Project Rockstar 2017 Journals - Page 10

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  1. #91

    Las Vegas Recap

    Vegas Reflection.

    It seems like yesterday I was full of tension and anxiety waiting for the instructors to walk us into into Marquee for the unofficial start of the program. In reality it was less than a month ago, but so much has happened in that time that it also feels like that night was 2 years ago. ..

    Iíd love to know the actual number of women Iíve talked to over the last month. But it really doesnít matter. The glow from a one night stand starts to fade right after itís all said and done. Meanwhile the things Iíve learned about life, about dating and most importantly about myself in Las Vegas are priceless and they will last forever.

    I will never be able to look at Las Vegas the same. To most people Vegas is a vacation get away where they can forget about their lives, but I learned how to take control of my life in this city, I learned how to become a man that doesnít need a vacation from his life, because his life is fucking amazing. I will never be able to see Las Vegas the same again. I feel like a local in this city, especially the last couple days. I know how to get around, I know the best clubs for the best days of the week and I know how to get into and out of most of the casinos and night clubs.

    That means Iím too comfortable here. Itís time to move on and work on the next stage in my self development.

    Part of me is sad Iím leaving, but I feel confident that I got exactly what I needed to get from the Vegas leg of this program. We could stay here for another week and continue to progress, but it would be minimal compared to the improvement we would see in Europe. Europe is going to be just what I need. Iím taking the feedback the instructors gave me on Wednesday and Iím ready to run with it.

    Iím loving the place we are at as a group leaving Vegas. We are all growing individually, and we are getting closer as a group. As far as I can tell there is no huge divide between us. There are no singular groups. Instead we seem to be a pretty cohesive unit that knows together we will see more success than individually. I havenít been a part of a group thatís this close since I played sports. Itís something Iíve been craving in the last couple years and Iím glad I found it here.


    Weíve been warned repeatedly that this isnít a vacation. Itís integration, itís immersion. Itís our opportunity to keep improving in a conducive environment for growth, before we go back to our ďnormal livesĒ. Iím feeling confident that if we put in the extra work weíve all been doing we will be in an amazing place going into Sweden, and moving forward.

    I havenít been outside of Canada/the U.S. in at least five years, so Europe will be a nice change for me. Plus Euros seem to be healthier than Americans. After a month in Vegas most of the gains I picked up from our workout program seem to be fading. Thereís not much I can do about that, but at the very least Europe means lighter meals, and more walking. I can feel myself coming from a place of fear when it comes to fitness. I was clinging to the results I got on the pre Rockstar program, but itís impossible to maintain that level of fitness. Itís only now that Iím accepting that. This is an important lesson to learn because for the foreseeable future fitness is going to be part of my lifestyle, itís not going to be my lifestyle. I say this, because I know that previously Iíve had negative thoughts about my body that have caused me to live in fear/scarcity, which means that the way I think about myself would be the source of a lot of negative thoughts. No matter how good of shape Iím in. But since our meditation retreat, I noticed the mental shifts are starting to lock themselves in day by day.

    A negative thought might still creep into my mind, but where before it would have fucked with me for hours, and sometimes days, now I know how to handle it properly so that recognize it for what it is, a thought. I can usher it out the door, and move forward. Itís not perfect but Iím still working on it, and mentally itís much healthier.

    Itís going to take work to lock these mental changes in, but Iím committed to putting the work in, and I know that I will. Itís going to pay benefits in the long term. It might be easier to control those thoughts, and to spend time locking them in without 5 hours of seminar and information coming in on a daily basis.

    Thursday before we went out, and Friday before going to the airport the Rockstars got to spend some time together just hanging out and bullshiting. There was no seminar, no real agenda, so it was a little taste of what the next couple weeks are going to be like. And if there anything like that itís going to be fucking awesome. A free flowing schedule that we can settle into. And bond with each other. Iíve felt that these couple days Iíve gotten to form stronger and stronger bonds with the guys, just by doing our normal thing together. Iím nostalgic for Vegas, but Iím excited for the next stage in our progressionÖ


    As we weíre waiting to board the plane to Europe, we watched the flight attendants get on the plane before us, and our collective jaws dropped. They were hot, both of them. Hotter than the girls we had been talking to in Vegas. Youíd have to fly all over the United States to find flight attendants that looked like thisÖ

    Europe is going to be fun.



