Cheating and bringing up the topic of cheating....

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  1. #1
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    Cheating and bringing up the topic of cheating....

    I am getting into this trap where I feel the girl ive been dating for 4months(very intensly the last 2 months) might cheat on me and I get the bonehead idea of cheating on her first so that it doesnt hurt as much when I get that news, lol. Stupid I know but that's how it is.

    So here is the information that I have about the situation and just want opinions on it.

    We have been dating for 4 months, and we've been exclusive for about 2, we both know this is heading to an LTR(we've spoken about it) and the relationship has been intense about the last 2 months.

    Now I am on summer vacation for 3 weeks and I find myself not trusting her, I should mention that trust is my biggest inner game issue, I trust very very few people and on a lot of subjects I dont even trust my own family.

    But what is making me uneasy is this:
    1.She studied abroad for a semester and during that time she said she cheated on her previous BF the only one she ever had, she said she only did it once and broke up with him after that but I am starting to have my doubts about that.

    2.She has told me some stories about doing everything but fucking with other guys during that time abroad and the timeline doesnt quite add up, I am starting to think she had a BF during the time those other interactions took place.

    3.She had only slept with 2 guys before me, during a time where we stopped seeing each other for like 10 days she fucked a guy(2 times) she had dated but never fucked. I dont know if she did this because she was horny or just missed me, I dont think she knows herself.

    4.She has told me that for the first time she truly enjoys sex and is having the bext sex of her life.

    5. The last few days we have talked she tells me how horny she is and that she isnt used to tis ande frankly i feel like unsureness about this in her own voice.

    6. She really really likes me so she might feel differently about me than she did the other guy.

    Having all this info I have this scenario. She tells me right now how horny she is now that we have'nt seen eachother for a week. I keep on thinking that she might not be able to control herself and might make a call to that guy she dated or might just pull a one night stand. What really gets to me is that she cheated on her ex and that now she actually likes sex, this just fucks with my head and I feel I just cant trust her.
    We talk about everything and have a very open relationship in that sense, we communicate very easily, I also now start to think that she might be scared of me cheating(without reason, really) so that she might pull the trigger before me.



    So here are my questions.

    1.Trust is one of my inner game issues so am I just worried over nothing or do I have reason to be worried?

    2.I made the mistake of not bringing this up in person and I just dont want to bring it up over the phone, but if I have to how do I ask her point blank how many times she cheated on her ex?

    3.Is this “insecurity” valid, we are already exclusive so I dont think its unreasonable expect some sort of peace of mind when it comes to cheating?

    4.I hate having this feeling and frankly if I dont have peace of mind when it comes to this I would rather just not be in a relationship so I will have to address the subject, I just dont want to come off as insecure and accusing as the subject comes off. Plus bringing it up now might just get her mad at me and we all know how rational girls get when they are mad...

    thanks



  2. #2
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    Dude just cause she says shes horny doesn't mean she is going to cheat.....I really wouldn't worry about talking about your cheating fears is just going to make you seem insecure..

  3. #3
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    yeah, the talking isnt really what worries me its the past evidence that does, lol... I am not sure she would be able to control herself...

  4. Well here's the thing, if she picks up on your insecurities (as in, you feel you're the type of guy she would cheat on) then she probably will.

    I'm not saying she won't anyhow, but your best course of action is to continue to be (or act) secure in yourself, with the mindset that you're such a high value guy, how could she possibly cheat on you?

    Took me a long time to realize this, but women pick up on that instantaneously.

  5. #5

    well i'm not sure this is the correct course of action but i'll tell you what i did.
    the first week we started dating i made a mock pact (mock from my viewpoint)
    that if either of us is to cheat on the other we have to tell the partner right away
    and we shook hands on that (few funny moments there).
    anyway, now if i get a bit bored i create this jelousy plot with a good friend girl of mine
    and everytime she gives me this angry jelous look i just remind her of the pact.
    so maybe i just enjoy messing around with her, but the point is to show her that
    you can cheat if you want to and make her jealous. but don't overdo it so she actually thinks you're cheating or even has doubts.

    now the more experienced guys can bash my post

  6. #6
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    Yeah, she knows I go out and help my friends pick up girls and she even lets me do it when we go out together but I think she herself might feel insecure about that, so I was thinking of bringing up the topic from her perspective like to reassure her.

    I know I already have trust issues so im not sure if I am just projecting them or if I am truly relying on the evidence...

  7. #7
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    You have major inner game issues that have nothing to do with her cheating on you or not. Fix yourself first and your relationship will follow.
    for more detailed or personalized advice contact [email]jeremy@lovesystems.com[/email] to arrange 1:1 and phone consuls with me. I prefer helping the individual for best results. The community helped change my life so I know it will change yours. Stop making excuses about why you cant/dont need help and instead [I]decide[/I] that you will do [I]whatever[/I] it takes to learn how to become good with women.

    LBD (aka Little Big Dick)

    Specializing in military/LEO, MLTR and LTR's, short man's game, inner game,applying seduction for the 30 y/o+

    Current Location: Back in Iraq. I can still do phone and messnger consuls and online profile help. See you guys when I get back!

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by LittlbigD View Post
    You have major inner game issues that have nothing to do with her cheating on you or not. Fix yourself first and your relationship will follow.
    Yeah,I know I have always had a trust issue in life, with anything so I just needed to see if I was being paranoid over nothing. That is sort of the conclusion I was reaching.

    On the positve side I always do hear the stories of guys hitting on her and who in her work wants to fuck her etc. So I must not have shown this insecurity so far, lol...


    Changing gears a bit, what is the right way to bring up the topic of cheating, it always will fall into the discussion at some point but is it something one shoudl adress or just let it naturally come up in convo?
    The only time I discussed it was when we discussed people cheating and she thought everyone cheats because its impossible not to,lol and me exploring teh open relationship idea with that comment...lol

  9. #9
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    In my relationship cheating is rarely discussed. She knows that she would be gone at the drop of a hat if she did it and I think thats all she needs to know..

    This girl sounds like she has had bad experiences in the past and as a result is untrustworthy...If she honestly believes that everyone cheats then she probably will herself. I would keep her as a MLTR or something like that.

    Exclusive relationships are hard enough with out having to worry about her seeing other guys 24/7.

  10. Quote Originally Posted by cubix View Post
    if she honestly believes that everyone cheats then she probably will herself. I would keep her as a mltr or something like that.

    exclusive relationships are hard enough with out having to worry about her seeing other guys 24/7.
    +1000000000

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