Project Rockstar 2017 Journals - Page 16

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  1. #151

    Europe Journal #7

    Thursday September 7, 2017.

    Last night a couple of alumni joined us in Budapest and suggested we spend the day bonding together.

    I was able to recognize that I needed to spend time with the group. There’s certain members of the class that I want to get to know better, and this seemed like a perfect opportunity to do so.

    Most of the class was willing to give the day up for bonding, but some of the others weren’t. They wanted to spend the afternoon talking to girls, which is what we’re here to do so I can see where they’re coming from. For me, I felt like I was going to get more long-term growth from hanging out with the guys for the day instead of getting another 10 approaches in. Easy trade.

    It didn’t take long for me to realize it was the right choice.

    The alumni we’re nice enough to rent a house across town and we all showed up around noon. We spent the day bullshitting, watching movies, eating crap and taking in the sunset from the rooftop balcony.

    It might not sound like much but that sunset was magical. Defiantly a day I will remember for the rest of my life.

    Friday September 8, 2017.

    Our days in Budapest are so relaxed.

    We were a bit sluggish today, so we woke up went to the gym and then hit the city for shopping (code for day game).

    We’ve been in Budapest for a couple days now and I’ve talked to more women during the day, and had better reactions than I have in my entire pre-Rockstar life. It’s pretty fucking cool to see a girl light up after giving her a genuine compliment. This is something I was terrified of in the past and hadn’t really worked on too much before Rockstar, but after making a couple approaches I’ve realized that it’s actually really cool, and a very practical way to meet women. The place I’m working towards now I’m confident I can take these skills post Rockstar and run with them.

    Tonight was our first real night out in Budapest. Prior to this we had only gone out during the day and to bars where we met primarily tourists. This wasn’t a dive bar, it was a nightclub. And it felt awesome to be back in a nightclub again.

    Music, flashing lights, a table. It was the full package. This wasn’t really like anything we had done in Greece instead it was more like when we were in Vegas, which brought back memories.

    I think the second girl I talked to looked into my eyes and I could tell she was into me. We spent the night together, dancing and talking. So was a local from Budapest so it was interesting getting to know a different culture.

    In a lot of ways it felt like she was my girlfriend for the night. We got back to the apartment, got naked but didn’t have sex. She slept over, which after I think about it that’s the first girl that’s spent the night with me since the program started, which is interesting. I talked to one of the alumni about it today, it’s a good learning experience and I’m going to be better because of it.

    There's one solid night left out in Budapest let’s make it count.

  2. #152

    August 26 – 29th
    Vegas leg is done and dusted. A bunch of us upgrade to premium economy for a fee for the flight to Europe. The seats have a bit more room, meals slightly better and a few more movies. I watch hangover 2 – the sequel to one of my favourite movies “The Hangover”. The movie is also a discussion point in many of my interactions in vegas. Quiet often when pouring a girls drink at the table we joke about roofies – and what strength the girl would like in her drink. Talking about putting date rape drugs in a drink is all about calibration. It needs to be said in a joking manner and received in the same jest. Occasionally you will strike a girl that isn’t 100% sold on the joke straight away and gives a weird look, straight away I will mention how I fucking love the movie “The hangover”. Most girls have watched it and agree how good a movie it is. I mention if the girl roofies me to make sure she takes lots of photos on my phone when she takes advantage of me so I can wake up the next morning and find out what happened.

    We all grab a direct flight from vegas to Frankfurt Germany. Once we arrive in Germany we board a train to cologne. One thing I’ve found is that I’m comfortable chatting to girls in any environment – even as we are lining up for airport security checks. Rockstar has given me the tools to be comfortable talking in any social environment – guys or girls.

    One of the other Rockstars has a place in central Colonge. Nearby is a bunch of bars and the nightlife seems to have a great vibe. I do a few approaches and grab a couple numbers but nothing rock solid. I wing one of the other Rockstars in a longer interaction with 2 young german girls. Its amazing the topics of conversation, infact the girls bring up incest and other things they are joking about. Just goes to show that what you think peoples boundaries are, can be actually quiet different. Many parts of the program focus on finding those boundaries and pushing them. Its such a great feeling when you can sense the boundaries opening up during an interaction.

