How To Ask Her Out

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  1. How To Ask Her Out

    I recently just returned from a 21 Day Trek In Nepal. There were 3 in our group, one guy 41, one girl 33 and myself 38. Half way though the guy got sick and had to get evacuated, so it was just the two of us with a guide for the rest of the trip. We got to know each other well, but nothing happened. I think i got friend zoned. She picked up a 60 year old on the way, which kind of turned me off, but that was after we got back from the Trek. We slept in the same room quite a few times and even once in a tent. I never made a move cause i,m an idiot. She clearly liked me, but in what capacity i don,t know. She would flirt with me now and then but she is the kind of girl that is very flirty with all men, so i couldn't really read her. I,m back home now and we have messaged each other several times, mainly about swapping photos. Its been 3 weeks now and i need to tell this girl that i want to see her again, but don,t know how to go about it. Its going to be through text, but what do i say?

    I know, pathetic..

  2. #2

    I think i got friend zoned.

    So what's your plan here... you'll "ask her out" over texts and then what... you fly out to wherever she is and take her for a romantic dinner or something?

  3. We talked a lot about doing other Treks or Climbs, so the plan is to tell her that i am planning on doing a lot of adventure travel within the next year or so (which is true) and that i would love her to come on another trip with me.

    I legitimately enjoyed her company and had a great time.

  4. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by taboo79 View Post
    Its going to be through text, but what do i say?

    i am planning on doing a lot of adventure travel within the next year or so. [..] I would love for [you] to come on another trip with me.

  5. #5

    Just tell her that you're interested. Don't tell her that you want to fuck her, but be very clear that it's not a platonic offer. If you talk about traveling together again, she'll expect a repeat of the last trip and she'll end up hooking up with another guy again. Tell her what you really want and you'll know one way or the other very soon.


  6. #6

    Silver I agree with you. However the tough part is when they were in person, the OP was friendzoning himself.

    A blogger made an observation which I tend to agree with: If a woman is thinking about how she feels about a guy, she will often work backwards:

    "I slept with him quickly... that must mean I am really attracted to him!"
    "I didn't sleep with him after weeks together... that must mean I am not attracted to him."

    So if he insists making romance a condition of their next trip together, it will force her to decide at that point whether he leaves the friendzone or gets locked in there for eternity. And there's nothing in this story to make me think that his texting game is so strong that she'll pick the romance option.

    Personally I think planning a trip around a woman you hardly know is a bad idea, but if he wants to go that route, i think he'll have his best chance if he leaves the texts ambiguous and escalates in person.

  7. Ok, so i took the plunge and messaged her this:

    "Good morning Mellissa."

    " I am going to be doing a lot of adventure travel within the next year or so.. and would love to do another trip with you."

    Its been almost one day and i haven't had a reply yet..

  8. #8

    Bit late now but you should have included a call to action . "I have been looking at visiting Legoland or SeaWorld next. What do you think about going to one of those?"

    Ideally you would have already been talking about this subject so you could have opened with "We should do that awedome trip to Transylvania together. When are you planning to do your next vacation? Let's coordinate"

    Anyways, good luck. If she shuts you down then you know there is not any interest

  9. If no reply, should i throw her a second text? Something like..

    "I'm a big boy, I don't mind if you shut me down, but say something.."

  10. #10

    Sure why not, if it will give you closure. Personally I'd be not as aggressive. (e.g., "Are you interested? No pressure, just let me know.") but you gotta do what makes you comfortable.

    Ultimately you'll find romantic success when you don't worry about the results of a single interaction, or a single woman, but instead focus on being the best you you can be.

    Fretting about crafting the perfect text just pulls you away from being authentic. As long as you're polite, simply saying what you're thinking is usually a good baseline.


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