  2. #92

    Update 7

    Monday we do some group hot yoga to relax in a yoga studio. Awesome experience. Iím pretty hopeless at yoga but its definitely interesting to learn. Afterwards I had a glow of relaxation. Myself and another rockstar burn that off by hitting the gym. Both of us start a brief interaction with different girls at the gym. My fellow rockstar hits up the girl who works at the gym. I love being with this rockstar because he has amazing energy and a very sharp wit that naturally attracts girls. Watching is a learning experience, and shows me where I need to get to banter wise. I approach a young girl in the gym. She opens very friendly. She is 18 and 20 years younger than me. Its close to my grey area on being too young so I keep the conversation friendly and donít sexualise it.

    Tuesday Wednesday we complete a 2 day meditation bootcamp in the house. Preparation for this part of the program is strict. Food is limited to a narrow range of options and the inner game seminars are focused on what you want to get out of the mediatation ceremory. Although I donít consider myself spiritual or religious, it is a one of a kind ceremory experience and I got a tremendous amount of growth out of it. The 2 key insights I got was ďhow to love myself moreĒ and ďhow to be a better version of myselfĒ. Words canít describe how the inner game and then meditation ceremony has now permanently changed by outlook on life in a massive way. Definitely one of the biggest highlights of the program. Fixing the inside you first, and then your positive vortex will make life so much better around you in every way possible.

    Thursday night is a night off for reflection after the meditation ceremony.

    Friday night is Omnia. It is a fantastic environment. I do a bunch of approaches. Iím not sure who brought 2 girls to the table, but after a while I start spending time with 1 really attractive girl. She spends most of the night on the balcony watching the DJ, but I find her melting with me. There is no way she wants to leave before the DJ is finished. My fingers wander a little as we dance and I find her boundaries are quiet wide. She mentions that my hands feel so good. I take this as a green light. I donít act on it straight away but in my own time there is more wandering. A bit earlier in the night another Rockstar pulls her friend back to the house. Mine didnít want to leave until the DJ is finished.

    Eventually the DJ finishes and we leave. My diamond card pays dividends again and we skip the long taxi queue. She is all over me in the taxi and I cool her down a bit until we are in a place where we can have sex. I know she is DTF so I give her a quick tour of the house. It almost blows up because she runs into her friend near the pool. Learning note next time Ė if they are DTF maybe do the tour after sex. Her friend even talks about them both leaving and going back to the hotel. Luckily my girl says firmly ďwe are not leaving yetĒ. The friend agrees and says Ė yeah no problems. Both girls end up spending the night and sleeping at the house. My roommate gets woken up to me and my girl going for round 2 in the morning. I had already planted the seed for group sex and my girl was open to it but I totally forgot to hit my roommate up. He started talking after I finished sex, and we had a super normal conversation and it was no big deal that he was 2 meters away from a couple banging away moments ago.

  3. #93

    Vegas Reflection:

    We just took off from McCarren International Airport in Las Vegas, headed for Mykonos, Greece via Frankfort, Germany.

    It seems like months ago that I touched down in Las Vegas for the start of my Rockstar Journey. So much has happened in just one month. I donít ever remember packing so much into such a short period of time.

    I canít help feeling a sense that life will never be the same after this, and weíre not even halfway done. No matter what happens, I get to experience the rest of my life in a different pair of shoes, as a different person than I would have, had I not gotten to have this experience. The trajectory of my life has already been altered in ways I cannot even begin to fully realize.

    I couldnít even begin to try and describe this past month to any of my old friends or family. Where would I even start? If I try to figure what they have probably been doing this last month, or what I would have been doing this past month had I not been on Rockstar, I cannot even begin.