    After a 5am flight we arrive in Mykonos – a greek island. I don’t know much about Mykonos – all I know it has a reputation for a party city, and is compared to Vegas and Ibiza. First thing I notice is the airport is very dodgy / run down. Our bags seem to take forever and I’m exposed to the greek work ethic (or lack there of).

    As we flew into the airport I notice all the buildings in Mykonos are white and all old school design. Walking around the first day I notice development and modernisation are things that are actively discouraged here. After a few hours I find that the traditional roots of Mykonos are what adds to the charm. Mykonos wouldn’t be the same with skyscrapers and modern buildings. Things in Mykonos work “just enough” to make things work – including the unreliable electricity grid.

    We all hire scooters, ATV’s or cars as transport around the island. I had doubts about the scooters and if they were powerful enough to get up our super steep hill and also I’m nervous about the inexperienced riders. The roads are very poor condition in Mykonos and there is next to no road rules. One of the other rockstars reminds me to relax. Turns out the bikes are perfect and there is no better feeling than travelling home from the club at 6 in the morning with the wind in your face.

    The first night in Mykonos me and another guy try to hit a hip place called Scorpio in the afternoon. Unfortunately we don’t get in as we are not on the guest list. We try hitting up a backpacker hostel near Scorpio and have some good interactions. Later in the night we have a team dinner and meet some key contacts that are going to help with table reservations and generally help out our Mykonos stay.

    A few of us start to explore the town centre. We find a place called Caprice that has mainstream pop music which I enjoy more than the EDM that we have been exposed to nearly every other day of the program. There is a little outdoor area out the back of Caprice that backs onto the ocean front. Waves are crashing on the rocks which just adds to the vibe of the place. There is no guard rail, which contrasts to the USA where public liability and litigation is so prevalent. Such a great place to introduce yourself to new friends.

  3. #153

    August 30 – 1st Sept
    Over the next few nights we visit Caprice a few times. One interaction stands out in particular. I find myself falling into the friendzone. I play it “safe” in the interactions and don’t sexualise or make myself as a sexual threat to the girls. The result is that the girls love hanging out with me as a friend and keep me busy texting but when push comes to shove they are not interested in sex. This is exactly what happens with a girl from Paris. Amongst our group its no secret that I quiet like dark skinned girls – they all have seen me chatting to plenty of them in Vegas.

    The Paris girl has dark skin and I find her quiet attractive. I keep in touch with the girl using whatsapp – quick side note – its such a good app and the best feature is the profile photo. 90% of girls I chat to using whatsapp. When you chat to new girls 7 days a week you soon forget who is who and the photo is a great mind refresher. I catch up with the girl a second day before the girls head to another island for a few days. They plan on returning to Mykonos and we make loose plans to catch up again. Before I know it I’ve fallen into the friendzone – which for me – is usually the dead zone. The girl just isn’t into me sexually – and the text conversation eventually fizzles. My key learning is to sexualise earlier – maybe the girl would have never been into me sexually but I would have not wasted so much time.

    After a few days in Mykonos I realise that the results are not the same as vegas. I finished vegas on such a high, saying no to sex, saying threesome or nothing – and generally living in a mindset of abundance. Mykonos was a struggle and I wasn’t getting the results. I know its bad to look at the results as a measuring stick but occasionally its hard not to. I find myself falling back into sacricity mindset, and neediness. I concentrate on specific interactions and wanting them to turn into a result. Generally this is bad and actually hurts getting results. Girls have such an acute sense of when a guy is needy and it’s a major turn off.

  4. #154

    Sept 1st – 4th
    Part of the key learnings over the course of the Rockstar program has been having the toolkit to recongise suboptimal behaviours in yourself. The inner game of tennis talks about recongnising when your performance isn’t optimal but not over trying to correct it in the moment. Instead it talks about just letting your body naturally do what it already knows what to do without over thinking it.
    Over the next few days I find myself falling back into abundance mindset naturally. Whilst I don’t sleep with any girls, I’m super happy to find that just doing the process, the results don’t really mater – its all about the process. I don’t give myself enough credit for the progress I’ve made since the start of the program. A good example of this is a night at a club called scorpio. One of the more advanced students has a hot Italian girl with him. No one is winging the friend and I’m busy with my own girls that I’m working on. Eventually my interactions all fizzle to some extent and I move to wing the friend. I had introduced myself earlier but despite being quiet attractive no one has been flirting with her over the last couple hours at the table. Within minutes I can tell she is in my bubble. The other rockstar and his girl disappear and I assume they are probably having sex on the beach. I decide to pull my girl to the beach for the same. I quickly escalate and although she isn’t keen on sex in public, we find other activities to do before returning to the table. I ask the other rockstar how his sex was, and he is actually surprised, he hadn’t actually done anything with his girl yet and is amazed that I had moved so rapidly with my girl.

