Here's an Odd Scenario...
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  1. #1

    Here's an Odd Scenario...

    My girlfriend's gay guy friend is trying to AMOG me. Or...maybe he's trying to DHV/Neg to attract me? I feel like I'm in a double-bind: if I let him win, I feel like I'll lose social value to her. If I come back too strongly, I might be seen as "the bad guy" being mean to her friend. Now, obviously I'm not worried about her running off with him, but I still want her to view me as the dominant male in her life. Should I use basic AMOG tactics as I would with any other guy?

    So far, I've just taken the attitude "Aw, you're just upset that you can't have me cause I'm straight." My plan is to try and hold that frame as strongly as I can without seeming try-hard.

  2. #2

    What is he doing that you believe is intended to amog you?

    He's been the main man in your girlfriend's life. Now you've come into the picture and he doesn't want to be pushed out of the scene. This happens. I used to have loads of gay friends until my current bf came along and I kinda fell out of touch. The gay friend knows there's this possibility, and he doesn't want to lose his friend.

    In a way, you need to reassure him that you're not there to stop him hanging out with the girl. You don't want to remove him from the picture.

    Gay men are very protective of their female friends, and they also have a lot of influence. Let him know you're not trouble, try to befriend him if possible. If you two don't get on and this turns into an all-out attack on one another, there's a very good chance she'll listen to him. After all, our gay friends are there through thick and thin and won't hurt us or use us like straight guys might. They give us great advice and we listen to them.

    Trust me, you don't want to get on the bad side of the gay friend.

  3. #3

    What is he doing that you believe is intended to amog you?
    I was hanging out with her when he called once, and he wanted to talk to me. Immediately starts asking me qualifying questions. How old am I? How much do I weigh? I tell him. "Well, I weight this much, I could break you!" She said he goes to the gym a lot. Asks me a few more questions, a bit of pretty friendly verbal banter, then "Before I go, answer me this, why should I remember any of the things you just said?" (trying to get me to further qualify myself to him) "Uh, I don't care if you do or not?" He actually seems to like this answer. Next thing I know, he's talking to her on facebook, referring to me as "Mr. Small". I didn't worry too much about it, although if she's accepting this frame from him, it's hurting my value.

    Yesterday, he makes a smart-assed response to a cocky/funny comment I made on FB about a picture of me she put up. Girlfriend commented how funny it is whenever he uses the particular smartass catch phrase he used. I responded with a funny reframe: "It's cool, he's just pouting cause I'm straight" reinforcing my original cocky/funny comment, assuming attraction.

    I really haven't done anything ugly, but this guy seemed immediately intent on dominating me and indirectly lowering my value to her. I'd rather be friends with her friends, but not at the cost of being constantly put down.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    In the Minds of Others

    I'd say treat him exactly like you would a female friend in this situation....blow him off like a little sister...

    Basically a tad patronizing, and never let anything he says/does get to you, definitely do NOT lose your cool because of a female in men's clothing as he is still your g/f's buddy

  5. #5

    Thanks for the advice folks. Looks like it's a non issue now. I can understand part of why the guy acted the way he did...he last ltr was crazy, stole from her, and went nuts and put her in the ICU. Well, he tried to start texting her again and she got really upset, so I came over to calm her down and spend the night. He called too, to make sure she was okay, and I talked to him for a little bit on the phone. I think he's figured out that I'm one of the good guys.

  6. I think he's figured out that I'm one of the good guys.
    I think he wants you.

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