Journal - B33J

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  1. #1

    Journal - B33J

    Hey everyone,

    Im B33J, a mostly chill, good-looking guy of average height with a thin build and dark complexion. I have had some success in the past with gaming in undergrad and ended up in an LTR for 2 years. Got back into game again after the breakup and met my current girlfriend a few months later. She is amazing, we have been together for 6 years.

    I got into medical school and have been away for the last 2 years with 2 more to go. Long distance has been totally fine for our relationship so far and we have recently agreed to make it open. We have a very trusting and understanding dynamic. She can mostly understand what it is like to be male and fully accepts my desire for other women. She encourages me to pursue women sexually while we are long distance but discourages emotionally intimate relationships. This is a good fit because my desires are purely sexual, I dont need to connect with any women for emotional intimacy Im secure. It may prove to be bias or naivety, but I do not believe the relationship would be significantly impacted if I pursued sexual relationships during my time away, save for disasters like pregnancy or STIs. I will be using protection!

    So now Im going to re-enter the game after a long hiatus and start from scratch one step at a time. In the past I struggled with approach anxiety. I know I still will, but my inner confidence has improved immensely and I feel secure in my relationship, my finances, my occupation, and my social circle. I dont need anyone or anything right now - Im good. I anticipate the challenges will be approach anxiety and logistics. I'm looking forward to tackling social anxiety, I have always hated it.

    Medical school is very demanding right now, I am rotating through different specialties often with long hours (my first 3 weeks were 100 hrs/wk) and with already severely limited study time for exams. Despite this I will make at least 1 hour per day available to game. This hour will invariably be day game as I do not party anymore late nights are just not going to work.

    My plan is to add competency in a step wise fashion with at least 5 approaches per day, 35 per week. University campus game will be most convenient, I need to study, and I dont have time to invest in any targets long term, so I plan to focus on the following:
    1) Approaching mostly students during the day
    2) Pulling them for an instant or same day coffee date on campus
    3) Arranging for a study date as a follow up the same week
    4) Escalating physically and starting a sexual relationship as soon as possible

    This framework will be open to change based on experience

    My goals are as follows for the next school year:
    1) Oct 1 2017 to Dec 1 2017
    100 approaches approach anxiety busting goal - women of any caliber/age
    2) Dec 1 2017 to Feb 1 2017
    100 approaches approach anxiety busting goal - attractive women only
    3) Feb 1 2017 to Apr 1 2017
    100 approaches instant date goal - 10 same day dates attractive women only
    4) Apr 1 2017 to Jun 1 2017
    100 approaches follow up date goal - 10 study dates attractive women only
    5) June 1 2017 to August 1 2017
    100 approaches lay goal - 10 lays attractive women only

    These goals can be accomplished earlier or surpassed and approaches with anxiety busting goals can be taken as far as I want. I will use a step wise increase in competency for all these approaches and push the interaction further as I improve.

    Im hoping to use this journal as extra motivation and a source of support. Looking forward to learning from you all.
    B33J



  2. #2

    Oct 1 2017
    Day 1

    It was a beautiful day. I walked to get groceries on a study break and swung by a mall. The goal for today was to simply say hi to 5 women of any caliber.
    That mission was accomplished - not much to report but I did learn a few things:

    1) there are plenty attractive women on their own in the mall, some are on a mission some are browsing and could easily be approached. 5 approaches could be easily accomplished in 1 hour at a mall.
    2) women working are bored and 100% available to be approached.
    3) simply saying hello is a step in the right direction but it lacks purpose and is often surprising for women going about their day. I think a purposeful approach would be best.
    4) women have plenty of fashion items to complement on, there are infinite situational things to open with.
    5) women will at least respond to approaches during the day. People are polite.
    6) there are a ton of women in grocery stores and they are often alone.
    7) I get anxious even saying hello, but feel fine afterward. There's no real reason to avoid approaching.

    What I did well:
    1) Focused on accomplishing the mission and overcoming anxiety.
    2) Took action and started with a first step.

    What I could have done better:
    1) there were extra opportunities to approach and many that could have gone further.

    Goal for tomorrow:
    5 approaches - any women - simple complement

    B33J

  3. #3

    Oct 2 2017
    Day 2

    Another nice day. I got off early from the hospital, took a nap, and walked around on campus to make my 5 approaches before studying. The goal for today was to complement 5 women of any caliber. Technically, I didn't accomplish this but I'm satisfied with the effort.

    It took a while of walking to get into the mind to say anything to anyone. Girls were never making eye contact. Many were walking glued to their phones or had ear buds. I figured these were valid obstacles but not valid excuses so I plowed through and resolved to do carry on anyway.

    1) Woman walking toward me with a light brown jacket. I said "Nice jacket" and she blew right past me - stone faced without any acknowledgement what so ever.

