Project Rockstar 2017 Journals - Page 8

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  1. Blog 6
    Day 14

    Test at Hakkasan. this guy brings out a lot, probably all the hot girls in town to the clubs. i was very excited and i love the club environment. It was at the beginning of the night and was just hanging out with some of the guy from the alumni group when i saw this beautiful tan white girl walking past. i literally grabbed her by her hand and just blurred out come here, in a very commanding way. she literally stopped her friend who was pulling her from the other side and she just came. i was so into her and she felt the energy. should have pulled her to the table but her friend wasn’t easy on the eyes and i got in my head. by the time i made up my mind it fizzled out. i did beat my self for that till i saw this curvy busty girl walk down the stairs when i was just walking about with one of the instructors. all i did was stop her in the middle of the staircase and just told her she’s fucking gorgeous and i was there staring at her holding her hands. told her i don’t want to let go of her hand: “her: if you do i will run away. Me: then i’m never letting it go.” after that i just started walking to the table. we danced for sometime when she told me she’s super horny right now and all and i did not do much just grind with her, and walkout. i did mention we should get out of here but it was more of asking for her permission rather than leading her. big mistake. next time i need to be the man i am and just walk her out. god she was smoking hot.

    Day 15

    Real heavy day for inner game. 6 of us were individually worked on to face biggest and deepest demons. Today i was one of those 6. although i am in a loss of words, all i can say is that cried like i have never before. this process is very intense and exhausting. but after i felt much lighter and clam. i need to learn to love myself and be more caring.
    We told to take the night off if needed, but i decided to go out. Hakkasan, Zedd. i didn’t want to miss that. long story short, brought home a hot Brazilian and her friend with an alum. she’s definitely the type of girl i see myself with. pat on the back for that. its sometimes hard to notice how quickly we are changing and evolving.
    Back at the house, before going to bed i took out a Tupperware and was hanging out with one of the girls who just finished her bang bang with one of the guys and waiting for her friend to finish. at one point she just pops out “i’m sorry for tonight. Me: about? Her: for being a bitch, when you were trying to talk to me. Me: you are supposed to, to weed out the bs. Her: yes but in the process i lost on a great guy like you. thank you for still talking to me and making me so welcome here in your mansion. You are a great guy.”

    Day 16

    HW: go back and read over the story and rewrite the new story. Focus on love, the gifts given, focus on giving and living.

  2. Blog 7
    Day 17

    A very intense day at seminar time. It was my turn to face my fears, let go of them and replace that during hole inside me with love and positive feelings. i went from being calm, being analytical about my life to facing those who belittled me with anger, getting rid of all this, and just letting go. for once and for all. towards the end i just had tears roll down my eyes, the feeling is hard to put in words but i just feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders as i’m writing this blog right now.

    Day 18

    I knew this happens to the class every year and its struck me. I’m down with a cold and my throat is sore. Luckily my throat is working and we are digging deep into the inner game aspect of the program. the whole concept here is that i can’t love and accept me for who i am, or work on myself to make myself better, external changes will not come. whether it be women, friends or financial success. our conscious brain is also a muscle and just like any muscle it needs care, exercise to grow and maintenance.

    Day 19

    today was the wrap up of the inner game seminar with only 2 meditation days to go into. the process of self search. these past few days was all about learning about ourselves, our problem, demons, past incidents that are anchoring our progress. we did some breathing exercises to calm our minds, some things to do in the mornings and also things we should do to remove our self doubts and put the understanding and self love in me. its hard to explain but just by putting trust in the process of it, i’ve had amazing results already. and as time goes by, these effects will just multiply.

  3. Blog 8
    Day 20

    i’ve been accustomed to meditation since childhood as it was a part of the faith my family followed. this was something i really enjoyed and valued as one of the most important aspects of my faith. this year in the program a similar practice of meditation was added and it was the best thing ever. i’ve never meditated for 4-5 hours straight and just sitting in the dark room with the rest of the group was a very bonding experience to say the least. it took a while for me to get into the groove and set aside my worldly thoughts and focus on my main question. what is my purpose in life? eventually it was at a surreal feeling where i am able to talk to my inner voice and just go a deep search to find the answers. i was amazed that it has always been in me. i felt like i saw my real self and how hard it was for me to rip open all that love and acceptance for myself and how great a person i am, which was not what i thought i was. i saw my parents, my brother, my home, how i am incomplete and alone without them.

