I Can't Make It Work, Congruence?
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  1. I Can't Make It Work, Congruence?

    I'm struggling to attempt using routines or advice because I feel like women can sense it from their core that I'm trying routines or a tactic. For one, I do not feel comfortable using routines (canned material) as it really messes with the way I judge myself. Two, whenever I make attempts at using a piece of advice I tend to get a poor response as though the girl knows I'm attempting something. Does this go away after more attempts with different girls or is this my inner game? And do I really have to use routines? Or can I just use the theory behind them? I know they're meant to be like training wheels but I feel like I'm being so fake and unauthentic using words from a book. Is this a congruence issue? Do the words actually matter as much as I think?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    South of Raleigh

    Ditch routines as soon as you can. What worked, and was developed, for/by one person may not work for you. You're not them. People can pick up on these incongruent signals. Some of this canned stuff may have worked for the person simply because it wasn't canned when they used it.

    On the same note, you may just be in your head a little as you're learning. The words do not matter as much as people tend to think. There are no magic phrases or perfect stories to rehearse that will get women to sleep with you. The theories are usually sound, but I would recommend shifting them to match you as a person; not shifting yourself to match some routine, that will not help.

    'Inner game' is a big part of it that just develops over time. Similar to first learning to ride a bike, or drive, you will be a bit nervous and uncomfortable at first. Though, maybe you can relate, over time it becomes second nature. Nervous is good, you're challenging the fear and letting it die. Stick with it.

    I, personally, use no formal routines. There are some canned things I say, but canned material has it's place. Focus on being in the moment in the interaction; not on what you should say next. Again, there's no perfect formula so if you're in your head you could be missing key logistical information or signs that she really likes you while you're worried about remembering some canned garbage.

    Talking to women is fun, don't make it a chore by remembering huge routines like you're preparing for a debate

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