    I have had many periods of self-doubt during this last month. Wondering if this stuff was even going to work on me. Or would I be the one guy in Rockstar history that was unphased, unchanged by it all. Would I be the guy doomed to return to his same old life as the same guy he had been before, only now unable to ďunknowĒ what he has seen and learned. That would be the cruelest thing I could imagine. To get a glimpse of who I could have become, and the life I could have lived, only to have to live in the prison of being unable to fully realize my true potential as a man.

    The morning after our intense meditation ceremony, I made a promise to myself. I promised myself that I would not let me down. I said to myself, ďYou can fucking count on me! No matter what it takes, I will never stop. I wonít let you down!Ē I actually made a voice recording of me talking to myself saying all these things. I now listen to this recording every day to give me the strength and determination I need to get me through the times when I am feeling not as strong.

    I have learned many things during our time in Las Vegas this past month. Itís safe to say I have already learned way more than I bargained for.

    During my first 3 weeks here, I felt very much like an outsider. Ten years older than the next oldest Rockstar. Twenty years older than some. Twenty seven years older than the youngest. None of the other Rockstars have even heard of most of the music that I like. I have never heard of most of the music that they like. I found myself not getting much of the humor that was going around. A very rough start. I did not feel like a part of for most of the beginning. This all began to change just a few days ago. Tuesday Aug 22. The group let me know how they all felt about me. It felt really good to know that they all loved me, no matter what kind of state I was in. They let me know that they would rather have me around even if I was feeling very fucked-up at the time. They were there to support me, and to help me through those rough spots. They made me feel like I was missed when I was not around. It was then that I knew that we were truly a group- a cohesive unit, and that no man would be left behind.

    This opened my eyes to what was at stake. My ďstateĒ affects the group. Itís on me to do all the work necessary to get out of my head, and into the present. This is a life and death matter for me. For if I canít live the life I know that I am capable of, I would sooner be dead. My old life is not worth living as far as Iím concerned.

    Due to whatever circumstances, I have to work much harder every day to make sure that I stay out of my head. Thatís ok. I accept that. This is a small price to pay for the life that I get to live now. The rewards for spending an hour and a half per day on my emotional fitness are astronomical. The consequences for not spending this time each day are death. Thereís leverage for you. Moving forward, I have to be just as diligent about my emotional sobriety as I was with my sobriety from drugs and alcohol over twelve years ago.

    Essentially, I am in early emotional sobriety. My emotional fitness is still on shaky ground. I am in a fragile state. This will not always be the case. As I get stronger, I will be less and less worried about ďwhich guy is going to show upĒ.

    I will be asking the guys to hold me accountable for doing what I need to do each day to get stronger.

    Last night was a very special night. One of the instructors that I respect the most shared with me how proud he was of me for the progress I have made since he first met me over a year ago. He told me how strong he thought I was for the things that I have overcome.


    He told me that he had no doubt that if I stay on my current path, that I will be able to help lots of people that even he could not help.

    I know now that In order for me to fully contribute, I will have to become more than I currently am. I now see that the work I am presently doing on myself, for myself, has the potential for a much higher purpose.

    I want to be able to help other people overcome similar things to what I have been through. I am proud of myself for choosing this path that I am on.

  4. #94

    Monday 8/28 Post:

    Iím sitting on the balcony of our villa in Mykonos, Greece, looking out over the Agean Sea. Three weeks ago, I had never heard of this place. Now, I am living a life that I could not have dreamed of.

    We touched down Sunday morning at about 9 AM. I slept for about 1.5 hours on the plane. After getting our bags from the conveyor belt, we all got into 3 taxi vans and headed for our villa.

    I was surprised about the temperature. I thought it would be hot as fuck, but it was really quite mild. It actually felt a bit cool and breezy. I was a bit relieved, because I am very hot natured. Usually, while others are cold, I am often sweating.

    It seems like every building, every house and every structure on this entire island is white. It looks like little white-frosted cakes scattered everywhere from above.

    After a few minutes of some narrow, winding roads, we arrived at our villa. Some of the rooms were ready, but mine was not. I lay down on the nearest sofa, and took a nap for a while.