  5. #155

    Entry # 13

    August 29th


    Cologne, while being a 8 hour stop, was a remarkable experience. The city is very lively and people are friendly. There was also a street festival while we were there so the atmosphere was very spirited. Solid day game and receptive women. But a truly mind opening experience was hooking up with a 5'10 19 year old German blonde that my WM and I opened on the street. I really did not expect anything to happen at the onset, though I was feeling well anchored in my body and not needy whatsoever. I had presence to analyze what was going rather than seek any results and did not start any aggressive escalation till I really felt like she was opening up. Was I not leaving town in half hour, things would have progressed way further.

    Mykonos day 1:

    We had some group issues where I felt that our dynamic has deteriorated a bit from the brotherhood that formed in Vegas. WE had a meeting however and group cohesion re-established with remarkable ease.

    I'm running into similar issues here that I left Vegas: Met a Romanian girl on the first in the first night: Solid interaction with very present and slow open. Leading her around the club and switching venues with her friends. I then separated them and took her on a walk, forming bubble, but sexual tension was below where I had hoped. She also would not let me kiss her, giving me the “long story”excuse. I did not pry at the long story, but that may be my mistake. I will need to go deep into these things if I want to disarm them. I did establish sufficient rapport that she got on my ATV and went back to our villa, which can be a scary ride through the poorly paved Mykonos hills.

  6. #156

    Entry #14:

    August 31st:

    Mykonos: Second night: Lotsa fun at Nammos. Opening is a bit harder due to the language barrier and dropping into my head a bit. Once I went out on the beach however and got blown out by a couple of cold eastern European groups, I felt great and made out with a cute Latin girl on the beach within a few minutes of meeting her: I can get back into the grove fast. Interaction, regardless of the outcome is the key.

    Also: I finally drank a bit of Alcohol for the first time in 5 months. Did not feel much buzz-wise and really did not get crazy: cause drinking was not the focus. Hanging with the guys and talking to girls was. Alcohol was the accessory, not the focus.

    Club Moni: Again had to do some mental exercises to pop out of my head. I totally loved the music there. Three major interactions: American Lawyer who was REALLY into me,but got dragged out by her friends. That was a smooth open and quality and totally uncanned banter, with a gradual deeper transition, but small amount of sexualization. Physically however she did not resists any subcoms.

    A cute brazillian girl from Boston: Spent a lot of time stuck in second gear, probably because she had a BF/fiance. She was a strong yellow. A key take away to no wasting time in the yellow zone is to do something bold or really sexual. Have her decide if she's ready for my gifts and then move on through the abundance that is my life.

    Third night:

    Wtf am I missing????

    Club Santanna: again opening and early stuff is pretty damn solid. That one Aussie girl I blew out by going very sexual on purpose was good stuff. I really wanted to talk about sex and she left. This is her loss and this is what I have to keep doing to push the thresholds and calibrate myself.

    Older woman from Paris: again good opening and quality banter, good eye contact and not too much invested effort. She asked for my fb, but I really wasn't pushing it.

    Hot Latina from LA that I met on my own in club Scorpios: Great bubble BUT was I touching too much too early?????? Her friend came in a CB'd. 5 minutes later I see her with a totally different guy... in a bubble. WTF.... More on her later as our interaction was only over for that night.

