Funny story just happened to me. Gonna make it a DHV story. Appreciate any input.
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  1. Funny story just happened to me. Gonna make it a DHV story. Appreciate any input.

    All of this is true with the climax just happening this night. I just want to convey that I have a lot of cool friends and a spontaneous type of life. If anyone can give me advice/edits...etc, I would appreciate it. This is my first time I'm actually trying to make a nice solid DHV story. Btw I mainly do day game at the bookstore and it's cafe, and the mall/food court so I get seated sets or I can make seated sets and thus have time to tell longer stories than perhaps a nightclub.

    Iím at this party and itís loud and crazy and I had a few. And I get a phone call from a friend. So I talk to him but itís hard to hear. I hadnít heard from him in awhile, he said he was out of town and his phone broke and he could only text. So afterwards I look through my phone to find what number he called me on and I find one that looked to be it and I edit his contact. So I think I have his new phone number.

    So yesterday I call him up and ask him if he wants to hang out the next day. He says sounds good and heíll rent a new game and I say Iíll bring an extra ps3 controller that I can borrow from another friend. He says no heís fine, but I can bring it if I want.

    So the next day I call him up to confirm. I stop by my friendís place for the controller, and I take off to my friend Jasonís house. I go up and ring the bell, he comes down and heís like ďHey buddy, howís it going?Ē, so him, his wife, and I all start chatting and watching the Red Sox game for about an hour.

    Then my phone rings loud like a mother and scares the shit out of my friendís wife. I look at the number and Iím like wtf? I pick it up and I hear ďSo are you coming over?Ē, Iím like ďWhat, huh?Ē, and finally I figure out itís my friend Joe. And all of a sudden I piece together where I went wrong (edited wrong contact info). I look back at my buddy Jason and his wife and I crack up. I told em what happened and they just started dieing of laughter. They knew the whole thing was fucking weird with me showing up out of the blue and they told me, but they were totally cool with it of course and we had a good time. So I bid them farewell and took my ps3 controller that I walked in with and drove over to my friend Joeís place who told me he thought I was a schizo, cuz I was being all wierd on the phone. Iím still analyzing the conversations I had with who I thought was Jason and realizing all the weird shit I said and all the weird shit he said that made no fucking sense to me at the time.

  2. First try and write/edit it into a DHV story. Then I'm sure some people will help give advice.

  3. It kidna makes you seem retarted

  4. #4

    My advice is, start reading some short stories and learn to write your own better. I can honestly say that I have no idea what happened in your story, except that you mention picking up/bringing along a PS3 controller which seems irrelevant to the story.

  5. Well, it does imply you've got a lot of friends. Maybe if you skipped the contact list part, you could just get a call from one joe and just go to another, because you know a lot of them. Or maybe go over to him with a guitar or something.

  6. I like that tweak, Vern. Thanks.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2007

    While the story is funny, honestly I wouldn't use it as a DHV story because the central issue of the story is you editing the wrong person in your phone. That will make you look like a fuck up to girls, which is bad.

    If you do want to use it, you would need to change a few things. First, change the story so that the phone #'s getting saved wrong is due to someone ELSE's mistake (via someone else putting it in wrong, friend calling you from another #, or whatever). That way you can show how you handled the situation well and fixed someone else's mistake, which would be attractive to women.

    Second, you need a hook to make a girl actually want to listen to your story. You have to make it interesting from the first sentence, and "I am at this party..." doesn't cut it by itself.

    Third, you need to leave out the "it was weird that I just showed up." While it may be true, saying that is just DLVing yourself. Not what you want to do.

    Fourth, be aware that video games are often unattractive to women. So you may want to change that to something else or just be careful how you describe it.

    If you were going to use this story, I would focus on how you fixed someone else's error with the phone (and use that as suspense), how your friends were SURPRISED (not weirded out) that you just showed up but were totally cool with it (implication that you are a cool dude), and how your other friend wanted to show up. I might also change it so that he comes over to where you are because that frames you as more of a social organizer and generally more high value.

    Hope that helps. Let me know if you have any questions.
    Follow your inhibitions, as they will show you where you need to grow.


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