    When I awoke, I caught a ride with a fellow Rockstar into town to grab some lunch and rent a scooter. We lost a couple of guys on the way due to logistical challenges. They were pissed, and let it be known that they didnít appreciate being left behind.

    We addressed the problem, and agreed that local SIM cards for all phones and better planning before heading out as a group, would help to avoid these snafus in the future.

    We headed back to the Villa, where my room was now ready. I got settled in somewhat and laid down for a nap before going out for the night.

    We had a nice dinner at some restaurant. (I canít remember the name at this point). After, we went to a club called Astra and hung out until about 5 AM. Grabbed a couple of killer Gyros before heading home on the scooter.

  5. #95

    Update 8

    Saturday night is Hakissan. Great night approaching many many girls. I find a girl Iím into and bring her and her friend to the table. Another Rockstar wings with the friend and actually pulls his girl back to the house early. My girl and me hang out in MGM casino bar.

    My head is in a really good spot and girls are really lucky to hang out with such an awesome guy. Infact the girl from last night had been texting on and off. She wanted to hang out so badly she grabs a cab to the house and texts me when she is on the way. I respond that Iím not at the house but her phone is flat. I tell her to come to MGM. What a rockstar problem Ė Iím with 1 girl and another girl is chasing me. I donít know how Iím going to handle 2 girls both at MGM Ė but I figured Iíd have at least 15mins to fully push my girls boundaries and still have a plan B available.
    I go to my girls room that she shares with her friend. She has some issues around sex and after 2 hours I head back to the house without sex. The old me would have been super disappointed that I didnít get want I wanted. The new me was really happy that in a little way I was able to help this girl with her issues. We didnít go all the way but it was still a positive experience. Plan B girl texts and I can tell she is a little annoyed Ė she spent $60 on cabs and didnít get what she wanted sexually. She pulls the pin on seeing me at MGM which was perfectly fine for me.


    Wet republic Sunday day pool party. This is first and only pool for the vegas leg of the program. I spent most of the day with my girl from the previous night. I thought there was a good chance we would finish off what we started the day before. I used push / pull during the day and it works very well to build a bond. Its obvious how much a girl is into you when you push her away and she canít stand being away from u. I wanted to have a swim early, before the pool got too ďpollutedĒ. My girl wasnít keen for a swim yet, which worked out well Ė I could do a few approaches in the pool without appearing disrespectful in front of my girl. I was gone for probably 30mins and my girl commented how she missed me.

    We leave the pool party a bit early before it gets too messy. Pool parties seem to get people a lot more drunk than nightclubs. I lead my girl and I suggest we head back to her room to order room service. Once we get back to the room and I start kissing her. She comments she thought I actually had a plan, not just to get her to the bedroom and for me to sexually escalate. I own the decision and I tell her of course Iím a man with sexual desires, she is hot as fuck, and Iím unapologetic. After 3hrs of solid LMR we finally have sex.

    She had some personal issues and she felt exposed. I wanted to help her and give. She did mention probably 50 times in the bedroom that we werenít having sex. After a couple hours I said if she was 100% serious about not having sex, she needs to repeat ď200% I donít want to have sex with you, that is my final decisionĒ and Iíll stop everything physical and sexual. She struggled for 10mins to say this, but eventually did. I was 99.9% certain we werenít going to have sex. We just chilled for 30mins, but we both found it difficult not to touch each other due to the huge amount of chemistry. I was firm with her and said she needs to stop touching me because its turning me on and thatís not cool if we canít release through sex. She stops for a bit. I mention that in a while Iíll need to leave and we wonít see each other again in vegas as its her last night.

    I notice she starts touching me again. I warn her that if she doesnít stop I will rip her pants off and fuck the shit out of her Ė and I wonít stop. She doesnít say anything or react which in itself is a massive positive sign. She briefly stops touching my ear, and then starts again. I act exactly per my previous warning and the sex is great. 5 hours LMR over 2 days is now my record. It was a good learning experience for both of us.

