Need some advice...was totally played and now am depressed

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  1. #1

    Need some advice...was totally played and now am depressed

    Hey guys. Just wanted to get some advice from the experienced guys.

    I was with my ex for about a year. Things seemed great. Although we did have fights, when we werent fighting we were very happy together. The reason we often fought was because of her constant need for other guys attention. She literally lived on it. She could not give her past crushes and love interest up and kept them around just for theyre attention. She however told me that they are jsut friends and that she is with me. I know now after reading alot of material, that i should have not reacted to it and allowed it but back then i guess i was inexperienced. She is my first real relationship. I geuss that is also why this is extra tough on me.

    Anyway, what happened is that she moved to another country about 3 months ago. Before leaving she seemed adamant on maintaining a long distance relationship with me. Although i did feel that she was slipping away abit in the months before she left, i figured that it was a natural progression of a relationship. As in things are rosier in the beginning..you know wat i mean? Despite this, she seemed desperate to keep me and even talked about stuff like marriage and a future together.

    Once she arrived in the new country, she all of a sudden started acting cold towards me. It was like she was no longer even interested in talking to me on the phone and chatting online. Take note that this was immediately after arriving. It was because of this that we got into a fight. In this fight, she pushed every single button i had. It was like she wanted to breakup. We then ended up breaking up one week after she moved.

    At first i thought that i could handle it but it was after two days that i found out that before leaving she had been chatting and talking to this guy in the new country whom she met online and lived in the place she was moving to. They talked for few months before she left and he helped her with moving etc etc. I also found out that when she arrived, he was there to help her and she even had him over to cook for her and give her gifts etc etc. I found out that he also spent the night but it seems that it was not on the same bed.

    After finding this out. I felt numb. All of a sudden i really needed her back. It was like i wanted to undo a wrong. Like i could not believe i allowed this to happen. I then became a total wuss and begged her back. I did not mention the guy because i did not want to put her off in any way and also because although i knew all that...i had no real proof that she really did cheat. What if that guy was just being friendly and helping someone in need? I highly doubt that but that was what i was thinking at the time because to me, i could not imagine being cheated on.

    Anyway after about a week of chasing her, she then sent me an email telling me she met someone new after the breakup and this guy was there after to make her feel better and make her smile again and that she wants to give him a chance. She then proceeded to blame me for teh breakup and said that this guy gives her the freedom to do what she wanted to do and all that. Keep in mind that i really did treat her very well because i cherished the fact that she was my first girlfriend. Thing is, he was there even before the breakup and im pretty sure he had a huge part in our breakup happening in the first place. She however did not mention who the guy was although i knew it was the same guy.


    I felt so horrible. This means that the past few months of our relationship was fake. She was practically playing me and testing waters with this guy. Securing a bakcup so she can leave me because she never wanted a LDR. I proceeded to write her a nasty letter telling her all this and told her i will never talk to her again.

    After about a month, she found me online and came and talked to me as though nothing happened and she is my best friend. this really hurt. She did not even apologise because she thinks that i never knew about this guy and that i really believe he came only after the breakup.I then deleted her on msn and facebook. It has been about two months and i feel better. I dont want her back bcause i know she isnt worht it. However i cant get over the hurt of being played like tht.

    I always believed in karma but if karma really does exist...y am i the one suffering while she is happy with another guy who seems to do eveyrthing for her? It really hurts and im having trouble getting over it. I would like advice from you guys on what i should do. I am sorry that this post is long. There is actually so much more i have to say but i have cut alot so as not to bore you guys.

    I appreciate your help
    Thx



  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Gender:
    Location
    England - Yorkshire
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    Hey bro we all get oneitis at some point in our life.
    The hurt is there it always will be it will fade with time - I still have oneitis for my EX-girl and after 2 years I still think about her a LOT but I carry on best I can hoping those feelings will fade and they do.

    When a girl hurts you it plain sucks the.
    Getting hurt and doing stupid things will make you a stronger, better PUA in the future - Im proud of my past scars becasue they shaped me to become the guy I needed to be in the first place - what does not kill you will EVENTUALLY make you stronger. SO FUCKING STRONG MY MAN!!!

    Deangelo was a wussie guy ya know? Now look at him guy is a rock star!
    I learn more from my failings than I do my success.

    Man I still have pictures of My EX-girl that I look at when I get drunk- I almost throw my monitor out of the window - but then I get EVEN I look at the picture and say "who the fuck are you?" FUEL ME! ROOOOAR!!!! THIS IS SPARTA!


  3. #3

    ex girlfriends suck

    The pain i felt from the end of that relationship is what allowed me to dive head first into the game. That was my way of coping with the breakup. And guess what? It fucking worked

    Use your experience to help you build your skill set. When you're dead tired, lying at home not wanting to go sarge, just remember that you have a PURPOSE. You don't want to be caught in that situation again, EVER. You want an abundance of women in your life.

