Project Rockstar 2017 Journals - Page 17

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  1. #161

    Day 40 – 41 (5-6 Sep)

    I don’t think we consciously planned it, but Budapest was perfectly placed after Vegas and Mykonos. Having grinded out four hard weeks, and then gone even harder in Mykonos, we were all pretty exhausted and ready for a bit of normality. Budapest being a much more normal city surely delivered on that, meaning the nightlife was a lot less busy during the week and we had a lot more opportunity to sleep, catch up on journals, get back into the gym, and hang out with each other more. For me, it was a perfect setting to start thinking about my life post Rockstar, what I’m going to do with it, how I’m going to quit my job and all the things I’m going to have to do to restructure and reform my life.

    We went on a dinner cruise with the guys, which had us see a great sunset on the river and some amazing lit up architecture. The dinner cruise was like a 60 year old’s wedding; nice but very civilised, lots of older people. I was half expecting to turn around and see the guys dancing with the older ladies. Afterwards we hit a backpacker ruin bar, which was a massive change of pace from Mykonos. There was hardly any music, everyone there was dressed extremely casual, and some smelt like they hadn’t showered in a few days. Still, I had a lot of fun talking to people with the guys, got back into a bit of banter, and just basically took it easy – my growth at this point isn’t going to come from spending the night with travellers.

    The next day we had a nice dinner, the last for the trip, and went back to the ruin bar. It was slightly more interesting there this night, and I was talking to a German girl for a while with another Rockstar. She’d never slept with a guy on the same night as meeting him before, and she told me how excited she was as my friend and I lead her and her friend out of the club. We took them by the bathroom on the way out, and while we were waiting, we just looked at each other and said “hey… do you want to just go? I really just want to get some sleep”. We left to recharge the batteries.

  2. #162

    Roadtrip Reflection

    Despite only two weeks passing since we left Vegas, I feel like I've transformed a couple of times.

    The man who left Vegas to fly to Germany was a much different version of me than the guy who flew to Vegas a month earlier to start Project Rockstar.

    The guy who flew from Germany to Greece was a different version of me, than the guy who flew to Germany from Vegas.

    The same can be said about the guy who flew to Budapest from Greece, and from Budapest to Sweden.

    I joined this program with the intention of becoming the best version of myself. and while my face is too close to the mirror to see exactly how much I've changed, I can still feel that things are changing.

    Over the last two weeks I developed small daily habits that have started to pay off to create a bigger more lasting change. I treated this immersion period as a time to keep working on my self and keep developing and improving on the skills I built in Vegas. And as I sit in a Swedish hostel the night before the official start of the final leg of the program I feel like I'm in a pretty good palce. It’s hard to trust that the little things will add up to create a bigger change, but I know they are building towards a special couple of weeks in Sweden.

    I felt like I knew the guys in this group pretty well when we left Vegas, but the truth is we were strangers compared to the level of connection I feel with these guys right now. Travelling and living with these guys for two weeks has allowed me to get to know them on a level that I wouldn’t have thought possible before the program and even before we left Vegas. Because of the intensity of what we've been through as a group I feel closer to these guys than I do with friends I’ve known my whole life.

    At first I didn’t see why the instructors would send us off on our own for a two week getaway, but looking back I get it. We needed time to grow together, to help each other work through our difficulties, and to bond. We needed space to ourselved to disagree and to fight about things and then make up and grow stronger together. This wouldn't have been possible inside the bubble we had in Vegas.

    It’s only possible to connect the dots in reverse so looking back it all makes sense, but when we left Vegas I had no idea what was in store for us. Coordinating a large group of guys to move from place to place was hard in itself. It was even harder to have some of the conversations that we had, but the more cities we traveled to together, the more I feel like I am able to take the communication skill set we built in Vegas and apply it to other areas of our lives and ultimately use it to our advantage.

    As far as meeting women goes, sure we met a ton of really cool people over the two weeks, but the majority of the growth came in terms of getting to know one another.

    There were tough days and there were good days. But each day and each opportunity brought us closer and closer to each other, to the point where I feel confident in saying that I’ve formed life long bonds with these guys.

