What does my ex want?

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  1. What does my ex want?

    Hi all,

    So basically, I was with my ex for five years and we were engaged, owned a house, bought a dog etc. Four weeks ago we fall out and she decides she doesn't want to deal with me anymore or be in this relationship. She packs a bag and stays at a friends for a few days, she then comes back a couple days later and gets all her things. It's now got to the point where I believe she's found somewhere else to live.

    This whole thing has nearly destroyed me mentally - some of the nasty things she's said during the breakup period have been emotionally scaring. I've spent nights dreaming about her and I've just finally got to the stage where I'm starting to feel more like myself again, got a couple of dates lined up etc. Then, out of the blue I get a message from her asking if she can get a few things from the house and saying that she really, really misses me and that she's been dreaming about me every night and that she thinks we should meet up, now, she did say 'not to get back together' - so not really sure what she wants. Anyway, she asked me if I missed her and I just kept my messages very short and nice but didn't ask questions, nor did I tell her I do miss her. I told her I don't think it'd be a good idea to meet as it'll set me back. She came back saying that's fine and she was just being silly. Then about 10 mins later messages me back saying 'Have you kissed someone else? I've got a feeling you have'. I didn't respond to her and then she sent me a message back saying 'do you not miss me?' I didn't reply and then she said 'Forget I've said anything - I was just being stupid and felt shit and missed you and wanted to see if you felt the same'. I didn't reply, then she messaged back and said 'You could at least reply, you're being so so cold'. She also sent these messages on whatsapp where previously she would have sent a text message - I think this is so she can see I've read it.

    My question to you guys is, what is she wanting to achieve with these messages? She's literally torn me to pieces and if she wants to get back with me, she needs to work a fuck load harder to make that happen.

    Is there any particular way I should act towards her?

    Look forward to hearing all your thoughts. Thanks in advance.



  2. Looks like she's having second thoughts about the breakup. I wouldn't say she's trying to mind fuck you or anything -- rather that she's the one in the gutter. Otherwise, she wouldn't be sending you a string of desperate texts.

    You could also speculate she was involved with a guy at a certain point and that didn't quite work out. If so, then she is projecting onto you by asking you about making out with a girl.

    What you do next depends on you. Would you want her back? If so, this is pretty simple. Keep in mind that if you keep her working harder, at a certain point she may just give up. One option would be to sit her down and explain what needs to happen if you two are to get back together rather than ignoring her as you are.

    If you don't want her back, then my advice is to give her closure. Because imagine if she comes back charging again in a few weeks, or months? That could really fuck you up.

  3. Yes, I agree may be that your ex-girlfriend is still thinking about you and wants to get close to you.

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