She requested Sexual Exclusivity!!!!

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  1. #1

    She requested Sexual Exclusivity!!!!

    Damn... Things where perfect... We had a great understanding... Then last night she went and dropped the bomb!

    After sex I turned the lights out, and she turned them back on saying she wanted to talk. I knew where it was going. She knows I don't want a relationship, and she re-iterated that she's cool with not being the "girlfriend". But that she found having sex with other girls while I'm having sex with her is gross...

    I simply replied that I know it's selfish, but I'm not up for the exclusivity. She pushed, I delayed by telling her to give me a few days to see what I think, as I haven't thought about it.

    I know whats gonna happen... We are supposed to go on a long weekend getaway in a couple weeks. It's gonna come back up then! I know what I need to do... Need to tell her that I can't give her that. Then it'd be up to her to continue seeing me or not...

    Little advice though... Anybody have this happen recently (or have any advice), that was able to reframe it in the most positive way possible???



  2. #2
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    I did this but I was not willing to date other girl so...

    I said "well I wont date anyone else at teh same time but one night stands can happen"... or soemhing like that worked like a charm...
    after I said i wont date anyone she said ok and then sid ok to the one night stand thing by saying "ok but try not to have that many" ,lol...

    again depend if you dont want todate anymore women just get ons...
    Last edited by LGFUAD; 06-18-2008 at 06:11 AM.

  3. #3
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    You need to practice "win-win" or no deal.

    If she wants something you don't, there's no meeting of the minds. I wouldn't keep sleeping with her if that's how she feels, or you'll pay later. Not worth it.
    When I am writing in red, it's as an Attraction Forums Admin. When I write in normal text, it's just me.

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  4. #4
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    How much time have you been spending with this girl? How many times a week do you hang out?
    When I am writing in red, it's as an Attraction Forums mod or admin. When I write in normal text, it's just me.

  5. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by Vapor View Post
    How much time have you been spending with this girl? How many times a week do you hang out?
    Averages out to once a week... Some weeks I'll see her twice, but other weeks not at all. Usually not on the weekends, but only Friday when it is. I've done very good managing her expectations with how much she see's me or talks to me.

    Don't chat on the phone much... And only text a few times per week.

    We had an understanding that it was casual, and I didn't want a full blown relationship. After a discussion or two, she accepted that. That was the thing last night, she was still ok with this, just didn't want me to sleep with other girls.

    You have a good point DeadEyeDick. She seems a little put off with it. But then again, I may just be projecting that due to knowing she wasn't happy with my answer...

  6. #6
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    Most calibrated girls will balk at the MLTR thing after 3-6 months. Things may be just coming to their natural conclusion.
    When I am writing in red, it's as an Attraction Forums mod or admin. When I write in normal text, it's just me.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by DeadEyeDick View Post
    You need to practice "win-win" or no deal.

    If she wants something you don't, there's no meeting of the minds. I wouldn't keep sleeping with her if that's how she feels, or you'll pay later. Not worth it.
    Quoted for truth.

    I'm in a similair situation, although mine is a little more fucked up. When you go back to her, suggest you don't think you should be sleeping together anymore because you don't want exclusitivity. She'll either agree and you'll stop sleeping together, or she'll decide that she still wants to sleep with you.

    Be prepared for her to start seeing other blokes too.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by sturbo View Post
    Averages out to once a week... Some weeks I'll see her twice, but other weeks not at all. Usually not on the weekends, but only Friday when it is. I've done very good managing her expectations with how much she see's me or talks to me.

    Don't chat on the phone much... And only text a few times per week.

    We had an understanding that it was casual, and I didn't want a full blown relationship. After a discussion or two, she accepted that. That was the thing last night, she was still ok with this, just didn't want me to sleep with other girls.

    You have a good point DeadEyeDick. She seems a little put off with it. But then again, I may just be projecting that due to knowing she wasn't happy with my answer...
    When you treat a girl like a girlfriend she becomes attached to that feeling.

    Even seeing her once/twice a week can be enough.

    Especially, if you guys cuddle, spend the night together, do things together, hold hands, or kiss in public;

    another big thing, a sign for a girl, if you spend time together and NOT hookup. If you two watch movies together, or cook dinner together, that can lead her to believe that you like her more than just a hookup.


    It's a double edge sword. Most girls want LTR by default, but few are completely cool with FB situation.

    You need to cut out emotional aspect of your interaction and keep it more sexual (if it's not tooo late).

    And Vapor has a good point too.

  9. #9

    I've said that I'm not really seeing anyone right now, and there's more to her than just sex, but I don't think we're at the point where I feel that we're ready to go to the next step. I would probably let this one go after a year, I don't know how long you've been with her for, but in between 6-12 months you're getting into a relationship area.

    You have to give the illusion that she's all that matters when you're with her and when you're not with her, she's not thinking of what you're up to.

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by TrueStory View Post
    When you treat a girl like a girlfriend she becomes attached to that feeling.

    Even seeing her once/twice a week can be enough.

    Especially, if you guys cuddle, spend the night together, do things together, hold hands, or kiss in public;

    another big thing, a sign for a girl, if you spend time together and NOT hookup. If you two watch movies together, or cook dinner together, that can lead her to believe that you like her more than just a hookup.


    It's a double edge sword. Most girls want LTR by default, but few are completely cool with FB situation.

    You need to cut out emotional aspect of your interaction and keep it more sexual (if it's not tooo late).
    TS is spot on. I had a FB whose behaviour confused me as it was halfway between FB and BF. We'd lie together in bed and talk, he'd lend me his jacket when I was cold, he cooked me eggs in the morning...

    Granted, he never proposed a WEEKEND AWAY.

    You've moved into relationship zone without being aware you've done it. She's started to see you as more than a fuck. It's tougher for us ladies to keep sex and emotions separate and it's almost impossible to STOP seeing someone in an emotional light and return to seeing them just as a fuck.

    If you don't want to be with her exclusively, then the only fair thing to do is tell her that while you really enjoy being with her, you can't promise her exclusivity and it's up to her where you two go from here.


    she found having sex with other girls while I'm having sex with her is gross...
    On another note... how would it make you feel to know that she was being fucked by other guys while she's having sex with you? No judgment here, I'm just encouraging you to be honest with yourself.

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