    More and more often I am finding myself opening up about things I wouldn’t have dreamed of saying to the friend group from my previous life. Here I feel safe in knowing that whatever I say or do is going to be met with honesty and appreciation for voicing my opinion.

    At some point during this trip a couple of us had the realization that it’s going to be fucking hard to wake up one day, and not be a few feet away from this group. It's something I don't want to think about right now. I don’t want that day to come. Instead I’m trying to look at the glass as being half (more like 1/3) full, and not half empty but it’s hard not to look at the calender and see the end of the program inching closer and closer.

    Aside from some solid male bonding, this road trip has taught me that I was living inside of a miniscule bubble of North America. I figured since I was travelling a lot, going to places across the US and Canada, that I was seeing things. But in reality those places were all the same compared to Europe. It’s a different world here and I was missing out on it. There’s so many beautiful places in the world that I’ve never been to and never realized I had to go and see until I came overseas.

    It’s also taught me how to adapt my dating and communications skills to fit new environments. The girls in Vegas we’re partiers. We spent four weeks talking to party girls at the same clubs, it was great experience that I wouldn't trade for the wold, but it got to the point where we left and felt confident we could approach and meet the women in Vegas.

    Greece was a bit different in the sense that, while the culture is still based around partying, there was a language barrier. It took some time to figure out the cultural differences, but with some local connections by the end of our time there we did pretty well in terms of meeting people.

    By the time we got to Budapest we were playing a whole different ball game. These girls lived in Budapest, they were locals, and the ones who were travelling there didn't come just to party, they wanted to see the sights. Add in the language barrier and we had some real challenges.

    Just like in Mykonos, it was hard at first but it also allowed me to get to know girls on a deeper level. This was something I haven’t done in a long time, and needless to say something I can work on.

    I went on a date my last day in Budapest. It was awesome to meet a cool girl that could show me a local’s perspective on a historic European city. I’m really proud of myself for making a connection like that, it was something that was missing in my pre-rockstar life and something I want more of going forward.

    I feel like the different environments that we’re being introduced to during this leg of the program is preparing us for dating outside of Vegas and back in our normal lives.

    For example, I came to Vegas having done virtually no day game. After Mykonos and Budapest I feel confident that I can take these skills back to my normal life and see results.

    It’s great to build these skills and reference experiences because when Rockstar ends and I’m back to living on my own I’m going to need them. No one is going to be there to push me into interactions with women.

    There’s still a lot we have left to do and accomplish in Sweden, but I can start to see the puzzle coming together and I’m excited about the growth that's still to come during the final leg of the program. It sucks to see the end of the program, but there's still some of the best nights ahead. There's still something to look forward to.

    It’s also important to remember that when Rockstar ends the growth continues. And if the two week break was any indication of what life is going to be like post Rockstar, waking up everyday is going to be exciting.

    For right now I’m waking up grateful for the opportunity to be a part of such an amazing group for another three weeks. I can't wait to see what Sweden has in store for us.

  3. #163

    Day 42-43 (7-8 Sep)

    We set aside a day for anyone interested to have a no game bonding day, where one of the instructors and an alumnus flew in to facilitate it happening. It was really well timed. For me, coming on this program was mostly about connection and building a network of rock solid friendships. My entire life I’ve done everything for myself, and have never really depended or leaned on anyone. I’ve realised the reason I’ve had so few great mentors in my life is that I’ve not been a good receiver of help and support; I’ve actively pushed people away and haven’t felt worthy of people helping me. In the same light, I’ve always wanted to help the people around me, but in many instances, I haven’t had the deep enough relationships to fully give in that capacity. So for me, these bonding days are very very important. I was disappointed not everyone wanted to be involved, but I understand everyone’s on their own journey and has their own priorities. My growth at this point isn’t going to come from making another 10 approaches or taking another couple of girls home. It comes from the brotherhood, becoming the supportive giving friend I can be.

