Social circles and age differences

12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Gender:
    Location
    '13 is my lucky number
    Posts
    301

    Social circles and age differences

    I'm involved in various social activities which, while open to people of any age, draw quite a few university-age people. Oftentimes, there are groups of people from the same university who know each other and are participating in the activity together. IOW, the people in the group are part of a Social Circle - although I'm not really part of the circle myself.

    Thing is, I'm in my early 30's. FWIW, I look 25 at most and am frequently mistaken for a student myself. My age doesn't seem to be a problem with most university-age HB's. Of course, many don't know my actual age. But there have got to be some HB's out there who won't be OK with the age difference when they find out.

    My question is: If an HB isn't OK with a guy because of an age difference, how does this change things with the rest of her Social Circle? Is she likely to turn her Social Circle against him? For example, telling her friends, "Watch out for that guy, he hit on me but he's actually 3_ years old..."? If this is likely to be a problem, is there a good way to play this situation?

    Or is she more likely to just lose interest herself, leaving me free to move on to others in her circle?

    At the end of the day, is this any different from the usual problems with getting rejected in a Social Circle situation? E.g., the fact that it's a DLV to everyone else in the Social Circle.

    Thanks in advance.



  2. #2

    Strongest state wins.. If your in state you'll do what you want - including hitting on whoever you want - and at the end their still lucky to be around you.. On the other hand if your self-image is less than perfect, and your still a product of your environment and show timidity/psychological weakness, yes, the situation will swallow you up.. Supe up your inner game first and get to the point where you will just be doing what you want and petty stuff like this won't be an issue.. but until then, yeah, you might want to hit on some younger chicks elsewhere and not embarass yourself.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Gender:
    Location
    '13 is my lucky number
    Posts
    301

    Thanks for your response, new2town. I was wondering what the King of the Juco would say about my situation. (I've been DAFS'ing and read a lot of your posts.)

    The inner game is actually the least of my worries. I've been working on that for a while now. (Unfortunately, the same isn't true of my outer game.) The real concern is strategy. Do you think that the risk of blowing out an entire Social Circle just because one HB doesn't like men who are 10-12 years older is real? Or is this overanalyzing or paranoid?

    I actually don't have a strong preference for an HB's age. Even so, most of the women I attract are under 25. Quite a few cannot legally drink in the USA. How these women react when they find out I'm a decade older, mas o menos, is going to be an issue whether or not Social Circles are involved.

    If enough Attraction, Qualification and Comfort are built by then, will it usually matter?

    In general, is it safe to escalate when getting IOI's if the HB is significantly younger but probably unaware of the age difference?

  4. #4

    I don't think anyone minds if you take the shot.. That is a sticking point a lot of cats at the beginning have.. Thye think they'll come off as some type of 'pervert' when making a move on the woman of their choosing, when in reality everyone expects it and nobody cares.. Even if your not the girl's type she'll probably take it as a compliment even if she tells you no. Men hit on women non-stop.. The biggest players do nothing but take shots all day - from mildly flirting to outright coming on strong.. First off, I think it's a lot psychologically healthier to take the shot and get rejected then hold in that pent up aggression..

    In general when dealing with chicks 10-12 year younger (which is what I do all day long), you do have to have a thick skin.. Some won't like it - so what? If your game is tight some WILL like it and get off on the age difference.. You have to understand that this ageist BS about dating your own age is a reality new phenomenon and is really only centered in contemporary Western culture.. In ancient Greece (I had to read Plato's Republic) 30 was the prime age for males to have children and 20 for females.. In earlier times, where the strongest took the female regardless, I'm sure the more mature/developed men took the young things at the expense of everyone else. If your objective is to have a couple of nice young things by your side you might need to 'sift through the population' a little - but in the end all thats important is you have what you want and not sit back and dream of it.

    Also man, there are ways to tell if a girl is interested before outright propositioning her.. You need to calibrate her energy/mood etc, and progressively intensify the conversation if she's responding favorably.

  5. #5

    Actually I never answered the original question, sorry.. Your worried about losing a social circle because of the advances you want to pull on one young woman.. Well I'll illustrate my final remark in the previous post..

    You can tell if a girl's going to be interested without ever having to blatantly hit on her just by playing with her head a little jokingly and calibrating her energy.. That way you won't ever have to hit on her if she's not already giving you the vibe to go in for the kill..

    Hell.. just saying something innocuous in the midde of a conversation like

    You: so are you dating anyone right now?"
    Her: Not right now...
    You: "Oh, well cause usually a lot of young women want a man around who they can tell their innermost feelings to etc.."
    Her response: If she's at all interest in the guy she's talking to, say you, she will giggle or say "Yeah, haven't found him yet" etc.. If she's not interested she'll kind of just let the conversation die..

    Anyways, you get my point. No need to risk flat rejection, so there will be nothing for the young lady to tell anyone.. This is actually what I do on the campus most of the time.. Becuase I know some girls won't be down for the age difference I will just talk to them inoccuously and read just by their vibe and energy if their down for more intimate convo. Hell, you can walk up to a random girl and ask her directions and just from her response calibrate if she's gameable.. I usually work heavily populated campuses and a lot of campuses so I don't know what the reprocussions are for getting a reputation campus wide.. Some girls would react favorably, some wouldn't.. Some girls are attracted to the forbidden fruit, just don't mind the rest.

