Mr. M social circle article
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- 06-16-2008, 01:29 AM #1
This went out in the Love Systems' insider (LSi) last week. If you're not getting the LSi, you need to. It's free pickup advice from Love Systems instructors, to your mailbox, every week.
Mr. M social circle article
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Without further ado, here's the article:
I try to keep this Love Systems insider (LSi) at an accessible level for newcomers. Most men who have more advanced skills from using Magic Bullets’ Emotional Progression Model and the database of routines in the Love Systems’ Routines Manual (or a bootcamp) tend to know their way around Love Systems and how where to find advanced material, whether it’s through individualized training, one of the 25 different interviews available at www.SeductionInfo.com (including over four hours of free audio), or The Lounge. (The Lounge is a free but private and exclusive discussion forum for Love Systems instructors and men we’ve trained in-person at bootcamps, seminars, or one-on-ones).
However, it also happens that sometimes we come up with something so useful and so groundbreaking that everyone is talking about it anyway, so even if it might take some time to explain it in the LSi, it’s worth doing. That’s clearly the case with our breakthroughs in Social Circle Mastery. Social Circle game used to focus on turning “friends” into “friends with benefits” but we’ve gone far, far beyond this, into actively managing your social circle to produce and attract astoundingly beautiful women – and even taking the core concepts beyond dating science into life goals. Don’t worry – it only makes our system for turning “let’s just be friends” into “friends with benefits” (or more) even more effective, and we still cover this extensively as part of our new Social Circle Mastery seminars.
There’s a long waiting list for these seminars, since they depend on Braddock and Mr. M’s schedule (right now we only have London, Los Angeles and Chicago on the schedule, email us to be notified when we come to your city), but this way at least we can bring a taste of it to you so you can start using it right away. A lot of these conversations started in But this stuff is so important, so interesting, and so useful that we wanted to bring at least a taste of it to the LSi – especially for men who aren’t going to be able to make it to the one-day Social Circle Mastery seminars that are teaching in London, Los Angeles, New York, and Chicago.
Over to Mr. M….
Social Circle Mastery: Revealing the Social Matrix, by Mr. M.
Part 1: The Structure of Your Social Life
'Social Circle Mastery' is the foundation of “next generation” pick up and dating techniques. It takes us beyond relying only on “cold approach” to meet women and enhance your social life. (Cold approach is someone you don’t know and don’t really have any connection to). It has several purposes – to make it easier to meet and seduce “10s” (shorthand for top models, beautiful actresses, Playmates, and other women who are the elite of the elite, at least in terms of looks) – and also to better manage your social life in general and to understand the social dynamics that affect any group situation, such as school or work.
Before I begin, Braddock and I have one confession – we were never intending to develop an all-encompassing system for managing your social life. We were just looking for new and more consistent ways to seduce 10s. Don’t get me wrong – the Love Systems approach that I teach at bootcamps around the world, that I contributed my best and most secret routines to in the Love Systems’ Routines Manual, that I wrote a chapter on Inner Game for the next edition of Savoy’s Magic Bullets, and that I contribute my newest insights to in the SeductionInfo.com advanced interview series – it all works, and it’s amazing. It’s a cliché to say that Love Systems changed my life, but it’s true. And every weekend when we teach a program, we change another dozen lives. As a cold approach system, it’s revolutionary and amazing and I am never going to stop doing cold approach.
But cold approach has inherent limitations. If I want a 10 tonight and there’s no 10 where I go out, there’s not much I can do. Even Savoy can’t seduce a woman who isn’t there. There’s luck involved, and we wanted to control the impact of chance. Chance isn’t always bad – sometimes random opportunities come your way, and if you have the skills to take advantage, it can be amazing. The seduction of the famous Playboy Playmate that I wrote about in a previous LSi is a perfect example – if you missed it, there’s a summary here.
Anyway, back to 10s. On an immediate level, we use our social circles in two different but related ways:
- As a source of beautiful women. Of course, this only happened when we learned how to find, join, and lead social circles that have these beautiful women in them. This is what led us to the MRB5 model, which I will get into below.