    We rented an Airbnb with a cool rooftop and view of the city, watched movies, talked rubbish, hung out, ate junk food, and watched the most beautiful sunset I’ve ever seen. It was pretty special, certainly a day I’ll remember forever. At one point, some of the guys were climbing onto the roof to look at the moon and stars for even higher up (don’t try this at home), when one the guys fell and appeared to have broken their leg. The guys came running inside asking for help to lift him back over the wall, and it was a group effort to make the rescue back to the apartment. It was great to see; when the shit hit the fan the guys sprung into action and handled it. We assessed the injury, I ran some basic first aid and we got our doctor, one of the Rockstars, to pop in and check it out. Me and one of the other guys took him to the hospital that night, which was an experience in itself; it was like a zombie apocalypse scenario at 2am – dark, flickering lights, stretchers everywhere, hardly anyone there, dim lights through doors in the distance, shadows moving about. I was carrying around the casualty until we eventually grabbed a stretcher and started pushing him around. He didn’t have travel insurance so we were worried about the potential for this to get expensive fast, when two of the mentors selflessly offered to cover it. This got us chatting about his biggest takeaway’s from Rockstar; learning he can actually lean on and depend on people (especially from this network). It was like hearing my inner voice staring me in the face and talking to me. I’ve never really felt comfortable having other people help me. However, as I’m learning, part of being vulnerable is recognising when you need help, and when to reach out. The X-ray showed no breaks or fractures (though we didn't really trust it... they didn't appear to know what they were doing), so we called him a pussy, carried him to a cab, got some painkillers and he'll rest up a few days.

    The next night we headed out for our first proper night out at a club. It was a cool place, with a lot of cute girls, but the warm friendly locals we’d gotten used to during the day were the complete opposite once the sun went down. I didn’t do too badly, but there was one interaction with probably the hottest girl in the club, who was also the ice queen. It was a good learning opportunity to turn the ‘red’ to ‘orange’, and even green at some points. However, it was like grinding teeth. My buddy Andrzej jumped in to help out with the friend, and when I was so over it he kept encouraging, with stuff like ‘she hasn’t walked away bro. She’s watching the movie at home wanting you to win, don’t give up’, so I pushed on. I’m glad we did it but man it was painful for both of us; constantly ignored, rejected and shut down for 20 minutes. Earlier in the night a cute Italian girl approached me and asked to borrow my phone, then wanted to get a drink, so I reluctantly took her to the table and hung out for a bit; she was cool but I was wanting to work, so either hang out with the guys or approach tough groups, not rest easy with cute girls that do it all for me. So I excused myself and kept going. Later I ended up hanging out with an incredibly gorgeous curly haired blonde Hungarian/Italian girl, who spoke very little English. We made out a few times while I tried to take her home, and she referred to me as dream boy, but she had to work early in the morning and left. I met another stunning Hungarian/Swedish woman, but it was getting very late and the night was pretty much over.

    It’s funny what the brain will do. Despite a relatively successful night for learning, I woke up the next morning feeling like crap, that I hadn’t progressed at all since the start of the program, that I was just an average Joe/decent looking guy but hadn’t actually developed any skill. I didn't even take anyone home, I would tell myself - which is ridiculous when it's a completely different city, different vibe, and I'm forcing myself to play on hard mode. I caught myself in the state, practiced some conditioning and returned to a place of trusting the process and where I’m at.

  4. #164

    Monday 9/11 Post:

    Friday was a pretty low-energy day. Our group meditation ceremony / shared bonding experience really took a lot out of me. I had some breakfast with a couple of the guys from 10:30 until about noon. After that, we went to the phone store to get one of the guys sorted out with a European SIM card. It took over an hour. When we were finished, I was ready for a nap. I wound up sleeping most of the day after that. I was in no mood to go out that evening, so I stayed in and watched Netflix for a while.

    Saturday, I needed to get caught up on my journals. I open my computer only to find that the battery is dead. I canít seem to find my power cable anywhere - Fuck! I must have somehow left it in Mykonos. Off to the Apple store I go to get a replacement. I threw some laundry in the washing machine just before I leave. Fortunately, itís only a 10 minute walk to the nearest Apple store. And only $120 U.S. to solve my problem.

    On the way back to the room, I decide to get a haircut. I check into three different places that are all booked up for the day. The fourth one can fit me in. I proceed to get one of the worst haircuts of my life. Apparently I wandered in to a place that has students / apprentices that are allowed to give haircuts. Iím quite sure I could have done better myself. I should have waited until Sweden. Oh well - It will grow back.

    I was finally able to sit down and bang out a few pages of journals / blogs to get mostly caught up.

