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I have a problem ocurring everytime me and my colleagues ...
DMOG - What to do?
I have a problem ocurring everytime me and my colleagues go out. We have a guy that is not really a Alpha; normally he is quiet, with normal body-language and not too much interesting to contribute (value).
When we're at the worspiel, he's amongst the pretty silent ones, and I could out-alpha the guy with one finger at any time.
As the night progresses, however, he becomes real drunk and extremely loud, being all over the place, chatting to everyone, touching males and females and basically stealing all attention by hammering his fist at tables, shouting etc. He even runs up to strangers, making fun of them behind their backs (wich is not too common in our culture) - wich often gets him into trouble and thrown out of bars & clubs. I label him our DMOG - the Drunk Male Of Group.
Now here's my problem: Since we all know him, the girls put up with this behavior. Sometimes, they even seem to enjoy it to some degree. In the beginning, it's pretty low-key and infrequent. But in the end, it's all the time and he's basically destroying any opportunity to have a decent conversation. If this was a stranger, I would obviously blow him out, but since we're colleagues, putting him in place would require some pretty harsh social sanctioning, wich could be interpreted as "cold", "intolerant" or something like that.
So my questions to you is: what am I to do when he starts behaving like a 17-year old ADD guy? Would love some theory-reference and some practical pointers.
Use the Build, Burn, Build technique on him.
Talk to him when he is sober.
1st you Build him up. "I respect you as a colleague, you have (whatever quality you like about him)."
Then you burn him. "But lately, when we go out, you have been getting really obnoxious and you look like an idiot. Unfortunately people judge others by their peers. Your behavior is making the rest of us look bad as well. It needs to stop or I won't be able to hang out with you anymore."
Then you build him back up. "You know, I really like hanging out with you when your not like that. Do you think you can tone down that behavior?"
If he doesn't change his behavior, cut him loose.
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