Need a reset

Thread: Need a reset

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  1. #1

    Need a reset

    So met a girl, eagerly gave me her number. She's shy and i'm not.

    Finally met up with her on Sunday and I bomb the date. I was too intense for her (based on my recap of my own behaviors) as well as reports from the girl stating I'm very "self actualized and secure with myself". she's shy, just came from an 8 year relationship and is currently working on herself (reading self help books and going to therapy). I tried to establish a second date but met with the "i'll let you know" response.

    I know as far as I'm concerned that sucked at the date. I was too intense. BUT i was honest, explained my responses thoroughly and asked questions with interest. At some point, she made a remark that I was asking real questions rather than the standard bsing lines. She said I was "interesting". I don't think she knows the game per se, but rather my impression of her is that she is timid enough and didn't know or have met someone like me.

    Anyway, at the end of the date, it became obvious it wasn't going to work out. BUT given i made a mistake of forgetting to pump my brakes and play a bit coy rather than showing my cards, I want to hit a reset button and re connect after a while. She's in my very distant social circle (VERY distant) and i'm sure i'd run into her again after maybe a few weeks. I'm wondering if there's a save for this or should i just abandon it.

    what yall think.



  2. #2

    short of brainwashing, "reset" is a myth. You can only build on whatever came before.

    Why do you want to save this? You're better off with a strong-willed woman who can be your match. Not broken women who are in therapy and struggling to recover from an 8-year LTR.

    If your goal is something casual, then there's no harm in trying again. Soften up, let her cry on your shoulder, and pretend to be whatever is missing from her life. That's kind of a dick strategy though.

  3. #3

    and that's not what i want. I don't want to act and lead her on, and then BOOM! fuck and duck. i've done that before and i'm trying to be a better person in general, so i guess part of becoming a better person is being honest and upfront with my intentions.

    And yeah, as soon as I started to type/ read my thread i realize i need someone who is stronger willed and has more secure self. I do want something casual (just came from a LTR myself) but i guess the ego is still fragile. I havent back in this forum in a long time, so it's nice to have address my weaknesses again and build a better me right now.

    as far as her and "resetting", i don't know. really am attracted to this one. im thinking of reaching out again in a few weeks and see where it goes.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Gender:
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    London
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    as far as her and "resetting", i don't know. really am attracted to this one.
    Why, because she's the only option right now or is the hottest option right now
    Vox - Love Systems Instructor
    -------------------------------------------------

    NEW WEBSITE LAUNCH 2016 - www.datingcoachvox.com

    FOLLOW ME: Twitter / Facebook

  5. #5

    @vox - She's not the only option. I have 3 in works right now. One i'm already hooking up with, one wants another date, and the other may be in the works at some point. the third one is just too far away.

    I don't see anything past the three, maybe just casual and nothing more. the third one, i'd like to maybe see again where it goes. She's definitely my type. the 3 are just a cross between themselves.

    So, i also got a weird text from her phone yesterday (monday). The iphone apparently has a feature that you can "like" or "dislike" a text. She removed a "dislike" from her own text, and removed another "like" from my last text from her saying "heya, thanks for coming out. I know i came on as a bit too intense, but i didn enjoy talking with you good night". AND finally a text she liked on the way back that had some humor in it. I have an android but i mean, it was obvious she was going through our messages prior to our date. Why would she like one and remove a like from another?

    There was no more from her, just that. No verbal/ written texts or reply to my last one.

    Our date was Sunday, but never reached again because i know i kinda WAS coming on too strong. Her body language was awkward and I got thrown off so i was also a bit tense. Anyway, any suggestions? She didn't give me a date when she was next available.

  6. #6

    I've been out of the actual "game" for a long time. i've relied on what i know and inherently possess. So far it had worked for me, but this one got me rattled. I should've reviewed a bit of what to ask. Probably one-itis or a variation of. I don't know. All I know is, i want a second date with her. Anyone suggest anything on how to approach it?

  7. #7

    ok. so i took a "F it, if it don't work, i'll chalk it up to experience" leap.

    i still find it weird she was liking/ unliking/ undisliking texts from before our date, AFTER botching things up. I don't understand it at all, and i probably never will.

    Anyway, i sent a text saying this

    ME: How were you last night? that lightning storm was awesome, scary! and now my building is the second ring of hell from this heat. Who knew old people sweat so much?
    Me: more importantly, will you be sweaty when you turn 100? these patients of mine are drinking water like they were running out of it.


    I doubt if i'd receive anything or hear back from her, and i'm now i realize i should be in a "too bad, ugh that sucked but whatever. I shouldn't care, it's done. plenty of others" mood rather than wallowing in my mistakes. I wish i knew how to resolve this but i'm sure the answers. bottomline is, i shouldn't have cared as much as i did to make an impression.

    Anyone want a free swing with a bat to this guy's head?

  8. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by sfindependent View Post
    I was too intense.
    Quote Originally Posted by sfindependent View Post
    ME: How were you last night? that lightning storm was awesome, scary! and now my building is the second ring of hell from this heat. Who knew old people sweat so much?
    Me: more importantly, will you be sweaty when you turn 100? :) these patients of mine are drinking water like they were running out of it.
    Those sound like some "intense" texts :)
    As you correctly assessed you are coming from a needy place. Best advice: be non-needy by learning & moving on

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Gender:
    Location
    London
    Posts
    694

    Who gives a fuck about women liking or disliking your texts. We're not 12 here. Ignore that completely.
    Vox - Love Systems Instructor
    -------------------------------------------------

    NEW WEBSITE LAUNCH 2016 - www.datingcoachvox.com

    FOLLOW ME: Twitter / Facebook

  10. #10

    thanks! yeah, i got over it quick.

    I just came from a 2 year relationship. Getting back into the game jitters, i feel. i've been dating, and have gotten some from the dates. It'll get better. Just needed an out. Sometimes, you just gotta crash and burn to know and learn from those mistakes.

    and no. fuck being a kid on these things. you're right vox

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