    Sunday was our last day in Budapest. Of course we had another meeting at 9 PM to vent some disagreements between some of the guys. I cannot say what the disagreements were about. What I can say is that some of these meetings we are having are exhausting.

  5. #165

    Road Trip Reflection Tuesday 9/12/17:

    It feels like months since we left the United States on August 25. We left the Rock Star house and Las Vegas in a whirl-wind of activity. Packing, chucking things we no longer needed, cleaning up what we could, returning the rental cars, catching Uber to the airport, did we leave anything at the house? Do we have everybody? What did we forget to do?

    Somehow we all made it to the airport with time to spare before our flight to Frankfort Germany. Somehow we all made it on the train to Cologne Germany to the apartment of one of our fellow Rockstars. We had just a few hours in Cologne to nap, relax, eat, and do whatever we were going to do before our flight at 5 AM to Mykonos.

    Being thrown into the mix of all this feels very strange. I have learned that it’s not a good idea to compare myself to other people, and yet I find myself doing it on a quite regular basis. I can’t seem to stop. Seeing how much different things are for a guy who is 20 years younger, taller, better looking and has a cool accent that girls just go crazy for feels very strange.

    No matter how good I ever get at some of this stuff, I simply can’t compete with the some of the guys that I am traveling with. They are playing a game of which I am simply unfamiliar. Some of these guys are able to do things that I simply cannot do, and will likely never be able to do no matter what. How do I resolve that? How do I be in acceptance of that somehow?

    I presently feel like I have taken many steps backwards in my progress. Logically, I don’t think this is the case. Maybe I am just in some kind of a dip right now. I have this story going on in my head that I am just too old to be doing what I am doing. No matter what I say to these women, they are just simply not going to be interested because of my age. I have a lot more knowledge and experience now than I did before this all started in late July. Somehow, I just haven’t fully integrated this stuff yet.

    It’s the strangest thing. I never felt this way when I was still coloring my hair. I feel like I have aged 10 years since the start of this program. All the guys say that I look much more “Authentic” with my natural hair color. That it is more masculine to just “Own it” (my age, the natural gray in my hair) They all talk about how masculine it is for me to just be cool with my age. Not one other guy on the program this year has any idea what it is like to be my age.

    Some of the other guys have told me that I am an inspiration to them. Like if they could be like me in ten or twenty years, they would be more ok with their own aging process.

    I could not have predicted that I would be in this place right now. Feeling very much like an outsider. Seeming to be at the mercy of my emotions and feelings. I’m sure I’m not the only Rockstar that has felt this way. I don’t even know anymore what it is that I am supposed to be learning.

    I was never in the military. I can only imagine that it would be similar. forced to be in close quarters with people that you otherwise may not get along with. Having to find ways to work together, tolerate each other, not punch each other in the face even as much as you might like to.

    All in all, Mykonos was a blast. Going to two or more clubs per day. (one in the afternoon, and then another one later in the evening) Mykonos was not a good place for sleeping. There was simply too much going on all the time. Scooters, four-wheelers, cars, logistically quite a nightmare, and yet somehow it all worked. We got out of there mostly unscathed. (One of the guys somehow lost his passport) He wound up staying back in Athens, and then traveling to Moscow to the US Embassy there to get another passport. He met up with us a couple of days later in Budapest.

    Budapest was an interesting city. It’s the first time I’ve been to Eastern Europe. It was quite a culture shock moving from Mykonos to Budapest. Extremely different in so many ways.

    I was able to get caught up a little bit on my sleep in Budapest. It felt more relaxing. There was less of a feeling of missing out on something if you slept for awhile in Budapest. The food was quite good. The city was beautiful.

    During our final night in Budapest I was laying on my bed around 10:30 PM. Somebody opened my bedroom door and poked his head in. It took a couple seconds for it to register that he was not in our group, and he was not a hotel employee. It quickly dawned on me that he could only be there to rob us. He closed the door. I lay there frozen for a second, then bolted up in bed and began to chase after him. I ran out the door, down the stairs and out into the common area in front of the hotel lobby. I caught just a glimpse of him running away into the night.

