My story

Csao guys, my name is David and I would like to tell you my story. its gonna be a bit long.

I am working as a waiter but i dont like it, originally i am a musician, had couple of albums released but then 2 years ago i stopped to do music. Even if i wanted to do somehow because the pressure to have a financially stabilized life, I had to choosed the waiter job ( i dont wanna blame the system, its my fault i know), and I ve been working in that area for 2 years.

I feel some part of my mind or personality is looking for a fix and safety thing of all area of the life.

but I dont like that, I feel like i have to do things because it should be done and I wanna change the things, I wanna do things because I wanna do it on the level of conscious, and do not because I have the habit and the mechanism I learnt when I was young from my family and social environment.

I did a vipassana 14 days silence meditation camp and it was something, i havent felt before, i had no chance to talk with anybody and i had to face all of my fears, was so crazy, then i came back to the "real life" and i started to work in a good a la carte restaurant and I got back to the robotic life, and of course watched porn ( release the tension) and again and again just working and the question is popped up, is that a life, thats why are we here? i dont wanna live this life, where I work as a slave, I act like a slave and follow the rules I dont wanna.

I wanna create something, give something to the people which has quality which has value, which can help them in their tough time.

I wanna live healthier life of physical and mental and emotional level as well. i think all of you here on the forum felt the same, arent you?

I found the RSD and PUA on the internet, and i said that IT is. I always have felt that there is something behind the curtains, there is a system which exist without you. Doesnt matter the fact u are a part of it or not. there are rules which are exist, and there is a way to get out all of that shit and you can be free to act even your fears, and old borders are ther still.

So i started to learn and do the things.
And that s the point where I would like to ask some mentorship, or just some good words about that David u arent alone even if you think that, ( when I told to my mates what i am doin, there were good and negative feedbacks as well but i dont wanna seem like a victim, thats my choose as well, people as it comes as it goes)

My plan is the next : turn back to the music, and write songs again, and have another way to earn money such as shopify and stuffes... I will change my job, different place but still as a waiter and I would like to work only 40hours weekly only and earn enough money to cover my fees(3 days work which is I dont like) and 4 days which I can spend to improve my skills on different area ( music, business, life, english) and then when I strong enough on those pillars, i can slowly leave the waiter job.

what do you think?

Why is it so hard , hard to change?

I started to do the 30 days daygame challenge, and of course I wasnt brave enough to do everyday, I am now at day 6th and only approached 2 times, the first one was closed with the phonenumber but after couple texts she was flaky and no answer, so i left her, and the second one was a clothes shop worker, but it was so strange so i just said she looks nice and have a good day.

When I try to approach a girl inside I wanna go but somehow my body is not doin what I want,and i feel i can explode and it made me angry, because i wanna but i feel like i cant, and the same on the field of my work, i wanna leave , but i feel i cant.