Project Rockstar 2017 Journals - Page 3

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  1. #21

    Update 2

    Wednesday Night

    After another full day of group seminar sessions we are back out on the town in vegas. A month in vegas is a super long time, often a conversation starter itself if a girl asks the usual question " When are you leaving". Staying sober is one of the reasons this program works so well, firstly a month of being drunk every night would be super taxing on everyones body and mind. Secondly the clarity to analyse your performance and improve your social skills is best done sober.

    Tonight we hit the club surrender. At the start of the night we get a message that the headline DJ marshmellow has cancelled. I've noticed the crowd at clubs is super dependant on the DJ act. The mega clubs pay mega $$ for the hottest DJs at a point in time and the crowds flock. I'm not into EDM that much so the music side isn't a big deal. In anycase there was more girls at Surrender than I approached so no problem with abundance.

    There wasn't a lot of notable interactions tonight, my state never really hit rock bottom low, rather it was just "average" and most of my interactions with girl were average / boring. Looking back I probably go back to boring interview type conversation as a safety net. I did use some banter, a limited amount of sexualation, moving the girls - but none of these were in the volumes or energy required to be succesful.

    Right at the end of the night I had a good learning interaction. Two coloured girls from Miami were outside the club, obviously my hooker radar is on full alert, they didn't have high heels on, but I wasn't sure if they were or not. I was attracted to one, and approached - I engaged both of them and clearly stated my intention that I was into one of the girls. The subcomms and sexual talk started quickly and she responded really well.

    I screened to see if she was working whilst an instructor winged the other one. She was really confused when I asked about work, and we had a quick conversation about hookers approaching guys in vegas. After this and later speaking with the instructor i'm 98% sure they weren't hookers.

    I grabbed her closer and she mentioned she could feel me being aroused. I told her she liked it and her body language and verbal communication confirmed she was melting in front of me. There was logistics issues because she had promised to hang out with other friends - apparently a group of guys and girls. I tried pushing through this, suggested alternatives. The interaction started to lose heat at this stage. I didn't osocalate turning the sexual tension on and off. An instructor noted that I was doing "pigeon" steps into the girl as she took half a step away from me.

  2. #22

    Update 3

    Thursday night we had a night off and we held a team dinner which was great bonding for the team.

    Friday night was XS and overall the night went well, I felt small improvements in all areas. This was refreshing because the previous night I didn't feel the progress, in fact in many areas it felt like I had gone backwards a little. Tonight the growth was incrementally better across all areas of my social interactions. This ties in well with what the instructions say about 2 steps forward 1 step back. I got a bunch of phone numbers on this night and I'm realizing that phone numbers from girls in the club are 9 times out of ten worthless. There is simply too much stimulus in Vegas clubs. I've had girls 600% promise they are going to text back or call and interaction finishes on a super high, 3 hours later they have meet 20 other guys and forgotten about you. In the moment they believe you are both going to keep in contact but 1 hour is like 2 months in the real world. If you don't contact a girl for 2 months in regular life, often the girl has moved in the meantime.

    Saturday was the 6 month anniversary of my brothers death and I was emotional. Instead of keeping to myself and hiding in my room crying, I went to the common area of the house and shared what I was going through with the other guys. Sharing the heavy load with such an awesome group of supportive people made the day so much better.

    Saturday night was chainsmokers at XS. I was excited to see this band / DJ. I had heard some of their music on the radio and loved it. Tonight I had a lot less interactions but a couple went super long. I got a lot of lessons from these two interactions. Both of them I sexualised the conversation early and oscillated from going deep to sexual, to normal. Both girls were in groups and it was tough to get them isolated from their girls for any extended amount of time.

