Unattachment & Indifference

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  1. #1
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    Unattachment & Indifference

    Before we get started lets define what the word in the positive... attach means

    Attach: Associated in an exclusive sexual relationship. What we mean when we say unattached goes deeper then just not being affected by girls and what they do... it has more to do with shedding roles.

    We all have our convenient labels that we and others attach to ourselves. Roles like child, parent, lawyer, docter, computer geek, PUA (the worst identity to be IMO), and AFC). We first run into issues when we begin to define ourselves by these roles. When we do that cogintive dissoance makes it difficult to things outside the scope of these roles and thus they become limiting.

    How do these roles form? We all have our stories of how we got to where we are. That is out of the scope of this post but I am going to write a post on the victim mentality which addresses at least one sub-personality. To be successful you have to define yourself by many positive roles so that you take on those behavior

    Now back to nonattachment in a sexual context. Nonattachment is very similar to

    Indifference:

    unbiased impartial unconcern, emotionlessness: apathy demonstrated by an absence of emotional reaction, apathy: the trait of lacking enthusiasm for or interest in things general, nonchalance: the trait of remaining calm and seeming not to care; a casual lack of concern

    Women will size you up quickly and try to shelve you in to some role in her head based on the data you feed her. When she senses something is wrong she will test. Women will also test you emotionally to see how you will react to social pressure because they are very socially savvy. By testing they can get a feel for the "true you" so to speak. Handling tests is super important because make no mistake you will be tested.

    I am not going to get into a whole discussion of how frame control works but I am going to say one of the best ways to deal with tests if they come your way is just with total indifference. You can just not buy into that frame. When you act like you don't care this does so many of the right things. There are some tactics in pickup that are just great because they hit multiple points of the game. Not only are you passing her test, you're showing pre-selection because a guy who had no options would not be acting like that. Apathy is a very powerful emotion (demonstrated not just through action but body language, tonality, etc).

    One last piece about indifference... you should really buy into it. "You shouldnt be like ohhhh this is a pickup tactic". It is and it is not. It is more of an attitude or lifestyle. It is about being in the moment or being associated in the now. Sure it helps you with pickup but it is really a life strategy. Girls are amazing people readers and they are very good at reading non-verbal and emotional cues. They will sense if you really are apathetic / indifferent or if you are just trying to play that role. There is just a certain vibe that can't be faked. There is where all outer game and tactical knowledge in the world doesn't trump just inner game and having a sick reality.

    Buddha once said that attachment is the root of all suffering. We get attached to women, or booze or drugs, or cars, or a certain lifestyle... whatever. To be completely unattached and to be able to free yourself of those roles and redefine yourself with new roles of how you want your new story to go... who the heroes are and so forth.. is one of the most powerful things you can do. You not only let go of your roles and the stories that have those roles have played in, but you also let go of the part of yourself that identifies with these patterns that cause drama, or negativity, or jealousy, or whatever you non-constructive pattens you posses. When you stop letting other people, society, whatever, place roles and thus the frames that come with these roles on you, you can stop worrying about being limited by them. As you begin to create your own reality and not worry about other people think you will stop worrying about how they judge you. You will be in your universe. The day this happens is such a special day. See we don't really have the birth initiations and rites that cultures before us had. That is an entirely another topic. Anyway people ask me, "well how do I know when that day has come?" It is the day you decide to let go of your old story, forgive, bury the past and move on. Only after that can you start to assume the hero of your new story. That's the true nature of a phoenix... you have to reborn from your ashes. That old part has to let go and die so the new part can come out and live.
    Last edited by Fader; 03-02-2008 at 02:18 AM.


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  2. Very true. When in doubt, being indifferent often works.. Haha.

    "omg omg should i call is she mad is she..."

    Dont call. Haha!

  3. Quote Originally Posted by Fader View Post
    Before we get started lets define what the word in the positive... attach means

    Attach: Associated in an exclusive sexual relationship. What we mean when we say unattached goes deeper then just not being affected by girls and what they do... it has more to do with shedding roles.

    We all have our convenient labels that we and others attach to ourselves. Roles like child, parent, lawyer, docter, computer geek, PUA (the worst identity to be IMO), and AFC). We first run into issues when we begin to define ourselves by these roles. When we do that cogintive dissoance makes it difficult to things outside the scope of these roles and thus they become limiting.