    Day 22

    after last nights meditation ceremony, we all were very drained. this morning we had brunch and then a circle of reflection where the whole group shared their experience, for many a first time doing something like this. 20+ guys, so it took a few hours. it was very insightful for me just sharing and learning from other’s experiences. i’m taking the rest of the day to prepare for tonight and making the intention of what i want to search for tonight.

    Day 23 August 17, 2017

    it was the same as yesterday and i writing today while in the second circle of reflection. I couldn't have asked for a more blissful journey I had last night. It's so hard for me to put in words and I'm sure it's the same for the rest of us. i’ll go more in detail in the upcoming inner game reflections.

  4. #74

    Journal #8

    Friday August 18, 2017— Omnia

    This was our first big night after the break.

    A celebration of all the hard work we’ve done to ourselves since we got to Vegas three weeks ago, and even before that really. We had a table right above the DJ booth, The DJ was Martin Garix (someone I've actually heard of), and a high minimum spend (=tons of alcohol). But I wasn’t ready.

    After all that we’ve been through in the last week I figured that going to a night club would be easy… We’ve done it literally dozens of times since we’ve been out in Vegas, and now that we spent so much time working on our mental health it should be easier right? Wrong. I was fragile.

    Before we left for the club someone turned on some music at the mansion and it shook me. I could feel my insides we’re effected by it. I didn’t like that. Same thing when we got to the club, I was fragile and not ready. I managed to settle in, talk to some cute girls and have a really fun night in the end. But I left around 3 with one of the instructors. I got to spend some time with an instructor which was a plus of leaving early.

    I came to the conclusion that a combination of a few days off, as well as thinking about our lives so deeply and so intensely for three days, along with all the inner game work we did before that, we were in a place where going to a night club was a shock to our system. This night was necessary to get back into the swing of things at the club, and the habit of going out, but it was one of the tougher nights on the program.

    One more day off would have helped, but that wasn't an option. I'm glad I went out anyways. It doesn’t matter if you’re ready you’ve just got to do it sometimes.

    Saturday, August 19, 2017 — Hakkasan

    This Is my favourite club in Vegas. The set up we have is amazing, the DJ is amazing, the Girls are so hot. You can't ask for anything more.

    I was still feeling a little shaken from the inner game work, so I tried my best to forget about Game and have some fun. That worked wonders and guess what happened? I met some cool girls.

    Towards the end of the night a blonde girl walked by me so I stopped her and asked where she was going.

    “Home, my friends left me.”

    I talked to her for a couple minutes and then told her to come hang out at our table. She said fuck it and came along.

    We hung out at the table for a couple minutes, and then she said she had to go to the washroom. I walked her through the crowd over to the washroom and went to take a piss. I came back and pulled out my phone to wait for her. Before she could come out, a really cute irish girl I was talking to from earlier in the night walked out and started teasing me about being on my phone. She said she was going to the dance floor and asked if I wanted to come. I had to choose in that moment, if I was going to wait for the blonde girl, or go with the Irish girl. I went with the Irish girl.

    We didn’t go home together but, I had a lot of fun so I don't regret my decision. I won’t know if this was the right or not, but for me to make that decision in a split second and end up having fun.

    I learned a lot over the last couple nights about having fun and not setting expectations, listening to my body and learning how to react to it. Before I would have been panicked about how there’s only a couple nights left in Vegas I should be at X point in my learning and development. Now I’m at ease with how many nights out we have in Vegas, and where I’m at.

    These two nights might have been tough, but it was necessary learning experience that is going to help me for years down the road.

