Thread: Why do people get frustrated?
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02-18-2009, 01:41 PM #1
Why do people get frustrated?
I've got this little problem that occurs each time I am in a relationship, or at least when I think I am in a relationship. I get 'frustrated' about little, not important things.
Maybe Frustrated isn't a good word to describe exactly the feelings I get, but it is the best what I could find in the English language. Anyway, I think I should explain in detail: it seams that every time I am in a relationship I start to compare my life with the life of my girlfriend. Then I see the differences and start to focus on them that leads me to start thinking that I am worse than she is. Because she can do and does things I cannot or just don't do.
Currently I feel that way when thinking of things like: her having a drivers licence and me not, her way of cooking or her way of furnishing her appartment.
This is just silly, stupid and imature. Especially that I do not feel this way with others. Actually in general other social sitiations I feel really good and confident, more than she nor anyone I met. I know what I am good in, where I come from and where I am going to. So why do I feel this way now?!
02-18-2009, 06:29 PM #2
"Envy (also called invidiousness) may be defined as an emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another’s [perceived] superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it."
02-19-2009, 01:08 AM #3
02-19-2009, 04:19 AM #4
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
Inner game issues, as they would call it on this forum..or as i would call it, a dissatisfaction with yourself. Its simple, you are not the person you want to be.. you envy the things she has achieved instead of working on yourself so you can achieve those things too. Example, her grades are good, she drives a car and she has an active social life.. where as you, your grades suck, you dont drive and you have no social life.. Solution? Improve your grades, get a part time job and a car and start going to parties, going out with friends, etc more often..
A tip, dont limit yourself to just comparing yourself to her. Go out there, make a list of who you want to be, the characteristics you want to have under your name (Good grades, nice fashionable clothes, a fit body (maybe a 6pac?), a good job, bla bla bla) and get out there and get those things. You'll feel much better about yourself when you're all you want to be, or doing something about being who you want to be.
02-19-2009, 04:30 AM #5
I agree with you, but I do have to add something to what you said because I feel it is incomplete.
First, what if I can't get better? For example I can't get the drivers licence for the next few months because of location and money.
Second, I didn't want the drivers licence before. Why should I now? Doing it would not be something that comes out of my heart but rather from social/envy presure. That would be fake.
Besides, this is more complicated because it is actually me who has more friends and is a better student. Minor things that she has and I didn't worry about suddnely started to bother me. Why?
I think you answered that question: because all I did latley was compare myself with her. I entered her reality and started going by her paths. WRONG. Now I am about 1000 miles away from her and I see the mistake. When I come back I promise not to spend so much time her way
02-19-2009, 07:50 AM #6.
- Join Date
- Jan 2009
You may want your license because you see someone else with it, that doesn't mean you don't want it. Almost everything we want is because we see someone else with it. Even in cavemen days the cavemen without wheels and fire wanted it after they saw the cavemen with wheels and fire. We can't help what we want. Having your license gives you more independence, which will make you more happy and self sufficient.
02-19-2009, 11:58 AM #7SmoothO Guest
There's nothing wrong with wanting a driver's license. Get one when you get the chance or when you are old enough. Your frustrations should be realized when you act upon them or think about them. When something happens in your mind. Ask yourself why are you doing this and remember that you are your own person.
02-20-2009, 07:08 AM #8
Fozzie and SmoothO, you guys are right. I really thank you for you advice, but unfortunatley I still don't feel the way I would like to. It is because I think the problem lies a bit elswhere than I suspected.
I started this thread with describing me and my girlfriend. Though that problem seams solved the feeling still exists. I think it is because of my social circle.
Since half a year I've been studying in Sweden. The people I met there are great. They all have lots of abilities that are similar to the ones I have. You see, before I went to study I knew what I am good at: I speak a few languages, I am a good student, I've travelled a lot etc. I felt somehow special. But now, when I am among all these people that also know languages, are good students and travelled a lot I feel lost. What makes me special? Am I like everybody else?! I need to find my new identity and I would appreciate some tips with that. As for now I am trying to relax.
02-21-2009, 01:53 AM #9
- Join Date
- Jul 2006
You realize you've travelled in more countries than most people, who will usually be retired by then?
You want to find girls who are counterparts more than ones you feel in competition with. There's a lot of people out there who will do things better than you, and there are people who are going to be absolutely horrible at it.
You're 19 and wound up having a gf that had her stuff together, I have no idea if she's older than you or younger than you, doesn't matter. But there are plenty of women out there who don't have drivers licenses because they're afraid to drive a car, and can't even boil water, let alone cook. And you are allowed to be immature to a point. If you're going to be immature, 19 is perfect to get it out of your system.
02-21-2009, 02:10 AM #10
Yeah, you are right. This is the time to be 'not perfect'. The problem is I live on campus so I compare myself with people who are 'my' age. I am 19, my girlfriend is 20, my friends are from 22 to 24. Is one year or five that big of a deal? When I think of it, it might be true. In one year I probably will be speaking swedish and driving a car. Who knows what else?
My gilrfriend is good. I know that. I feel weird that I feel this way with her! She is verrrrry shy. I am really outgoing on the other hand. I taught her many things. If I were with someone who wasn't so inocent as her I could go nuts. Screw the drivers licence! I am glad I am not afraid to talk to people on the street