    Late in the night I got an invite to join a group sex session at a hotel room with a couple girls and a few guys. I was apprehensive, I've never been in a situation where another guy was involved in a sexual encounter. There was other thoughts in my mind too, I definitely didn't want to feel like us males were taking advantage of girls. Also I didn't want to feel inadequate when sexual performing along side other guys. Once I attended the room, all doubts were erased. The entire encounter was very much focused on the girls wishes and making sure they had the best experience in a consensual manner. One of the girls mentioned it was the best birthday ever and was super grateful to the guys for providing such a great opportunity to fulfill some of their inner sexual desires. I've never heard girls say thank you so often during and after sex. It was such a eye opening and learning experience for me.

    Sunday we attended XS nightswim. I was still exhausted from the late night before and I noticed my energy levels were lowish. Approaching girls on this night didn't seem as smooth and the interactions largely didn't go as well. Its tough when you have a night where you don't think your making progress. The instructors keep reminding that its normal to feel like its 2 steps forward 1 step back.

  3. #23

    Rockstar Journal # 3

    Sunday August 6, 2017. XS Night Swim

    I feel about a year older than when I started Rockstar, which was 12 days ago? How is that possible?

    I’ve looked around over the last couple days, and while I haven’t been having as much success with women, I’m feeling pretty humbled and grateful to be living in a house with these guys, and that I’m constantly surrounded by friends and mentors.

    For me, since we started discussing Inner Game on Thursday the nights out haven’t really been about getting laid. It’s about finding out who I am, and why I do the things that I do.

    And through some of the exercises we did the last couple nights I now have some amazing tools to use when I’m feeling down on myself.

    Last night I had a great learning experience and a few different things that had been discussed in seminar “clicked”.

    One of the instructors told me I was talking to girls because I wanted to get something from them. This is natural, and most guys will approach them wanting something from them.

    I know that this is a bad place to come from, but I was still doing it and I didn’t know why. But I don’t want to be like that, so instead I want to GIVE something to every girl I talk to (good emotions, laughter, banter, positive energy ETC).

    Towards the end of the night I adopted the mindset:

    “There’s a hot girl, I should go talk to her because I want to get to know her and see if she’s cool.” Not approaching solely because I want to have sex with her, which is the place I was coming from previously.

    So with the adaptation of this mindset, and the instructor pushing me towards girls that I would have classified as “too hot” I started having better interactions with hotter girls.

    Next I realized that I’ve been trying to force open the thresholds of every interaction as wide as possible. Instead I want to start recognizing how open the thresholds are, and then act accordingly.

    Getting this feedback from the instructors was valuable because it will help my interactions with women, but it also helped me realize I had been creating a big story in my head that was holding me back.

    The story was that if I fail at some endeavor it means “I fucked up,” and that an instructor or a superior will scold me for not being perfect.

    So I have been trying to be perfect to try and avoid that.

    This has held me back throughout my entire life in that I haven’t taken the risks I wanted to take in order to do what I wanted to do, because I was worried I’d get told off for failing. I played it safe and took the path I was most confident I could succeed in.

    But this story has also helped me, in that I work really hard to do things the “correct” way or the instructed way. So if I get feedback I’ll implement it immediately because I want to do things right and keep my superior happy.

    I can see myself taking lessons from each night out and progressing a little bit every time we go out.

    Plus tomorrow is one of my favorite nights out, Bungalow night 2 @ Mar Key.

    Monday August 7th Bungalow Marquee.

    I’ve been working on a lot of mental blocks over the last couple days, but when I get over them I know there will be an explosion of results.

    I woke up this morning doubting myself and my abilities.

    I’ve been working on a lot of things over the last couples days, and I’ve learned a shit load. My instructor gave me some feedback that I was able to implement bit by bit, and eventually I think it all paid off.

    My instructor had been telling me to approach the girls that are hot. And especially the ones that are too hot not to approach.

    And I do every time. Usually I’ll get blown out, but those ones don’t hurt because it’s a win just for trying.

    “You feel that?” He motioned towards his heart. “That’s the feeling you want. That’s why we do this.”

    He’s right. That’s why I do this, It’s fucking powerful. It’s a good metaphore too, because when we take the biggest risks is when we see the most growth.

