Flakes, flakes, flakes... - Page 2

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  1. #11
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    The most productive way for you would be to assume you fucked up and up your game next time. But yes ofcourse logistics play some role. For example her dog died the day you asked her out, she saw a zit in her face, she is in her period, blah blah. But truth be said a girl you gamed well might flake on you once for the above reasons but she ll reschedule so again it comes down to up your game.


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  2. #12

    What IF you let the girl know, during your phone/online/first day conversations, that you value your time, and you're pet peeve is flakey people and how you cant stand them. You dont have to make it blatantly explicit (or you can), but tell them that in a clear calm tone. Atleast that will make the girl think twice before exchanging phone numbers or if you do get a phone number, day 2 will probably not be a flake. Just a thought!!!

  3. 06-09-2009, 01:28 PM

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  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by silverghost View Post
    Also the cure is to have options and to communicate that. Also you need to communicate that you are not some guy that gets flaked on. And if she is a flakey girl no matter how beautiful, smart etc you dont appreciate second class behavior.
    Quote Originally Posted by sundmah View Post
    What IF you let the girl know, during your phone/online/first day conversations, that you value your time, and you're pet peeve is flakey people and how you cant stand them. You dont have to make it blatantly explicit (or you can), but tell them that in a clear calm tone. Atleast that will make the girl think twice before exchanging phone numbers or if you do get a phone number, day 2 will probably not be a flake. Just a thought!!!
    What IF you read my post better?
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  5. #14

    Quote Originally Posted by rennato View Post
    although you can say that, it may not always be the %100 accurate diagnosis. it may be just because of her. to illustrate, u could have attracted the target very well the night u met her,, however the girl may be engaged and next day she may flake you. also, lack of logistics can also drop emotional momentum,, consequently flakes may occur again. lots of reasons,, even guilty conciousness (the day after), she is in period blah blah... can couse flakes.. but u can say that %90 is about improper game..
    LOL. No, you're clearly seeing what you want to see here.

    Flaking for me, is when you've agreed on plans but she does not show up (or she cancels without making the effort to reschedule.) Unreciprocated txts or calls can range from she's sending a signal she's not interested in you -or- she's just busy. IMO, if a girl flakes out on me with an agreed upon date, then I delete her number from my phone and I don't contact her again.

    I wrote about flakes a few weeks ago on my blog:

    Flaking is simply that. Flaking is when somebody in a party (can be a date, or even a group thing) agrees to meet and subsequently does not appear. The more infuriating flakes are those that don't bother informing the others that they've canceled plans. Explanation of the phenomenon is as follows:

    * Women are flakey by nature; however, guys can be flakes as well. I know because I have flaked on friends and women. In my defense though, I always call to cancel.
    * Women like to have multiple options for things to do. It allows them to maintain control of their evening. It also ensures that they have something to do and that if something (or someone) better comes along, they can always do that instead.
    * Women also get second thoughts after agreeing to a date. Whether it's some internal thought process or it's because her friends have talked her out of it.
    * Women have a strange but understood hesitancy to rejecting or saying "no" to a guy. This is why many of them flake without calling to cancel. The lack of response is implied to mean that she's not going out with you.
    * You can't really predict who's going to flake and who won't. It's just simply part of the dating game.
    * You can't really prevent it either. No matter how concrete you try to make the plan, if something (or someone) better came along or she just simply doesn't feel like it, she'll still flake.
    * You can never, ever, ever, ever react to being flaked. Never mention it, and pretend it never existed. What you can do, is freeze her out and never make any moves to contact her again. If you need to go as far as to delete messages and her contacts off your phone, do it. Think of it as tennis, each person serves to the other. You've served to her, now she has to serve it back or else the game is over.
    * The summary is that she flaked because you were not interesting enough. End of story. If somebody likes somebody, they will find a way and find time to be with that person. Meditate on this fact because that simple sentence can answer 99% of relationship questions being asked. In fact, if you've just read that sentence then congratulations, you dont' need to read "He's just not that into you" anymore.

    I've dealt with a lot of flakey girls over my dating lifespan and for the most part I don't get affected when it happens. But every now and then, when I think that this girl won't flake on me and I build up anticipation for the date, I almost always end up getting let down and subsequently going into a pissy mood for the night or few days. Personally, what bothers me the most about a girl flaking on me is when I don't get a call to cancel and the night is wasted when I could have made plans with somebody else.

