The Wonderful World Of Women Problems
Results 1 to 10 of 10
  1. The Wonderful World Of Women Problems

    Hey guys, and gals...

    I have a situation here and would love some advice, and/or thoughts.

    I'm 38, my girl is 35. We've been together for 3 years. I make a decent living and she doesn't work, really just wants kids, and to be a Mom, which we haven't yet done.

    I'll skip through all the details of our whole relationship because that would take forever, so I'll skip to the present.

    Her Mother and Brother who live in Argentina are moving to Spain, the Mother lives with the Brother. The Brother is moving to Spain, so naturally so is the Mother. Around the middle of July my girl decides she want to meet her Mother in Spain for 4 or 5 weeks (She has a strong bond with her Mom and doesn't get to see her all that much).

    So we make the arrangements, and once she's there she learns her brother will be celebrating his Birthday in Barcelona near the end of September, she wants to stay longer, and I had planned to go join my girl on Sept 13 and then travel with her to Barcelona, and she was going to come back home with me.

    During this time that we've been apart we have had a few arguments, but nothing that wasn't sorted within a few hours.

    Last Sunday I went to friends pool party. I told her a few days before I was going to go, she knows him and he is also one of my business partners. She kept making snide comments about it, and quizzing me for the few days leading up to the party. In the meantime I was actually getting sick (Felt like constant jetlag), and had decided I may not go.

    The day of the party I felt like crap, absolute crap which is surprising because I had a great sleep hanging out with my parents the night before. I really hadn't planned on going to the party, but a friend of mine needed a ride and I thought it would be pretty rude for me to not at least show face.

    I ran out the door to pick up my friend and when I went to call him once I arrived at his apartment, I realized I had left my phone at home, but luckily he was standing outside waiting for me. I decided to just goto the party without going home to get my phone because I wasn't going for long anyways, and I was almost halfway there anyways.

    I went to the party, it was much larger than I had thought it would be, but I had 2 drinks and left about an hour and a half later, still feeling like absolute crap, totally worn out.

    Fell asleep on the couch, woke up in a haze, then fell back asleep for like 8 or 9 hours, totally zonked out! When I woke up on Monday, it was 10am to my surprise, and I had missed a couple messages and texts from my girl. I call her, and the first thing she starts asking me about is the party..... This is where I fucked up big time!

    I didn't want a million questions, I really didn't want to feel persecuted , and it was really no big deal, so in order to avoid 10 million questions, and the anxiety of feeling like I'm doing something wrong when I'm totally not, I told her I didn't go..

    I know, I know, it's was really dumb, and I shouldn't have told that fib, but the way I looked at it was, she was going to think it was all bullshit, I really didn't do anything at all off-side, and I didn't want to feel persecuted and under the gun for no reason.

    I should have just told her what happened, which is exactly what I explained above.

    The reality was, she already knew I went because there was a picture on Instagram of me and two guys from the party.

    My girl gets really upset and starts calling me a liar and just goes off. Then she breaks up with me. I plead with her to not do this, it was nothing, and this seems to be quite harsh considering the situation, but she won't have any of it. Then she stops taking my calls, and won't answer any text messages from me.

    Keep in mind here, she's 9000 miles away in Spain, on Vacation with her Mom, so there's no way I can even attempt to talk to her in person and reason with her. She calls me the next day, and aI thought she would have cooled down a bit, but no, the exact opposite.. She still furious and now wants me to pack up all her stuff and put it in storage, tells me not to come to Spain as planned and that she never wants to see me again..

    Crushing! I'm so lost and crushed from this. She won't talk to me, or answer any messages, she's made up her mind, and over something so dumb. I get it was equally dumb of me to not just say what happened, but again, sometimes she makes me feel like I've done something wrong when I haven't, and it kinda sucks.

    Anyways, once again, she won't answer my calls or or messages, and i'm starting to get really dumb-founded by all of this. It's so irrational I can't believe it.

    I leave it alone and stop calling and messaging her, 2 days later I get a call from her, and when I saw it coming in I was so excited.. I was thinking she'd have cooled down and now we could actually talk (Remember, I'm now supposed to be going there in less than a week, as originally planned even though she said not to on our last call, I'm hoping she's rational now)...

    I answer the phone, she's anything but nice.. Her opening line to me is, "So how long have you been cheating on me for"? I almost fell over. I've never cheated on her, nothing, not even close! She yelling at me again on the phone saying she found more pictures online of me, but now this time it's with some chick who is "draped all over me"...

    She sends me the picture, I look at it, and there is me, some wasted chick who looks like shes kinda leaving into me with her eyes closed, and right behind her is my good friend. On top of that it's at my friends night club... I have no idea who this is, at all!

    I send the picture to my friend, and he's like, "Don't you remember that night. That's XXXXXX, my friend XXXXXX wife... Remember she was falling all over the place just drunk as hell"... Then I remembered.. I had only seen her that one time in my life..

    I tell this to my girl, even give her the names and proof with a picture of the girl with her husband right on the cover page of the guys facebook profile, and nothing..

    Guy, it's now been another two days, I have tried to talk to her, she won't listen or talk to me at all.. She just calls me a liar and a cheater, it's just crazy to me.

    One thing I will never do again is little white lies out of convenience, with anyone.. Those little pricks get you in more trouble than anything else, and they are usually done out of convenience and laziness.. Perhaps a bit of fear mixed in.. Even though, in my case, there's been any malicious intent whatsoever, I get how it can look...

    Anyways, I need your help. I love this girl, and I want to go see her in Spain, but we need to talk and sort this out before then.. Kinda tough when she won't communicate with me at all!

