends. This semester I'm taking a decent course load, and I work at my job on weekends as well. My schedule is tight, despite the fact that I have no social circle. Which is why I'm going to cut down my course load next year.
Originally Posted by Rob9346
I have a bunch of popular acquaintances I haven't hung out with in about a year, although I'm sure they'd be happy to hear from me... my problem is that when I used to hang out with them I was their entertainment... formerly straight-edge kid who goes out and gets drunk and makes a fool of himself... I don't want to be that guy again. Although I did get an invite to chill with them sober once as well, so it can't be all negative... Would I benefit from reconnecting with them?
"Hey what's up?"
Talk to every guy you come into contact with. They will not ask about your college history. IF they do:
You: I've been concentrating on my major man, just trying to make sure I'm set after we graduate haha. So anyway, what's your major?
FOR GUYS. ASK ABOUT CAREERS, NOT MAJORS.
FOR GIRLS. ASK ABOUT PLANS, NOT CAREERS.
Wash, rinse, repeat. With everyone on campus. You have two years my friend. You are not fucked. You are just beginning to CONQUER YOUR CAMPUS YEAEAAAE.
Mark Redman's a cunt by the way I was kidding with that. Braddock unintentionally shits on that kid.