- As “glue”. With any woman, there’s always a chance that her logistics (other commitments, friends, etc.) will prevent you from seducing her on the same night you meet her. We’ve all succeeded against heroic odds and those make the best stories, but the mundane reality is that, for example, the runway model you just met after a fashion show probably isn’t going to be able to go anywhere with you that night, no matter how good you are. By building and managing social circles in the right way, you can absorb her into your life and grow her interest in you without you actually doing anything. We call this “slow burn game”
Before I get into some of the specifics, I want to reassure you that before Love Systems I was not naturally great at social situations. I was never the popular guy in school and my social life since then wasn’t a whirlwind of activity. Braddock’s story is slightly different (and hopefully we can get him to tell it in an upcoming LSi) but the point is that you don’t have to be one of the naturally socially powerful people to succeed with Social Circle Mastery.
Having social circle mastery means that you have the lifestyle, the friends, the connections, the access to people/places/parties/events and the hot women in your social circle. Beautiful women should be plentiful, abundant and dying to be a part of your social circle and your life. It is a social magnetism towards your life. It also means having the ability to seduce women like a rockstar through this social circle.
The Basics: Social Dead Ends and Two Types of Connectors
Let’s begin with basics, the building blocks that will help with the more advanced Social Circle Mastery concepts. First, let’s define two terms or different types of people: ‘social dead ends’ and ‘connectors’. A social dead end is someone who adds no value to your life and generally brings you down – usually through things like negativity, inability to progress, or disinterest in evolving as a person. Many people who go through our exercises at the beginning of our Social Circle Mastery seminar recognize some of these behaviors in themselves. Human beings are imperfect.
A connector (our use of this term is inspired by Malcolm Gladwell in The Tipping Point, though obviously we’ve changed it to apply to dating science instead of to societal trends). There are actually a couple of different kinds of connector. A social connector is someone who has a particular and rare set of social skills. They belong in multiple social circles and introduce people to other people all the time.
A ‘value connector’ is a bit different. Such a person may be social - and is likely to be - but it doesn’t matter if s/he is a recluse. A value connector has access to scarce resources, where a social connector “only” has access to different social networks. A value connector may be a doorman or promoter who can get you into a hot venue. S/he might have access to parties, events, premieres, famous people, and so on. This gives you value as well, one step removed. Remember in Chapter 7 of Magic Bullets when Savoy goes through the eight qualities that are universally attractive to women, and how the book shows how can you demonstrate Status (one of the qualities) through your social circle as well as through yourself? That’s what we’re building off of here. Some people are both social connectors and value connectors.
Of course, we’re not talking about using people or a mercenary approach to friendship. Most connectors are interesting, positive and passionate people who inspire others around them. Surrounding yourself with high-value people will motivate you to make the best of your life as opposed to surrounding yourself with people whose own failings, insecurities and need to protect their ego justifies settling for the familiar and the routine. To paraphrase Napoleon Hill in his book Think and Grow Rich, when you hang around people who are excellent, you become excellent yourself.
Anyway, remember social dead ends and the two types of connectors. These will be very important in the next Social Circle Mastery articles.
The Structure of Your Social Life: the power of fifteen
Most people’s social lives can be mapped to a series of concentric circles. There is an innermost “core” of one or two close friends. Then comes an inner core of another 3-5 people and an outer core of another 5-15 people. These aren’t arbitrary numbers – this is how the human mind subconsciously qualifies social relationships. Doing both the academic and the real-world research to come with that was a pain, but it’s an important concept. The people in these cores comprise of the people who most influence your life. It has been said that ‘you are the average of the 5 people that you hang around the most’. This is partially true, but it is more accurate to say that most people are influenced by up to 15 people at a time, as different relationships ebb and flow in intensity.
Managing your core is crucial. Your objective should be to fill your core as much as possible with connectors. They should bring value to you and you need to bring value to them.
This will have an immediate impact on your dating life, whether or not you go for 10s. One of the insights from Magic Bullets is that women will judge you based on your friends. This is true for one night stands (if you are around fun, cool people and are the life of the party, you are immediately more attractive) and even more for longer-term relationships, since most women are interested in the social life and opportunities that you bring her to. A lot of this “immediate effect” dimension builds off of the great interview that Savoy and The Don did on Advanced Winging (download it now on Seductioninfo – it’s one of the best interviews in the series and if you ever go out with a wingman, it will improve both of your results immediately).