    It took us a while to sort out what he took from us. He made off with just a few items. It would have been much worse had I not been there. He would have taken everything of value including computers and passports. Close call.

    All in all, these last two weeks have been an interesting mix of fun, challenging circumstances, solving problems, finding what works and what doesn’t, sharing some amazing experiences.

    I feel like like my biggest challenge is the internal battle I am having with myself.

    I read recently, “The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself.” (Plato) Still working on this one.

  6. #166

    Europe Journal #8

    Saturday September 9, 2017.

    The alumni did it again.

    They rented a Hotel room at the four seasons which was just around the corner from the night club we were planning to go to. The hotel is a historical looking building right on the river, the perfect place to start our last big night out in Budapest.

    Early in the day I had a feeling in my stomach that this would be a night we would remember for the rest of our lives. But it didn't start that way.

    A bunch of us went over to meet up at the hotel around 11, the rest of our group went to the club early. It's too bad to be seperated like this, but it is what it is. We're too big of a group, and I'm starting to see smaller sub groups within the larger group.

    It started pretty normally at the hotel, listening to music and talking. It was nothing crazy at first, but the energy in the hotel room started to climb and climb as we realized this was our last big night together in Budapest. By the time we left for the club the energy was starting to peak, and we walked in like we owned the place.

    We had an idea of what to expect from this club, having been there the night before (cold women who didnít open up to our invitations to talk), but tonight I didn't care. If women didn't want to talk to me or my friends it was their loss. I felt like I couldnít do anything wrong. I felt like I had internalized the belief that ďAny woman that doens't want to talk to me is missing out on the night of her life.Ē When I got blown out, I would just say something like ďOk, come find me when youíre ready to talk or hang out.Ē And just walk away.

    Fairly early in the night I met a girl and her friend on the patio with another Rockstar. IN the past I woulf have hesitated, but after a couple minutes I invited them to hang out at our table. Where we spent most of the night together dancing and hanging out dancing with the guys. I felt like I balanced things perfectly. I hung out with her, I hung out with the guys, I approached other girls in a friendly ďIím a social guy" type of frame.

    When she told me she had to leave at 3:30 to take care of her friend I was mildly upset, but I told her ďThis is the biggest mistake youíve ever made. This would have been the best night of your life.Ē And I genuinely meant it.But I was also glad I could just hang out with the Rockstars at this point. There was at least a dozen of us that stayed and danced until the club closed.

    It was an amazing night, the energy we had as a group was something I wish I could feel everyday. And now that I've expereinced it, Iím working towards feeling like this everyday. Amazing.

    Sunday Septermber 10, 2017.

    I never wanted last night to end. And 4 of us did our best to make sure it didnít. We got back to the hotel at 5:30 and stayed up for a couple hours talking.

    I wasn't the only one that was on FIRE last night.

    Several us shared the same feeling, like everyone woman we talked to was making a mistake if they walked away from us. The women that weren't into us, didnít bother me. I can't stress that enough. A girl slapped me. Not because I said anything rude to her, but because I went up and talked to her, I said something sarcastic like "you look like you're having too much fun." While she had a straight face and her arms crossed, and she swung at me. I made a face at her and walked away. Before last night I would have thought there was something wrong with me, but last night I walked away and said "Whatís her problem?"

    We woke up in the early afternoon, still in shock about how magical last night was.

    One of the Rockstars scheduled a bike ride through the city as it was our last full day in Budapest. It was fun crusing around the city, but we stopped way too often for our tour guide to give a little speech in front of the Hungarian landmarks. I wasnít so much interested in that as I was the bike ride around the city. Still it felt good to get out, spend some time with the guys and cruise around the city.

    After the ride we ate a Hungarian meal together which was cool.

    At dinner I texted the girl I met the night before

    ďI had fun with you last night.

    Iím going on a bike ride until 17:00 today.

    At 17:30 Iím taking you on a date.Ē

    ďok daddy.Ē She replied.

    I was on fire last night, and she seemed cool and hot so it was worth spending more time with her.

    We met up and went to a rooftop bar by the river where I had a coffee and her a vodka, and we got to know each other a bit more. After, we went up to the citadel that overlooked the city, and looked down on Budapest which is beautifully lit by night.