    That is what can keep you going.

  4. #4

    Thanks for teh comments guys. I guess i really got a crash course on how cruel girls can actually be. It was like one moment she was telling me how much she wanted to be with me and few days later she wanted nothing to do with me and jsut wanted me out of her life. When i was trying to win her back, she treated my like a second grade friend and it seemed like every word she picked was to hurt me even more. I felt so helpless because i knew about the guy adn also because i was thousands of miles away and could not do anything about it since she refused to talk to me online etc.

    I indeed have learnt alot from this and i definitely am a better man because of it. Every day as time passes i do feel abit better but i guess i am still stuck in a cycle where every once in awhile i would go back into depression. I no longer make excuses for her acitons and am able to see things clearly and see what most of my friends haev been trying to tell me abotu her all along. It jsut seems so unfair that she got away with what she did to me. Is there no justice???that she can be so much happier and have a new guy that worships her and treats her like a god right after doing something so horrible to me. She did not even feel any ounce of regret towards doing that to me since she has another guy right away. Btw, this guy really does do everything for her. She has even been telling all our mutual friends how much happier she is after the rbeakup and how much better the other guy is compared to me. She does this so that she can justify her relationship with the guyc since all our mutual friends know that i was never bad to her. Thing is, i treated her really well...i may not have worshipped her or put her on a pedestal like this guy did but i always treated her with respect and i have never even raised my voice at her. I do read some material form time to time and have applied its principles in my relationship.

    I guess at the end of the day...i dont really want her back because i understnad after what she did..it will never be the same relationship again and she isnt even worth it. I guess what i want is for justice. What do you guys think?? what happened to ur past ex'es that cheated on you?? Did they regret it??would lvoe to hear about it.

  5. #5

    They all end up regretting it, move on and she'll be furious with herself. You're the prize, let it go, let the childish hope for revenge or karma go and hope she is happy. Sadly when you're at that point, she'll come begging back and you won't want her anymore. Take heart. Everything entertwines.

  6. #6
    Join Date
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    Revenge feels like a quick fix but it is not. You have to be wise to understand this.
    "You will be left without excuses for the evils and abuses" Johnny cash.....

    You are now shedding skin - and it will be painfull untill its fully dissolved from your body.
    Caterpiller sheds it skin to find the butterfly within!!

    Post up her when you get deppressed or down - we are with ya buddy.

  7. #7

    She wouldnt have been that great anyway.. I agree that all women do enjoy attention.. but there is a difference between enjoying attention(Being checked out, being asked out on a date that you politely turn down, etc) and being an attention whore(crossing boundaries)... she was obviously an attention whore, with zero self esteem and she cannot ever be alone because of this.. women like this are dangerous.. they're more likely to cheat for validation, cross boundaries for a compliment (i.e send nude photos to other guys?), among other crazy shit.

  8. #8

    Just be ready when she comes back and how you're going to deal with it at that time. If you have a gf, she is going to try to pull out all the stops to destroy it.

    If everyone in your social circle and the mutual friends are aware of how flaky she is, there's not much you can say except "whatever she's doing I hope she's happy". If she puts you down to your friends, just send her a short email saying "I haven't said anything bad about you to anyone back home, I appreciate you not discussing it anymore because it WILL come back to me. Thanks".

    If she puts you down to her friends, they should be the ones saying "the only thing he says is that he misses the times we all had together, but he hasn't said anything about the breakup".

    You had the intuition she was going to do something before she left, if anything, that should've prepared you for what she did.

    When it comes to this, there's nothing to actually "win" back except your self-esteem and self-respect that she tried to take. She hasn't taken responsibility for what she did, and don't expect her to apologize until she's back. And if she tries to put the blame on you, just push back. She's not your friend or your enemy, just a learning lesson that you hope you've learned something from.

    That guy that put her on a pedestal is probably going to be treated worse, odds are when she comes back to visit, she's going to cheat, and she might even say that they're not together when she sees you. But she's said a lot of things, so I don't know if she's going to be able to face you.

    Quote Originally Posted by johnlewis View Post
    Thanks for teh comments guys. I guess i really got a crash course on how cruel girls can actually be. It was like one moment she was telling me how much she wanted to be with me and few days later she wanted nothing to do with me and jsut wanted me out of her life. When i was trying to win her back, she treated my like a second grade friend and it seemed like every word she picked was to hurt me even more. I felt so helpless because i knew about the guy adn also because i was thousands of miles away and could not do anything about it since she refused to talk to me online etc.