    --It didn't feel great, but after I realized there was no consequence and I would live. I hoped it would prove to be an isolated result.

    2) Another woman walking toward me. "Nice shades" - same thing happened with a bit of a submissive head turn downward. Owch, not an isolated result after all.

    --This felt like she was defensive in some way. I began to assess what I was doing. I realized just calling out a complement was too abrupt for people to shift attention, register what was said, and respond. In the end they just ignore it because it's too late or too weird. I realized some kind of forewarning was required.

    3) A black girl alone by a wall listening to music. I went up to her, stuck out my hand into her field of vision to get her attention while saying "hey there". She took out her earbuds and responded with hello. I asked her if there was a quiet spot or a library in the building to study. She said there was a reading room and happily gave me directions. I said thank you and pointed to her hair saying I liked it. She said thank you.

    --This was fine, but I felt she was slightly weary that I was going to try to hit on her. I got the complement in but it required a more relevant set up and attention getting body language. I could have been more cheerful about it. Overall it was smooth and I dealt with the apprehension well.

    4) A girl leaving a building, same question, similar body language with the outstretched arm. Went fine. No complement.

    5) A girl packing up, same question. Went fine. No complement.

    --These two weren't very satisfying but they were much better than just a random complement. I have to stop the girl or there's no point, but these relevant questions are a bit too easy. Girls are almost always willing to help though. I guess it is a successful but lame opening strategy. I could have been more friendly and more expressive, I was too serious.

    6) A girl walking on the sidewalk with a box. I caught her eye briefly and walked across the street directly for her. I thought this was ample warning and certainly got her attention. I asked with a smile "what you got there". It was a karaoke machine. I responded with much enthusiasm and we chatted for a while about the exchange program she was running as we walked. As I peeled off to go another way she asked me my name.

    --Certainly a good result. A relevant situational opener mixed with enthusiasm and positive body language is much more effective. Advanced attention was key here. The conversation flowed fine and could have continued, but it could have been more purposeful and smoother. Anxiety negatively influences my conversational skills. With practice and exposure, I'm confident it will get better.

    What I did well
    1) Stuck to it despite poor results
    2) Adjusted rapidly and appropriately to something more effective. Applied lessons.
    3) I started a full flowing conversation from nothing with a complete stranger. I'll take that over complements.

    What I could have done better
    1) Increase expressiveness and friendly body language
    2) Attention grabbing and forewarning - this will help with the phone and earbud obstacles as well
    3) Continue an opened set for practice, don't cut it short for no reason

    Tomorrow I will make 5 approaches with attention grabbing to stop a moving target and use relevant situational openers or questions and then change the subject using a complement or by starting some conversation.

    Hoping to have something more exciting for you all soon. Baby steps feel good though! I am thinking of gearing my progression toward direct approaches. I don't feel like fucking around with backhanded and under the radar mind-games. Ain't nobody got time fo that.

    B33J

  4. Good to see that you are sticking to things consistently and that you have put up your results for other guys to see and learn from. Keep up the good work, stay positive. I look forward to hearing from you.

  5. #5

    It has been a while since I last posted. Thank you for the encouraging comment zeta.

    I have been making indirect day approaches for some time now, but none of them have gone anywhere interesting - nothing post worthy anyways. My approach anxiety is decreasing gradually but is still at frustrating levels. I've racked up a couple hundred indirect approaches despite being ridiculously busy with school. I started with asking for directions/opinions, then adding a compliment or a follow up question, and for the last few weeks I have also been attempting to start a conversation. But, I found it awkward and insincere to force a conversation when my overt "reason" for approaching was to get directions or an opinion. So far, I have to say, I don't like indirect opening - I don't think it matches my personality. I feel shitty and more anxious when what I'm doing or saying is incongruent or dishonest and I think that manifests in my body language, voice, and motivation. If I am direct with my honest intentions upfront, I expect the approaches to be smoother, I will begin to enjoy approaching rather than constantly fighting dread, and this whole learning process will be more efficient. So, about a week ago, I decided to start using direct opening and abandon the indirect approach for now.

    Of course, daytime direct approaches are very anxiety provoking. This would be a tall order. I figured I would have difficulty getting started and this last week's efforts have confirmed this suspicion. 7 times I went out determined to make just one direct approach. Just one, I'd tell myself, then you can go home and everything will be different. On more than one occasion I walked around a mall for 2 hours without making a direct approach - I would wuss out every time. Despite dejecting failure again and again, yesterday evening I finally made my first direct approach. She was no stunner and she was probably a bit young too, but I did it, and it went fine. I feel good about the decision to go direct. It is much less complicated. When you are trying to attenuate anxiety, the less thinking required the better.