  6. #96

    Update 9

    XS nightswim Sunday night. I was a little flat this night, tired from the pool party and also my sex drive was satisfied from the earlier interaction. I did a bunch of approaches but came home relatively early at 3ish. Unfortunately one of the guys had his wallet stolen in the club.


    Marquee Monday we had the bungalow again. Fortunately the outside area is open and we have access to the bungalow from the club. Itís a great party but none of my interactions get close to having sex.

    Tuesday during the day we all do skydiving as a group. Amazing experience and even more awesome to do it with a bunch of fantastic people. Alright alright alright !!



    Omnia tuesday night started pretty awesome doing banter with random strippers on the way in. I found a chick by herself outside the club and did an approach. I had like 2 mins to build a connection as I had to pee and also didnít want to be late to the table line. We meet up again inside and she was super into me. Logistics get in the way and her 2 friends end up getting super sick and she needs to take them home. I try to keep in touch with this girl but Iíve learnt vegas especially, you often only get one chance with a girl Ė despite any promises made by both parties to reconnect later in the night or following days.

    Surrender - Wednesday

    As our vegas leg is winding down, wednesday night is officially not a going out night but 80% of us end up going out anyway. The night starts off great, I'm winging one of my really close Rockstars. He has fantastic banter skills. We open 2 or 3 groups of girls outside the club and then a few other once we get in. We get a few numbers and keep approaching other girls. Soon me and the other Rockstar start chatting to 2 candian girls. The is really keen for sex but my friend decides to look for some more attractive chicks. Once I have the 2 girls to myself I can sense they are both really into me and my aussie accent. They seem a little crazy bouncing off the walls so Iím thinking there is a good chance of a threesome. Without wasting too much time I pull them out of the club and we head back to the house. On the way I plant the idea of group sex and they are really interested in honest answers about how many girls Iíve slept with in vegas. My openness and honesty blew their minds and got them turned on even more.

    Once we got back to the house I sensed a threesome may not be happening and I had to choose between the better looking girl who said ďwe are not having sex tonightĒ and the friend that was DTF straight away. I choose the challenge. Rockstar is about the process and learning from it. I didnít think I would learn from the easy option. In the end I got a lot of LMR that I couldnít break through and the girl only wanted sex on the 2nd date. She pretty much guaranteed it would happen the 2nd night. I told her that I probably wonít see her the next day and I mentioned I might just bang her friend tonight. She was fine with it, but mentioned she wouldnít text the next day if I did hook up with her friend. I said casually thatís fine. I went outside to the pool and the other girl ended up being sick whilst I was gone. It was a major turnoff for me and the girls ended up leaving via uber.

    The next day I text my girl and mentioned that we werenít going to catch up for that 2nd date. I mentioned they could change my mind if they were open to a threesome. I mentioned that if it was outside their comfort zone then they didnít need to reply at all. They replied changing the topic slightly but wasnít a yes or no. Basically for the 2nd day in a row I was giving up guaranteed sex and pushing boundaries to their extreme. There is no way the old me would have passed up sex especially with relatively good looking women. Who the hell says ďthreesome or nothing !Ē. Either someone with arrogance or Rockstar abundance. I donít recognise myself lol.

  7. #97

    Update 10

    Thursday night is our last vegas night. It is an amazing night. I want the focus of my night to be a celebration with the other boys. Its not about girls, its about ourselves, our journey so far and what an amazing bunch of guys are helping me become the best version of myself.

