Taking a dating hiatus. Too many damaged women looking for a quick fix.

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  1. Taking a dating hiatus. Too many damaged women looking for a quick fix.

    Hey! I'm new here. About to turn 40 in 2 weeks. Never married. No kids. Engaged twice. Both times too soon. I ended both engagements. The first after 3 weeks because it was going too fast (3 months in), the other ended after 6 months (unforeseen mental health issues). First fiancÚ kept the ring, 2nd gave it back. There's been no very serious relationship since. Only one that lasted two years, although I was never really in love with her. While I tried to overlook cosmetic problems such as saggy skin from weighing 100lbs less than she did a few years prior, buck teeth, and extra nipples, but sour little temper tantrums (jealousy and selfishness) couldn't detour my dislike of her extras.

    So I'm a shallow jerk? Not really. I just know I wasn't physically attracted to her or even attracted to her personality as much.

    Anyway, I'm not here seeking advice, but rather I seek enlightenment. I'm a man who looks about 30 yrs old although I'm about to turn 40. I have a great job. I make good money. I come from a great family. I have an adventurous nature, and I have good health. I like to keep in good shape and I enjoy helping others.

    However, I'm learning that many women don't like those things. They're damaged. They want some jerk who will treat them like shit. I'm not that guy, so therefore I lose. Why? Because many women are damaged.

    Just recently, I began talking with a 35 yr old middle school chorus teacher. Very beautiful with a lovely personality. We met through a dating site and talked throughout a whole week before making a date for that coming Sunday. That very Sunday morning, I awake to a text from her that said "I can't go out with you because I met this other guy Online and I have to give him a shot." My first thoughts, why did you agree to go on a date with me if you knew you might be giving this other guy a shot first? Her answer " I didn't. After I got off of the phone with you late last night I called him to talk. Things went great so I think I need to go out with him before I try going out with you." My frustrations came out and I told her that I thought that her actions were very irresponsible. She of course got defensive and said that she was being straight up with me and told me the truth at least. My response, " for someone in your line of work, I would think that you were very responsible with others' feelings as well as your own." We ended the conversation.

    5 days later she sent me a text to inform me that the other guy was not attractive to her. She said he was too short. She wanted to explain to me that she would still like to try talking with me once again. I listened and tried to be understanding. I saw that she seemed confused and thought that she was doing the right thing by breaking our date. I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

    We talked and texted throughout the week and planned to go on a date that Saturday. Through the week, we had many deep discussions about our backgrounds, values, past experiences, etc. it was a great talking relationship in the beginning. Saturday approached and I drove an hour south to meet her for our date. I was greeted by her with a hug. I brought her a cute vase of different flowers. We left to go eat and then returned to her house where we sat and watched television for the next 3-4 hrs. I gave her a back massage and we flirted as well. Before I left, I asked her when I could see her again. She asked me when did I want to. I jokingly said "tomorrow!" She said , " come over then!"

    So, Sunday morning I called her and we talked for an hour. We made plans for that late afternoon. I drove down, picked her up and we went to eat. Along the way to eat, she was talking my ears off! She was complimenting me over and over. It was going great! After dinner, we got into my car and began to leave. As soon as we pulled out of the parking lot, she says, "I want to be honest with you....... I'm not feeling it.... " My inner voice reaction, WTF?!?!? I began to ask her, " what happened between dinner until now that changed things." She said that she didn't know. I began to ask her if it was something i did or said. She said no. She began to break down and cry telling me that I was the nicest guy ever. That I was good looking, smart, and a great catch, but she couldn't figure out why she wasn't feeling it. I explained to her that i think she was putting too much pressure on the first and second date. I'm just here to get to know her and to have fun. She was in tears and I took her back home. She told me that I was being too nice even though she just dropped a bomb on me. I explained that this wasn't the first time that this has happened and that I had my guard up. She then said that she needed to go inside. She opened the door and got out. I told her to call me if she needed to talk.

    I waited to make sure she got inside safe, and then I left.

    Now, this is not the first time a woman has done this to me. It is becoming a common theme. Just a few weeks ago, one girl and I talked a few days before she told me that she wasn't over a boyfriend from five yrs prior. Another would ask me general questions about an ex from years ago and then get pissed at me for the answer. Another accused me of having issues toward fat people because my sister asked me advice about losing weight. Another was angry with me for not taking last Augusts solar eclipse serious enough.

    These women are damaged.

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  2. #2

    Keep in mind online dating makes some women feel empowered and get overwhelmed by options, and a lot of the options are either shitty or don't stand out for some reason.

    It's not that they're looking for abusive jerks, but those are the guys who are usually charming at first, persuasive, assertive - you've probably had friends like this and had no idea they were such jerks in relationships.

    Even if you don't get anywhere with them and want to just be friends, you can get a lot of info about what's going on in their dating world and get an idea of what kind of guys they're seeking out - usually that answers why they "rejected" you.

    I would downplay your finances until you get to know them better, it's always good to see them around their family first before bringing them around to meet yours.

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