'Cat and mouse theory' while in a relationship?
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  1. 'Cat and mouse theory' while in a relationship?

    Hey all,

    My situation is as follows: Have been hanging out with a girl for about 6 weeks now - maybe twice or three times per week. It's been obvious to me she is definitely interested in pursuing something with me since we hang out often and it seems to be a two-way street where we're always meeting halfway.

    The one issue I'm having is that she's much younger than me (only 22 just out of college) and isn't familiar with 'dating' since 'dating' in college is starkly different than in 20-something world. Normally when I've dated women her age, I find them to be flaky and truly not knowing what they want and they completely flame out after about 2 weeks. She is different and has been very interested.

    My question is are there any good tips or tactics once you've got the girl to keep her on her toes without coming off like a d*ck (too alpha) or scaring her off (if she's inexperienced)? I'm wondering if the cat string theory still applies once you are semi-officially dating someone? I really do like her a lot and am concerned that conveying oneitis - albeit in a relationship - may scare her away. I'm wondering if there is a way to continue to demonstrate HSV once she's gotten to know me very well...

    Any advice would be great!!!
    Last edited by EddieFlynn; 11-22-2007 at 09:10 AM.

  2. #2

    Watch your feelings and don't act needy around her. If she shows signs of feeling trapped then simplify things for her - the two of you have fun together and are attracted to each other, therefore you date. Nice, simple, logical, no trap.

    How big is the age difference? What are your views of dating? What do you believe are her views of dating?

  3. Thanks for your advice. I've been taking things slow since I've had some crazies in the past year who have showed promise but have let me down. I'm willing to have a girlfriend but am not 'looking for just a girlfriend', per se.

    The one key fact I left out was that we did have a long discussion about dating before we started to get serious. She told me that she was very hurt in the past by her ex's (some infidelity) so I reassured her I wasn't that kind of a guy. Still, part of me doesn't want to completely admit to her that I'm just that 'nice guy' who wouldn't do it (and I wouldn't) but I don't want her thinking thats a blank check to assume I'm a wuss, what have you.

    Again, I love the 'game/Mystery Method' for the various phases of when first meeting someone. But since I'm a little deeper into something, I'm wondering if there are some 'relationship' tactics to keep things squared away. I realize it might not be perceived as healthy when in a relationship, but its still new and I want to establish right off the bat that I'm not a wandering eye kind of a guy but that I'm certainly not a wuss... any more tips would be radical!

  4. #4

    Inner game is the key to maintaining a happy and healthy relationship. You have to be congruous to the bone, something that cannot be done if it is a front you are putting on; the energy required would be enormous.

    Still, part of me doesn't want to completely admit to her that I'm just that 'nice guy' who wouldn't do it (and I wouldn't) but I don't want her thinking thats a blank check to assume I'm a wuss, what have you.
    Your behavior and personality is what's going to foster her trust. If you want to tell her that you're a nice guy then frame it in a way that shows you are both the alpha you come across and the nice guy you want her to see. You aren't treating her nicely "just because" or as a supplication. If you are dating a girl that means that she is someone you respect and believe should be treated extremely well. If you weren't willing to treat her well then you simply wouldn't be dating her. You are too good to date a girl that isn't worth treating well.

    Relationship arcs and duality are the two most important (and most difficult) parts of a relationship. The duality is being both alpha and beta for your girl; keeping her excited while also letting her be secure. Relationship arcs are the pattern of increasing and decreasing excitement that occur while you're dating someone. Once things start to simmer down for a time, throw out something to spice them up; go on a vacation, learn a new hobby together, et cetera. Something to keep in mind as the relationship progresses. For the present, just be a cool and confident guy. Have fun with her, show her a good time and be relaxed about things. If you're just two people having fun together then she won't feel trapped or burdened by dating you; she'll be having too much fun to notice the days, weeks, months fly by.

  5. thanks so much! this is great advice!!! Will definitely apply, going forward. you're right about inner game though!


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