Thread: Bullying

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  1. Bullying

    I hope this is the right place for this thread, sorry if its not.

    I have a question concerning bullying. As a kid in elementary and middle school I used to get made fun of a lot and hated it. When I hit high school, it all stopped and I came out of my shell and became a more sociable person - senior year I was king of my class. Now that I'm in college, I've been re-exposed to bullying and I'm not sure how to handle this situation. I'm currently a sophomore in college and I'm really getting a lot of shit from a guy in my social circle. After class and homework and everything, I'll go up to a friends room and smoke a few joints and kick it for the evening before bed and this kid, X, takes it as an opportunity to provide never ending verbal abuse. Apart from the regular "you're gay, you're a homo, you're a bitch," the kid proceeds to bring up secrets shared amongst "the group" to other random people and give me shit for it. Any time I try to retaliate, tell him to fuck off or something, he gets physical and, since I'm a pretty small guy, I can't do much back to him and end up getting humiliated. I've tried making my frame stronger than this - simply ignoring him when he tries to get my attention - and he gets physical so I don't really have a choice but to pay attention to him. Yesterday evening I simply bitched the kid out telling him that I didn't like him, that I really think he needs to grow up and I wanted him to leave me the fuck alone. Unfortunately, for the most part, when he says something to me I simply don't reply (which makes it look like I'm just taking it like a bitch and not doing anything back, simply because I don't really know what to say). I'm pretty sure the situation isn't done and I'd really appreciate any advice you guys could give me to deal with it since this guys been making my second year of college pretty much a living hell. I'm usually a confident, outgoing, funny guy but under a year of pressure like that I simply can't be myself around that peer group. It seems like I've lost who I am and used to be.

  2. Learn BJJ

  3. learn kickbox and show him your new skills...

  4. #4

    I feel you man.

    One approach would be to cut him down with humour. If you can get all his friends laughing at him, he may start to feel less like he can control you and more like treating you badly will lead to his own humiliation.

    If you talk to your mutual friends, one by one, on an individual basis, you might find they all agree he's a tool, which will make you feel much better about the situation, and should mean his conduct will lead to him becoming increasingly isolated from the group.

    A potentially very powerful frame when it happens is to retain your composure and status, and take the role of disapproving / feeling disgust towards him. Don't ham it, it should be subtle. But your vibe is standing tall yourself and pushing him away from you.

    Do you get what I'm trying to communicate? If not let me know and I'll try to make it clearer. If you can hold the right high status, unemotional mindset that judges him as nil value, the subtle signals will send a very powerful message.

    You've said he gets physical with you. One important rule with bullies is to stand up to them. If next time he tried to get physical with you, you fought back, eg, with a solid punch in the face, that might put him in his place.
    If he's a coward bully, it should do the job.
    If he's a psycho it probably won't.
    But he certainly sounds like the former.

    If you're together when he tells things to people outside your group, you could tell the other person "X is a dick. You can't trust him with information told to him in confidence."
    There's no arguing with that, he's just proved it. Massive DLV on his part, so he learns that doing it makes him look like a social tool, exactly the opposite of what he's going for.

    Let us know how it works out for you.

  5. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by Breezing View Post
    Learn BJJ
    U dont wanna know bjj....rolling around on the floor wont change shit.

    from my own personal experience ...s a kid. Im very very very harry and i used to eat a lot of shit...and i mean a lot. the fact that i was a foriegner didn't' help much iether....
    i used to run away and bitch pussy out of every situation i was into...and it sure did affect my confidence and self contious and shit.

    anyways... i decided to go to a muay thai gym(kick boxing) which is basically beating the shit out of each other... and it really helped my confidence.. and i mean a lot. it made me feel secure.. any way so after about 6 months that i was there in my sophmore year of high school one of the old bullies decided to start shit up with me again. and i was a complete different person.. i got right in his face and out alphad him..he walked away humiliated....

    next day he was even angrier and challenged me to a fight to deffend his ego and reputation i guess. with all the kickboxing that i knew i didn't use shit...
    i bit his ear head butted him pulled his hair and slamed his face into a wall.. i basically acted like a psycho... and tell u what...no body dared fuck with me ever since...in fact it made me really popular and respected...

    ur just giving ur self excuses....size doesn't matter(only in sex lol) show him that ur willing to through down...and go head kick him in the balls and head butt him if u need too...show him that ur fuckin INSANE and FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD....

    just like lions in the wild...look up cajuns posts on body language he talks about interesting stuff that can help u understand a couple of things.

    i guess u could also try AMOGING and not giving him the reaction that he is seeking from u.... personally the first option is way more effective+ it will make u feel wayyyy better. so i suggest next time he says shit grab a rock and smash his skull so hell know who hes fucking with...cuz he might never stop.

    report back...
    and if u want some advice on dirty things u can do in a fight PM me.

  6. #6

    Do a search on AMOGing. I read a good thread recently that will help you deal with this kind of shit. You have to be a bit condescending so that every time he tries to get physical with you he ends up DLVing himself. It's a fine line, but at a certain point, the potential shame will outweigh his impulse to beat your ass. Or you could just fight him and get your ass beat anyway, but the simple fact that you're willing to fight him might make him respect you more. He's probably threatened because you have game.

    I went through something similar recently but thankfully my buddy and I are about the same size. I just AMOGed the hell out of him for a couple of weeks and now we're on even footing and this shit has stopped. At first, though, it really rattled me.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2006

    Reframe his behavior as low value. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

    Your bully has NOTHING better to do than to speak shit of you. Make it CLEAR to the group/social circle that EACH TIME he does that, he is buying into your frame of,say, he's your fanboy/he is obsessed with you/he's secretly in love with you/he tried to proposition you but he was not your type. These are just examples you can use to put social pressure on a bully. Never use violence. Never directly insult. Insinuate.

    Put his BEHAVIOR in a frame from which he will have to qualify himself to you. He who is more reactive, loses value.

    Never give him as much attention as he gives you. If a homeless bum is insulting you on the street for no real reason, would you even retort back? Is it even worth your time?

    (If you've never failed, you've never lived.)

  8. Thank you guys for all the help, I really appreciate it. I like what miaddict said about reframing his behavior as low value causing him to DLV himself. It'd almost be like reversing what he does to me in that hes constantly getting me to qualify/justify my actions/words to him in any given situation. I'm definitely going to try these and see what happens, update soon.

    Once again, thanks.

  9. it would be easy to reframe his calling you gay insults as him trying to hit on you... this would come especially helpful when he tries to get physical. "Stop touching me, you homo". "you would come over and try to touch me, sick fuck". Even being like "why are you so obsessed with gay people" or "why do you want me to be gay so badly, you freak" might work. but be careful with that line, so it's not like you want him to be gay.

    Also, like people said above, I doubt he'd actually beat you up. If he did what would your friends say about him?

  10. #10

    Watch how he AMOGs and reframes you, because if you get AMOGed in the field, you can use his tactics, quite obviously very effectively.

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