What's going on with this woman? Advice needed

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  1. What's going on with this woman? Advice needed

    This may be a little long. I'll try to be as brief as possible.
    Met a woman at work in May 2017. She's 49 and ultra sexy. I'm 46. She had a live in bf at the time but we flirted and gave me her number. We went out a 3 times, all initiated by me thru texts.
    Then in Aug. She calls me to say her bf moved out. We make a date again.
    We have great rapport, good times on our dates. She touched me, we kissed. But always has to pick up her 17yo daughter after our dates.
    Our last date was Tues. Dec 19, she met me at the place after she got off work. We had some food and talked.
    I decided to try and escalate, we hadn't seen eachother in 2 months (my work schedule). I told her I missed her and I kissed her lips. She didn't seem into it.
    She told me she went out with another guy and showed me the pic they took together at a hockey game. Then she showed me his texts that upset her. She ended up not liking him because of the drama he gave her after only 2 dates.
    She says I'm such a great guy and that I'm so different from all the other guys.
    She said she's old fashioned about dating and won't hop in bed so soon.
    I told her I wanted her and kissed her lips again. No reaction. I asked her what she's doing for new years eve. She said maybe theres a party somewhere and she'll let me know.
    I walk her to her truck and I tell her I'm liking her (mistake,I know). I kiss her lips again. She drives off.
    Today, I send her a text telling her I had a good time with her and that she's amazing and I hope to spend more time with her. (mistake, I know).
    This woman almost never answers texts, never initiates texts or other communications (except that time she called to say her bf moved out) it's like she wants me to do 100% of the chasing. I really like this woman.
    I think she's cooling off or maybe exploring seeing other guys.
    What can I do to recover? Back off for awhile? Please help. Her birthday is on jan. 10th. Do I text or call her to say happy birthday?

    Btw, I am active with another woman I don't like as much as this hot 49 yo.
    Last edited by Rocker71; 12-24-2017 at 03:10 AM. Reason: Spelling

  2. #2

    I'd continue to see the woman you're seeing now and continue to run game on other women.

    The thing with the hockey game pics is basically her putting you in the friend zone, so she's either not that into you or she thinks that she's got you on a string and she keeps you around to boost her ego. There's probably nothing you can do to make it better, so anything you do for her birthday will be wasted effort. If you let it pass without comment, then she might realize that she's wrong and change her ways, but I wouldn't count on it.


  3. We've only been out 5 times. Although there's lots of closeness, touching and kissing, she's always come up with an excuse to not spend the night together such as having to pick up her daughter.
    So, no sex = nothing more than a simple text wishing her happy birthday, which I don't even plan on even doing that until she starts initiating contact more.
    I'll be very surprised to hear from her for new years eve abouut getting together. I don't expect it.
    She texted me on Nov. 6th talking about some guy acting like a little boy and not saying what the problem is and going silent with her. I asked her to elaborate, she said she'd tell me when she sees me. So that's when she told me she went out with the hockey game dude two times and he gave her drama only after two dates.
    I forgot to mention also that on our last date on Tues. she was telling me what a "great guy" I am and how I'm so different from other guys etc. I took it as a compliment.
    My plan is to just back off and focus on gaming this other woman and possibly getting one more to hang out with.
    I don't have time for lukewarm women no matter how beautiful they are.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Los Angeles

    This woman isn't attracted to you.

    You just give her emotional comfort while she deals with other guys in her life she'd actually want to have sex with.

    Here's where things went wrong:

    1. You went on 3 dates with no escalation. After this she's going to assume she's not attracted to you and/or you're not attracted to her. Either way, you're in the friendzone.
    2. Not seeing her for months. Maybe you can't help it, but ignoring a woman for months is going to for sure kill any lady-boner.
    3. Telling her she's amazing yadda yadda, you know this is a bad idea. She doesn't have low self esteem so this hyperbole is silly.
    4. Worrying about meaningless crap like "do i wish her happy birthday?"

    What can I do to recover?
    Slim odds, but your only hope is to get your mind back into the place where you didn't really care much about her (because you didn't know her) and you could simply have fun and flirt with her.

    When she talks about the other guys she dating, use that invitation to talk about the women YOU are dating. Not in a "rub it in your face" way. Just a couple of friends sharing stories.

    ESCALATE, but act like it's normal instead of "OMIGURD SHE'S NOT INTO THIS KISS". If she's not into whatever you're doing, then you moved too fast, so dial it back to a lower level e.g. simply keeping your hand on her leg or whatever.

  5. She replied to my text on Christmas morning at 11:36am.
    Very generic type of text.

    "Thank you for all your kind and wonderful words, it has been awesome all the x's that we have gone out...hope you have a wonderful day today and a Merry Xmas!!"

    Theres some effort there even if it's minimal.
    I'm thinking she's really not much of a texter for her being 49. But I seen she has a long list of contacts in her texting que. Mostly women. Maybe she's just not good with words.
    Maybe someone suggested she's moving too fast after her bf moved out. Maybe she was tired or something happened at work. Maybe it's not all me. When she showed up for our last date she seemed enthusiastic and we talked like normal. I'm thinking I may have escalated too fast.

    Anyway, I'll back off some and see whats up. Thanks guys. Any more insights would be appreciated..

  6. #6

    The holiday season reminds a lot of people how alone they are and much their lives suck. I also think you're giving her too much credit.

    Give it some time and see what happens.


  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Los Angeles

    I get & send a ziliion of those generic texts every holiday, they're the modern equivalent of getting a christmas card. You think a woman sending you a christmas card means she wants to have sex with you? Nope!

    The solution for this woman is the same solution as 90% of the time: improve yourself to be more attractive, put yourself out there to meet a bunch of new women, and discover that this isn't the only fish in the sea.

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