    Biggest blow out of the night: Canadian 21 year old. Came in just to practice opening and her and her friend were a strong yellow. I really had no expectations and totally turned the whole thing green with banter and presence. A fellow rockstar showed up and we were on. Went from talking very explicitly about when I lost my virginity to Maslow's pyramid and self actualization and gave her a ride to town. ATV is a great subcom. Held hands on the walk. Talked about random stuff and made it to the bar. As soon as we started dancing and I tried to get sexual: tons of resistance and no compliance. Eventually, she dragged her friend to the bathroom almost blowing my WM. I left her alone and 5 minutes later I saw her making out with another guy..... WTF am I doing wrong. Unclear, but at least I'm doing a whole bunch of things right. Perhaps I needed to do more push with her. I'm still very outcome invested and too concerned about losing the girl. And they CAN SENSE that. Need to push them but also orient myself to process vs outcome.

    Lebanese girl from Sweeden: I had that. Should have just led her around more and it would have been in the bag. WTF.. that was EtOH giving me a bit of a scatter brain. She was real into me, as confirmed a day later when I ran into her in town and got total puppy eyes. Logistics were completely off though.

    Overall effects of EtOH. Definitely looser at 3 drinks. Sloppy after. Unclear if benefits from it, but will need to run dry tomorrow and figure it out.

    Fedeback from one of PR stars: Too much touching and not reading resistance. I need to totally turn down the touch subcom and see what happens.

    I need to TURN DOWN THE TOUCH. TURN DOWN THE TOUCH UNTILL BF/GF vibe is on. I dont give a fuck till then.

  7. #157

    Vegas Reflection

    I’ve been putting off finishing this reflection, for it signifies the end of a major component of Rockstar. This program promises a transformational journey, but never in my wildest dreams could I have pictured what the journey would look like and the extent of the change. At the same time, in the moment it can be hard to feel any different; I’m just me, and because the change is constantly happening, it’s not until you look back at how far you’ve come that you see the mountain you’ve scaled.

    At the start of the program, I was a lost individual, drifting through life looking for meaning and connection. I doubted myself, on deep levels I hated myself, I consistently self-sabotaged and didn’t think I was worthy of love or achievement. I’d put up walls in my relationships with my friends, my family, and partners. I was a very direct and analytical, and not in the slightest a spiritual guy. I lived a life of trying to look good and do what other people/society has decided for me. I sought significance and safety (survival). I was in a place at which I was driven by survival; in order to be motivated in this state, there needs to be a lack of either significance or safety, and so I would work my ass off to achieve the next level of whatever goal in my life, get there and be momentarily somewhat pleased, before having to go through being lost again while I look for the pain to drive me to achieve again. I yearned for genuine human connection, yet had no idea how to make that a reality.

    Coming out of Vegas, I’m well on my way to becoming the man I can be. I overhauled the way I communicate with women, I’ve started working heavily on how I interact with my friends, but most of all, I’ve changed the relationship I have with myself. I finally have love for myself. It still takes daily conditioning, but I no longer feel that I’m unworthy of love, and the walls I put up to stop myself becoming close to people are becoming malleable. I’m able to have genuine conversations and relationships; I can be vulnerable, I can be appreciative, I can give love without expecting it in return, and I can receive love without feeling like I’m going to hurt the person. I’m feeling likes less and less of a fraud every day. I’m beginning to live a life as the loving, caring, giving man that I am. As a complete shock, I unlocked a major unseen lacking element in my life; my spirituality. I felt the power of the universe for the first time, and I opened my mind to the possibility of the divine. I trust myself, and I trust the universe. I’m quickly gaining control of my inner dialogue, and the world around me seems to be changing with every day I dig new trenches in my mind. I gained insight to understanding my path and purpose. I found my zest for life; I wake up every day with the burning fire to grab the fabric of the world around me and bend it into my reality, a reality I design (alongside a group of amazing people).

    It’s been said, but getting good at talking to women is literally the smallest part of this program. It’s simply a by-product of becoming an incredible person; attractive people, both friends and women, will want to have you in their lives, and hence the focus is on ourselves and not others. Sure, we went out and talked to women nearly every night in Vegas, but we did literally all of 2 days of how to interact with women (based on principles of communication, not lines), with the remainder of the 4 weeks completely focussed on giving us the tools to build ourselves into the best men we could possibly be. Women are a great sounding board for how you’re progressing along that journey as a man; given we had no lines to fall back on, we were having to be ourselves and bring complete authenticity, genuine fun and masculinity to our interactions. You can only do that from a place of strength, and you only move to that place once you begin removing the filters and layers of crap we’ve piled on during our lives.