  5. #75

    Vegas Diary #8

    Another 2 days gone, another gazillion experiences… just coming back from skydiving – great bonding experience… was a lot less scary than the first time I did it a while back though – I wonder whether that was because I had experienced it before or simply because I had had a mere 2 hours of sleep after the club… in the waiting room before going up to fall out of the sky, more than one guys’ head hit the table as exhaustion seemed to win the battle over adrenalin… but once the plane’s hatch opens and you fall out into the void, the adrenaline rushing through your veins so that you barely manage to take in the sight of the Hoover dam to one sight and the strip to the other, all that tiredness is forgotten and a big fat grin is firmly implanted on your face… first eskimo brothers, now sky brothers – what’s next?

    Where did I leave you guys… was it after Saturday night out at Hakkasan or after Wet Republic on Sunday? It’s all a blur to me… we barely have time to exchange all the weird / fun / enlightening stories anymore – and there are plenty. We’ve all become so good at calmly handling even the weirdest situations – misreads and miscommunications, lost or stolen wallets, girls passing out on the way to the cab, professionals who only reveal themselves at the very last moment… it’s great that we are partying sober all the time so we can handle those situations and take care both of our friends and of the girls we are with. It still happens time and again though that one of the guys with the car keys simple forgets he has them, takes an Uber home and the next day we have to collectively browse the WhatsApp chat to find at what Casino the missing car is parked… Exhaustion is shaking us pretty hard this last week in Vegas, but our group is strong enough by now to not blow anything said or done out of proportion, so group cohesion is awesome – as is our will to grind on hone our skills ever more: This weekend most of us managed to fit in some 15-18 hours of practice in less than 30 hours, the last car arrives back home usually well past sunrise, and the hardest ones go days without ever getting as much as 6 hours of sleep… mind over matter, big time!

    On the flip side, you can feel the boys getting a bit antsy. When you’re getting so good at opening and keeping conversation with a ton of attractive and interesting women, it really takes a lot of mental discipline to not judge yourself by the outcome, but by sticking to the process and by your dedication, and also to keep expanding your boundaries. It’s great to get lost in an interesting conversation for hours, but that’s not what we came for, so a harsh blowout resulting from testing the limits of your own comfort zone, being bold and going all-in is a way better learning experience than just letting a “regular” conversation run its way without ever trying to force her to decide on how the night will end. But if you do it, it more often than not gives you a sense of pride and validation for daring. The process itself has become rewarding, and that mental shift alone was worth the ride up to here. The class is exceeding expectations by so far that we really should celebrate ourselves, our peers and our incredible life even more than we do. Take a step back, take a deep breath and realize what an incredible journey this is and how much it will affect our lives and our happiness from here on out. Just applying for this program was a bold move, and every bold step forward that we are taking adds to the rewards that we will reap from it and the pride that we all should take from it. Rockstars for Life!

  6. #76
    Join Date
    May 2017

    Day 19-21 – 3 day meditation retreat (see inner game reflection)

    Day 22-24

    Went out for Martin Garix. Had the skytable, which is literally right above the DJ booth, one of the best tables I've ever seen, though it felt like we were bit withdrawn from the whole club. Coming off a few days without going out, I was feeling a little rusty on the first few interactions, I'd say partly because I was still feeling quite mellow from meditation. I met a gorgeous blonde girl early on, and went to the table with her and her friends. We were having a good time but just standard banter and club conversations, until my coach walked past and reminded me 'how much we love our special moments'; I was supposed to be working on creating them. From here I sat down with the girl and tried numerous times, peppered between getting up to dance and have fun, but there was just so little threads of conversation we could go deep and connect on. I did a lot of talking, and was proud of myself for sharing a lot of stories and insights, while the most she had to offer was that she worked in a bar and liked red wine. And had a cat. This was another good example that some girls just don’t go deep, and are just there to have fun (or in this case, bored and doesn’t want to be in Vegas, just doing her girl duty for her friends bachelorette party). We still had a good time and danced, but shortly after I asked her 5 friends who were being negative/bringing down the vibe at the table to leave, so they went to dance and then she text me saying they left the club. I thought it was done, then a couple of days later she texted me asking to hang out if I'm ever in her city, so maybe somewhere the depth did connect. I had a number of other good interactions this night, with 2 that had key lessons. One was a German girl I approached and walked back to the table; I didn’t think she was into me before we headed to the table, but after we got there I noticed a massive shift. I think it was more the leading through the club than the table, because we never actually went inside and hung out. Toward the end of the night one of the alumni was doing well with a girl half his age so I hung out with the guys and talked a bit to her hot friend. I wasn’t getting much and didn’t think she was into me, and then all of a sudden there we are building massive tension and making out. We headed back to another alumni's awesome suite for an after party, where we were just chilling out and I figured nothing was going to happen, was getting nothing from her and I was just chilling. At one point, my friend said we should go and check out the view in the other room; knowing it was the guest bedroom I simply grabbed her hand and walked off. She was still acting like nothing was going to happen, and then a few moments later we were naked and had some pretty great sex, with a great view of the Vegas strip. She messaged me the next day thanking me for the orgasms and a great time.