Taking it one step further, your social network should not only be attractive to women, but also be a source of beautiful women into your life. This is something we cover in detail in the Social Circle Mastery seminars and will figure prominently in future articles.
On a more advanced level, when you are introduced through friends to other friends, your pre-existing alliances often determine your social value and your relative value to the person to which you are being introduced. Don’t go saying “I don’t want to play that game”. Beautiful women are hyper-conscious of social value.
The key principle about your core is to bring value to peoples’ lives and they will bring value to yours. Be a connector and have other connectors in your life. If all the slots in your top fifteen are filled with negative people who don’t offer value or exhibit forward momentum in their own lives, then you might need to reassess the role that they play in yours. You can have friends you like and care about who don’t help you meet your goals in life, but these should not be the only friends you have.
Your top three cores (the approximately 15 most present people in your life) determine your social success –in terms of (a) social status (b) life orientation and (c) at least some degree life success. You can’t expect to fill these spaces with people who can’t help you reach your goals and then complain that these goals are out of reach.
The last concept I want to define in this article is that of Social Trees. Everyone is part of a number of different social trees. Examples of where ‘social trees’ arise include your workplace, your school, the guys that you go out with, your yoga class etc. Social trees are relative in value to you and to each other. For example, having a high position on a certain low value social tree (e.g. the leader of two geeky guys who each have no friends) is not as socially valuable as having a low position on a high-value social tree (e.g., the celebrity hanger-on who occasionally gets to sleep with beautiful fans). That being said, it is always advisable to be amongst the top of one tree. One practical use of this is on dates, which we often plan so that she can see you in a social environment in which you’re up at the top of the social tree (e.g., you’re throwing a party, so you invite her to come with you). You shouldn’t have to re-read Magic Bullets to know how powerful an effect that social status has on women.
Understanding trees is understanding social dynamics, and our techniques for “tree climbing” (becoming the alpha mate of trees), “tree jumping” (how to switch trees) and merging trees are part of the magic of Social Circle Mastery and we should touch on these in future articles.
The goal of this article is to introduce the concept of connectors, dead ends, cores, and trees. With that as a foundation, we can get into some of the more insights and strategies for Social Circle Mastery (or when you come take the seminar, you will be able to hit the ground running from the first minute). Additionally, I wanted you to think of Social Circles as something you can manage, indeed master, as opposed to taking a purely passive approach about who ends up in your life.
As an exercise, I’d like you to think about your social relationships in terms of cores and trees. Map them out on paper. Ask yourself who is a social connector, who is a value connector (some people may be both) and who is a dead end. What is missing from your social life? Who might you want to cultivate? Are you bringing value to the connectors in your life?
Just by asking yourself these sorts of questions, you will already be taking a giant leap forward over most men.
We’ve got a couple more articles ready to go, so stay tuned for those in future emails. As well, Braddock and I will try to get to as many posts related to Social Circle Mastery over the next week or two as we can in The Lounge (if you are not a member of the The Lounge because you haven’t taken a bootcamp or seminar with a Love Systems instructor, we’ll also be on The Attraction Forums, which is open to everyone.
Mr. M is a lead instructor with Love Systems. Read his bio here.
Love Systems President, Program Leader
1 - Read the Magic Bullets Handbook - it's the bible of the Love Systems community, answers 90% of the questions here, and saves you years of time re-inventing the wheel.
2 - Follow me on The Real Savoy Blog, or my twitter account. And friend me on Facebook for exclusive dating advice I don't post anywhere else.
- 06-16-2008, 05:12 PM #2
"Game" 2.0 right here
- 06-17-2008, 06:40 AM #3
- 06-17-2008, 07:12 AM #4The AntiChrist Star Guest
Damn great post!
- 06-21-2008, 08:47 AM #5
LSi seminar next article) are what I consider to be genuine 10 game. Braddock and I both agree, THESE are the systems you use to be able to consistantly pull the hottest girls. Slow burn game especially can be somewhat applied to cold approach - not just social circles. I may write an article on it in future, but the MRB5 model is more relevant to pure social circle pick ups, so I am going to work on completing that first.
Revealing the Social Matrix – Part 2: The Hidden Formula For Social Circle Pick Ups
The second instalment of 'Revealing the Social Matrix' should be out soon!!! It will be entitled: Revealing the Social Matrix – Part 2: The Hidden Formula For Social Circle Pick Ups - The MRB5 ModelFar better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.
