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08-22-2008, 05:35 PM #1
( know it's long, fuckingreadit! It's good for you)
All abroad the Fail-boat: or the tales of “broken hearts”
While being in community…
…..nearly every new guy I ran into, almost every single AFC I have ever known, and a good portion of average-guys fall into “failboat” relationship pattern. It comes in few stages, and needless to say, I WENT through ALL of them. You probably have too; your friends have, and, maybe, even your parents. It’s not only my observation and experiences; those patterns have been documented by many relationship experts as well. Some are not as dramatic as I might have described, it depends on people, their emotional stability and circumstances out of our control. I added few stages to reflect this community, because, we are really no different when it comes to emotions. But we have “secret” tools to deal with them, if we can truly put our egos aside. Sooooooooo the first one is…………..<drum roll>
“Hi, did you see two girls fight outside?!”
Or what I call “a new guy” syndrome. “I JUST READ THE GAME!! YAY!”
He’s excited about the whole pickup stuff; without anything particular in mind, he runs around a club, terrorizing girls with his [uncalibrated] openers. He calls himself “aspiring PUA”, now that he’s armed with new neg-hits *cough*insults*cough*, uncalled-for kino *cough*grouping*cough* and sometimes cocky-and-funny *cough*arrogant-not-so-funny-humor*cough*. We all have been there, if you weren’t born natural, and you’re reading this, most likely you were THAT GUY. Hopefully not to that extreme!!! You feel soooo alpha…… but you never bothered to ask yourself:
Are you tricking yourself and all these girls around me?
“Am I really this fun attractive and emotionally stable guy? Am I, a 10? Or am I a 5 lying to myself and everyone? Am I making everyone falsely believe I am a 10? ” And to re-assure yourself, you occasionally get semi-positive feedback: girls actually listen to your stories. Or maybe even a makeout session with a drunken hottie. This convinces you to believe that you’re on the right path. Until one day, you get a number, you follow through, get a “day2” and end up fucking her same night. YOU GOT LAID!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD! Tell the world and call Guinness World Book of Records to document a man with the longest forced celibacy ever to finally get his dick wet. You feel like you played a solid fucking game. A+ game…..but what you failed to realize is that……..
She’s just as insecure as you are.
She feels un-validated, has a most definite history of heartbreaking breakups, followed by lots of crying, self doubting, Sex and the City nights with the ice cream. Multiple experiences like that lead her to believe that nobody wanted her………until…along came you. So magical, so wonderful, so fun, and so entertaining (God, bless those routines, right?). A guy with so much value and passion (That “Write a DHV Story” post by TrueStory, was the shiznet, wasn’t it?!!?) So now what?
You guys start seeing each other on regular basis.
You’re amazed at the fact that this is going somewhere. Your social conditioning kicks in; you start pondering whether she’s a good “girlfriend” material, and of course, you can never put your fragile ego down, and admit that
She is the first girl that liked you…..
You notice yourself thinking about this girl a little bit more. You see her nearly every day. You just can’t get enough of each other. Everything is going great; and your “PUA” buddies tell you how to game her to the fullest: “Yeah dude, you should TOTALLY ignore her at the party! That’d be SO ALPHA!!!” and “DUDE! you should totally fuck with her head, she needs to know who’s her boss, you OWN that bitch, cuz, you’re PUA, man! Fuck that hoe, bitches are dime-a-dozen!”
So you start playing “The Game” because it’s SO FUCKING EASY! You dangle a carrot (possible relationship with you) in front of her on a string. You make her come pick your drunken ass up, after night of sarging. You call her at 3 am to get a blow job. You’re such a fucking PIMP! And you start thinking. Meanwhile, something different goes through her head:
“I am falling in love with this guy, I need him to validate me! Let’s attach a label to this”
She needs a boyfriend. Her girl friends have one, she doesn’t. That certainly undermines her status of “good girl”. She’s certainly not a “whore” like they think she is. After all these years of unvalidated existence, finally someone she can REALLY CARE FOR. No biggie if she has to drive across town, because, he is drunk. It’s not a big deal, either, he woke her up at 3 am: ”I want to please him. Maybe, if I treat this one right, he’s not going to leave me for some other skank. My caring and availability will negate my psychotic nature, insecurities and the fact that I can drop 30 pounds easily and still not fit in my ‘designer jeans’?” So she pushes…she pushes…she pushes…and eventually you give in and
You two start dating……….
