Dating a rich girl who doesn't want a relationship/LJBF

Hi everybody!

This is my first post in here. I'm writing you guys because I need some advices/opinions on a fucked up situation I'm in (excuse me for my english, it's not my first language). Be as hard as you can because I'm here for a reality check not for some candies.

So this is the story:

Exactly six months ago I was approached by a woman I knew already a bit before, very cultivated, beautiful, busy, successful in what she does and rich (old money in her family). I'm 33 she's 35. She's an 8,5 I consider myself an 8 but for some reasons before her showing interest in me I thought she was out of my league. The thing was that back then I was recovering from a very painful breakup with my former GF (7 years together) and she was going through something similar (a few months relationship in which she invested a lot that ended in an ugly way).

Since the beginning and for the entire first month of our "dating", she was super into me and flirty: texting all the time about possible things, trips, vacations we would have done in the future and so on, planning quick dates, movies and everything, making allusions to possible positive outcome of our situation... but given that 1) I was basically emotionally unavailable at the time, 2) I had my rebound alarm super-high, 3) I was surprised about her interest in me, and, 4) I wasn't sure if she was my kind of girl I judged it better to take it very slow and never kissed or kino her. I thought ok, cool... a new friend who's helping me to recover from my previous LTR.

So basically things got a bit colder on her side, meaning that she wasn't throwing herself at me as in the first 3/4 weeks of "our thing" but still the situation developed in a sort-of-very special-friendship: with texting and teasing all the time from both sides and so on and also a talk around mid-january about "what are we doing" in which she admitted she had an interest in me but she was ok with taking things slow and that I was the only person she was texting and seeing so often.

We went like this for months and as I got to know her better I realized that she was actually very funny, smart, sensitive and sweet... so eventually I've started to develop some feelings for her.

Still... since I valued also our friendship I haven't acted on her. Plus: in the last three months, jobs and traveling kept both of us very busy so we managed to see each others six times in total, mostly occasional dinners in which we sometimes went back to talking about "what we are now/what we could be in the future" and she never completely ruled out the possibility that we could be more than friends. Still nothing happened because... don't know... we were perhaps afraid of messing things up and it never felt kind of right. I always told myself "time will come when it will feel spontaneous and it will be great".

However...everytime after she left these dinners she was always the first texting me within minutes to tell me how much she enjoyed spending time with me and what a very special person i was.

Fast forward to last week: we were both at a big party and both very drunk (we never got drunk together before she's not big on drinks and this also perhaps hasn't helped us to break the ice) and after a while I told her how much I liked her (exact words and big mistake: "i might be A BIT in love with you") to which she responded deep-kissing me for an hour.

I wouldn't have given much importance to that thing, though (never trust intoxicated actions), if it wasn't that the night after I've met her again to another big party (we were both abroad for a kermesse... so basically there was a party every night with more or less the same people invited). This time we were both just a bit tipsy (or even less than that) and I just caressed her, ready to leave with a normal kiss on the cheeks, but she again first hugged me and then started to kiss me on the neck and eventually we made out again but this time way less wild and more intimate, basically like a couple. I was very happy about all this happening almost relieved and her eyes were totally sending the same message.

We both shared apartments with other people so there was no room for sex that night but we left each other with the promise that she would have invited me this last week-end to her seaside place. I left the party with a feeling of "great! after six months of doubts this is finally happening". The day after she sent me a few sweet texts while i was flying back to my city. She, on the other hand, stayed another day at the kermesse and then she went silent for a couple of days: no texts etc... a bit weird but maybe she is just super-busy, I thought.

Unfortunately she wasn't just super-busy because after a couple of days in a very decent manner she stated that she needed to talk and there it happened: she basically said 1) that after the kisses she wasn't anymore comfortable with the idea of spending a week-end at her place together, 2) that kissing me it had been a mistake because, after all this time, she's not sure about her actual feelings for me (friends? more than friends?) and so breaking the physical barriers between us hadn't been a great idea on her/both sides, 3) that however she really likes me, she's not at all indifferent, that yes she wanted to kiss me she didn't feel it as a mistake at that moment... it looked like one afterwards after she spent some time thinking abt i but now she's confused, and that what she mostly feels now it's that she's fine with what we have and had so far as friend, 4) that me throwing the "love" word kind of scared her because she doesn't already feel the same level of attachment, 5) and also that, being busy and happy with her life as a single woman, she doesn't want to compromise on a serious relationship with anyone and she certainly doesn't want to take a chance with a person so important for her life.

I've replied that the "love" thing was a drunk shortcut for conveying the idea that i have a strong interest in her but also that I'm not there yet (which is true), that yes I also have my doubts about we as a couple but that I'm not the kind of person who (besides shortly after a breakup) think about relationships in terms of on/off, or something I want or I don't based on the stages of my life.

The next day however she started texting me again like nothing happened. At first I was trying to act a bit cold hoping she got that I felt it inappropriate and too soon after our talk but then, since she wasn't getting it, I just plainly told her that I don't feel like we can pretend nothing happened or changed in our relationship/friendship and that I'm uncomfortable with that routine now.

All in all: now I'm very beat because I feel like i've lost both a potential GF, a friend and a kind of weird but also entertaining relationship that helped me a lot with moving on from my previous breakup. What I've clear in my mind is that I don't want to be her doormat or emotional tampon. She set her boundaries, I will set mine but I don't want to give up on her entirely be it as a friend (although I know it will take time to recover that part of our relationship) or as a potential partner. So what I've decided to do is to rarefy contacts with her for a while to give her time and space to sort her feeling and then see if after a while it will be possible to frame myself differently with her. In the meantime I will date another girl I like not as much as this one though in order to avoid oneitis.

At the same time I'm also wondering: let's say it's not just something about me or the way I/we screwed our sexual potential over these months, but that she also suffers of a more general fear of commitment and lack of trust in men and relationships... wouldn't be harmful to do so, wouldn't make her think "I knew it. It was nothing special, just another unreliable guy who was actually just in for the pussy (and in her case, to make her even more skeptical, she could also add "and for my money)".

I really like this woman and I want to find a way to salvage our relationship (be it as friend or more) in the long run, possibly without hurting myself in the process. Do you think it's possible or I/we really screwed things beyond repair in all these "almost-teenagers" months?