How do I validate reciprocal feelings/IOI in an employee?

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  1. How do I validate reciprocal feelings/IOI in an employee?

    Hey guys, my first post to any PUA forum ever so forgive any noob mistakes!

    I own a small business. I've found myself more and more attracted to one of my staff and trying to figure out how to validate her reciprocal feelings, if any, as repercussion-free as possible. We are both attached, but I've received a few IOIs that I have determined are likely not business-relationship related (I'm being very careful to differentiate that) Would prefer to stay w my girlfriend, but I like this gal too.

    I can create opportunities to get us alone, business trips etc. The risk here is an HR issues of course, and she is a great employee I wouldn't want to lose.

    I know this is a risk w/#metoo and all that, of course I don't want to go there if there's no interest, so I would like to subtly determine if there is without screwing up the work relationship.

    facts: she's younger, an introvert, sweet/shy, history of dating bad boys, Current bf is likely boring her. She wants to do a good job @work and be appreciated for it. Seems to appreciate power in men.

    How do I verify interest and willingness to a next step? Curious if anyone here has successfully closed this kind of deal without it blowing up in their face? How did you safely move past the "boss/worker" wall without creeping or significantly changing the dynamic?

    yes I understand it's ONE, and a riskier one at that, but for this specific situation I've weighed the pros and cons and just looking for any insights this group of experts might want to share on how to subtly determine interest.

    Thanks to all in advance!



  2. #2
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    You're trying to tapdance through the landmines here, friend.

    What's your best case scenario? You have a side-fling with this girl and then afterwards both of you go quietly return being happy platonic boss/subordinate with girlfriend/boyfriend neither of you particularly loves?

    Think about how (un) likely that scenario is to play out.

  3. #3
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    Workplace stuff can definitely get messy. When I first started out a few years ago I picked up a coworker. Instead of just having a nice one night stand and leaving it there, which was entirely possible, I decided to date her. Things got a little messy since we worked together daily. Could have been way worse. Unless she's the only attractive girl you're going to see for a long time... Just leave it alone to be safe.
    When I am writing in red, it's as an Attraction Forums mod or admin. When I write in normal text, it's just me.

  4. Quote Originally Posted by gq1 View Post
    You're trying to tapdance through the landmines here, friend.

    What's your best case scenario? You have a side-fling with this girl and then afterwards both of you go quietly return being happy platonic boss/subordinate with girlfriend/boyfriend neither of you particularly loves?

    Think about how (un) likely that scenario is to play out.
    Thanks, appreciate the honest feedback guys--it's a sticky one I know! but looking for ideas on how to gauge interest inside this existing boss/employee dynamic. Not really looking for go/no go advice, just a how-to on figuring out this one question. I may not even apply it in this scenario.

    I'm sure there is someone out there experienced and creative who could get to the ultimate IOI?

    Again, thanks!

  5. I say go for it! Maybe not in the public opinion. Life is messy. Be creative, you’ll think of something. Just don’t over do it, if she’s totally not into it!

  6. #6

    Dont do it, keep it professional, end things before cheating. i've been down that road it never ends well.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by bridge_the_gap View Post
    Thanks, appreciate the honest feedback guys--it's a sticky one I know! but looking for ideas on how to gauge interest inside this existing boss/employee dynamic. Not really looking for go/no go advice, just a how-to on figuring out this one question. I may not even apply it in this scenario.

    I'm sure there is someone out there experienced and creative who could get to the ultimate IOI?
    We gauge a woman's interest by escalating and seeing her reaction.

    The fact that you're her boss means you cannot safely do that. Anything you do to get answers from her is in the zone of sexual harassment.

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