Issue: Loosing the girl mid-way through interaction - Page 2

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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by gq1 View Post
    this thread is about "losing the girl midway" so perhaps you can tell Spanky69 how you converted the awkward fence girl into a date?
    i'm genuinely curious. And I think it would contribute to the thread to know how this went.



  2. Quote Originally Posted by gq1 View Post
    i'm genuinely curious. And I think it would contribute to the thread to know how this went.
    I wasn't trying to get a date that wasn't the point. Obviously though if I'd thought to keep conversation going at that point it would have been much easier to, after she was already warm to me and laughed with me as opposed to if I'd just gone up to her and been like, "Hi this is random but I think you are cute. You don't know me at all would you please talk to me anyway". I wasn't giving advice, just making a point that what you say is important.

  3. #13
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    If you are a guy who aspires to slinging top-notch pithy openers and never getting dates, that's coolbeans. We all have different goals.

    Sparky is a guy who wants to make dates (and presumably have sex).

    You have no reason at all to say his openers are a problem. He's getting all the conversation time he needs. The notion that a woman is talking for 3 minutes and then suddenly decides "you know what... I was going to give Sparky my number, but that opening line from 3 minutes ago was too boring, so I've changed my mind" is BONKERS.

    Sparky's problem is (for whatever reason) he's not building up attraction with women in the time he's given.

  4. It's funny because I knew you were going down this route with that question.

    Quote Originally Posted by gq1 View Post
    If you are a guy who aspires to slinging top-notch pithy openers and never getting dates, that's coolbeans. We all have different goals.
    Well I have gotten dates before in similar scenarios, so you don't need to be so damn patronising. I'm not saying a good opener is the only factor involved, I'm just saying it helps so why not work on it?

    Sparky is a guy who wants to make dates (and presumably have sex).
    Great me too.

    You have no reason at all to say his openers are a problem.
    Did I one time make such an assumption? Point me to one time I made such an assumption.

    The notion that a woman is talking for 3 minutes and then suddenly decides "you know what... I was going to give Sparky my number, but that opening line from 3 minutes ago was too boring, so I've changed my mind" is BONKERS.
    Another possibility is that Sparky, or anybody else, might not even get 3 minutes if a woman did not like the way he came across to begin with. Since Sparky got three minutes with this girl his opening's probably not the problem or at least not in this instance. That's not the same with all guys. My point in this conversation is that, you can't just always assume inner game is the problem, and that's the only thing I really wanted to say in this thread.

    Sparky's problem is (for whatever reason) he's not building up attraction with women in the time he's given.
    Emphasis on 'in the time he's given'. That includes the very beginning as well. Can't make a fire without a spark.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by zeta_egalitarian View Post
    Well I have gotten dates before in similar scenarios, so you don't need to be so damn patronising.
    You're fixated on openers like they're a magical elixer. Yet even in your own example, the primo opener example didn't result in a date.

    You say it's "obvious" it would have been easier to keep a conversation going with your example... yet the results speak: Sparky's (whatever) openers are doing just fine. My (whatever) openers are doing just fine. THE OPENERS ARE NOT THE PROBLEM HERE.

    I'm not saying a good opener is the only factor involved, I'm just saying it helps so why not work on it?
    Because it takes time & effort away from working on things that MATTER.

    The reality of the situation is: anyone who has even the most basic conversation skills will NOT be constrained by openers. Progressing to a decent level of openers happens WELL before we progress to a decent level of "attraction - comfort - closing" conversation skill.

    My point in this conversation is that, you can't just always assume inner game is the problem, and that's the only thing I really wanted to say in this thread.
    Sparky's inner game sounds quite good and I think my earlier responses show that.

    My HUNCH is that Sparky simply needs to build up his fundamentals of conversation more which is hard tedious work, it comes with study, self-reflection, and lots of practice. But he's on the right track.

    Emphasis on 'in the time he's given'. That includes the very beginning as well. Can't make a fire without a spark.
    No idea what this is supposed to mean. If you want to play with fire metaphors:

    If your campfire always dies after burning for 3 minutes. You don't fix the matches, you fix the kindling.

  6. Quote Originally Posted by gq1 View Post
    You're fixated on openers like they're a magical elixer. Yet even in your own example, the primo opener example didn't result in a date.
    But in other similar situations, I was able to get a date and probably would have been able to keep things going in this particular situation it just did not occur to me, because I don't walk around all the time scheming of ways to fuck everything that moves. Sometimes I just say things to be social and not have any particular agenda.

    You say it's "obvious" it would have been easier to keep a conversation going with your example... yet the results speak: Sparky's (whatever) openers are doing just fine. My (whatever) openers are doing just fine. THE OPENERS ARE NOT THE PROBLEM HERE.
    I never said they are THE problem. I said they are A problem.

    Because it takes time & effort away from working on things that MATTER.
    All of it matters and all of it is worthy of time and effort. If you're in an MMA fight and you go for a takedown, you don't get it if you miss the wrestling shoot. That doesn't mean the execution doesn't matter, or what you do to pass guard doesn't matter.

    The reality of the situation is: anyone who has even the most basic conversation skills will NOT be constrained by openers. Progressing to a decent level of openers happens WELL before we progress to a decent level of "attraction - comfort - closing" conversation skill.
    It happens before, that doesn't mean it ranks less.

    My HUNCH is that Sparky simply needs to build up his fundamentals of conversation more which is hard tedious work, it comes with study, self-reflection, and lots of practice. But he's on the right track.
    I guess for me and in that other thread I'm not complaining about conversation because I figured this one out a while back when I came across this article, 50 questions for a date ( https://www.mensfitness.com/women/da...ation-starters ). After I figured out my answers to the questions (I ran them all through online dating first), I never ran out of things to say after I opened a girl, so I could keep talking all day pretty much. So I'd recommend that for anyone with the same problems I had. Basically, that part became easy for me but still just because it's hard for some people doesn't mean the opener or other aspects don't matter.

    If you fuck up the opener, she's gonna be thinking all kinds of things, even if you keep her talking. Like a lot of girls don't like it if they think you're just about sex or you just want her for her body. Other girls might be more sexual but they just don't feel attraction from you. Maybe part of that is because your verbal game doesn't excite her enough. So just cause you keep her talking after the opener (like she could just be talking out of awkwardness, or because she likes you but doesn't want to fuck you) doesn't mean you didn't fuck up already.

    No idea what this is supposed to mean. If you want to play with fire metaphors:

    If your campfire always dies after burning for 3 minutes. You don't fix the matches, you fix the kindling.
    Alright, so your campfire burned for 3 minutes but you had to rub out half a dozen damp matches to get the first spark. Maybe next time bring some better matches AND some good kindling.

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