How to proceed - girl (LTR) wants space

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  1. #1

    How to proceed - girl (LTR) wants space

    So here's the rundown - I've been seeing this girl for about 5 months and have made a lot of mistakes along the way. We get along great, I'm not sure I've met anyone like her before so I managed to fall head over heels and showed it. I was too available, I shared my feelings too much, and it's pushed her away to the point that she wants space.

    We are both a little over 30, she's recently divorced and I haven't been in a long-term relationship in quite some time. I'm a good looking guy, but have avoided relationships and just kept things casual or dated girls who wanted to be my girlfriend but wouldn't allow it to happen. This girl pushed some buttons of mine, we got along awesomely, the sex was amazing, and so I finally got really excited.

    She was coming out of being divorced semi recently - we both had intentions at the beginning to keep things casual, but we got wrapped up in each other and things snowballed out of control. She has told me she fought against the relationship part for a while but everything was just too good. We eventually defined the relationship after 3 months or so (her doing, I didn't ask). We started spending weekends together, went on a small trip, spent a ton of time on the holidays together with her family and it seemed like things were moving along fine - new years was great! We fuck like savages - it's nonstop and great sex.

    Needless to say, I'm making this post because a few days ago after we had a lot of fun and sex, we had a conversation that eventually led to her saying she needs some space for this and it's been too much, too fast. I'm too available and she feels obligated to spend her free time with me. She's not ready to be where we were, or were heading. She's still working through things in her past relationship and she mostly just wants to dial things back and be more casual. She said she'd like to keep it exclusive but can't blame me if i want to see other people. Now this sounds like it's a perfect setup but I really like this girl. I want a LTR. I can dial things back a bit, sure - but it's been hard to switch from the every day talking/joking to almost not hearing from her at all.

    The goal here is to land her in a LTR eventually, she's a special girl and i've never gotten along with anyone like her. I know it will take time, if it's not already killed off. I've dial back my communication with her and have mostly let her do the texting first (which has gotten weird and cold - not our normal selves at all). It feels like a breakup. It also feels like a power struggle right now. She no longer likes my instagram posts or anything, but has been texting me once a day or so with something simple like, "hope your day was good."

    Is no-contact the best policy here? Should i disappear for a few days? I have a hard time with the no contact thing but have been doing ok with letting texts sit and not being the first one to text.

    Just trying to figure out the best way to proceed. She's an intelligent chick - very independent and strong-willed so it's tough to judge where she's at with this right now. I'd like to land her back eventually but also don't want to torture myself too much in the process.

    Thanks for you help in advance!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Los Angeles

    If your goal is to translate this short-term relationship into a long-term relationship, then playing games is the wrong approach.

    You're both over the line (30 years old) where there's no more excuses to not act like an adult.

    Therefore... try simply having an adult conversation with her. "Hey I want to work on a long-term relationship with you. Let's talk about what things we can do to make that work"

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