    When I talk to friends and family from home, it becomes more and more difficult every day to explain how I’m doing and what’s been happening. Rockstar is a true time warp; they say one day on Rockstar is equivalent to weeks or months in the real world, and I completely support that – I’d even go so far as to say this four weeks has unlocked more personal growth than I’ve achieved over the last 5+ years. To me, I’ve travelled years through time, yet my friends and family have had 3 or 4 weeks of work, and 3 weekends; all of which they’ve been up to ‘not much’, and nothing is new. I want to share my journey with them, but it’s very difficult when I’m not there to show them how far I’ve come.

    I look around at the other Rockstars and feel nothing but pride in who they all are as people. Their grit, determination and spirit is something to be inspired by, and they’ll be friends for life. They’re brothers. For the whole of Vegas, I was so grateful to work with Vici, one of the most incredible, rock solid guys I’ve met. Furthermore, the whole instructor team has been nothing but inspirational. Looking at the examples set by guys like Vici, Venture and Sterling, I get a fire deep in my stomach and sit in awe of how great you can become with ruthless dedication and great friends and mentors. For the whole instructor team, I’ve had the pleasure of sitting at the feet of giants who inspire me. Each of the alumni that have visited are amazing human beings, and it wouldn’t be the same without them. All of these people, I hope to have as friends and mentors for life, and it’s my only hope I can give back even a tiny bit of what they’ve so selflessly given. See you in the stars my friends.

  8. #158
    Join Date
    Aug 2017

    Reflection on the Roadtrip

    So that’s it, those were the 2 weeks of Emerging Period or Immersion Period… both equally true. What an up and down of emotions… before the trip, to many of us it was unclear what the deeper meaning of that road trip was – it felt a bit like as if the instructors wanted some break from having to deal with the students… by now we have all come to realize the true worth of the trip – breaking out of the tight structure of classes and having to come up with own ideas and plans, having to deal with different opinions and having to solve the resulting frictions, maintaining group cohesion and bonding even stronger through conflict management and shared experiences, getting a glimpse of how game works in a regular city instead of places where everyone is in a party mood all the time… quite some challenges, both external as well as internal. I learned a lot from it.

    It has been far from fun and games all the time, though. With progress in game foolishly, but inevitably come raised expectations, comes fear, comes a focus on outcomes rather than the process, comes comparison with the other boys, comes comparison with previous results and mental states… it’s tough to see that I go through phases where things that I thought I had already mastered pretty well seem to be lost in the mud somewhere… and worse even is the return with a vengeance of massive approach anxiety and my old, very much limiting and very negative self-beliefs that it’ll never work, that I am fooling myself, that I just don’t have it and will never have it and that I’ll always screw it up eventually… a damn tough phase, but likely a good one, as so far I have been able to use each and every crisis during this program to learn and grow from it. There is a strong tendency buried deep in my brain to counteract every push I receive and give myself. So instead of complaining about this tendency why not use it? Why not work myself into a real crisis and then throw the rudder around and use all my power to bounce back to make it to a higher plane than before the crisis? Has worked astonishingly well so far, though I wish I would start finding means to grow in a less erratic and more pain-free way…

    It's all really fucking absurd. Hearing something, understanding it, agreeing with it, believing it is not only true, but also feasible, pretty simple and on top absolutely necessary… and then somehow still not finding the courage to do it, but being blocked by my own emotions, limiting self-beliefs and the myriad of excuses I come up with time and again why just now is not the right time to start acting despite my state issues, start taking true responsibility for my life, start doing the necessary, start focusing on the process and growth, start overcoming my anxieties, start going through the fear and all the pain that comes with it instead of shying away from it again and again and beating myself up about it afterwards because I know better but somehow don’t… It is a big challenge not only to embrace all those apparent shortcomings and love myself for them, but even more so to then not become complacent and sorta content with the situation I am in, but find a new source of motivation to keep pushing and striving and growing when for all of my life my main motivational forces have always been fear of not being enough, guilt, shame, significance and the need for uncertainty…