    Thanks in advance for reading and responding!



  2. #2

    Better that this happened before you're married not after.

    If after 3 years of dating you still feel like you have to lie about stupid stuff, then clearly you guys aren't a match.

    Maybe you never cheated but cheating isn't about other women as much as it's about being able to trust your partner, and she can't trust you.

    Enjoy your time apart, and think about how good your life would be if you were engaged to a woman who didn't bust your balls all the time and who you could be honest with.

  3. Quote Originally Posted by gq1 View Post
    Better that this happened before you're married not after.

    If after 3 years of dating you still feel like you have to lie about stupid stuff, then clearly you guys aren't a match.

    Maybe you never cheated but cheating isn't about other women as much as it's about being able to trust your partner, and she can't trust you.

    Enjoy your time apart, and think about how good your life would be if you were engaged to a woman who didn't bust your balls all the time and who you could be honest with.
    This is all true, definitely a vicious little circle. I get lazy and hate answering a million questions about irrelevant stuff, she in turn gets more insecure, and the trust level goes down... All over such idiotic stuff. Wish there was a reset button!

  4. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by LeeBrando View Post
    This is all true, definitely a vicious little circle. I get lazy and hate answering a million questions about irrelevant stuff, she in turn gets more insecure, and the trust level goes down... All over such idiotic stuff. Wish there was a reset button!
    I've seen this cycle before. A reset button doesn't help. It's just the way some people are. You need to be with a woman who doesn't ask you questions you don't want to answer.

  5. Quote Originally Posted by gq1 View Post
    I've seen this cycle before. A reset button doesn't help. It's just the way some people are. You need to be with a woman who doesn't ask you questions you don't want to answer.
    Yes but in any relationship, the 2 people involved have the right to know what's going on in their significant others life, that's all a part of communicating properly in a relationship.

    The main problem I have is this, even on the times where there isn't necessarily a ton of questions, there's always these little 'jabs', and again, not the biggest deal, just gets a little much when my mind is mush from work, etc.

    There's plenty of good in the relationship as well, and if it's one thing I should have learned a long time ago, it's the little things that add up.

  6. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by LeeBrando View Post
    Yes but in any relationship, the 2 people involved have the right to know what's going on in their significant others life, that's all a part of communicating properly in a relationship.

    The main problem I have is this, even on the times where there isn't necessarily a ton of questions, there's always these little 'jabs', and again, not the biggest deal, just gets a little much when my mind is mush from work, etc.

    There's plenty of good in the relationship as well, and if it's one thing I should have learned a long time ago, it's the little things that add up.
    Easy enough to be honest: "i feel like crap so i can't talk to you" right? I do that all the time to everyone in my life.

    Something drove you to lie to this girl, and it wasn't just a one day of feeling crappy. You guys have a history which made you decide to hide things.

    When you've reached this point in a relationship, it's a symptom of something deeper that's wrong. Your original post says "that would take forever" which implies there's been plenty of drama with you guys. I'm also wary of the fact that you had to explain she intends to be a stay-at-home mom. It makes me think you're not totally on board. (Either you aren't committed to being a dad, or you're not committed to supporting your woman, or both.)

    If you want to make this relationship work then you need counselling. Advice from unmarried guys on a pickup board just aren't good enough. Having a 2-hour heart-to-heart with her isn't enough either. There's 3 years of bad habits to recognize and untangle.

    I have seen guys get married in similar situations and they're just begging to endless trouble. I'd rather be single than break my back carrying so much drama, but that's why I'm still single.

  7. #7

    Whenever things go like this I tend to think they are just looking for an excuse to break up. While you shouldn't have told the white lie, she knows you well enough to know how to start a conflict. I will never understand the female mind - but my theory is once they get it in their head they want to break up (logical) they have to make up a reason for it (emotional). Once this was decided it was only a matter of time. Even if you had done things differently. Don't underestimate the influence of her mother while she's off in a foreign country. These solo vacations with family seem to cause trouble sometimes. At least this happened before marriage. It'll be hard, but you're probably better off moving on.

  8. #8

    Dude. This was my exact same experience. Only mine she was in Australia.

    We lied. We broke that trust. For whatever reason we had be it good, bad, or to avoid unpleasant reactions. We did.

    If she feels unsafe, unable to trust or any of the like, it's entirely up to her to forgive you and put in the same amount of work you are willing to do ("making up for it" is never good). it's an equal partnership.

    Good luck.

  9. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by gq1 View Post
    Better that this happened before you're married not after.

    If after 3 years of dating you still feel like you have to lie about stupid stuff, then clearly you guys aren't a match.

    Maybe you never cheated but cheating isn't about other women as much as it's about being able to trust your partner, and she can't trust you.

    Enjoy your time apart, and think about how good your life would be if you were engaged to a woman who didn't bust your balls all the time and who you could be honest with.
    I agree. I would enjoy the time away from such a person! Life is too short.

  10. 35? Doesn't work? Wants kids? This is a pickup forum. Go get younger.

Similar Threads

  1. The U.K. Ugliest women in the first world?
    By 24 Grams in forum Off-Topic
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 01-22-2013, 03:05 AM
  2. Replies: 0
    Last Post: 08-22-2006, 05:33 PM
  3. Most beautiful women in the world.
    By NOFXFAN in forum Off-Topic
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 06-21-2006, 01:45 AM
  4. WORLD CUP: List of rules for women
    By Eclectic in forum Off-Topic
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 05-05-2006, 12:03 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions



Facebook  Twitter