    Although the focus of the night isnít on girls we manage to still do a bunch of approaches. Another Rockstar and I pull 2 girls back to the table. I spend a bunch of time with mine, but I soon find she is a tease. She moves from me, to another Rockstar to a 3rd guy at our table. Nothing went wrong with any of the interactions, she just wanted more attention and validation. I wasnít jealous at all, and infact I didnít change my behaviour at all. She continued to flaunt in front of the Rockstars she had left. I continued to enjoy the night as if I didnít know this girl at all. The old me would have either got annoyed and asked the other rockstars to pass her back, or I would have got with another girl in front of her. This girl had her own agenda and wanted to be the centre of attention. Towards the end of the night I mentioned to the other guys that this girl needed to be pulled asap or kicked from the table. She had fallen off the ledge onto our table and almost knocked bottles over. Also she got her foot stomped on because someone pushed me. Maybe a little karma was involved. I did hear the next day that her engaged friend and her both got pulled by our guys. A great result for the boys in the end, as a blatant tease with no one pulling would have been shit.
    Another highlight of the night was drinking some of the worlds most expensive campaign. On of my new aussie mates organised a massive magnum of super expensive campaign. They bring the bottle to the table and hold letter placards that spell significance. Normally in the club they only do short names or nicknames as each letter is held by a different person. Iím guessing they needed to rally nearly every drinks waitress to hold cards for our ceremony. I think the cost was around $4 or $5k just for that bottle. Amazing the awesome and generous people that I get a chance to spend summer with.

  8. Blog 9
    Day 28 - Day 31 August 22 - August 25, 2017

    These few days have been a roller coaster ride. we are definitely moving at a hundred miles per hour at this point and there’s no sign of slowing down. last night, Monday, was our marquee bungalow night and i was exactly where i feared to be at. low energy and just in zombie mode. i barely talked to girls, the conversations were short, boring and banter less and nothing really seemed to be working.


    Day 29 August 23, 2017

    Today was our night off but most of us still went to the XS night swim. it was good for me to go but the same low energy issues was hampering my progress and later i regret it being like this as it’s not letting me progress and i need to get a handle on this as soon as possible, especially before tonight’s big omen night. but that didn’t happen and i was not at all as a place in my head like where i was the time time i was there. i tried to make the best of the situation but definitely not where i’d have liked to be.

    blog 10
    Day 30 August 24, 2017

    today was the final vegas individual debrief where we all got a low down of where were are. and as expected, due to the performances the last few days, i was put in the struggling group and we need to push hard to get to a better spot to tackle the might Swedish night life. i was told that in a way i’m looking for greens rather than working on the yellows. i need to stick into the yellow sets and plough through them. this is the only way i’ll grow and i should stop having 3-5 min conversations. these are not good for my progress and i’m not getting anywhere but being exhausted about doing this same thing 20 times that night. i need to find the fire and just go be an approach machine and rack in the reference experience over the immersion break to Mykonos and Budapest and that should get me to a good spot to start off with in Sweden. they mentioned my masculinity really shined through at the wet republic when i had the girl from the previous night and how i did things properly. we text everyday even till today. i am taking this lesson in a analyzing what i need to do next.
    I still pushed to go out after the debrief and i was at the same position as at marquee, XS and omnia. so many negative thoughts in my head at the time. i was just giving up on this and convincing myself i’m not worthy and i’ll never be able to do all this successfully and consistently. i was hard pressed against time to condition my head to a good safe mode where i can be normal and start seeing progress again.

    Day 31 August 25, 2017

    I’m in the plane on the way to Frankfurt as i’m writing today’s blog post. it feels so unreal that i am actually going on this amazing journey with an amazing group of guys who from now on will be my closest friends in my life. someone pinch me, it all feels like a dream.
    Last night was a huge party. the same setup, our usual table at the hakkasan but the energy levels of the group going in was just amazing. we actually partied and have a blast. just so much love for each other. all this finally helped me snap out of my bad head space. i was feeling free and loved all day and i couldn’t wait for our last party in vegas as a rockstar. i’ll remember this night.
    i was doing great tonight, i was able to convert a yellow early on in the night but for logistics we could not bounce from the club. talked to a lot of girls, brought many to the table and worked on my banter and partied with the boys. i love them all. about 2am, we were really on fully party mode when one of the hotter girls at the table as getting chatted up by one of the guys. unfortunately it was going nowhere are she was not at all having it. reason being, one of the best guys in our group got her sexually charged up and let her be he moved on to green pastures. good thing for us mere mortals. i was pass on the opportunity to talk to her but when i did it started off rough as she was approached by a lot of the guys in the group by that point. something in my head told me to take a different route and go deep with her and it worked just perfectly. soon she was smiling and dancing, i was able to more her around the club and she was overall more receptive. i was so intimidated by her looks that i was afraid to escalate and hence we only made out. now as i am tracing my steps back, i’m seeing the parts where i could have capitalized in the situation rather than thinking i’m not good enough, she doesn’t see me like this, etc, and just picked up on hints earlier on. good thing is that i’m learning from all these experiences and growing. tomorrow, in a similar situation i will do much better and that’s a guarantee.