    After that we taxied back to the apartment where we met up with the Rockstars who were at a bar close by our hotel. We danced and talked and hung out until midnight or one when we went back to the hotel. We ate apples and she had some wine, while I packed my suitcase. We hung out until probably 3 am when she got dressed again and left. A perfect ending to an amazing week in Budapest, a city that I'll NEVER forget.

  7. #167

    ***** Out of Order*****

    Friday 9/1/17 Post:

    One of the cooler things we did in Mykonos was to rent a huge yacht for an entire day. We actually rented a total of 2 boats. Apparently, in Mykonos there is a law that says you cannot have more than X number of people on a vessel the size of the one we rented. (at least while it's moving) Our plans were to cruise to a couple of different hot-spots, day-clubs, and see what kind of adventure we could conjure up.

    We all boarded the vessel, and away we went. There was a rumor going around that there was a certain celebrity (female) on the island. One of the Rockstars had mentioned that he might have an opportunity to meet her. (friend of a friend type situation) I had been thinking to myself, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

    We reach our first destination and ride the smaller craft in shifts in order to get to the dock. We sit down and order some food. One of our guys disappears. I see it being discussed on the text thread that he is about to go and meet her.

    We finish the meal and go to get back on the yacht. I’m sitting there on the smaller craft still tied to the dock and there she is. (A pretty well-known celebrity. The kind that the paparazzi make quite a fuss over)

    Holy shit. This person is actually on our boat. Pretty cool. Kind of surreal. I say to the Rockstar next to me, “Dude, ___X___ is on our boat.”

    Clearly things have progressed to an entirely different level quite rapidly. I’m sitting next to two high-fashion models at dinner the night before. We have a celebrity on our boat. We are consistently getting the very best tables, at the very best clubs in one of the most exclusive vacation places around.

    Life is getting really good, really fast.

  8. #168

    10 day reflection.

    I've really procrastinated to write up this reflection. Mainly because it's my second time doing it. I've done a day 10 bootcamp back in 2014 and it's already turned my life around. Rockstar for me I just so see to the end of this journey and create a proper path to prosperity, not only in the material sense but in all aspects of my life. I'd begin with a word of advise to the readers who are still skeptical about this process: yes it's long, yes it's expensive, and yes it's not quick coffee. But remember, that's the case with everything great in human life. No NBA star is one over night, we just don't see how much they train and how focused they are to reach where they are. Similarly, this 10 day bootcamp's effects will take months or sometimes years to come into effect.

    It took me six months before things started to really settle in. And I used to put in a lot of practice to even get to that amateurs position. Just have faith in the process and believe me it'll change your world and your life as a whole. Even before coming into rockstar, I feel I'm a different person.

    This program has already changed a lot. And I've been in my one in 2014, sat in and helped out with logistics for bootcamps in 2015 and 2016. Even combining them together, this year's program seemed light years ahead. Just a few days into it I realized it's more of a life and how you become as a man, and that's about women and game, it's more of a life and how you become as a man, and less about women and game. That's more like part and parcel of it. That's the first lesson right there. You are here for you. If you want to learn about “game and just pick up chicks” then there's plenty of other programs out there out there. There's no quick fix to
    becoming the ultimate version of yourself.

    This latest version of the program, in my opinion, is broken down into two major parts. First is the part which focuses on how to become the masculine man and just been comfortable with being a man and sometimes just understanding that being a “man” really means. as we have stepped into the twenty first century, this definition of what man should be has changed a lot and as a result we men suffer in this area. that is the main cause of why there are so many broken marriages, the millennial generation is mostly single, the developed countries are seeing a rise in the aging population and more incentives are given to those who are having children these days. i too fall in that category and just by being in this process of self development has brought me to this spot and i can say that i am very happy now but there’s still a long journey ahead. at least i am in the right path now and that for me is very important.

    Second is the game aspect, where we are actually taught how to converse. there’s no n need to be all gamey and have cool likes to say. that defeats the purpose of what we are trying to achieve here, being a natural, being attractive and confident from the core. at first its though and conversations would no flow the way say James Bond’s would. that’s the style i loved a lot and thats what i was going for. even though i had done this before, just getting back to the basics was great and yet challenging. i’ve definitely sharpened my tools in those respects and just moving forward with it. so many times i’ve realized what i’ve been doing wrong this whole time and how i couldn’t be successful with so many girls because of such and such short falls. another learning from this process is that of patience. we have to go through the paces and we have be patient and keep doing it till we get there. that’s the only way to success and the only way to get better or the road to being our best self.