………….and not after long it goes ………
……….from Excitement to content
“Fuck, what was I thinking, I can do sooo much better! Her nagging is pissing me off; she is soo needy, it’s gross. She must not know who the fuck I am, I am a PUA, bitch!” You start noticing that she really is a UG 5. You get cocky and “confident” and start taking her sweetness for granted. You neglect her, and treat her like shit. You’re a fucking PUA, bitch! Don’t mess with my “routine stack!” You are ready to break up with her as soon as you get a new girl” ……Meanwhile……..she is thinking:
“Why am I being ignored?”
She starts playing head games. She feels unvalidated; she starts feeling unwanted by you. She certainly needs that back to survive. Her femininity is at stake here. She sees him going out, she sees him trying to get with other girls. She starts questioning whether he can. And sooner or later she realizes:
He’s not the guy she thought he was.
But it’s next to impossible to admit that, because, thus she would feel tricked. She is NOT EASY at all, so she can’t tell herself that she fell for a “scam” of a “cheesy” pickup artist. She lies to herself saying that he changed. It’s not her fault he was different. She wants the guy she “fell in love with” back, but what she really wants is that illusion of “ALL POWERFUL MAN SHE IS DATING…….that you “sorta” had going for a while.
What happened to that desirable guy? The guy with funny stories, interesting cocky and funny lines where did he go? He didn’t go anywhere, he was never there. And slowly but surely attraction is going away. She starts talking to other guys at work, she gets a lot more attention at bars, and even her girlfriends try to drag her out dancing to a club. And of course this is starting to piss you off:
“Why is she so cold to me?”
She doesn’t come over and blow you at 3 am anymore. She doesn’t want to see you everyday………..what’s happening?????????? “QUICK!!! To the Attraction Forums! There must be an answer to that……….. NO FUCK NO I CANNOT BREAKUP WITH HER……that advice was dumb! Fuck you, miaddict for warning me! .. okey…searching searching….oh fuck this shit! I am just going to post how it is! There it goes: PLEEEEEEEEZE HELP!!! I need to regain my alphaness!” (BTW, I, myself, have a post like this. It’s buried in archives of shame; feel free to go check it out but you gotta find it)
Same night, while, you’re desperately browsing Attraction Forums, re-reading Mystery Method, while David DeAngelo is playing in the background….. ..somewhere on other side of the city, in the lounge:
“Hi, My name is el-Other-Guy, what is your name?!”
“It’s Jenny” your girlfriend answers. They get few drinks, then get a little dancing going, next thing she knows she’s at his place, on his couch, watching a movie…. Minutes fly by. The scent of excitement and sexual energy is in the air…while somewhere….in the only lit window in the city a poor aspiring PUA is restless:
“Where is she? She didn’t come over tonight…..I need her, I can’t live without her…”
It’s Friday night, half of Attraction Forum users are out in clubs and bars sarging. You’re alone……… at home…crying…. As the night goes by, you texted her and called her twenty times, but no answer….. ……..you eventually fall asleep next to your phone, waiting for her call.
……it usually sets in the morning. She wakes up in another man’s arms. She knows what she did, but damn she wanted to. A silent and awkward ride home, goodbyes, and there it goes………………… she can’t hold it to herself…….and you know…….. You mothe-fuckin’ know what happened. There is nothing to hide anymore……. The hell breaks loose:
“Oh who the fuck she thinks she is, I don’t need that whore! I am going to find someone new to replace that cunt. I fucking hate her!”
And you go out with your friends that same night seeking revenge. You want fuck someone hotter than your girlfriend; NO! you absolutely HAVE TO fuck someone hotter than her. And you feel this urge to fuck someone in her ass, and cum on her face….and after call your cheating-cunt-ex-girlfriend and rub it in her face. Your ego wont rest……you are boiling with anger and emotions…….. you …you ……..
BUT WHY? ……..WHY?? You go home alone…with tears on your eyes……. Your “PUA” buddies try to cheer you up and tell you it was a good night, because you talked to a hot bartender,….. but they don’t know. They don’t know how you truly feel. You’re so hurt and misunderstood… you poor baby…hang on brb, gotta run out and grab my world smallest violin….
………days go by in restless agony …. You call her…..
And it leads back into relationship……….But you never really forgave her. You still hold the grudge, and can never get it out. You always look for arguments………you always bring up her cheating…... Eventually,
You breakup again!