    We had a BBQ at the mansion with all the instructors and alumni that were still around, which was a good chill day. Tonight they turned on the drinks for us too, and I had some tequila before heading out. I didn’t really feel like drinking, nor that I needed it, and I just had a few. I didn’t really get a buzz, despite not having alcohol since last year, and it just clouded my head and made me feel a bit off. I’m so glad I can go out and have more fun than anyone in the club, without having to drink poison just to get me into a state I can have fun and talk to people. Maybe I’ll drink again in the future but it’s just not in my reality anymore as something that I need to have fun or be me, and I love that. Before this program I did enjoy going out drinking, but I was doing it mostly by myself and I’d get a lot of pressure from friends to drink if I went out with people, vs here where no one drinks and no one even thinks about it; we just go out and try and make our night the most awesome time we can by being ourselves. I headed home an hour or two earlier than normal, which is still solid effort at 3am, as we had our first day club the next morning; having to arrive super early (being a big table of guys getting in can be tricky, especially when we get the tables we do, so we do what we can like get to places early and fill it with women). The dayclub was epic, we had two sick tables right behind the DJ booth and partied all day. I drank a bit again, but really wasn’t feeling it and am probably done with drinking when we go out; maybe I’ll have some drinks on the road trip with the guys but I think I’m done with drinking unless it’s partying with friends and I have no obligations the following day (and I don’t see this as likely as I like to be productive constantly).

    It’s all starting to blend together, I’ve come so far and as my instructor said, it’s just a matter now of experiencing more and more interactions and working on it all; he doesn’t have anything left to teach me and my buddy, unless it’s specific questions. To get feedback like this is cool, but also sobering because now I know it’s about the dedication and commitment to continue grinding it out. I feel like I can always pick out what I did right/wrong, though I love that there’s always something new to surprise me.

  7. #77
    Join Date
    May 2017

    PR Journal 7

    So we took about 4 days off while we were taking part in the guided meditation. Talk about rusty. Approach anxiety, my old friend. It just goes to show that even after pushing yourself to go and talk with girls hundreds of times over the last three weeks, fear is something that will never go away entirely. I immediately pushed myself to start approaching. I will be honest, it felt like I was swimming through molasses. I would force myself to approach but as the night went on, I continued to be trapped in my mind. No amount of approaches seemed to be changing my state.

    When I went out the night after, same thing happened, but instead of getting stuck in my head in the later hours of the night it happened early on. When I originally got into learning game, some of the advice I got was never to show negative emotions to people because they will feel the same emotions and not want to be around you. I took that message to heart, and for years when I would be down on myself I’d just hide it and try to figure it out on my own. I went to the bar to get a water with one of the alumni and he asked how I was doing. I don’t know why but I decided to be honest. I wasn’t doing well. I was stuck in my head and it was frustrating. Then the best thing happened. He sympathized. He told me it was ok, happens to him all the time. Eventually it would pass and I’d be back to myself. It felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It was ok to be stuck in my head. Ok, obviously I don’t want to be stuck in my head. But it IS going to happen. Understanding that this is all part of life is really important for keeping a level head. In the past I had just battled my mind incessantly so that I would be out of it which, as we all know, is like me telling you not to think about elephants. By acknowledging it, I am at the least able to move forward with myself instead of beating myself up. In addition, opening up to someone else made it easier for me to get out of it. It’s like I was able to share the burden with someone, and the best part was it had no bearing on how the other person was feeling.