    In additions to these two foundations, there’s a lot more smaller parts that are added in to make us that full package that women desire. things such as how we should keep focus on things and goals that are important to us. how we can get better with our fitness and health, fashion, etc. i call it to control the controllable. and why shouldn't i. if i want a woman who is putting so much time and effort into herself, then so should i. not for her but for me as it’s making me a much better person in every aspect of my life. weather it be women, business or career, or even being more connected with family. from my personal experience, i’ve achieved advances in all these fields and i’m so proud of how far just spending 10 days in this program has brought to me over the last three years and i repeat myself, there’s a to more to come and is so excites me.

  9. #169

    PR Journal 17 Tueday Sept 12

    Iím exhausted. I went to sleep at 7a and maybe got 3 hours of sleep that night. I was supposed to go out on a date but she had to cancel last minute. Iíve been catching up on some pleasure reading and am happy and content being by myself. At the same time, I know that all the guys are going out tonight and I want to hang with them so I decide that I am going to go out, even if itís just for an hour or so.

    As we walk to the club, all I can think about is how much I donít want to be there. That I just want to be at home with my shoes off relaxing on my bed. That this isnít what I want to be doing tonight. I donít want to talk to girls. I donít even want to talk to the guys. I sit down in the club, and immediately get into a deep chat with one of the boys. We talk for 20 minutes, and at the end I feel energized. I still feel the pull from my bed like a tractor beam, but I am also feeling awake. I walk into a main room and the boys are dancing on a stripper pole. I get up shyly, fearing what theyíll think of me because I donít feel like Iím the best on the pole. And I realize I am filtering myself. I am keeping myself from being authentic with my friends. Iím in my head. I started the process of getting back into my body, for whatever reason it was clapping, and focusing on the movement and sound it was making. I clapped for probably 5 minutes, to the point my friends were looking and laughing cause I was so focused on it. But it got me out of my head. I felt the need to go banter with people. So I went in and started fucking around with the next girls I met. Something about living on the Southpole and parents being Polar Bears. Then I went to the dance floor and started jamming to the beat.

    Fast forward to the end of the night, Iím still tired. Yet I am totally social and am glad I am there with my friends. I realized something last night. When I started the night, I felt like I was just in an anti social place. And that was that. The way I felt, I had no desire whatsoever to go out and talk with people. Yet here I was, at the end of the night being social and enjoying myself in the moment. You are in full control of yourself. You decide how you are going to feel. You may have a disposition that is influenced by external factors, but thatís all it is, an influence. Nothing can force you to be in a bad state if you donít want to. You have to let it go and decide how you want to be in that moment. It goes back to what one of the instructors said regarding state, change your physiology, your focus, and your language, and thatís it.

    Itís funny, because I remember sitting there thinking to myself about what one of the mentors said. ďIt is in the darkest hour of the night that you will face your greatest tests. It is then where you will find your greatest growth.Ē I typically find it easy to motivate myself to go out, but last night I just didnít. On a scale of 1-10 I was a -5. Yet I ended up having a great night. Being able to control my state will allow me to push myself towards my goals for the rest of my life. I wonít need to feel disciplined, or motivated, or driven, every morning. I can decide when I turn it on. And for me, that is pretty much more important than the hard skills we have been learning on this program. We all came in here wanted more control, more choice, in our life. Here it is. This is the part where I change my life.

  10. #170

    PR Immersion Reflection

    I thought Vegas was perfect. Every day you are in this compressed environment with people pushing you from every side. You get briefed every day on how to continue your growth, and then are given individual breakdowns of how to continue your improvements. Then it’s two weeks of freedom, in the sense that we are no longer being chaperoned, it is up to us to continue pushing ourselves and to continue our growth. Ok that sounds great and all but I won’t get as much growth as I would with the instructors there. At least that’s what I thought.