    So many apparent paradoxes to solve: love myself for having flaws, just going with the flow while at the same time trying to focus on implementing what we have learned, focusing on having fun with the boys, connecting and keeping my state up instead of focusing on approaching girls while at the same time making the maximum out of those oh so short 9 weeks on Rockstar (YOGOR!), not focusing on pulling but rather on enjoying myself and giving her the time of my life while at the same time going through the model, being bold and trying to get A-Z reference experiences, learning all those tools to feel more confident in interactions while at the same time learning to deal with more uncertainty… and then there is the need to prioritize between learning the mechanics of outer game and applying it on a nightly basis, focusing on inner growth, maintaining a healthy diet, keeping up a gym routine, finding enough time to rest, sleep heal and process all the input, bonding with the boys and forming friendships for life, learning about all the amazing stuff they have done in their lives and drinking all the wisdom they can offer, learning text game and social media game, going for hairstyle and fashion overhauls, running errands, trying to come up with business ideas and travel plans, blogging and doing the necessary office work to keep the outer world happy, reflecting on our own values and plans for the future, read, listen to and watch all the gazillion pieces of information and additional sources of wisdom we are being fed, adding daygame to the mix… all the while partying our asses of and not forgetting to enjoy this wild ride and have the time of our lives… I’ll likely find out in a few weeks that my head exploded long ago and I just have been way too busy to notice…

    Fuck yeah, it’s easy to forget that this really is the time of my life – well, of my life so far. Because despite all the emotional hardships I am growing day by day and slowly, but surely am for the first time in my developing trust that this could actually be it, that at the end of all this is that one insight, that one breakthrough, that one realization that flips that goddamn switch that has been stuck in the wrong position all my life… and from that point onwards I will have learned how to be responsible for myself, be lastingly happy and keep improving on it… I’m not there yet despite all my learnings, but I am growing towards it every single day (though often it doesn’t feel like it), and time and again I get a glimpse of realization how incredibly free I have already become and just how addictive feeling my happiness is… and that is the one addiction I gladly want to and very soon will trade all my other addictions in for… Rockstar for fucking Life, biatches! PS. Love you all.

  9. #159

    Blog 13 (long awaited celebrity story time)
    Day 38 September 2, 2017
    If I thought that my journey on this program was fantastic and that I was progressing a lot these next two days were nothing short of a tectonic shift in me, and the way I think, the way I talk it out the way I move, pretty much everything has been blown out of what i thought was normal or possible.
    It all started with our boat day that we had scheduled for, and we were off on a great start. was having an amazing time just the boys together. We decided to stop at this beachfront restaurant bar location which was also a happening spot for the day. There we decided to have some lunch and to pick up some girls and bring them to the yacht. There a local friend of mine introduced me to one of the biggest celebrities in Hollywood. She has done many famous movies and countless other things. Of course for privacy issues I will not disclose the name. Later we went up to her Villa where at one point I was just staring out the balcony overlooking the ocean on the yachts and just talking to her. My God I was freaking trembling. In my head I was like oh my god what is happening she is such a huge star.
    During our seminars we talked about presence. With her I felt what that presence really means. I found out that she is really into yachts and that is her hobby that she studies about and reads about all the time. What a coincidence we actually rented I yacht today. So I decided to invite her over and she excepted. Again in my head, wow i pulled off a miracle. Long story short, she was with us for a couple hours where I actually got to know her the real her and not the façade that she usually puts up and for the paparazzi and the media. It took me two hours to actually start looking at her as a normal human being to touch her or to do anything physical. Once i managed to calm myself a bit more, i was able to touch her of just start treating her like a normal girl and i realized how compassionate i am at it that even she melted into my arms on many occasions. Because of a lot of distractions and her always being cautious about who is watching, no one is taking pictures of her, etc, she would not let me go any closer to her but she was very comfortable and hugging kissing me on the cheeks are holding hands with me. Later that night she wanted me to go for dinner but I decided to stay with the boys and we met at the next day. The last day in Mykonos and tomorrow we are flying out to Budapest. so far its been a magical time for me here. i’m blown away with what my capabilities are right now and there’s still so much of the program left. i’ve planned a big night for us. starting from a great dinner and then walking up to our table which is right by the dj booth. one of the two best tables in the house for today and yes my celebrity guest is coming to see me there.
    fast forward a few hours, we have been texting all day and she made sure to get there i’m there too. till then she was hanging around another restaurant. i had to go run some errands and she even offered to join. it was like a scene from a movie when i saw her at the club, waiting for me at the other big table in the club. as soon as she saw me outside the table, she smiled, got up and came to give me a warm hug. took my hand and we walked inside and she personally introduced me to every big middle eastern baller there. we then went for a walk around the venue. she has a tendency to walk fast as she gets stopped too many times by everyone around and i understood the social pressure she faces and always being under the camera lens. so many people were calling out her name when we were holding hands and walking, and at a point i could hear people ask “who’s he? her new boyfriend?’ and started taking more pictures of us together. so far nothing has popped up on TMZ. well lets not jinx it. eventually we both started feeling uncomfortable. i grabber her and wanted to bring her to our table where we all can create a divider between her and the cameras as we were so many in numbers but more people make her more uncomfortable and she decided to go back to her villa. she was pulling me to go with her but i told her that i will come see her in a few hours as i also wanted to spend some time with the boys. and that’s exactly what i did. in the between i met another gorgeous Canadian girl but had to leave her for some other time and head over to the villa.
    we had an amazing night tougher and real spent quality time together. she wanted me to skip my flight to Budapest and go to Amsterdam with her but i couldn’t do it. i had to see the end of this journey i am on. she would not put out till when i was getting out of bed and my ride was downstairs at around 6 am to go back to vila so i can pack and get ready for the airport. if only i had an extra day. but that doesn’t bother me, her last words to me being “how can you leave now when we just had such a connection?”. i’m confident we will meet again. i’m so so attracted to her personality. i’ve never met a woman who has worked much more and hard than any of us in this system to get to where she is now.