    He also taught me that I was coming from a place of wanting something from a girl when I talk to her.

    I know this is bad, but I didn’t realize I was doing it until he pointed it out.

    My goals going into Monday night at Marquee were:

    1. Approach the girls that make your heart pump with the mentality of “I’m a cool guy, let’s see if this hot girl is also fun.”
    2. Lead Confidently.
    3. Create a boyfriend girlfriend bubble

    I had already approached a couple of the heart stopping types early in the night. But I saw one from across the entrance look at me for just a second longer than normal so I went to talk to her.

    “You can’t stare at me like that.”

    “I didn’t stare. I just…. Glanced.”

    Ok now we’re playing conversational tennis. I lead her around the club, hold her, building tension, and having a blend of normal, fun and deep conversations. The combination of all of these things created the “bubble” of a boyfriend and girlfriend.

    So when we got back to the bungalow around 4 AM, and we we’re by the hot tub overlooking the strip, our clothes just fell off…

    Now I realized a few lessons in this:

    • Approaching the hottest girls is FUN and challenging.
    • I need to take risks because that’s when the most rewarding things happen.
    • Lead Confidently. Even if I’m not that confident in what will happen I need to try, fail (maybe) then pick myself back up and do it again.

    Day off tomorrow night I’m going to sleep forever.

  4. #24

    PR Journal 3

    I know itís only been about 2 weeks since I first stepped out of the plane in Vegas but my expectations are starting to fuck with my head. I have been working on building tension for what feels like a week now(itís been 4 days but still) and I donít feel like I am any farther down the line. A lot of skills just come naturally to me and itís frustrating that this one is not. Internally, I feel like I am being left behind. The instructors stressed that every single day is vitally important to the long term success of the program. In my mind, every day that I donít learn this stuff is a day that I donít progress. I guess this is why itís important during these journals to reflect on the things that I have done and not necessarily the interactions I have had. I do feel like I have been pounding against a wall over and over and over again on this stuff. Letís review. First lesson was tension is tension can be built with proximity and eye contact, in addition to touch. Second lesson was with touch, depending on how much you do it, ie put arm around her and bring her towards you or moving towards her, dictates whether it is going to be more warm or going to be more sexual. Third thing is tension is something you can feel. On one had there is tension that is more like holy shit he is in my space, and then obviously sexual tension where weíre getting turned on. I think that my problem has been that I have not been pushing it far enough. I think the way vici described it was tension is built because there is an element of risk that is running through the interaction. That is what tension is. Sexual tension is obviously thinking about sex but the other tension is building that feeling of being in her space, itís like upping the ante of the interaction to holy shit why is he so close to me. Because if I am building the tension she is comfortable with me being in her space. Iím pushing the boundaries of where our relationship is so that she does get more and more comfortable being with me. Through tension? I donít know if that is at all correct but thatís where my mind is going right now. But itís pushing that feeling that I am intruding on her space to build that tension between us so it doesnít just feel like a friendly we are going to be friends interaction and becomes something that is romantically charged. So tonight will be pushing what I feel comfortable with because... Oh. I need to feel tension. I need to feel uncomfortable with what I am doing because if I donít feel uncomfortable she wonít either? Fuck this is so confusing. I guess thatís why they say we need to up the ante. Sterlingís advice to me was that I was stuck in between arbitrary lines and would not go above them. It's time to push the boundaries and figure this out.

  5. #25

    Day 12 – 14

    It feels like I’ve been here a year at this point. So much growth in such little time. I’ve got to write a story on how I saw my life before the program, and I’m really struggling to because I can hardly relate to it. That’s how powerful and quick the growth happens here.

