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04-10-2007, 07:17 AM #1
- Join Date
- Sep 2006
Firstly, I'll apologise for the length of this post if you think its unneccessarily long, but I simply could not think of a way to condense the feelings I'm having any simpler.
Feeling Strangely Disengaged/'Grey'
I've been thinking about this for a while, and I'm looking for advice from people who've gone through similar experiences in their acquisition of 'game', and in life in general.
I read a post a while back, and used that guys criteria to assess where I'm at:
I know I can approach (Yes)
I know I can number close (Y)
I know I can kiss close (Y)
I know I can have a one night stand every time I go out (barring disaster) (Y)
I know I can do whatever I want with her (Y)
I know I can have FBs (debatable)
I know I can get a girlfriend (not entirely sure, will explain below)
My feeling now is, as the title says, 'grey'. It's not dark but its not colourful. Not like how I want it to be.
I, like many members of this community, have been burnt in the past by falling too hard for a girl. The very thing that attracted me to this community was getting those feelings in check, keeping control of them.
But now, I feel so disengaged from interactions with new women. Emotionally disengaged. When I get introduced to a new girl or see a new girl, my mind usually sizes up whether or not I can picture myself sleeping with her. If I can, then I usually try and head towards that.
I find myself having more one-night stands than I've ever had, but I don't find myself 'connecting' to these girls. You know, that initial spark, the rush of excitement and that unquantifiable click that you just get with some people. Whilst I would like a relationship at some stage, I just tend to view interactions as opportunities for ONS. The last time I had that 'spark' it became a screwed-up oneitis-type situation. Maybe my brain is switching off to avoid getting screwed up?
I know I'm good relationship material. Ultimately, ONS don't fulfill me. But I have started being particularly apathetic (and sometimes nihilstic) on nights out lately where women are concerned.
Sometimes I just flat out forget to get numbers. If I do get them, I don't give a shit about texting them. Sometimes I forget; largely I'm apathetic. These are nice girls, attractive and I usually enjoy their company.
I realise its good to not be too emotionally involved with a woman early on, but I really don't know what's going on with me. I wondered:
-Is it because I'm not qualifying them/encouraging themself to show attractive qualities enough?
-Is it because I'm holding them up against them magical standard (the AFC belief of 'love-at-first-sight'/old oneitis coming out of the woodwork) that they could never reach?
-am I 'shutting off' because I don't want to get hurt?
-whether or not this is just a part of a wider issue in my life as a whole; shackling my emotions has taken the lows, but also the highs, away.
Anyone been through a similar situation in life? And how did you get round it?
04-10-2007, 10:29 AM #2
- Join Date
- Mar 2006
Dude, this is crazy because I used to be the same way as you used to be and now I'm going through something exactly the same!
I was a little player and party guy all my life and then I met this girl and she was my first actual girlfriend at 22 years old... i was with her for a little over a year. Now, I dont want find myself wanting to talk or interact with new girls.. and the funny thing is, i dont want to talk to my ex anymore, I just have a different perspective on women now. Im in sales and I'm a natural social butterfly and I am good with socializing and being the alpha in a group but lately i dont have any motivation.
I get girls numbers and dont care to call, i start conversations i dont care to finish, i dont know what it is! I'm not, as you said it, "as colorful" anymore and its weird.
I'm still 100% comfortable with myself but the only thing i can come up with... is that for me, it was my first actual relationship and it sucked all the life and energy out of my so im still emotionally recovering from it, thats all. I think it will heal with time, thats all. Like you said, I cant get emotionally involved with new women. All the girls i had before i still am normal with and all my friends thare are female are fine, just meeting new girls is different. Again i will say, it has nothing to do with my ex though because i dont talk to her anymore and she doesnt affect me, but the relationship i had changed me and my perspective i guess.
I still interact and go out like normal, but the only difference is i dont have patience with women anymore. I'm just waiting mine out, not lookiing to involve myself really right now... but i wish it was easy to socialize or pay attention now, lol.
Good luck with yours though.