    She was a cashier at a grocery store and she was busy so I only had a second. All I did was say: "Hi, I think you're cute. Are you single?" She thanked me and acknowledged that she was indeed single. I then introduced myself, she reciprocated, and we were able to have a brief conversation about cities vs small towns that didn't feel forced at all - there was a reason for it. She had to get back to work so I asked for her number. She said she could get into trouble if she gave it at work, so I gave her mine. Maybe that was a legit excuse - maybe not. I don't care and I don't expect to hear from her, nor do I want to really. All that matters is that I finally fucking did it and I'm looking forward to doing another direct approach after my 24hr call shift today. It blows my mind that I progressed all the way through a conversation and even asked for her number on the first direct approach I have ever done. Talk about efficiency. I did all these indirect approaches over the last couple months and never got to a point where I felt it was appropriate to ask for a number. Plus the conversations, on the rare occasions I could even get them started, were awkward at best.

    I'm feeling good and hope to have something interesting to post over the next couple weeks.

    B33J

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Gender:
    Location
    South of Raleigh
    Age
    26
    Posts
    98

    Great work getting out there and actually approaching with the busy schedule. Powering through like that even for one approach per day is better than nothing. Also, you handled the cashier exactly like you're supposed to. If they can't or won't take the number, give them yours. Maybe it'll work out, maybe not, but you didn't get shut down when she tossed that objection out.
    When I am writing in red, it's as an Attraction Forums mod or admin. When I write in normal text, it's just me.

  7. #7

    I ll be watching how you progress .
    Next time ,i guess you can anticipate,now you know that other girl will says that she ll get trouble.
    Anyway,hope you have fun.

  8. #8

    Thank you Facer and Honey Badger for your comments.

    The days after my first direct approach were too busy for more approaches and I had to travel to a small town for a rural rotation. So yesterday, when I had some breathing room, I took an hour to work up my nerve and make a second direct approach. Sadly, I failed to make a direct approach. I had a rough time overcoming my anxiety level and eventually ran out of time. So I just resolved to make 5 quick approaches with question openers to get the ball rolling again. I was able to do that without much anxiety. At least I've made progress on that front.

    Today I resolved to make just one direct approach. I bused to the local community college which turned out to be a great spot for younger girls - a pleasant surprise since this town has been pretty slow so far with more of a working class and retired demographic. I walked into the main campus building and spotted a dark girl with a pony tail hunched over her laptop while sitting on a bench in the hallway. She had a stack of brand new textbooks and seemed glued to the screen. I actively inhibited any thoughts of approaching since I tend to over-analyze it and end up with a thousand mental rehearsals giving me a thousand reasons to walk away. Don't think, just do.

    Before I could fully comprehend what was occurring, my butt was firmly planted on the bench. Her peripherals picked up my motion and my autopilot engaged as her head turned to face me. Luckily the plan was so simple that dropping 30 IQ points in a split second had no effect. "Hi how's it going?" She smiled and returned the greeting. Women are so often friendly and she was no exception. "I think you're cute." Like the first direct approach, this girl was calm and pleased to hear the compliment. "Are you single?" She was genuinely apologetic as she said "No, sorry." I said that was alright and she immediately asked me what I was taking at the college. She actually seemed eager to talk. We chatted for a bit, I correctly guessed she was in nursing, and I explained I was in medical school rotating through the town. I think med is a significant attraction switch if it comes up - it represents money, confidence, and intelligence. I'm glad debt levels can be kept private, confidence can be faked, and rote memorization translates to good grades. I wished her luck in her program and she said she hoped to see me around.

    What a pleasant interaction. I'm excited to do another tomorrow if I can get off early. So far both direct approaches were very smooth despite my nervous system executing an all out blitzkrieg on my body and mental faculties. My auto-pilot actually seems reliable. If I keep it simple for now, I should be able to get to a point where I'm less activated and more able to think on my feet.

    I'm very happy to report that the first direct approach was not a fluke. Feeling good,
    B33J

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Gender:
    Location
    South of Raleigh
    Age
    26
    Posts
    98

    Quote Originally Posted by B33J View Post
    Thank you Facer and Honey Badger for your comments.

    The days after my first direct approach were too busy for more approaches and I had to travel to a small town for a rural rotation. So yesterday, when I had some breathing room, I took an hour to work up my nerve and make a second direct approach. Sadly, I failed to make a direct approach. I had a rough time overcoming my anxiety level and eventually ran out of time. So I just resolved to make 5 quick approaches with question openers to get the ball rolling again. I was able to do that without much anxiety. At least I've made progress on that front.