    I indeed have learnt alot from this and i definitely am a better man because of it. Every day as time passes i do feel abit better but i guess i am still stuck in a cycle where every once in awhile i would go back into depression. I no longer make excuses for her acitons and am able to see things clearly and see what most of my friends haev been trying to tell me abotu her all along. It jsut seems so unfair that she got away with what she did to me. Is there no justice???that she can be so much happier and have a new guy that worships her and treats her like a god right after doing something so horrible to me. She did not even feel any ounce of regret towards doing that to me since she has another guy right away. Btw, this guy really does do everything for her. She has even been telling all our mutual friends how much happier she is after the rbeakup and how much better the other guy is compared to me. She does this so that she can justify her relationship with the guyc since all our mutual friends know that i was never bad to her. Thing is, i treated her really well...i may not have worshipped her or put her on a pedestal like this guy did but i always treated her with respect and i have never even raised my voice at her. I do read some material form time to time and have applied its principles in my relationship.

    I guess at the end of the day...i dont really want her back because i understnad after what she did..it will never be the same relationship again and she isnt even worth it. I guess what i want is for justice. What do you guys think?? what happened to ur past ex'es that cheated on you?? Did they regret it??would lvoe to hear about it.

  9. #9
    Join Date
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    Quote Originally Posted by johnlewis View Post
    Thanks for teh comments guys. I guess i really got a crash course on how cruel girls can actually be. It was like one moment she was telling me how much she wanted to be with me and few days later she wanted nothing to do with me and jsut wanted me out of her life. When i was trying to win her back, she treated my like a second grade friend and it seemed like every word she picked was to hurt me even more. I felt so helpless because i knew about the guy adn also because i was thousands of miles away and could not do anything about it since she refused to talk to me online etc.

    I indeed have learnt alot from this and i definitely am a better man because of it. Every day as time passes i do feel abit better but i guess i am still stuck in a cycle where every once in awhile i would go back into depression. I no longer make excuses for her acitons and am able to see things clearly and see what most of my friends haev been trying to tell me abotu her all along. It jsut seems so unfair that she got away with what she did to me. Is there no justice???that she can be so much happier and have a new guy that worships her and treats her like a god right after doing something so horrible to me. She did not even feel any ounce of regret towards doing that to me since she has another guy right away. Btw, this guy really does do everything for her. She has even been telling all our mutual friends how much happier she is after the rbeakup and how much better the other guy is compared to me. She does this so that she can justify her relationship with the guyc since all our mutual friends know that i was never bad to her. Thing is, i treated her really well...i may not have worshipped her or put her on a pedestal like this guy did but i always treated her with respect and i have never even raised my voice at her. I do read some material form time to time and have applied its principles in my relationship.

    I guess at the end of the day...i dont really want her back because i understnad after what she did..it will never be the same relationship again and she isnt even worth it. I guess what i want is for justice. What do you guys think?? what happened to ur past ex'es that cheated on you?? Did they regret it??would lvoe to hear about it.
    How do you really know if this guy does everything for her? And you know what? It doesn't matter. She's with him now and not you. If he continues his rumored supplicating behavior their relationship WILL NOT last. This guy is new and new guys get the benefit of the doubt. So he'll seem like an awesome dude to her for a while in the beginning that's inevitable.

    Why is she treating you like your relationship never happened? Think of it this way dude. Do you know any girls in the past that you're friends with that you weren't even remotely attracted to? Well that's how she feels about you at this point. Her switch has been turned off. How do you treat someone that you aren't attracted to that keeps calling you or vying for your affection? You run in the other direction. Put yourself in her shoes. She's not empathizing with how you feel because she's so far gone. She doesn't feel the hurt you do when she says mean shit about your past history because she probably already built up a bad image of you in her head. That's what chicks do. They rationalize and magnify all the negatives in the relationship they had with you after they've lost attraction to justify the breakup.

    The only thing you can do is show her that you DON'T NEED her and that you are actually better off without her if you want to have any sort of "revenge".
    Don't try to rationalize the situation. Attraction isn't a choice. I've been in your situation many many times and I know how awful you feel. And I no longer speak to those ex's. I met better girls after them and each time I meet someone new they are even better. Just move foward and try to forget about her. I know it's easier said than done but you really have no choice at this point.

  10. once again i want to thank you guys for all your comments.. Feel free to give anymore extra advice or insights..frankly speaking...anything at all will really help me now. I really do need opinions on the situation so that i can get a better perspective of what happened. You guys have given me great perspective but i guess the shock factor causes me to still feel abit confused over the whole thing. I want to gather experience form what happened.

    I do feel better and I am making many positive changes in my life. I think i have not had any contact with her for some time now. I guess only with time will i get over it. I still wake up in the mornings feeling a little melancholic. I guess this is because i cant really control my thoughts when i am sleeping and after jsut wakign up whereas i am able to control and shut out negative thoughts during the day.

    If you guys have anymore advice or comments..please do not hesitate to post. I will appreciate it alot. Thx=)

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