  8. #78

    13 day inner game reflection

    My brain is swollen from all the information I’ve learnt over the last 13 days. Previously I only thought about inner game as something that affects approach anxiety and my mood when I’m out. Some nights I would be “on fire” and other nights I would be too afraid to approach girls. Often I would just turn to alcohol to subdue some of the fear and inhabitions. Occasionally I would get the outcome I wanted so always thought alcohol is just a mandatory part of any good interactions.

    Inner game is so much more, infact I’m struggling to put my thoughts into words on paper.
    Much of our lives revolves around decisions and judgements we make. Often these decisions are based around how we perceived events – or “our version” of events. Part of the event is factual (eg what actually happened) and the other is subjective. How as a person we perceived the event.

    During the inner game 13 day seminar I talked about 1 issue that had held me back in my life. It took a little digging to find this root cause, because it wasn’t on the surface and wasn’t something I thought about consciously. In short I had a feeling that I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t someone people wanted to be friends with or hang out with. After deep reflection these thoughts were based on the fact that my dad left when I was 3 months old. He didn’t leave when my older brother was born so somehow as a young kid I blamed myself for him leaving. The two parts of the event are what happened and the story. What happened is my dad left. The story is that it was my fault and I’m not enough.

    Its easy to see how absurd it is that a child under 5 makes a decision about an event and then that story rules the rest of you life. Discovering how this story holds you back in life in a negative way is the key to resolving the “story” permanently. In short if your brain can be wired in a way to accept a story as 100% fact, its just as simple to rewire the brain to rewrite the story.

    Negative stories can still have a positive effect on your life. In my life I concentrated a lot on my career since I just wasn’t excelling in my social /relationship life. The result was that I was really satisfied that I had a great career doing the kind of stuff I loved doing. Financially I was outperforming my peers and had a comfortable life money wise. Complete happiness is about having all areas of your life on track, not just 1 or 2 areas.

    Most of this reflection so far has been talking about “inner” and I haven’t talked about “game” so much. How does having a good headspace help you hook up with hot girls ?

    I’ve been finding that girls have an acute sense of who is genuine and authentic. They are naturally attracted to guys that are in a good headspace. Body language and other subtle signs all improve once your inner game is sorted. It ends up not mattering as much on what you say, but rather the intention behind what you say. The curriculum teaches how important it is to come from a giving / growing and loving nature. This has been a major breakthrough for me. Its amazing how not being outcome dependant can totally change interactions with girls. An example of this is me texting a girl that I’m totally fine with her hanging out and hooking up with another group of boys. I mentioned I was still keen to see her again myself, but I was fine with her having an awesome time with someone else. This was a genuine and authentic conversation, I honestly was ok with her being with someone else. The result was she was even more attracted to me and wanted to sleep with me even more.

    The last part of the inner game program is a 2 night meditation experience. We had 2 very experienced people to lead a overnight meditation experience that concentrated on resolving any roadblocks and issues in your personal life. The experience actually gave me a lot of clarity and gave me answers to many of the challenges that I’d be facing.

    I was super proud to get a comment from a girl that I had an amazing aura around me. Girls have an amazing sense of judging who is authentic and who isn’t. One of the tips before the program was that by the end, girls aren’t the core part of the program. I couldn’t see how this was possible when a core part was going out every night trying to meet new girls. I’ve realised the program isn’t about girls, its about being the best version of yourself. When you are the best version of yourself girls are naturally drawn into your world. Approaching girls over and over is actually just an efficient way to measure your progress as becoming the best version of yourself. I would have never thought, girls could be a measuring gauge of success.

    I have no doubt that the last 13 days will be the single event to have the most profound positive impact on my entire life. So many areas of my life will never be the same again. I feel like a new person.

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