It hurts. You haven’t posted on Attraction Forums in a while. You lost any ambition to go out, you only think about her; Few weeks go by you wonder why you two broke-up, you call her up,….she comes over…. You two have sex………and it’s back into relationship again. But you’re still bitter. You’re not ready to forgive her…..you fight again, then you breakup…………again……….
And this vicious cycle can repeat for months….
I didn’t mean to write a whole book but I can see many of you would be able to relate to parts, if not entire, story.
Sometimes it’s important to catch yourself at each stage and notice what you are doing wrong: Even though stages are not defined in stone, you can notice general direction of a relationship. At each stage in order:
First: you’re excited about PUA stuff, but you really haven’t figured out what you want. Senseless and directionless sarging is like navigating through a pitch black dark room. You bump into random items once in a while, knock your ankle on the dresser, and often, what you bump into is not what you were looking for.
Turn on the light, or have some kind of blueprint of your path. What do you want? A girlfriend? A fuck buddy? Or maybe multiple women? What kind of women you want? Create some goals for yourself.
Second: understand yourself. Don’t just focus on outer game. Focus on why you are not getting women. Are you angry? Depressed? Do you have emotional issues from childhood? Do you feel validated by women? How about your friends? How about success with women validated by your friends??? Thought of that? Do you want to brag to your friends about women? Is your ego big? Why do you REALLY want to achieve goals you set for yourself? (I bet you fuckin’ didn’t, did you? You didn’t set any goals, and you’re probably saying: “Damn you TrueStory, you’re right…hang on….” Well, we’ll wait!, go grab a pen and a paper)…………………………………….
Third: in process a lot of girls will like you. Some will be “bad apples” on your PUA tree. Pick ones that really taste good and not rotten inside. Some girls cheat because they seek validation. Some girls have daddy issues, and will behave like brats. Many girls are onto the next best thing. Many women are after money, some are after power. Learn women. The more women you date the more clearly you can see, early on, what she’s all about. But never get serious until you ABSOLUTELY know her form inside out. Until you been in every single corner of her body (yes, that brown corner too) and soul.
Fourth: if you find yourself overly excited in relationship, figure out why? Is it REALLY her or how she makes you feel? You’re man grab a hold of your emotions. Never limit your options and ALWAYS have an exit. Have a fuck buddy you can call if things fall through. No fuck that, DO call your fuck buddy, even if you’re nearly exclusive with your girl. Sex with another woman really detaches you from falling in “love” or being victim of oneitis disease. Put things in perspective, never EVER stop sarging. Always know when to fold.
Fifth: end stale relationship. YES! It goes stale before it goes REALY bad. If you gave it your best and couldn’t spice it up, end it. There is no reason why you should be content. Content breeds boredom, boredom causes fights and drama. Think of stale relationship as spoiled food. It goes poisonous but looks ok on outside, tastes funny, but once you let it sit in right circumstances long enough, it will rot like a dead sewer rat behind the dumpster. And that rotten food will stink like shit….and will stink up any new good food you put in the fridge (often many weeks after you threw it out).
Fourth: get the fuck out when she’s losing attraction for you. It’s hard to see it, but “saving” the spark is beyond your control. Be willing to walk away. That’s only going to make you more attractive to her. Be a man, grab your balls, and walk. Sleep on friends couch if you have to, go to a strip club, or call up an old fuck buddy. If she’s giving you cold shoulder or playing excessive headgames, WALK! A lot of guys get stuck in here, and THANK GOD for our forum members telling them to MOVE ON. Many many many many many posts, I’ve read, ask how to ‘recover’ or ‘gain’ attraction back. You do not.
Fifth: cheater once is cheater twice. NEVER forget. Forgive, but never forget. No need to hold grudge on someone who hurt you. It’s negative energy. Negative energy causes sickness. Sickness causes death. So she cheated on you, so you loved her, well, man up. I was there, I actually cried when I found out. I was devastated but hey, I AM ALIVE! Nothing happened to me. In fact I learned A LOT. Remember: NOT ALL WOMEN CHEAT!
Sixth: don’t fall back into validation mode. Just because you don’t have a girlfriend, all of a sudden, doesn’t mean you have to get laid immediately. Take time off, relax and understand yourself. Spend some time with neglected friends (oh come on, don’t lie, you know you neglected your best friends while you were with that cunt. I know I have.)
