Approach Anxiety - Page 2
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  1. #11

    Seems ive got so much to learn still!
    Awesome post though Cedar, some excellent tips that im going to try and start using this very lunch time. I suffer from pretty bad approach anxiety, just this whole rejection thing.
    But this lunch im going to make it my personal mission to talk to at least one random person (gotta start somewhere) and build up form there.
    Cheers for the tips



  2. 03-01-2006, 05:07 AM

    Reason
    Extraneous

  3. #12
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
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    keepin nyc / nj dancers in check
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rain
    And what was your answer?
    I said I dont hit on girls, they hit on me ; )
    View Full Profile: Click Here 200 + Reviews (Most In Company History): http://www.theattractionforums.com/t...iew_fader.html (watch my journey from student to approach coach, to instructor, to master instructor, to stripper destroyer).

    Best quote from a workshop review ever "Overall this bootcamp was a short colombian 10, his teaching ability is a 10, and his game is a 10."

    My Bootcamp Schedule:
    NOPE

    Don't Be A Victim (click, read & change your life)

    play2win
    : There comes a point in everyone's life where they either have their dreams or the reasons they dont. You're the hero of your own story..... write a good one.

    Try Walking In My Shoes
    You'll Stumble In My Footsteps


  4. #13
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
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    keepin nyc / nj dancers in check
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    Quote Originally Posted by PilotMan
    I normally get over my approach anxiety by simply walking for a bout 10 minutes to the clubs. While I walk to the club I make sure I speak to EVERYONE I walk into and I go into "Good Evening, (Some totally random shit I heard somewhere that is more then useless, and its kinda funny)?" "Have a good night" and walk on and do something similar to the next person men or woman. When I get to the club I feel a lot less troubled when I open a set cause like someone said earlier the more you have it the easier it gets to ignore it. It works for me but any of you pua's on this thread think its the way I should go about it?
    I try to talk to everyone everywhere everytime (a lot of every right there) I can. I think this is a great way to get over use to talking to people in general and a fantastic way to grow your diret game
    View Full Profile: Click Here 200 + Reviews (Most In Company History): http://www.theattractionforums.com/t...iew_fader.html (watch my journey from student to approach coach, to instructor, to master instructor, to stripper destroyer).

    Best quote from a workshop review ever "Overall this bootcamp was a short colombian 10, his teaching ability is a 10, and his game is a 10."

    My Bootcamp Schedule:
    NOPE

    Don't Be A Victim (click, read & change your life)

    play2win
    : There comes a point in everyone's life where they either have their dreams or the reasons they dont. You're the hero of your own story..... write a good one.

    Try Walking In My Shoes
    You'll Stumble In My Footsteps


  5. 05-06-2006, 02:12 AM

    Reason
    Extraneous

  6. Erase the Think2much--Barrier

    The next time you`re in a club or in a bar or in your school,collage or gym just tur around and ask the girl that stands behind you "Where should i do my vacations?Alaska or Sought Africa?" or "Which pet should I buy my girlfriend,a chameleon or a Whallaby?" or "Do you like the musik?" or "Did you enjoyed the sun today?"...I don`t know man!
    Finding good new openers is like beeing a poet,you got to be creative and spontaneous.
    And especially in the first time-`the New playa period`,don`t make the mistake to be too choosy-just turn around,don`t think,talk,talk and don`t think!Especially not during the opener,it doesn`t matter what u say as long as you say something.
    And never forget it`s just game
    The certain Trigger

  7. 05-08-2006, 12:48 AM

    Reason
    Extraneous

  8. 05-09-2006, 09:44 AM

    Reason
    Extraneous

  9. #15

    very well put. you're right, but no book can explain that bit. you just have to look at the benefits, versus the risks. all this scene can do is provide you with the tools to do it really well, you still have to take the plunge. the trick lies in the 3 second rule, it's there for a reason. everybody panics, we all have 'the fear' but if you ignore it and just go for it, you're not thinking about it, you're running material. that's why it's there, you're not just dangling yourself out there, you have skills and a plan. you have to work this into your head "if she doesn't respond well, turn around and start again." if you don't invest yourself too much in a sarge, you've nothing to lose.