    Having a day off was great, well needed; I got to catch up on some sleep (previously had been averaging 4-5 hours), did some washing and went to the gym. We had bungalow Monday again, and again the outdoor area was closed. Bit of a tough night, the club was so packed and its so hard to move around when there’s that many people. Plus it’s dark and ridiculously loud. I had a few good interactions, three in particular that I pushed to the point we were going to go home together or bungalow, and then I opted to say goodnight and keep moving. Met a fun interesting cool woman, but she was fairly judgemental about sex. Over the course of our interaction I could start to see mind being opened by the possibilities that enjoying sex isn’t a bad thing. We had a great time and hung out, but I opted to head home.

    The next night out was great. I’m at a point where I’ve seen myself do nearly all elements of what I need to nail, done well, so now it’s a matter of having enough interactions to get enough experience feeling my way through the process and to practice more and more. It can be frustrating that sometimes I nail a few things, then the next night go to work on others and then have the previous elements slip / not as on point. Discussing it with my coach, it makes sense; for so many years I’ve dug the old trenches in my mind and I’ve just formed new ones, it’s natural to fall back into old ways, but now I’m able to recognise it and change it. I’ve also been thinking a lot about the inner game work we’ve done, and am starting to come to work through all the good and positive gifts I have to bring. I’m very rarely in my head, and more and more I’m finding I can bring the fun and gifts of being around me to the people I interact with. I will work out how I can keep this going. I’m also finding most of my growth is now coming from interactions with the hottest girls. An additional challenge with this right now is that there is so many ‘pickup’ guys in town, I think they’re here for their world conference or something, but there’s just so many running around doing weird shit that it makes it more challenging to talk to all girls let alone the hotter ones. Or maybe I’m wrong and I’m the problem, but I don’t think it’s the case (earlier on in the night most open green). We’re hitting some higher class venues shortly so that’ll be a good opportunity.

  6. #26

    Update 4

    Monday Night Marquee

    I've soon realised that Marquee bungalow nights are one of my favourites. Unfortunately the outdoor area is closed again which makes it a bit harder to get girls back to the bungalow. Early on I had a couple girls that were keen to go back to the bungalow Ė unfortunately it takes 10mins to get a key and just as I get the key the girls decide to go to the toilet. Now I had the key I thought it would be best to find out the most efficient way to get to the club. Unfortunately the bouncer wasnít keen for us to use the shortcut. The alternative was via 5 flights of stairs, 1 escalator, 1 elevator and some really long hallways Ė far from ideal to take girls that change their mind every 5 mins. After prepping the suite for drinks and ice I was about to go back to the club when groups of rockstars and girls started arriving. One of the rockstars even brought a group of 12 girls which was amazing.

    After a while I exited the bungalow and went and did more approaches in the club. I re-entered the club via the shortcut and convinced the bouncer to allow me to use the shortcut again.

    After a bunch more approaches I eventually I run into the 2 girls I meet earlier on in the night. Often you only see a girl once in a club as there is just so many people. This is why first impressions count, because you rarely get a second bite of the cherry.

    I take the 2 girls back to the bungalow, on the way I notice another guy and girl tagging along. There is no way Iím bringing another guy back to the bungalow so I let him know its not my party a he canít come. It was high risk and I thought all could lose the other 2 girls too, however it works out fine.

    One of the other rockstars wings with the other girl (turns out to be my girls cousin). We are about to head out to one of the balcony when I see 2 naked bodies, so I quickly detour and go to the other balcony without anyone even noticing. After 10 mins I pull my girl to the bedroom and we have a great time.

    Later in the night the cousin gives me the ok to sleep with her cousin, I didnít tell her that it already happened. Later in the night I chatted openly to my girl about group sex, and she was semi interested. We actually spent a bit of time looking around at the other girls and guys in the bungalow to see what people would be cool to join group sex. We got close, we had 3 of us back in the bedroom but the girl wasnít quiet ready mentally. We decided not to proceed and nobody was upset or disappointed. It wasnít the usual last minute resistance that I observed early in the night before sex so I didn't push super hard.

    My key learning from previous group sex is that its all about the girl, and its not something you force onto them at all.

