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This isn't necessarily about women, it's more about just talking with people and ...
This isn't necessarily about women, it's more about just talking with people and being a social person.
It sucks because every-time I start to feel good about myself I'll get into a social situation and just do completely shitty. Like not even talking to anyone, save for my one friend who I've known for 7 years. It was his sisters daughters birthday and there were plenty of hot women there and just hanging out with his different family members and friends. But I couldn't bring myself to be social.
I'm trying to transform to the social, touchy guy who is easy to get along with, but I always seem to be the quiet, creepy one in the corner, and it's not that i'm ugly, i've been told that i'm cute by a ton of girls, it's just my personality. Part of it is because his immediate family has known me for 7 years so I feel weird trying to be social around them when they've known me since I was extremely anti social.
It just seems like normal conversation is impossible for me to grasp and only my friends get my humor and topics. I've been trying alot of Cajun's body language from beyond words and it helps when i'm trying to pick up girls that don't know me at all. But I just want to come off as more friendly, and still be the attractive alpha male.
Should I just start throwing random topics out there or what?
I've had a similar experience and I haven't really found a solution to, i think the main problem is that you have created a certain identity that you feel as if you want to fulfill in certain situations, with certain people. (for me at least, it was I wanted to have a certain identity with certain friends) The path that i'm taking and what i suggest is to improve yourself first (aka be the best version of yourself) then slowly start introducing that self to people you've known for a longer period of time.
as a short answer : yes just start talking about whatever.
Just start being social - seriously, it's as easy as that. Talk about anything you feel like talking about, don't even try to attract women, just get comfortable talking to people in general. If people question you about your previously quiet identitiy, just blame it on the booze. No need to explain any further than that. Talk to60 yo everyone. I have conversations with 60 yo ex-marines in parks. People will surprise you, they are for the most part cool, approachable people with their own unique perspective on life.
Why not actively seek out social situations in which you think you'll do "completely shitty" ? Don't just seek out the situation, but the negative feelings you experience during them. That's the borderline of your comfort zone that you need to deliberately and consistently challenge.
How? Try whatever you think will rock the boat. Act a fool.
I say it's less important what you say around people, and more important you get rid of this mindset. Stop assuming that others think you're doing a "completely shitty" job socializing. Self-deprecating doubts are horribly counterproductive. Stop caring.
Spend a few weeks jumping out of your shell, document what happens and see what you think, how you feel afterward.
I agree with everyone in this post as I once had this problem and I still believe I have it at a smaller scale. At first I thought booze would be the answer, but that's just a smokescreen. If you really want this problem to stop, you have to go deeper than the skin.
I think it is just anxiety as a whole and not wanting to be under the spot light. The time I most progressed with my anxiety is when my teacher told me to go and present my presentation to the class. First few times I mumbled, slouching, it was just poor body language all over. But when I got back to my seat, everything was good. Did more and more presentations as the weeks went by and the fact that I wasn't the worst one in class anymore boosted my ego tenfold.
This also helped me a lot, I would read a magazine that would piss me off about something I care about, for example "equality between humans" and later throw the magazine away, go and talk about that topic with somebody around. With the material I learnt and with the input of the other person, I managed to keep a conversation going on for half an hour. The other person was my western civilization Professor. Keep in mind to stay away from politics and religion, these are subjects that incite hate and anger (negative emotions). I would only talk about these with someone I would trust my life with
Some topics off the top of my head to talk about with a random stranger:
Cars, women, money, parties, sports, music, "local" politics, sex, drugs, alcohol, movies, friends, events, ..... it goes on and on
The pathway is smooth. Why do you throw rocks before you?
"The Sexual Predator" Routine... result:
-mindfucks her into a frame where she's becoming more sexually aggressive.
I have the same problem, it frustrates girls who try to go up and talk to me, and they leave, I feel so bad for not being able to talk to a person in a normal way..
start small, instead of sitting off in the corner, jsut come up closer to the group, and get a little more confortable with that, then once that happens drop a comment in, on whatever, and again once you get more relaxed with that you keep progressing slowly. I am a quiet guy but still can socialize and meet women. You do not have to be the life of the party. Just start small and work your way up
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