  9. Vegas Reflection

    I having a hard time finding the words to write this reflection. so many thoughts running wild in my head, i wish i could just record my raw emotions and have that posted for you all. i was just going through the pics from my photos app in my phone. it was just yesterday when we landed in vegas and meeting at the house for the first time, but it feels as if it was months ago. this program does run at the speed of light and wow i’m amazed that i’ve made it thus far.

    Just going through the previous debriefs and seeing the lighting speed progress is amazing. sometimes i wouldn’t realize all this and that’s why i started journaling everyday so that one the days i’m not a 100%, i can just go back to a week and see the remarkable progress i’ve made. best part is that i have a new wolf pack. one that everyone else would envy and i feel so lucky to be a part of it. couldn’t have asked for anything better and definitely beyond my expectations.

    Week 1 and 2 were the settling down time and me getting the hang of this process. At the same time we were going through a lot psychologically during the day with heavy inner game seminars. they have played an integral part in our development as well as making the group bond so strong. we started off as lone wolfs but as we all sped up, the faster wolfs made sure the pack stays together and we are all one unit and being together is one of the corner stones that’s holding this pack together.

    Alums and instructors say we are on the way to be the best class of rockstar ever and its just the half way point. i’m excited for the amazing things that lay ahead. this summer as has already crossed the point where i can confidently state that it has already at the point where it’s been the best summer ever for me and also everyone else would say the same. i so love and appreciate the selfless love and support we have been able to create amongst ourselves in such a short time. its amazing how i’m close with every single one of them. how i have special memories already with each one of them. and that too in such a short time. i feel like i have known these guys for a long time; like we all grew up together.

    lets dive in to the women aspect and my big and small successes. up until now i feel that i have not done enough. but now that i am writing down about the highlights, there’s been phenomenal progress. already i’ve been able to do things i’d have never thought about doing or even have the balls to even explore into.

    Starting with the first pull which had the premise of a threesome from the very start of my interaction. it was mind blowing to see how everything is in my head and when i’m in the right state, the right things always happen. This was on the end with her, the next day we had a big group sex with her where many of the alums and instructors had sex with her at the same time. as taught in the inner game seminars, its her good fortune to cross paths with me and the marvelous gift that i’ve provided her. its something she’ll cherish for the rest of her life.
    the next 2 girls are both white, and both taller than me when the wear heels. i always had this limiting belief that i’m not good looking, not tall enough and just not meant to be able to attract the white race. i’ve always wished and wanted to have such women in my life but it just wasn’t going to happen. Rockstar demolished those beliefs. I did exactly aha i thought was impossible. The first girl i met at XS. we had an amazing time together and because of my inner beliefs and issues, i was not able to pull her out of the club to have sex. we still talk almost everyday and i know it’ll happen the moment we see each other the next time.

    The next one is a nurse with a body of a model. so tight. and again because of the voice that kept telling me all throughout that night at Hakkasan “don’t fuck it up! she’s too hot to hookup with you”, i was afraid to pull her out. There are a point when an instructor came up and told me to fucking leave and that i should i done that more than an hour ago. But by that time things had fizzled, even though she was back at the mansion, we did not have sex. She did come to see me the next day at the wet republic pool party. and it was an amazing day. i had great energy levels, i had a ton fun with everyone and at the same time i was that masculine guy, the boyfriend who was there for her and all she had to do was to be the feminine that she is and let me look at the rest. at a point, she told that if i wanted to hook up with other girls its fine as long as it not in front of her. also “we should not leave yet. i want to go to the pool and spend sometime there with you. we will have sex tonight, so don’t rush, lets enjoy our time.” wow how did i get here? am i ever going to wake up and it’ll all be a dream? (we talk everyday now and i am particularly keeping in touch with her is because she is a great person too. i’ve interacted with many girls in vegas these past few weeks and i can tell she’s cut from a different cloth. i don’t know where my journey leads me, but she’ll be there as a friend at the least.

