Thread: Social Intuition
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08-19-2008, 12:27 PM #1
- Join Date
- Sep 2006
I guess I lack social intuition BADLY. My entire life I have always been the outsider of everything. I am not necessarily "nerdy". I don't play videogames, I go to the gym, I am a musician, blah blah...but I still lack social intuition. Sometimes I'll say something, and people just give me a weird look and laugh, but I know it is either a forced laugh or a nice laugh AT ME. I am hardly invited for anything...people hardly start convos, or "open" me, I feel like I am the one always asking the questions and "chasing" in social situations, instead of being the guy people would like to know more about.
Ever since I started college 2 years ago, I have made a few enemies. I have never been in a fight with anyone, but we are still social enemies, as in we don't talk, when we cross paths it is awkward, and they talk shit about me. This is a bad thing to have in a college campus because I don't care how big the campus is, it is still only SO big. For example, if I meet someone new, some time down the line I'll learn that they know one of my "enemies" and I think "oh shit"...
At my job we just got an entirely new staff 2 weeks ago. All the 6 new people are a lot more friends and friendly with the returners already than I have ever been. For example, yesterday, 3 co workers were watching the olympics, and I sat to join them. I stayed for only like 5 minutes. Everytime I give input to the convo, I feel ignored, and they just keep talking as If I am hardly there. If they happen to look at me while talking, it is a short look, and then they go back to the other people. When I got up to leave, I said, "aight, guys, I'll see you later..." and left. Noone acknowledged my pressence or absence, and never said bye. Their conversation never even changed in a way which to imply my sentence had an impact on anything. 20 years of this everyday HURTS man...it HURTS...
I'm wondering if sarging and game can help me gain social intuition. Yes I'm a guy and I get horny sometimes, but I am not even in this for women. I hae never even WANTED women that bad actually. I think this is because I feel un-worthy in some way. I am in this community to learn how to be cool, socially calibrated, a guy that people like and look up to, and be accepted. Can I really learn this, or will game just give me success with the opposite sex?
I guess all I really want is social skills...
08-20-2008, 05:21 AM #2
Just talk to people, be happy, and don't care what other people think. And try to make those enemies friends. Quick. Just smile say "Hi" and generally be happy. Always try to add positive energy to any person you are talking to. Even if you are weird or uncool, your happy energy that you are radiating will make you irresistible.
08-20-2008, 10:23 AM #3
- Join Date
- May 2006
I definitely think pickup would help your social skills.
Here's a few things that can almost instantly improve how people think about you socially. It will take some time for people to recognize these but turn them into habits. These are not for being "high status" this is used for repairing already damaged social standing with people. If you went high status on them they would turn even more against you.;
Have a laid back look on your face. Some peoples normal, relaxed face looks too intense so you can soften it up by putting on a 1/4th smile; it looks like you're enjoying yourself but you're not sitting there with a big smile on your face all the time.
Be positive, find something that you genuinely like on or about the other person/persons in the group. Compliment it just very quickly and tell them why you like it so they can see it's a genuine compliment. "oh cool watch, I used to have one like that...that looks cool". Then leave it at that.
Bring a pack of gum. Sounds weird but it's a social connection thing. When you're talking with a group of people pull out a stick of gum and then offer it to everyone else there. Don't go around looking for people to offer gum to but the people that are around you will like it if you offer it to them.
Stay on topic with the conversation at hand. I know some people who are socially inept and barge into a conversation and start to talk about a crazy youtube video they saw. Respect the conversation at hand, and only interject if you have something on topic and worth while to add. Make it to the point and not long winded.
When you leave, wait for a good moment to leave. If you leave in the middle of peoples conversation then they probably will think you don't care about what they're saying and most likely aren't going to stop mid sentence so they can say goodbye. Once you have a good time to leave just stand up and say "I'm taking off guys, it was fun. Thanks for having me out" You don't have to say goodbye to everyone, unless you have some closer friends there. They deserve to get a hug or handshake or pat on the back before you go.