    Today I resolved to make just one direct approach. I bused to the local community college which turned out to be a great spot for younger girls - a pleasant surprise since this town has been pretty slow so far with more of a working class and retired demographic. I walked into the main campus building and spotted a dark girl with a pony tail hunched over her laptop while sitting on a bench in the hallway. She had a stack of brand new textbooks and seemed glued to the screen. I actively inhibited any thoughts of approaching since I tend to over-analyze it and end up with a thousand mental rehearsals giving me a thousand reasons to walk away. Don't think, just do.

    Before I could fully comprehend what was occurring, my butt was firmly planted on the bench. Her peripherals picked up my motion and my autopilot engaged as her head turned to face me. Luckily the plan was so simple that dropping 30 IQ points in a split second had no effect. "Hi how's it going?" She smiled and returned the greeting. Women are so often friendly and she was no exception. "I think you're cute." Like the first direct approach, this girl was calm and pleased to hear the compliment. "Are you single?" She was genuinely apologetic as she said "No, sorry." I said that was alright and she immediately asked me what I was taking at the college. She actually seemed eager to talk. We chatted for a bit, I correctly guessed she was in nursing, and I explained I was in medical school rotating through the town. I think med is a significant attraction switch if it comes up - it represents money, confidence, and intelligence. I'm glad debt levels can be kept private, confidence can be faked, and rote memorization translates to good grades. I wished her luck in her program and she said she hoped to see me around.

    What a pleasant interaction. I'm excited to do another tomorrow if I can get off early. So far both direct approaches were very smooth despite my nervous system executing an all out blitzkrieg on my body and mental faculties. My auto-pilot actually seems reliable. If I keep it simple for now, I should be able to get to a point where I'm less activated and more able to think on my feet.

    I'm very happy to report that the first direct approach was not a fluke. Feeling good,
    B33J
    Since you're in medical school, vagal maneuvers

    It works. Or is enough of a placebo to think it works. Just don't approach beet red lol.

    The more you approach, the more you kill the fear. I need to get my journal in order.
    When I am writing in red, it's as an Attraction Forums mod or admin. When I write in normal text, it's just me.

  10. #10

    Haha, thanks Honey Badger. I have tried vagals in the past for other anxiety issues but I've always found they do the opposite and increase my heart rate. I think I'll just have to tackle the anxiety the hard way, one approach at a time, but I do love the image of a beet faced bro approaching a hot chick in the canned goods aisle right next to some Campbell's tomato soup.

    Today I resolved to make another direct approach at the community college. As I walked up to the bus stop, a girl was waiting to cross from the other side of the street. She looked attractive from far. I thought I might as well do my one approach now and then I could just go back home to get some much neglected studying done. The crossing light took seemingly forever and by the time she crossed to my side I already had a thousand excuses - none of which were even remotely valid. She disappeared down the road.

    I caught the bus and headed to the college. I think that first failure created a lot of resistance - I had a lot of trouble pulling the trigger. I chickened out on at least 5 approaches before I decided to go somewhere else. There were some real babes at the college today too.

    I ended up at a mall with a lot of doubt brewing inside my head. I wasn't sure I could overcome the anxiety this time and, sure enough, I failed to make the approaches one by one until it was time to catch the bus back home. There was a transfer stop with a supermarket and as we pulled up, I just got angry. I got angry at my anxiety. I got angry at my inability to control it. I got angry that I was going to throw away all this progress and go home. So I didn't. I got off the bus and went to the supermarket. There was one girl sitting at the pharmacy, I resolved to approach but noticed she looked a bit depressed. I figured she was waiting for some test or medication or something. I steered clear. Another excuse - another failed approach.

    I got even more angry and finally made an approach. It was the usual direct opener, "Hi how's it going - I think you're cute - Are you single", but she was visibly taken aback. The other girls were very calm and pleased. This girl still admitted to being single though. I froze for a second while my nuked brain came up with a follow-up question. The other two times it was a natural segway and the girls actually contributed. This time she was wide eyed and visibly uncomfortable. Through our very one-sided conversation I found out she was way younger than I thought. I told her that and said it was nice to have met her before I ejected and headed back home triumphant.

    I got lucky the first two times to have approached responsive and friendly girls. Clearly some girls are easier to converse with than others, but I should always be prepared to carry a conversation after the direct opener. My plan is to make a wild guess as to her ethnicity, occupation, or interests, then come up with some observational reason for it. Girls are always interested in "their look" and how they project their identity. It should spark her interest and at least lead to a hook point at which I'll mention my program with all the value that reveals. After I've done 5 approaches I will make getting to the hook point my goal. For now I have 2 more direct approaches to make by the end of the week. Next week I'll make 2 approaches per outing. I hope by 10 approaches my anxiety will start abating so that I can finally start dominating my fear instead of the other way around.

    I need to work on just starting right off the bat. Hesitation leads to more hesitation. Don't think, just do.

    B33J

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