Wants to take it slow after hooking up on third(ish) date?
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  1. Wants to take it slow after hooking up on third(ish) date?

    Hi! I'm new to these forums and so happy I found them!

    I got out of a pretty disfunctional relationship recently where this girl and I dated on and off for maybe 5 years? Throughout though Id had other relationships and hookups during our breaks, but we would keep going back to each other because the sex was great and we clicked. The breaking point for me though was from her losing her temper and tossing all my shit, and a couple weeks back where she put rocks through my windows from an anger episode.

    So here I am on the dating scene... Its fun meeting new people, but I dont keep many social circles lately. My agenda is to meet my life partner, not just a hookup.

    So this girl messages me on FB, she's sexy and has a pretty good personality to boot. I work in service industry, and she says shes going to stop in and say hi and have a cocktail. She comes in with a male friend (boss from work supposedly), I make sure to befriend him, have casual convo with her and always keep eye contact and smiles. We hit it off and meet up afterwards for drinks. (holding hands and a couple of kisses no tongue).

    We meet up for a second date the next night, sushi and karaoke, shes giving me a lot of attention, more kisses with a little tongue, we end the night and part our seperate ways. During this time were talking about some issues she has, shes in a custody dispute with her kid, past dating issues, and her last boyfriend being supposed emotionally detatched. And I feel she probably broke up with him recently.

    The next night she wants to come see me at my work again.. It seems a bit strange, but its cool because I'm into her. Shes completly into me, giving plenty of signals and wanting to hang out again after. We have drinks, she goes on about her issues, appologizing for it, But I am a sympathetic ear and give her advice. She loves that I dont look at the basketball game but pay attention to her all night, and we are all over each other. She almosts goes home that night but says she wants to come over and see my dog, and brings an overnight bag with her... Its on. After about 15 minutes of her being over I just lead her to the bedroom and we go at it. She comes twice and the second is a gusher! I even want more and typically can go for hours, but she has to get up in 3-4 hours for work, so I let her sleep.

    The next morning shes slightly detatched, I take it as being tired and hungover, and she says she feels nausiated from being out late and drinks. Then later that day I get a text saying if I would be upset if we didn't meet up for a planned date later that night. Its not a problem, besideds 4 days in a row is a bit much.. But then she goes on that she had a good time, but doesn't like to be careless and irresponsible like that, drinking too much, driving, unprotected sex (woops), not blaming me but wants to be responsible. Then says she has to be really careful because her heart is still really hurting from ex, etc and doesn't want to fill voids, and wants to be able to offer 100% and wants to take her time because I'm pretty awesome?

    I told her everything was cool, and I would be willing to go at her speed, etc. She didn't seem to really acknowledge what I said or respond to specific questions. And it took me by suprise.

    Honestly I think she might be full of it, liked me and wanted to go out with someone and have fun, we hooked up, and now possibly shes going back to whatever she was doing.. I was probably too accepting of it so she might think she can keep me on the backburner while she does whatever. Or maybe its the opposite and she feels guilty for hooking up so quick... Id like to revisit it and hook up again, but I'm not going to message her again till she does.

    Any advice? As I'm typing this my phone is blowing up from different numbers I dont recognize, probably my crazy ass ex since I blocked her number from my phone.

    Thanks a bunch!



  2. Just got the "Are you alive" text from her after all that nonsense. How to proceed! I'll text, but dont want to seem easy.

  3. #3

    What's the problem?

    Standard tactic is to communicate agreement/understanding with whatever she says... but then continue doing whatever you were doing to have sex with her.

    Id like to revisit it and hook up again, but I'm not going to message her again till she does.
    Likely to backfire. Putting her on the spot forces her to crystalize a "no" decision.

  4. Thanks man, I was unsure of standard tactics, and was overanalyzing it. She probably gave me that speech so she wouldn't seem easy. We hooked up last night and I think she really is sick, which explains being distant.

    And the fact that she's texting while sick is a good sign. I'll be less of a chump, keep being understanding and communicative, confidence is key!

  5. #5

    Sounds like you're on the right track. You're right, women don't want to look easy because most people are judgemental about women enjoying sex.

    If you act like everything is normal and cool and keep pursuing her the same as you were before, it should go a long way to making her feel secure with you.

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