    We were given 2 weeks in the build up to Sweden to travel in Europe and continue our development. We decided that our first leg of the immersion would be the Greek island of Mykonos. I knew from my friends that it was not only a beautiful travel destination but also one giant party, a great place to get out and have fun with the boys. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten less sleep. I’d average somewhere between 3 and 5 hours a night(or morning rather, we went to bed usually between 5 and 7am).

    My feedback when I left Vegas was to get out of my head. My fundamentals are fine, but I place obstacles in my own path, so I set out without any intention of practicing something specific every night other than letting it flow. I just went out to have fun. And something funny happened. As long as I wasn’t thinking, I did fantastic. I was getting numbers from the hottest girls I’d ever met, from instagram models, from bottle girls. There is an interview series where one of the instructors says, “No girl wakes up in the morning and thinks, ‘I hope I don’t meet an amazing guy today. Everyone just leave me alone.’ They are literally waiting for someone that they can share their time with. “ Some of the hottest girls on the island were the server girls, and I had a racket in my head that girls that were working didn’t want to be hit on. Yet so many of these girls lit up when I started talking to them. It’s insane the amount of stories we create that are founded in nothing but our own head.

    Next up is Budapest. We’re all together hanging out in an apartment we rented. We had all turned off our phones because we wanted to be in the moment together, and for one of the first times on the trip I was there totally present with the boys. I felt like I had total focus on being with my friends. It felt like I was a computer, and had had 30 USB cords plugged in all taking my energy and focus away from what was right in front of me. When we turned off our phones, and started shooting the shit and getting to know each other, I felt like there was only one outlet that I was plugged into, the people around me. I started thinking about post Rockstar, what I would be doing afterwards, specifically talking with one of the alumni that had the biggest influence on my applying to this program. Then it hit me. I am enough. For the last 7 years I have pushed myself to improve, socially with game and friends, physically, in business, because I wanted to be someone that other people would like. I realized that once I finished this trip, hell right now, I was enough. If I wanted to continue working on my game, it wouldn’t be because I needed to anymore. I had everything I needed within me. If I wanted to start and build a business, it wasn’t because I needed to for people to like me. It would be because I wanted to develop that part of my life for me. I no longer needed to feel like I was missing anything from my life. I am enough.

    Then we went a step further. We went out to a club and for the first time in my life I didn’t care about talking to girls. First time in my life. All I cared about was being with the guys. Giving them love and just enjoying the moment. My whole life I have pursued money, girls, significance. When I was in college, I rushed a fraternity. I remember during the rush process the guys asked why I wanted to join, and I told them I wanted to be part of a brotherhood, part of a group of guys that I can hang with and have with me the rest of my life cause that’s what I thought they wanted to hear. In actuality, I just wanted to party and fuck girls. It’s funny now, but that brotherhood was actually what I needed. The relationships I am developing with these guys is the most important piece of this program for me. Everything else I can do on my own. The love, the acceptance, the support, the caring that I have for the guys around me. You can never take that away.

    For 4 weeks every guy on this program busted his ass to grow, pushing the limits on what is possible sleep deprivation be damned. The phrase that was thrown around Vegas was “drinking from a fire hose.” I didn’t realize it at the time, but everything we were being taught could not sink in in 4 weeks. Hell I doubt it can all sink in in 9 weeks. And that is the point of the immersion. It gives us time to take what we learned, let it sink in, and start to see it change our lives. It is practice for what is going to happen after we leave the controlled environment that this program is. It gives us time to get to know each other without the pressure of going out 6 nights a week. We pushed ourselves fucking hard. In Mykonos we went out every single night for sometimes 12 hours+. But it was our time. And we were free to schedule time for conditioning, for team dinners, for bonding. I’m ready now. Ready to get back to the instructors and continue to hone my skills.

    I have yet to achieve the results I want, but I have come to expect that. No I have come to appreciate it. Appreciate what I have been able to achieve. Talking and flirting with some of the hottest girls I have ever met. I still have things to learn to grow, but I am so much closer than what it may seem based on the results alone. And I will keep going after it. Not because I need to to be who I want to be. But because I want to be someone that has beautiful, wonderful, loving, exceptional women in his life. And I believe that this will allow me to find the women of my dreams. Cause that’s what I want. Not for a while anyways but down the road that is where I will be.

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