Nobody Likes You!

Recently, AFChimp asked the following:
"How Do You Deal with Haters?
I try to ignore them but still there's that part of me that can't stand anyone disliking me.
I guess... how can I work on that?"

Concern over what other people think is a major problem; it's the root of approach anxiety, and it's the murderous threat to progressing your game because it cripples your ability to take chances. Sinn's response is of vital importance:
"Who cares?

One of the first hurdles to truly getting this at a level that very few people( Like less 10 that I count) that Future and I perceive events at, is getting over the idea that another person's mental perception of you, matters at all..

There are going to be people who think you are weird or pathetic or loose morealed. Who gives a fuck? Live the life YOU want! As David D said on some program " What other people think is none of my business". Seriously you are here for a reason. NO ONE finds TMM by mistake so whatever forces drove you to us, don;t give them the power to control your behavior and your ability to live your lifetime to the fullest.

As far as we know THIS is the ONLY life we get..."


How do you deal with people not liking you? Honestly, the best way to handle it is to go to the store, buy a box of straws, and suck it the fuck up. I don't know you. You could be big or small, ugly or handsome, fun or boring, smart or stupid. But letting other people define your self-perception by virtue of their emotional state is a weakness that will stand in your way in most endeavors, one of which is your ability to form successful, meaningful, and repeated sexual interactions with women.

The haters will always be there. You will never be everybody's cup of tea. Someone will find a reason not to like you. Heck, there are countries full of people who might not like you simply because of your skin color or country of birth! I was in the American military! I suspect nearly everyone walking around Baghdad would talk shit about me in the abstract.

So you get over it. You focus on the prize. The sign of strength in this world is to pursue that which you want relentlessly and tenaciously. The sign of virtue is to bring as many people as you can along with you on that journey. But even when you reach the height of success, someone will trudge toward the summit to pull you down.

Fuck them.

This is one of the key parts of being a man. I just finished a book called The Female Brain. The back of the book warns, "Men, get ready to get brain envy!" but I'll tell you I've never been more pleased to be a dude in my life. Women's brains are constantly saturated with varying levels of hormones that dictate mood switches arbitrarily through the month or day. Modern media and society have pushed a feminist agenda on us in a big way, so we have all pumped up our overall level of vaginositude. There was a time when it would have been ludicrous to see a man of a certain age crying in public. Now I see it every other day on the streets of New York City. People are pussies.

You are a MAN. You are a WARRIOR. You are the one who protects his family from the saber-toothed tiger, finds shelter when the snows come, and kills a mastodon with a spear to help feed the fucking tribe. YOU. Someone in your genetic line understood this, and so you are here. If you were called to serve in battle, you could whimper at the bullets, cower at the explosions, or you could crucify the child in that moment of fear and live up to your own expectations of yourself. And baby, girls ain't bullets.

Emotions lead us arbitrarily. They change extemporaneously, and they can rarely be trusted. Our positive emotions burn when we are comfortable and lazy. Our negative emotions burn as we shit ourselves before talking to a girl. Emotions are here to stay, but you must learn to acknowledge them without kneeling before them. In the recent New Yorker, there is a stunning interview with billionaire Mort Zuckerman. This dude has made a ton of hard choices, pissed off a lot of people. But he focused on his brass ring and grabbed it without compromise.

When I'm teaching boot camp, it's not uncommon for a student to stall approaching because he imagines a girl to be this way or that, or he imagines her relationship with the guy she's talking to as this or that. Most of the time, I shove him in the back, and he returns a while later, stunned by how well the interaction went, how it was absolutely NOT what he predicted. You simply can't read ANYONE's mind. You can't CHANGE anyone's mind, necessarily. All you can do is be the best you the world has ever seen. You are a man. You do not feel what anyone else tells you or wants you to feel. You feel as you are supposed to feel according to your own designs, and that is all. Every shivering moment you do NOT act this way is another blade's centimeter toward castration. PEOPLE WILL HATE YOU. The better you are, the more people will hate you for no fucking reason whatsoever, without knowing you, maybe without knowing what you look like.

It hurts. The good thing about that, I feel, is that it means your emotional circuitry is firing. Cool. But successful, effective people look emotions in the eye, bow their head in greeting, and walk past the iniquity resident in their own hearts. Your mission as a human and a man is to stave off the demons while you have them as you retain the spark of what it means to be you. A significant component of that process is taking a good, hard, ugly look in the mirror, staring yourself in the eyes, and reaching for that box of straws.

I have myself recently ordered a slew of books recommended on the (loose) topic of "being a man." I invite you to order the same, because slufffing off the worries over what others might think of you is a key step to realizing your own potential.