Finally: never go back to her. Do not even have sex with her even for the old time sakes. It hurts. It hurts the best of us; it hurts the strongest players in the game. The feel of a woman who’s been everything to you, and one that hurt you a lot, is a toxic combination of “love” and “hate”. Let these two be and let her be on her own. Not being with her will devastate you. Letting go sometimes is more painful than cheating and betrayal.
Sometimes a girl becomes psychotic and stalks you; there are normal ways to deal with that. However, don’t let her stalking lead you to believe that you need to go back together. Not even out of guilt for her sorry ass. She’s rotten apple, let someone else pick it up. Trust me girls like that rebound REALLY quick, baaaack into another co-dependant relationship.
Oh by the way, not all relationships end up like this. I didn’t write this to discourage you, I wrote this to help you see yourself in one and end it before it’s too late.
I was there too.
08-22-2008, 06:07 PM #2
- Join Date
- Sep 2007
............Insane. I know I wasn't the only one here smiling all goofy reading this and thinking "DAMN THAT WAS ME"
Genius stuff as always.
08-23-2008, 10:17 AM #3
This is one of the best things I've read on the forums in awhile, thanks for posting!
08-23-2008, 11:58 AM #4
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
Best thing ever... really really shines a light on things haha.
08-23-2008, 07:17 PM #5
another great thread TrueStory. thank you so much!
08-23-2008, 07:53 PM #6
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
- Sydney, Australia
Oh wow....i so feel like i am there right now.....
Re-reading this one.
08-23-2008, 08:16 PM #7
- Join Date
- Jul 2006
This is as close to a "he said/she said" that's been posted on the forums as I've seen. I don't think guys should second guess themselves about what women might be thinking, but should realize that they're dealing with a person with emotions and not a brainless plaything available at your beckon call.
The part about falling into contentment (or complacency) is really a make or break for any relationship. I failed at it, even though I tried to prevent myself from letting it happen. But a lot of things in life happen that cause the spark to go away, and things become routine. Maybe that's how she wants things. Maybe that's how you want things. But it can create restlessness. It happens in relationships. Maybe you, maybe her, maybe both.
That "fun desirable guy" on first impression is going to crack at some point if it's not who you are. The more consistant you are from the first moment you meet someone, the easier it is to be true to yourself. If you're dating someone who's into nightlife and you're not, eventually you're going to get tired of having a girlfriend that goes to nightclubs because you'd rather be doing something else. She wants you to go along, you don't want to... maybe that's fine, maybe you're throwing her to the wolves. But she should be doing things you like even if she doesn't. Hopefully you're like minded enough that you're both always having fun together no matter where you are.
"El-Other-Guy" might not even be as classy in taking her back to his place. Right in the bathroom or in the car. She can clean up when she goes home, and give her bf a BJ just to keep him happy. As she's always done. Or ride him. As she's always done. He won't notice or care once she's off of him, he'll be back to sleep in no time. She'll be pissed off, maybe a little guilty, but overall, pissed off that this is her life, but at least she had some (mis)adventure.
Maybe she doesn't wake up in his arms, maybe they start meeting at the park, he gets a hotel room nearby, she comes home at the same time, checks in, heads out 2 hours later, goes back to the room. Chances are he won't notice, and she'll say she was checking on her mom, or stopped by a friend's house, coming back with a few things to not raise suspicion. Sunday paper, coffee...comes across as thoughtful.
Eventually she intentionally wants him to know, because she's tired of playing the charade and thinks he's the biggest idiot for not noticing. He's noticed, but wants to keep peace, doesn't want any more arguments. It's been peaceful without her around, he can do things he hasn't been able to do in a long time. But he is noticing that she's out not just one night until 4, but 4 or 5 times, and it's happening more frequently. You eventually find something that she has to admit to. Maybe it's a receipt, maybe it's a text she didn't mean for you to get, but somehow you find out and she either tries to argue with you to distract you, or she'll admit it, but wonder what you're going to do.
What guys do next? Some girls will say "it's okay if you sleep with someone, I deserve it". When they say that...don't. She wants things back to how they were. She doesn't really want it to end. She's COMFORTABLE with you. But she did something that, not just as a relationship, but as a friend, let happen. This is not a drunken random ONS.... but something more. It's with someone she's been seeing, that might have started as a ONS but is turning into something else. Or she might be sleeping with other guys to punish you. Or to punish herself.