    I understand why women don't call, but it upsets me to no end. As a result, whenever a girl flakes out on me, I never speak to her again unless she makes the next move. I have even gone as far as to delete numbers off my phone. The girl has to go out on a limb and show interest before I start talking to her again.

    Flaking isn't the end of the world by any means. There have been many occasions where the girl has flaked on me, only to call the next day or two days and apologize and reschedule.

    On the other hand a flake could contact you after a few months of no communication, which is what happened this morning. Tall-Eve who flaked out on me a few months ago sent me a text this morning (out of nowhere) asking how I was doing.

    Personally, I see flaking as a sign that it "wasn't meant to be." I'm not hugely superstitious but I am kind of a romantic and believe a little bit that sometimes things happen for a reason. This is why it's very hard for me to change my mind about a girl who has flaked out on me.

  6. #15

    my bad for grave diggin. Theres no real way to find out why she flaked so just forget it. I personally delete the number so I dont even have the option of calling her and putting myself through more bullshit.

    And upping your game regardless doesnt hurt either.

  7. Quote Originally Posted by Nick_718 View Post
    my bad for grave diggin. Theres no real way to find out why she flaked so just forget it. I personally delete the number so I dont even have the option of calling her and putting myself through more bullshit.

    And upping your game regardless doesnt hurt either.
    Same here, I delete the number and it's served me well. Sometimes, they contact me again out of the blue. What's you guys' take on restarting things, more waste of your time or worth setting something up again?

    Flakes generally don't affect me except the rare cases when I really think the girl would show up (if she seems to be responding well to my game) but then she flakes without notice. Then I start thinking about how fake girls are and it ruins the night for me.

  8. #17

    Cool post. I always assume if I get flaked on that it's my own fault for not gaming her right. I think everyone needs to take responsibility for their own shit and stop asking why a girl flaked or why a girl doesn't like them. Personally I don't delete the number after a flake though, I just throw out some better text/phone game and after she seems more responsive, I ask her out again. If she flakes a second time, then I stop talking to her. This assumes that you have at least decent text game, but even if you don't there's not really any harm in trying, it's not like you'll ever see her again anyway.

    I do have a question - I used to date this girl who REALLY liked me. I know this for a fact. She'd flake every now and then but would never offer an alternate plan. I confronted her on it once and she said she felt uncomfortable asking because I was the one who was always busy, so she just waited until I'd ask her. What do you think about this?

  9. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by a11111 View Post
    I do have a question - I used to date this girl who REALLY liked me. I know this for a fact. She'd flake every now and then but would never offer an alternate plan. I confronted her on it once and she said she felt uncomfortable asking because I was the one who was always busy, so she just waited until I'd ask her. What do you think about this?
    You dated her as had sex with her? Because if u keep going out on 10 dates and u hadnt had sex she isn't as interested as you would imagine. As I said a woman would go out of her way to find time for you. I don't know the background of the story so I can't really talk about it.
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  10. #19

    Quote Originally Posted by silverghost View Post
    You dated her as had sex with her? Because if u keep going out on 10 dates and u hadnt had sex she isn't as interested as you would imagine. As I said a woman would go out of her way to find time for you. I don't know the background of the story so I can't really talk about it.
    Yeah dated as in sex, I think the term here is MLTR. The only weird thing was her inability to come up with alternate plans. In her defense, I did/do have a pretty busy life, but I remember it always got on my nerves that I'd have to do the bitch walk "oh ok its cool ... how about next week instead"

  11. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by a11111 View Post
    Yeah dated as in sex, I think the term here is MLTR. The only weird thing was her inability to come up with alternate plans. In her defense, I did/do have a pretty busy life, but I remember it always got on my nerves that I'd have to do the bitch walk "oh ok its cool ... how about next week instead"
    Personally i think that the term flaking only counts when you havent had sex with a girl so dont take it like that since you do have sex with her. As for being busy, she can also be busy or in her days, hasnt been shaved, she has her pms, self esteem issues, etc so it's all good

    Just don't go over board asking her out all the time continiously.
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