    All the other things are in your head such as the IOI's, escalation and age.. She wants you to lead and show no insecurity.. If you make them an issue they will be an issue.. She wants a mature man who's in control of the environment and doesn't give a damn about society's BS.. She wants a man who believes women are lucky to be with a man of his stature and age, not a man who's worried about it. The way you say you look 25 worries me a bit.. Even if it's true you should believe that women are lucky to be with every ounce of you, and that includes whatever age you are.. I'm 30, and hell when I don't bother to shave regularly I could look 35 and these girls are lucky to be around it more than some young pimple face punk. Move on to the next girl if she gives you flak.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Gender:
    Location
    '13 is my lucky number
    Posts
    301

    Thanks for your help. This is great stuff!

    I'm totally with you about trying to calibrate to whether the HB is responding or not. But the question is how. Your ideas on how to do it sound really useful.

    Yeah, not being afraid to take a shot is something I've had to work on. I just didn't know if it's any different when the HB is much younger.

    I mention that I look 25 not because I'm uncomfortable with it. Instead, it probably changes the strategy somewhat. Because young HB's don't know my age right away, it buys time to DHV, Qualify, build Comfort, etc., before she even knows my age. So hopefully, it matters less when she finds out. OTOH, there's a chance that she'll seem interested, so I calibrate accordingly, but then her interest does a 180 when she finds out my actual age. Then what?

    This possibly happened with a 19-year-old HB a couple months ago in a youth hostel on another continent. She seemed to be responding as I escalated, but then suddenly lost interest for some reason. (I'm a newb, so it easily could have been some other mistake.) Now she didn't (AFAIK) try to turn the rest of our Social Circle against me. So maybe I'm being paranoid about this entire issue? Anyways, a 20-year-old who I'm pretty sure knew how old I was didn't seem to care. (Unfortunately, she moved on before I could escalate.)

    My take on younger women is this: It doesn't matter if some aren't interested, because abundance means there's plenty more that are. So I just move on to the next one.

  7. #7

    Yes, abundance should make your fear of losing them dissipate.. If you focus too much attention on one HB, you will fear losing her for any reason (be it age, money or whatever other limiting beliefs your mind concocts).. Whereas understanding that women outnumber men, that they are lucky to be around you, and that you will take the shot whenever you want you won't have any dependency on one HB because many will be in your life, therefore who cares even if she does leave because of something trivial?

    Although once you have them, their pretty much yours unless you fk it up - such as being paranoid about your limiting beliefs (age).. Although again man I would recommend you reassess some of the constructs that you carry due to society's BS.. "What if she finds out about my age" seems to only imply negative ramifications for you.. For me, I hope they find out my age - that I'm more mature and control of my environment than some young pimple faced punk, that I have more know-how on how to please them, I can help them navigate through life easier, and that I could squash any of these young punks if they get in my way.. Age is only a positive conception to me - evolving past societal BS.

    About the social circle, if there is like a fixed circle that your constantly a part of where everybody knows everyone's business and you don't have access to a new flow of young HB's maybe a hobby or career change is in order if it can be done?

    Anyways, peace man.. I love talking about mature men and young HB's.. I could do it all day long! Ha.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Gender:
    Location
    '13 is my lucky number
    Posts
    301

    Yeah, I'm trying not to focus too much on any one HB. There are - intentionally - several I'm interested in right now.

    It's a good point that there are more women than men. It's especially true at university. The national average guy:girl ratio is about 3:4, IIRC. So some college HB's have to choose between:
    (a) someone of lower value at their own school,
    (b) someone of the same age who's not in college at all - probably perceived as having lower value as a result, or
    (c) someone who's old enough to be done with college and who also has higher value.

    Many HB's are going to choose (c).

    This has been useful for reframing. The younger HB's I've known usually haven't been the usual undergrad party types. Maybe they hang out with me not in spite of my age, but actually because I have more life experience? I'm going to try to reframe and think of my age as something that's a net plus.

    Yeah, I'm also working on both a career change and choosing more hobbies. For the career change, I'm thinking about going back to school, probably as a full-time student taking day classes. Then this is really going to be an issue (-:

    Thanks for your help man! This has been really useful.

  9. I have a theory that it's okay to "lead" with my age. It's going to come out eventually. It's an age-old theory that marketing is about market segmentation--not all women in their early 20's find the same thing attractive. Some will reject you because of age, others will be attracted to you because of your maturity, accomplishments, and life outside their normal circle. What you need is to put out a marketing message that appeals to a segment of the market, and let that market segment react.

    Note that leading with your age isn't a way to attract "1" girl. It's a strategy to use across all girls, to let them sort themselves out, and let the ones who find what you represent appealing to come forward. Now, I'm older than you, but I certainly don't look old enough to have a kid entering college. So I lead with "I just spent the weekend visiting U of XXX where my oldest is starting this fall."

    Plenty of college women fuck their summer intern bosses...

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Gender:
    Location
    '13 is my lucky number
    Posts
    301

    That's an interesting strategy. I might try it in some cases, especially if gut-level instinct tells me the HB might prefer an older guy.

    With this strategy, is there a risk that you drive an HB away who might not have cared about the age difference if enough Attraction had been built before she found out? I'm curious because early 20's HB's are OK with my age more often than not - if the question doesn't come up right away. (Now usually I blow out the set for other reasons, but that's because I'm a newb...)

Similar Threads

  1. Social Circles conflict
    By krusty101 in forum Social Circle Game
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 07-30-2007, 05:53 AM
  2. I need a new Social Circles!
    By Espio_008 in forum Social Circle Game
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 05-31-2007, 03:10 PM
  3. Social Circles
    By LeMagnetyk in forum Relationships
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 02-12-2007, 11:48 AM
  4. Build social circles around you- Aye! But with who?
    By roflcopter in forum The 18-21 Forum
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 10-03-2006, 05:40 AM
  5. building social circles?
    By RAFC1 in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 02-14-2006, 02:19 PM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions



Facebook  Twitter