    This last highlight of my vegas trip came from the last night out. the final party at hakkasan. i had seen her at the table and admired her from the very start. unfortunately she was brought to the table by one of the other guys. it was much later in the night when quite a few of the guys have hit walls with her that “my turn” came and i just moved next to her while waiting for Deorro to start his set. we started with normal conversation and eventually i just went into a deep conversation, thinking that the others must have gone the other route and i need to do something different to stand out. it worked! those massive walls started to disappear for what felt like a brick at a time. the negative mantra was back in my head: “she’s too hot for you, don’t fuck it up, don’t be too bold otherwise you’ll lose her.” so pussy me went on a much slower pace of progression. i just made sure to be cool and composed on the outside while inside my head there was world war 3 happening. i definitely made her feel comfortable. we walked a bit around the club and eventually walked out, she was feeling cold to i gave her my jacket. we had some food at the MGM with some of the guys and the girls they were with before making out way to the Uber. at first she was not letting me in to go with her but i overcame that. it was in the Uber where i saw her melt into me and my masculine presence. i vividly remember just telling her how a part of me wants her to come to Mykonos as i just wasn’t going to let her go like this. After some silence she just blurs out: “you were the highlight of my night. if it weren't for you, i would have left hours ago. and don’t tempt me, otherwise i will come with you…. 5 mins later… think about it, let me know by 1pm and if you text me tomorrow, i will be there at the airport to board that plane with you.”
    i’ve never head anyone utter something even remotely close to this to me. and she was the hottest girl i had interacted with this whole trip. but because of my limiting beliefs i was not masculine enough to get laid, even though it was there for me for the taking, she was mine, just waiting for me. i realized this when i dropped her off and while waiting for my Uber, i just grabbed her cheeks. i was just going to give her a warm kiss on her cheeks but to my surprise she just closed her eyes and gave her lips for us to have a passionate romantic kiss. i knew at the moment where i fucked up and it was in massive proportions. still a pat on the back for doing what i did. next time it will be so much different and the next her will be in for a memorable journey. she did ask me to keep in touch and that we should see where this takes us. So i will be doing that. maybe learn more from her and fly her out the next time to give her a glimpse of what i could be when she gives in and comes into my awesome life.

  10. #100

    Roadtrip Diary #2

    Holy crap, all these Rockstars are completely nuts! I was hoping to chill by the pool, talk bullshit and get some much-needed rest, but these mofos just upped the speed deep into the red… we’ve gone from 5 parties a week in Vegas to 5 parties every 2 days… completely insane…

    Having a rough ride these last days – that dip they told us about has hit me in full swing – I have been worrying about not belonging to the group, about not being good enough at game, about missing too many opportunities, about not approaching enough, about not knowing what to say, about blowing my budget, about annoying the boys or fucking up their interactions… pretty much about everything under the sun. You know that image of the guy in the middle of a bunch of rapids, clinging on to a log for dear life with no shore in sight while someone screams at them to let go of the log? That’s pretty much how I feel right now… my old strategies and beliefs are hurting me to the core, but I don’t seem to have the faintest idea what’s on the other side, and letting go feels like certain death… well, as one of the coaches put it: The mere fact that it’s hard proves that it’s worthwhile.

    It’s awesome to see just how much love and growth there is in this group. We still screw things up more often than we want to, but we’ve become just so amazingly good at catching ourselves at it, sharing and caring and getting back to coming from a place of love, joy and brotherhood. It’s uplifting to see that all these great guys truly care for me – even in times when I’m unable to see it – and want me to be part of the group and succeed from the bottom of their heart. The greatest wisdom I was imparted today was: “The greatest gift you can give to anyone is your own happiness.” I’ll make that my life’s motto from now on.

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