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Aug 2017

    Vegas Diary #5

    Jeez, I just cannot take as many deep breaths as I like. This is so confusing and happening at such a breathtaking pace that there is no way I could possible fully process until weeks or even months after. I am literally capable of mentally or emotionally following my own progress. Without looking at my notes I canít even seem to remember what happened yesterdayÖ I thought the 12 weeks leading up to PRS with my full-time job, all the travel prep, the cooking, the Tupperware and the fitness was a constant sensory overload, but that was kindergarten compared to actually being in Vegas. I am almost non-stop torn between seemingly opposing feelings. On the one hand, I havenít even remotely comprehended how far I have come and how fucking awesome it is that some stuff I do that I could not even think of doing a week or two ago now seems kinda so effortless at times that I have to make an effort to catch myself and reward myself for doing it. And on the other hand, I still have many of those same anxieties, I feel I donít have the faintest fucking idea of what Iím doing and that Vegas will be literally over tomorrow and I havenít even started enjoying being here yetÖ

    Every single day, the group is bonding together stronger and stronger. The inner work we are doing is fucking insane, and seeing all these guys open up in ways that they have never been before fills me with mad love for all these daredevils. If they feel any of the confusion when confronting their demons that I feel Ė and I am pretty sure they do Ė these daredevils are fucking heroes.

    Itís hard to take a step back when youíre fully in it, but if I do, I must realize that I am in no way special. I see most of these guys (okay, maybe other than our 3 top models) wandering around with a kinda confused and scared look on their face time and again at night, and yet when I see them interacting with girls, it often looks so effortless from the outside. So you gotta remind yourself to keep an eye on the positive developments and stop beating yourself up for what you havenít achieved yet. Sure, I havenít approached half as many girls as I wanted yet, but more than ever in my life. Iíve accepted most challenges and learned something from it. All the girls that I took photos of are fucking hot. I am so much better at staying in state. I escalated in ways I did not think possible. I connected on emotional and sexual levels. I had girls react to my actions in ways I did not think possible. I did things I thought completely impossible. And I am opening myself up for so much more to comeÖ I am confused as fuck, but I accept that that is where I need to be to grow, so Iím just gonna put all my heart into trusting myself and becoming the man I can be.

  8. #28

    Tuesday Aug 8:

    Yesterday was a well-needed day off from seminar. I did some laundry, hung out by the pool and caught up on my sleep a bit.

    Night out Monday Aug 7 Marquee Bungalow

    Pretty early on I was getting a drink at the bar. I say hello to these two girls and we start talking. I invite them to come to the bungalow. They ask me what the capacity is and I ask them why they want to know. It turns out that there are twelve of them. After briefly checking with one of the instructors regarding logistics, I grab one of them by the hand and start leading the way. It must have looked strange, me leading twelve attractive females through the lobby, to the elevators. We get to the bungalow and I give a tour to the one Iím interested in. There were only about five guys there in total. Soon they lost interest, and went back to the club. Not long after, some alums showed up with a few more girls. I was talking to one of them for a while, but nothing came of it. They left and went back to the club. Soon after that, one of my fellow Rockstars showed up with two girls that I had met earlier in the evening. He took his to one of the rooms, and I began talking to the other. Thatís all it was for the rest of the night - talking. I tried to help this girl remove the mask she was hiding behind. Pretending that she wasnít ďthat kind of girlĒ. The kind of girl that owns her sexuality and allows herself to admit that she enjoys it and wants it as much or more as guys do. After a while, it became too exhausting talking to her. I threw in the towel and called it a night around four AM. Iím still trying to figure out what the lesson is from this night. Too much talking, not enough touching maybe.

    Tuesday night was a well-needed night off. I went to sleep pretty early to try and get caught up a bit.

    Wednesday Seminar:

    Inner game. We really started going deep into what makes us do what we do. These next few days of inner game are what I need the most for my development. I hope I can make the most of it.

    Night Out: Wednesday Encore Surrender Night Swim (No Table) Jasper Instructor.