I can only speak for myself. There are girlfriends I slept with after the break up, but I never brought up anything about getting back together. To me, if you take her back without question and empty words of how she'll never do it again, it's pointless to even consider a second chance. You need a lot of time, date different people, and then reapproach it at a much later time. Your experiences and outlook should be different. She's not so special anymore. She's been with other men, you've seen the photos, her worth and value to you have plummeted, but at the same time maybe there were things you found worth in and enjoyed about her to consider giving her another chance.
The odds of this working are iffy, because you've gone through a lot of changes and so has she. You may feel very differently this time and the spark isn't there. You both look the same, but feel very different about each other. You remember the hurt. It never goes away. But you might get a feeling she really has changed, have seen her improve for the better, grown mature, hasn't gone downhill or off the deep end, so you give it another shot and see where it goes. Maybe you both were 18, young and foolish...and met up in your mid-late 20s.
Women have many goals. Some want the domestic life. Some want to hold off on it. Some prefer having dogs over kids..maybe they can't have kids. Maybe the guy is Alpha enough to say "I'll take care of everything" and if it doesn't work, she's got a case for getting alimony from you. Be careful of what you promise and can handle.
I agree that the more you date, the more you can clearly see, but I also think a lot is gained in LTRs. With a history of no relationships, she's not going to have a lot of hope for a LTR.
Having an exit plan- not being afraid to walk out of a bad relationship. The living situation might suck, but the option of having to live with her could be worse. If you do have a FB on standby, if you lost touch with her, respect the situation she's currently in. She could've been married and 8 months pregnant by the time you call her again. Or just 8 months pregnant... last time you saw her was...8 months ago?? She assures you it's not yours, after 5 minutes of scaring the hell out of you.
And if you are on a break with the gf, whatever you do is your business, what she does is her business. I don't feel you have to volunteer info that you slept with anyone...she'll use it against you. Plus you had a breakup, so she really has no right to know what you're doing.
I don't completely agree with leaving during the losing attraction part..sometimes the threat of the breakup is a wakeup call, and puts you both on track. Not everyone breaks up from cheating once it's out in the open. You have to look at the big picture, not just the fizzle going out. There's usually more factors to why relationships go downhill. But it's a lot of work. I do agree 110 percent that you should always be willing to walk out of a relationship and not let her have any way of controlling you into staying. If kids are involved, it's going to be hard, and as long as it's agreed that the kids are innocent and they come first, then it should be somewhat smooth.
I also agree completely that letting go is the hardest part. You've spent time with someone, gotten to know them, shared experiences, and now you're having to disconnect and disassociate what might be a significant part of your life. You might have let friends go, you might have moved away from your own friends and family, so the support system might not be there and you're having to build something new.
All relationships that end bad usually started off with good intentions and hopes for the future. You're either going to learn and improve as a person, let it get to you and not move on from it, or repeat the same mistakes with someone similar.
08-24-2008, 07:35 AM #8
Sorry I read about a paragraph and got bored... Most people here are striving to be more than an AFC, if they are living that routine they are still an AFC, just an AFC that has a GF from time to time. I never let myself fall for a girl like that, the quicker you can learn that it's just like riding a rollercoaster or sky diving the better. I've said this before but the moment I meet the girl I find something wrong with her, everyone has something wrong with them. I focus on it and know that I can do better than her, then if I break up with her I go on a screwing spree and I have forgotten who I was just dating. It may sound cold but I generally date girls for 1-3 months and if I was messed up after everyone my production level in my goals and dreams would be horrible. Plus I have enough friends that are AFC's and I can listen and see them fumble and screw up there lives enough to know never to go back to that way. Don't let yourself be a scripted story, 40 is the new 20 so I figure when I'm 45 I'll be dating a 25 year old so why the hell would I want to settle now! Get em and get rid of em!
08-24-2008, 11:49 AM #9
08-24-2008, 03:11 PM #10
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
- Pelham, Alabama
Holy fuck! My breakup wasn't about cheating but I experienced something along the same lines as this.
Dude, you really opened my eyes on this one.
I should have broken up, or at least confronted, my ex when I found an email she had sent on facebook to an old "friend". Instead, I went into denial.
Then, about a month and a half ago, got my heart ripped out of chest on stomped on as she tells me it's over. To add even more hurt, she starts seeing a guy about 2 weeks after we broke up.
This same guy she had met over a year ago. I had met him even and hung out with him.
Now, it's one of those relationships where I look back and say Thank GOD!