- Theodore Roosevelt
- 06-21-2008, 09:02 AM #6.
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What is slow burn game? I am not familiar with the term. Please elaborate. Also, do you have any programs for men that are shorter in stature? I am having quite a bit of trouble with that. Women think I am fun, like to hang with me but always turn me down due to being short - they all tell me that they just like taller men. This is from women anywhere from 5ft to 5'7" (I am around 5'7 - 5'8"). Just happened again last night 2 times - inner game or no inner game, I still have to deal with it, so if you have any insights, please share. No one seems to believe me until they actually hear it, then its the usual - keep on trying and its a repeated cycle. If you can post any insights, please do. Thanks!
- 06-24-2008, 05:55 AM #7
"The pickup" was always about the path of least resistance in one night, regardless of the consequences. Society reacted negatively and this caused a swing towards more "natural" interactions.
The issue has always been clouded though, neither way of learning to interact is truly wrong. It was just the "natural" skill set made falling into a slow burn relationship more common place. I look forward to how you define and breakdown the slow burn process. It's something I'm in, enjoy and highly recommend.
The slow burn does away with two of the biggest issues pickup always had:
Sleaze and poor relationship building.
The "sleaze" accusations came from a guy just wanting to sleep with a girl, and that being the only goal. Slow burn allays that accusation by building something very genuine that should affect both parties in a positive way. When two paths cross it does not matter how long for, only that both parties enjoy the experience and move on better for it.
Poor relationship building was systemic of aiming to lay within a given time period, and an attitude that pick up was a game that involved players and not people. Any such arbitrary time based goal requires quick fixes. We all know quick fixes are often the least suitable. With slow burn you build a much more solid and lasting form of comfort, that even when something goes wrong; both people can part amicably.
This surely is the next goal of the community. Not only to improve men's ability to meet women, to improve their ability to chose their lifestyle once they do, and in a positive way.Abraham Lincoln reportedly said that, [I]Given eight hours to chop down a tree, he'd spend six sharpening his axe.[/I]
- 06-24-2008, 11:18 AM #8
Really sorry about the delay in response. I'm just super busy right now, putting the final touches on something really really special that I think is gonna rock the community. I'll think about writing up something about slow burn game soon, but for now look out for the 'Elongated Seduction' model / MRB5 model in the next OAP/LSi. It has similarities to the MRB5 model.
In short, Slow Burn Game is number closing and then developing quantum amounts of attraction through utilizing a specific form of text and phone game (primarily) that can occur over the space of weeks or months. This is the crux, but there is a small element of Slow Burn Game which also includes NOT Day 2'ing the girl but instead, absorbing her into ANY social circle or value situation that you have access to (or can create). As a simply example (and it is a lot more complex than this), I used to number close girls and, in time, bring them to AFCAdamLondon's place (to demonstrate my value through a social alliance with a high value male). Adam was unreal at making this work (i closed every 'day 2' that came to his place!) BUT even without the greatness of someone like Adam, it can be duplicated by for example, by bringing her out to a bar where its you and your friends (and your friends are a DHV) or ANY place where you have situational value. Its more complex than that, and the implementation has to be accurate, but that is it in a nutshell. I will see if I can spare a moment sometime in future to write more about it, but we're already giving a lot away in the upcoming 'Revealing the Social Matrix' articles, which are free so you may have to simply take the seminar... we'll see how it pans out!
Last edited by Miscellaneous; 06-24-2008 at 11:43 AM.Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.
- Theodore Roosevelt
- 06-24-2008, 12:53 PM #9
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So are you basically just putting them into your friend zone? I did that with a girl that lives in my apartment complex because my friend was trying to get with her, but she ate it up. She invited me up for drinks, but said she didn't have enough to share with him. Then she started talking about how she didn't like him, but loves giving head. And she seemed to enjoy herself.
- 06-24-2008, 12:58 PM #10
I love it. I think this type of system is the end all, fix all for guys who live in small towns that don't have access to an extraordinary amount of venues to cold approach several days a week while trying to nail this stuff down.
What sticks out to me is how you put into perspective SCM with cold approach. A cold approach SNL is probably the biggest spike in feeling success that I can think of. But, working through your social circle is so much more practical and effective.