    Day 39 September 3, 2017
    Budapest started rough for me. One of my bags didn't show up and i happened to put in all my jeans in that luggage. We made our way to our service apartments which was centrally located in a good part of town. Walking distance to everything. I came up and took a nap and later we went out for dinner and to a local ruin bar. It was definitely a big change of pace.

  10. #160

    blog 14
    Day 40 September 4, 2017
    Sleep deprived and on an all time high from what happened last night and my phone blowing up from everyone from instructors to alumni, giving me a virtual pat on my back for what i had managed to pull off. it was a very humbling feeling and it took me a few days for it all to sink in. Rockstar for me has been all about my self acceptance. i’ve always had the issue of under estimating myself and not really believing in my self. inferiority complexity from many things. over the last few weeks i’ve being better at being me and just learning not to give much attention to what others or society may think of me. its all irrelevant. slowly but surely i started progressing, till Mykonos, i felt like i was flying. from being the lead on where we all are going out to party to arranging the yachts, having models hang out with us, to setting up dates with hot bottle girls and hostesses from the venues we were going all out at. every venue we went to, the owners would come and greet us and make sure we were well taken care of. all these reflections started dawning on to me in the airplane ride to Budapest and just such how damn masculine i am. that’s what exactly i need to do and exactly how i should carry myself for now on. i just needed some time to myself and even though i went out, i came home early to get some sleep and just sit on my bed in complete silence and just take it easy for a change.

    Day 41 September 5, 2017
    Today we started the day with a group meeting and just starting this leg of our trip with a reflecting how much fun we’ve had and how much we have bonded with each other. it lasted for more than two hours. we all took turns to thank and appreciate everyone who worked so hard to make Mykonos was that much magical for each and every one of us. we took the day off and some of us just spent the day together, went shopping, some day game and napped. we are still receiving from our 3 hour sleep cycles due to the heavy partying we did in Mykonos. it was so much fun. we didn’t want to leave. we did the same and went out at night to the same spot. not much glamor in Budapest’s night life and we were so spoilt, but we just had fun amongst ourselves and it was good to learn how to adapt to different situations.

    Day 41 September 6, 2017
    We pretty much did the same thing as yesterday and just took time to catch up on our journaling. i finally did my laundry did some day game and walked around the city. i know i shouldn’t take a break for so long but i feel its necessary for me to do so. just taking a step out of this high pressured environment really helped me relax and contemplate on everything. later at night we met up with some alumni who joined us to hang out with us. it was great to see familiar faces and a good opportunity to bond with them even more. as they have been thorough this process it was great to pick their brains on various different topics.

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