  10. 05-12-2006, 08:45 PM

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    Extraneous

  11. #16
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    Hey, if it will help, I look at every room like it's my personal party, and everyone is my invitee. Whether it's the supermarket, or a bar, I talk to eveyone, "assuming rapport." For me, anyway, it's a relaxed way to interact with people. One problem I noticed tonight was in loud music dancing clubs, with live bands, a verbal approach was not an option. My normal approaches were blown out quickly. Obviously, I need to model someone good at this sort of thing, but it would be nice to hear some ideas, even if they have been articulated elsewhere. My frame tonight, though, was more as a kind of observer (I have to be pretty inspired to dance well), and I did see guys take charge on the dance floor, excalating kino with groups of women. However, I did not see where that approach yielded results. I think it's just because those guys did not have it to complete the task, but some speculation would be welcome on that as well.
    A note - it was actually interesting, not upsetting, to be blown out. Isn't this a fantastic social experiment?

  12. #17
    Join Date
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    Fear of Failure infront of those you know

    Cedar,
    anotehr form of anxiety is the fear of failure infront of friends. I suffer from this alot. Recently I have made some vast improvements on my anxiety. three weeks ago I broke up with my girlfriend and that night I went sarging with my best friend and wing Mystic (the humanist here on the forum). I sarged the place like a fat kid in the candy store...yes cedar.."candy and orgasms" all round! Last night we were out with a whole bunch of friends for Mystic's birthday and realised...I hesitated because if I got rejected Id look like a dick infront of those who knew me...very AFCish I must say...i pushed myself to open some sets but it was still a pain in the arse. I began to realise that the times where I have sarged well I was with 1 wingman...when i was in a group i stumbled alot....
    cause...reputation....the caveman, the biggest and strongest in the cave will always bully the rest because he has a rep to protect....if he shows merc...he risks being seen as a wussy or a weakling. Every one of us who succeeds has a rep to protect and may hesitate in the field in front of those who know us.
    the fix...Im gonna continue to sarge with 1 wing until i get the hang of needing one more...and then one more. But Im continuely going to try to push myself to sarge wherever I go...24/7....

  13. Put Things Back In Perspective

    I gave someone in my lair $60 the other day. I told him to give me $15 back every time I approached. That gave me a *ton* of incentive to talk to girls. I just told myself: "shit, I better start talking to people or I'll be out some serious dinero!" I didn't care how the conversation went as long as I had the conversation(s). Took a ton of pressure off my back, and I had a lot of fun after that.
    After the first hour, it was easy to open: I didn't worry about "failure" or "success" with girls, since the very act of opening was by definition a "success."
    ---
    Remember, girls are just people. They eat, shit, fart, get shorter without their heels, and tend to look like tired and plain without makeup. Girls generally don't make much money, or have much status beyond their looks. Think about this before you decide "she's out of my league."
    Adamm

  14. 05-16-2006, 12:37 PM

    Reason
    Extraneous

  15. #19

    I totally agree with Malibu with the "fear of failure infront of friends" factor (nice tongue twister).
    Before learning about the seduction community, I had some increadibly sucessful nights and a lot of nights with too much AA to even try to open any set. Throughout college I tried to find out what the "X" factor was that put me in such a good PUA style frame. I thought it was a number of things, the right amount of alcohol in my system, having fun before I went out so I was in the right mood, dressing confidently so I wasn't selfconscience. No it wasn't any of these things.
    What about half of it was that I had to be alone or at least without my regular friends that night. I feel that a group of friends is a 'safety net' and without it I won't have any security to go back to so I must start approaching groups just to fit in.

  16. #20

    As I said in my last post that was HALF of it. This half of my problem you may or may not relate to at all. This half of what brought out my inner PUA is the mindset to prove to myself that I'm worthy to fit in my group of friends in a social setting.
    To my close friends I'm fun to hang around, but at the bar I become quite and hardly contribute to the conversation. Like most people I found alcohol to be a social lubricant that helped bring out my more socialable side, but that as most of you know doesn't work out in the long term.
    I slowly began to realize that my best PUA nights were when I felt I was ditched by my close friends. For example I gave one of them a call to find out what we were gonna go that night only to find out they were already at a bar, but nobody thought to give me an invite.
    suddenly my inner voice would kick in, "WTF I don't need them. Meet them at XX bar, if they didn't call me already they don't really care if I'm there so screw that. I'm going to YY bar and if I don't see anybody I know it doesn't matter I'll still find a way to have a good time."
    With this mentality I go to the bar thinking "I'm in charge of making sure I have a good time." rather than the usual "I'm here with my friends I'm going to put them in charge and hope something happens to make this a good time."
    Well that's what seems to be the 'X' factor for me when I go out, I hope some of you found either of my posts helpful.

  17. 06-28-2006, 01:46 PM

    Reason
    worthless

  18. 07-07-2006, 01:43 PM

    Reason
    Dupe

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