Just Not Wired for Marriage/Monogomy/Monotony + Her Jealousy Issues
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  1. Just Not Wired for Marriage/Monogomy/Monotony + Her Jealousy Issues

    I'm 37 and have studiously avoided marriage my entire adult life. I'm with a girl now who I've been seeing exclusively for almost four years, who's 35 and the guilt is building that if she keeps waiting for me to come around, she'll lose her chance to settle down and have kids.

    It's overwhelmingly what she wants and of course, it figures given the biological clock is bouncing up and down with it's alarm bells right about now. But it's not what I want. I feel virtually zero compulsion to marry and have kids. My biological impulses are telling me to get out there and bang as many hot women as I can. I have a hard time understanding why I should indulge her biological impulses and deny my own. Mine have way less repercussions if done correctly (ie with a condom, there's no real drawbacks having sex with lots of women. Doing what my gf wants, we end up with a massive lifetime financial/emotional obligation and are forever tied no matter how much we end up despising each other.)

    But at the same time it's hard to break it off.

    Add to this the fact that it's a long distance thing. Like international. She's Asian and I'm a Westerner. For her to even live and work in my country (the one that's first world), we have to enter into a partnership which is basically legally as good as being married.

    The relationship started out casual, and then I feel like the noose was slipped over my neck and slowly tightened. We became exclusive, then we moved in together (in her country), then she came for a holiday here. And every move in that direction has seen a distinct reduction in my happiness and an increase in hers.

    Don't get me wrong. She's a great girl, a hard worker, works out, pretty... but she's also a huge pain in the ass a lot of the time and I find myself not really wanting to be around her or anyone that much. A big part of the PITAss factor is her ridiculous jealousy. Even though it's true I want to bang every hot girl I see, I swear to god she has no legit way of telling that from my behaviour around her. I might joke with the waitress for 2 seconds as I pay the bill. And that's it. Then I'm treated like I cheated on her for the next one to three days. I mean, I can't friggin' stand it anymore!

    Maybe I'm answering my own question here, but on the other hand I care very deeply for her and she has loads of good features also. I think I'm just not wired to be with one woman forever. I'm the kind of guy who really needs my own space and freedom, almost more than anything else. Henry Rollins seems to be on the same page if you ever hear him discuss LTRs. Just feel so suffocated if I'm stuck tethered to another person (gf or even friend) for longer than a few hours.

    Anyone out there feel the same way about this? Have similar experience? Resolved it?

    TLDR: My gf gets jealous for virtually no reason and I hate the idea of long term commitment (to her or anyone) with a passion. Seems like I'm guaranteed to lose out financially if I cave and marry. Who else feels like this?



  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Gender:
    Location
    London
    Posts
    694

    You find her a pain in the ass, she's not what you're looking for long term, you're not what she's looking for long term. So I have no idea why you're finding it hard to break it off. Seems insanely dumb to me.

    You're also a colossal asshole for staying with someone under these conditions and circumstances. So there's that to consider to. Do you want to be a dick and make someone incredibly unhappy for the rest of their life by denying them something they really want?
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