    Early in the evening, I had a girl tell me that it was ďnot right my approaching her when I was probably old enough to be her father.Ē I said to her, ďSo thatís your thing? You go around saying mean shit to guys in clubs just so you can feel better about yourself? How is that working out for you?Ē I should have just laughed it off, but itís the second time in three nights that it has happened. The fact that I engaged her about it is an indicator that it is a sore spot for me.

    I talked to Jasper about it a few minutes later. He helped me to get back into state, and I re-set for the night. I walked a girl out of the club with another Rockstar. I had no interest in her, just winging for my buddy.

    Thursday Seminar: More Inner Game

    Night Out Thursday Aug 10 Hakkasan Tiesto (Table Jasper Instructor)

    My state dropped early. I was not having any fun at all. Went home pretty early.

  9. #29

    PR Journal 4

    At this point, it seems I have more to talk about in these journals then I have space to write.

    I spent the night with a girl, it was incredible. We shared ourselves on a deeper level and the sex was fucking amazing. Itís one of those real connections you get where you leave and itís not over, you still want that person in your life. Fast forward a couple days later, and I get a text accusing me of manipulating her by being part of a dating program that takes advantage of girls. I felt like I was looking at a 5 headed monster. How the fuck was I going to get out of it? What she said was true right? No thatís not right. I didnít believe it. But how could I show her how I saw things? How could I show her that I wanted to become more of a man and jumpstart the rest of my life?

    Normally, I would have sat there and tried to think of a way to convince her that she was wrong and I was right. I wouldíve tried to come up with the best thing to say given how she was feeling. Thatís not what I did. Instead I decided to be open and authentic about, who I was, what I was doing, and why I was doing it. Each reply took me over an hour to write as I was careful of how I worded it to make sure that I was conveying myself in a way that was congruent with how I was while still acknowledging how she felt.

    At first it was back and forth. She didnít understand what I was doing or why I was doing it. But as I continued to be open, her attitude changed. As she started to understand, the hurt melted, and we both felt very clear about what the night was, and what we wanted the relationship to be moving forward.

    I can say without a doubt before this program that never would have happened. Just being able to open and honest about who I am is scary enough. One of the goals I had formyself on this program was to be able to have women in my life that werenít either girls I just met who I fucked or long term romantic relationships.

  10. #30

    PR Journal 5

    As I sat in Hakkasan last night, I looked around at my mate who had been killing it all night. Every time I looked over at him he just seemed to have girls around him. Not always the hottest girls, but always girls. And then throughout the night, he would find hot girls and that was it. Watching him at first made me jealous. I love the comparison game. I was mad he was doing better than me. But as I watched him, I noticed something about what he was doing. He wasnít trying to find hot girls or anything like that. He was literally just seemed to be flowing down a river and as rocks and trees floated by he would grab them and add them to his raft. It was effortless. He didnít care who he was talking to he was just in that state of having fun and that was it. I tried doing that, and I felt better. When the question you ask yourself is, ďhow can I be a more social person, and how can I have more fun?Ē the night becomes so much different tuned. Every time I focus on the results of hot girl or whatever then the night starts going down the tubular. I am going to be more present in the moment and just having fun and being social. That will help get me out of my head and working on the things that I need to.

    When I think about making moves, I have spent my life making safe moves. I wait to know that the girl will give me the thumbs up before I actually go and make a move on her. We had a mentor come in and talk about masculinity and how it relates to making bold moves. When I think of bold moves, I need to be willing to take risks to move the interaction forward or let it die. A girl shouldnít have to push the boundaries, thatís a guyís job. My goal is to make moves that I normally wouldnít feel comfortable making, going in for the kiss before I think Iím ready, grabbing her hips and pulling her in. It just takes one bold move to set the train going forward. Once I can get that momentum going then it will become easier and easier to fall into my masculine. I need to live in my masculine and in the moment and I know the bold moves will flow.

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