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01-24-2009, 04:40 PM #1
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- 20 Min. outside of Boston
Just a quick background on myself: I'm 20 years old, in college, I got into game to try and fix my coming and going feelings of loneliness and try to understand it rather than attempt to suppress it. I quickly turned into more of a dick and thought now I can start chasing some girls. I chased some, and went on a good number of dates, made out with 6ish girls last semester without trying too hard, and f-closed a couple.
A thread about your emotions (both negative and positive) and how to deal with them.
The now: Lately, I've been coming to be more realistic and less AFC'ish, less dick hopefully, and although I haven't gotten into going out just for sarging this semester yet, although I probably will now that I have some more time, I'm being real with myself when I'm with girls. When a girl is talking to me, I'm actually looking for something that will interest me about her, so that I have a good REASON to talk to her more and show more interest. You cannot show interest without a good reason damnit. (Unless she's ehem, receptive, and you can tell you just both want some fun) It's like showing up to a pre-school pageant without being related to one of the kids. People will get suspicious...and ultimately be more comfortable if you're not there.
Emotions: A lot of principles from famous PUA's helped me to come to certain conclusions. But this one is big. When I get a negative emotion, well, first a quick example of a negative emotion to relate to. You pick up a girl's number one day, call her later, and she's impossible to reach. That has given me a negative emotion before. But have you really thought about why w/e situation like this is giving you this feeling? Act fast! As soon as you get that feeling, think, wait why am I feeling this, what thoughts just went through my head as soon as this situation happened? Think back to 2 seconds ago when that feeling came, and think what went on in your head. Often times these thoughts just run through our sub-conscience and we don't have the time or attention to sit down and regulate them. If I can do this, anyone can, I hardly had a choice, it just happened, it made sense. Now, there is a good chance that this negative emotion had an irrational thought to be supporting it. Why? Because as many PUA's have described, we have been socially conditioned in the wrong direction on certain things that I won't go into. Once you have realized that irrational thought, you are halfway there. Fix it! And really fix it. Remember who you are, what you want, and why that thought doesn't even make sense! It shouldn't be that hard. To follow with the example, let's say this girl doesn't pick up, and this thought runs in my head before I know it: "She was just toying with me, I was trying to be myself but I probably ended up looking like an idiot, and there's no way she wants to see me now." The fixing thought, which can vary (because there's many reasons why this thought makes no sense) can look like this: "I'm so much fun to be around. So many times in my life I've given people good laughs and made them feel good about themselves. I know I can do it again, and I feel bad for this girl that she doesn't get to chill with me tonight, although not too bad, because she didn't interest me too much, although it would've been nice to get to know her more, I'll put more emphasis on getting an insta-date next time I go out. Time to get back to my life and do all this awesome shit I love. God there's so much great stuff I can't wait to do." And then go get back to what you were doing. It helps to wake up and actually have goals for the day and things you want to do. Quick examples: When I wake up in the back of my mind I'm probably thinking about when I'll have time to play guitar, when I'll have time to record music, and who I might want to chill with or catch up with on the phone. I also put it in my head recently to always make every situation as positive as possible. I like planting mental seeds in my head, because if you find that you just tell yourself that you're going to be more positive from now on, and then kind of keep it in the back of your head, you will see major major changes before you know it, and you'll go oh yeah, it's because last week I told myself I would be more positive and realized how much improvement that would bring.
Positive emotions: Be careful with these too. I just realized today before I started writing, and probably the reason I started writing this post, because I feel like now I'm coming onto a bigger picture, that positive emotions can possibly have irrational thoughts supporting them that can run you into trouble later. If a girl told me I'm sexy today..you bet as soon as I hear that, a thought might run into my head like this: "So there are people that think I'm attractive! Yay!" This thought might be a big no-no. My fixing thought: "What am I thinking? Girls don't even care about looks to begin with (if you don't believe me ask Tyler Durden..it's a fact, do I still work out, yeah of course, it makes you happy and you get to see your body as a fun project to work on parts at a time, I just love it in the same way I love a video game), continuing the thought though, "Why would this make me happy? Sure, I'll enjoy the positive emotion while it lasts, but I'll certainly remind myself that if I get rejected by someone later, I'm not going to be thinking 'But I thought I was sexy' when there is probably a sensible reason for it to happen, and not something related to the least important factor." I see this realization of a positive emotion as a useful tool to prevent later negative emotions, because when you fix emotions by realizing the way your thoughts react, sometimes unnaturally, and cause your emotions, you are probably taking big steps closer to not having those unnatural thoughts anymore at all, and living a much happier fulfilling life. The one we all deserve.
I love feedback and I'd more than happy to answer questions on what I mean if anything is confusing and you've never had thoughts like these. Pickup turned me onto self improvement which is really the bigger picture hanging over pickup, and wow has it been making my life so much better in general. Much love.
01-26-2009, 09:55 AM #2
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
I really like what you said about the positive emotions. I often get compliments on my looks and sometimes I let it run my confidence. Then when I don't get enough compliments I'll feel in the crappy. Ive pretty much got it under control now, but it's just going to take time and the right mindset to completely get over.
Thanks for the good thread!