She wants FWB, I want to date her

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  1. She wants FWB, I want to date her

    Hi guys,

    So ive been seeing this girl for the pas 3 months. In the beginning it was sweet, we hooked up, we had dinner together, and went to a museum. However, I became a bit too needy with her lately and I suspect shes also seeing other guys.
    We dont really talk at all on whatsapp, and when we do its mostly her messaging me at night to hook up. However, I want to do 'normal' stuff too so I suggested a date last week. She told me when she left from the hookup last weekend if we maybe could cancel this and meet more spontaneously. I was kind of flabbergasted by this as it was kind of apparent now that she only wants FWB. I told her we agreed on thursday so we will meet on thursday.

    However, I regretted saying this later. I dont wanna go on a forced date with a women that doesnt want me. However, we never talked about this explicitly as she said it when she left. Now im actually facing 3 options:

    1. Asking her if she really meant what she told me when she left my place. If she says no, I will end it.
    2. Call in sick for the agreed date and never contact her again. See if she reinitiates and then tell her I want a date instead of hookup.
    3. Pretend nothing happened and suggest something (maybe sexual) for upcoming date.

    Really dont have a clue what might be the best thing to do. Any more options you guys might suggest?



  2. 1. Here's your answer: She really meant it.
    2. This seems a little childish. I reckon she'll cancel anyway as your 'Thursday means Thursday!' text even made me uncomfortable. As for your second point, never give an ultimatium. She's leaning towards a 'no' so an ultimatium means she's inclinded to say 'no'.
    3. Possesion is 9/10ths of the law. You're currently having sex, it's been three months. Doesn't seem like a problem to me. Seems like you're in the box seat (or one of a few haha) The sex is probably getting better?

    Anyone on here will tell you to enjoy the ride and this simple answer - 'go see other women too'. The only real way to convert this is for her to get jealous or for her to be around you for so long that she also develops a further sense of familiraity
    with you. But it sort of sounds to me that you're focusing too much on her (aka one girl). You need to find other girls, this girl seems flakey at best so it will both a) prepare you if she finds someone else and b) make her jealous.

  3. #3

    You shouldn't suspect she's seeing other guys, you should expect it.

    Sometimes people just want free time and no obligations, the less stress you put on this, the better.

    If she didn't want you, she wouldn't be calling for hookups.

  4. Quote Originally Posted by loungeact View Post
    1. Here's your answer: She really meant it.
    2. This seems a little childish. I reckon she'll cancel anyway as your 'Thursday means Thursday!' text even made me uncomfortable. As for your second point, never give an ultimatium. She's leaning towards a 'no' so an ultimatium means she's inclinded to say 'no'.
    3. Possesion is 9/10ths of the law. You're currently having sex, it's been three months. Doesn't seem like a problem to me. Seems like you're in the box seat (or one of a few haha) The sex is probably getting better?

    Anyone on here will tell you to enjoy the ride and this simple answer - 'go see other women too'. The only real way to convert this is for her to get jealous or for her to be around you for so long that she also develops a further sense of familiraity
    with you. But it sort of sounds to me that you're focusing too much on her (aka one girl). You need to find other girls, this girl seems flakey at best so it will both a) prepare you if she finds someone else and b) make her jealous.
    Yeah I agree I do focus too much on her. Think ive developed some feels for her as it is always amazing when were lying in bed cuddling and talking, and having sex. That shit gets me weak in the knees.

    I had the date and it was exactly this again, which makes me want her even more.

    What im confused about is what I should do now. Some people say I should speak up and tell her how I feel, others say just continue and wait until she catches feels.

    What do you guys think?

  5. Personally, I'd just chill. As I said, seems to be going well. It's only been a few months. If you really wanted to you could float the 'we're allowed to see other people, yeah?' question. This will probably get her thinking that you're seeing others/ thinking about it and make her a little jealous. Also will give an obvious insight into what she's thinking. I haven't personally ever had to use this though so don't know if it'd be effective. I'd just chill though, seems like things are building naturally without you forcing them a certain way.

    I'm not sure why you said "I became a bit too needy with her lately" in your first post, but I think this may be happening with your anxiety over the relationship & your feelings are getting in the way of your ability to go with the flow. Best of luck, dude. Post an update if you need.

  6. Quote Originally Posted by loungeact View Post
    Personally, I'd just chill. As I said, seems to be going well. It's only been a few months. If you really wanted to you could float the 'we're allowed to see other people, yeah?' question. This will probably get her thinking that you're seeing others/ thinking about it and make her a little jealous. Also will give an obvious insight into what she's thinking. I haven't personally ever had to use this though so don't know if it'd be effective. I'd just chill though, seems like things are building naturally without you forcing them a certain way.

    I'm not sure why you said "I became a bit too needy with her lately" in your first post, but I think this may be happening with your anxiety over the relationship & your feelings are getting in the way of your ability to go with the flow. Best of luck, dude. Post an update if you need.
    I personally dont think its going that well. She doesnt take that much initiative to meet other than wanting to spend the night with me. Highly suspect she is fucking others too and maybe even dating them.

    Suggested now that we go to some kind of event together. If she doesnt want that, I will just tell her that this isnt working for me.

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