    How do these roles form? We all have our stories of how we got to where we are. That is out of the scope of this post but I am going to write a post on the victim mentality which addresses at least one sub-personality. To be successful you have to define yourself by many positive roles so that you take on those behavior

    Now back to nonattachment in a sexual context. Nonattachment is very similar to

    Indifference:

    unbiased impartial unconcern, emotionlessness: apathy demonstrated by an absence of emotional reaction, apathy: the trait of lacking enthusiasm for or interest in things general, nonchalance: the trait of remaining calm and seeming not to care; a casual lack of concern

    Women will size you up quickly and try to shelve you in to some role in her head based on the data you feed her. When she senses something is wrong she will test. Women will also test you emotionally to see how you will react to social pressure because they are very socially savvy. By testing they can get a feel for the "true you" so to speak. Handling tests is super important because make no mistake you will be tested.

    I am not going to get into a whole discussion of how frame control works but I am going to say one of the best ways to deal with tests if they come your way is just with total indifference. You can just not buy into that frame. When you act like you don't care this does so many of the right things. There are some tactics in pickup that are just great because they hit multiple points of the game. Not only are you passing her test, you're showing pre-selection because a guy who had no options would not be acting like that. Apathy is a very powerful emotion (demonstrated not just through action but body language, tonality, etc).

    One last piece about indifference... you should really buy into it. "You shouldnt be like ohhhh this is a pickup tactic". It is and it is not. It is more of an attitude or lifestyle. It is about being in the moment or being associated in the now. Sure it helps you with pickup but it is really a life strategy. Girls are amazing people readers and they are very good at reading non-verbal and emotional cues. They will sense if you really are apathetic / indifferent or if you are just trying to play that role. There is just a certain vibe that can't be faked. There is where all outer game and tactical knowledge in the world doesn't trump just inner game and having a sick reality.

    Buddha once said that attachment is the root of all suffering. We get attached to women, or booze or drugs, or cars, or a certain lifestyle... whatever. To be completely unattached and to be able to free yourself of those roles and redefine yourself with new roles of how you want your new story to go... who the heroes are and so forth.. is one of the most powerful things you can do. You not only let go of your roles and the stories that have those roles have played in, but you also let go of the part of yourself that identifies with these patterns that cause drama, or negativity, or jealousy, or whatever you non-constructive pattens you posses. When you stop letting other people, society, whatever, place roles and thus the frames that come with these roles on you, you can stop worrying about being limited by them. As you begin to create your own reality and not worry about other people think you will stop worrying about how they judge you. You will be in your universe. The day this happens is such a special day. See we don't really have the birth initiations and rites that cultures before us had. That is an entirely another topic. Anyway people ask me, "well how do I know when that day has come?" It is the day you decide to let go of your old story, forgive, bury the past and move on. Only after that can you start to assume the hero of your new story. That's the true nature of a phoenix... you have to reborn from your ashes. That old part has to let go and die so the new part can come out and live.
    How can you practice destroying our old identity?
    Last edited by The Eternal Cowboy; 03-02-2008 at 10:31 AM. Reason: content

  4. You mean have a cavalier attitude. Not that I care.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Eternal Cowboy View Post
    How can you practice destroying our old identity?
    Write out your story and figure out the roles you are currently playing. Maybe your story is that your parents abused you and as a result you were socialized improperly and thus never developed the skillset to meet women. Maybe, in your mind, you just aren't good looking enough, or rich enough or just didn't have the breaks some other kids did. It is time to say that story is finished and begin to write your new story. Maybe in the new story you are the guy who is not physically attractive but you are the hero who overcame all that by learning great social skills, fashion, and DESPITE the terrible childhood became a success story. Maybe your new role is the guy who overcame all the odds to create the reality he saw in his mind. Figure out what goals you have, how to get there and then begin taking on roles that are congruent and helpful with changing your identity. I am not just a teacher... I am a work in progress and thus also a student. In the student role I am always learning and studying but that doesn't completely define me. That just one small piece of me and where I am going. To become that student I had to make peace with all my mistakes and realize that I needed to heal. That's the secret of why I get great reviews from my students. Growing up I was damaged goods, I hated everything, I had a zillon excuses (in my mind reasons) of why it didnt happen for me. It was only until I shed the victim role and decided to take responsibility for my life and everything that sucked in it that I truly was able to help others. See if you dont truly love yourself how can you love anyone else? I am super empathetic and have done so much work on my inner game that I am blessed that I can now help others brings out the best in themselves but you can't transform until you make peace with the past and are honestly willing to say goodbye. Only then can start the new heroes journey.

