List of clever / witty lines in the form of similes and metaphors
1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 37
  1. List of clever / witty lines in the form of similes and metaphors

    These are NOT banter lines, cute comebacks, etc. There is a separate thread for that elsewhere.

    What I have included here are a list of clever lines, in the format of similes, metaphors, and hyperboles. Please let me know which ones you like the most! Also please ADD YOUR OWN!

    These can be used in a variety of situations, best to say them quickly in passing and with a straight face… watch the smiles and laughter it creates once they process what you’ve just said. I used the fish’s vagina one in passing the other day, it took everyone a few seconds but the entire group slowly burst out in laughter... Great for a PUA to have in his arsenal.

    • “More useless than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest”
      -- This is my favorite!! Can be used whenever you wanna tease or tool on someone.
    • Off like a prom dress
    • Gayer than eight guys blowing nine guys
    • Funnier than watching two retards try to fuck.
    • Busier than a two-dicked dog at a bitchfest
    • Sucks worse than an amish virgin
    • Sweating like Mike Tyson in a spelling bee.
    • Sweating like grandma when she's on top
    • I'm on it like white on rice
    • It’s on like donkey kong
    • He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave
    • Cool as the other side of the pillow
    • So cold (this weather) would make a siberian husky shiver
    • Happy as a pig in shit
    • It’s official like a referre with a whistle
    • Faster than a chicken being chased by Ronald mcdonald
    • I love you like a fat kid loves cake
    • Gayer than aids
    • Weirder than a 3 dollar bill
    • If she were any more stupid, she'd have to be watered twice a week
    • I'm gonna drop you like third period French
    • Higher than giraffe pussy
    • I'm out like a boner in sweat pants
    • I'm as full as a tick on a tampon.
    • I'm gonna make like a baby and head out.
    • As honest as a man who says he likes Hooter's for the food
    • Gone like last week's pay.
    • Mosquitos so big they could stand flat footed and fuck a turkey
    • I'm there faster than a fat kid at a cake buffet
    • Happy as a dog with two tails.
    • Harder to pick than a broken nose.
    • Describing something difficult to do: “like playing darts with spaghetti”
    • Can’t make up their mind: “you’re flip flopping like a dying fish”
    • Person’s aim sucks: “couldn’t hit the ocean from a boat”
    • He has no game: “If he fell into a barrel full of tits he'd come up sucking his thumb.”
    • He has no game: “he couldn't get laid with a fistful of cash in a whorehouse”
    • Ugly: “That chick looks like her face caught fire and someone put it out with a track shoe”
    • Trrying to explain something and they just don't get it: "It's like speaking Chinese to a Mexican."
    • Referring to someone who’s a real tight poker player: "He’s tighter than a fish's vagina."
    • People who look like hell: "You look like ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag."
    • Person is hard to get a hold of: “I’d have an easier time getting a face to face w/ Osama Bin Laden”


    Please add your own!!

  2. Lol great post, I actually use alot of these in everyday talking, i'll post some when i think of more

  3. i never talk like this O_o

  4. some that i use from time to time around both my friends and girls i meet:

    "he couldn't get a chick if he had a hundred dollar bill sticking out of his zipper!"

    "it's like watching two retards hump a doornob"

    "it's about as useful as a poopy flavored lollipop"

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2008

    I pretty much talk like this all the time. A recent favorite:

    [Whatever] is like a kid with asthma and brittle bones. That shit don't play.

    I put that in my status on Facebook and Myspace in reference to a local chicken place. Amazing response. Way more than any that I've gotten from some of the ones I've put in that Facebook Status DHV whatever thread.

    Even had a buddy who is a radio dj ask if he could use it on the air.
    Who is ninja? I am ninja.

  6. The only thing more difficult is raining sulfur... or Soccer.

    It's like winning a gold in the special olympics, you're still just beating up a bunch of retards.

    I know I have more but I can't remember them right now.

    These kinda lines are key to being quirky.


  7. Anyone got any more?

    Stickier than a ?

  8. Hmmm...I never talk like this either, but what the hell--I wrote one in a book one time but ended up deleting it. "like a fat farm field trip to an all you can eat buffet..." lol

  9. #9

    Busier than a dike in a hardware store.
    Sweating like a stray cat in a Korean neighborhood

    I can't think of anymore good ones I'll come back if i do.

  10. #10

    theres a few in the main list i like

    heres one i just made up: Stupider than Jupiter

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 18
    Last Post: 10-08-2009, 01:06 PM
  2. Big list of IOI adjectives & statements for qualification
    By Fader in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 54
    Last Post: 04-13-2009, 03:10 PM
  3. List of interesting statements/routines
    By BloodyViper in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 03-15-2008, 03:43 PM
  4. Replies: 15
    Last Post: 11-28-2007, 12:14 PM


Posting Permissions

Facebook  Twitter