    2 years ago I had no clue I would be writing posts like this, I wasn't getting laid by the girls I wanted, and I had a zillion reasons why. We all have "our story". Taking the balls to make peace with the past, reframe the situation and work hard to accomplish our visions is one of the things that separates the winners from the losers. There is a BIG DIFFERENCE between knowing the path and walking the path.

    Sincerely,
    Fader... Pathwalker for Life. Holla!
    Last edited by Fader; 03-02-2008 at 01:28 PM.
    View Full Profile: Click Here 200 + Reviews (Most In Company History): http://www.theattractionforums.com/t...iew_fader.html (watch my journey from student to approach coach, to instructor, to master instructor, to stripper destroyer).

    Best quote from a workshop review ever "Overall this bootcamp was a short colombian 10, his teaching ability is a 10, and his game is a 10."

    My Bootcamp Schedule:
    NOPE

    Don't Be A Victim (click, read & change your life)

    play2win
    : There comes a point in everyone's life where they either have their dreams or the reasons they dont. You're the hero of your own story..... write a good one.

    Try Walking In My Shoes
    You'll Stumble In My Footsteps

  6. Funny thing because I'm totally feeling this thread today. I had a great weekend where at a few times I felt "in state", where I was fearless, and the vibe I was giving out was just "money". I even had a couple of approach invitations.

    All the homework I do now is 75% inner game development. Expanding my mental map of all the things that's possible. The bottom line this is all about mental change. The routines and all this outer game stuff is the tip of the ice berg, and the real change comes from a real mind-fuck on your own perceptions and your own viewpoint on yourself approaching women. You have to believe that you're what they (would) want. It's a colliding of belief systems and if you believe in it strong enough, she will (has to) be sucked into it.

    I love the parallels with pick up and eastern religions. Buddha will probably teach that you should still be able to smile while WWIII is going outside, and same with when you're in set.

  7. Pure gold...

  8. #8
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    Extremely important post. Best of and beyond.

    As for how to shed some of those old roles, keep in mind, guys, that it took years to practice them, even if they're roles you haven't had in a while (like the high school geek you left behind after graduating, but who still works the controls of your personality every once in a while.)

    It takes practice, and, as Fader says, living in the moment. Quite honestly, many of us walk around as if in a trance. When you "wake up" from the trance, as Fader notes above, it's a special day, and, once awakened, it's difficult to go back into the old "trance."

    Great post, Fader.
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  9. #9
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    Thank you guys for all the positive feedback
    View Full Profile: Click Here 200 + Reviews (Most In Company History): http://www.theattractionforums.com/t...iew_fader.html (watch my journey from student to approach coach, to instructor, to master instructor, to stripper destroyer).

    Best quote from a workshop review ever "Overall this bootcamp was a short colombian 10, his teaching ability is a 10, and his game is a 10."

    My Bootcamp Schedule:
    NOPE

    Don't Be A Victim (click, read & change your life)

    play2win
    : There comes a point in everyone's life where they either have their dreams or the reasons they dont. You're the hero of your own story..... write a good one.

    Try Walking In My Shoes
    You'll Stumble In My Footsteps

  10. Quote DED

    “Your core personality is formed pretty early in life. And you continue to act in accord with that unless you experience a trauma that changes you, or you get brainwashed and join a cult.”


    “Let me break it to you -- by the time you're about 8 years old, you pretty much have the core personality you'll use the rest of your life.

    And if you think back to who you were at 8, all of the keys to who are today are there.

    Perhaps you've heard the saying: The child is the father to the man.

    Chances are there are some great things to continue to develop about yourself.

    And some other things you'd like to have more of.

    Whatever those qualities are that you admire in yourself. Develop them.

    And whatever the qualities are that you'd like to have because you think they'll make you a better man, develop those, too.

    But stop worrying about, or asking us how to, deconstruct your own insides and reconstruct it as an "alpha male."

    It's a waste of time. It's a waste of you.”

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