I've Been Sober for over 6 Months and Gaming is Hard
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  1. #1

    I've Been Sober for over 6 Months and Gaming is Hard

    Hey guys,

    I've had a drinking problem for a few years, got out of treatment for second times a few months ago and have been living in a sober living apartment. When I drank, I was known as a wild man, too much at times. I would often drink to the point of being unattractive but also many times it would help my game as well and just give me more energy. The last 3 months I've been able to attract some very highly attractive women, some of the best in my life but have only had a couple closes. My confidence just isn't great and feel my personality is not congruent with my looks, I feel that when I tell them about myself they are disappointed because would have expected more since I am tall, considered a very good looking guy and look like I have my shit together.

    I have still gone out in social situations with friends and done pretty well, I can easily get a 9's number but feel my lack of true confidence hurts me either somewhere in the interaction or text game. It is hard for me to be present in the moment sober, my energy comes off as low and am also insecure about my living arrangement/feel anxiety to make something happen since I have curfew at midnight. Any advice would appreciate



  2. #2

    coming from a drinker and at some point i should really cut down on the drinking bit, I can probably say that your problems aren't your confidence. It's your anxiety about rejecting and reaching your potential that is making your ability to socialize with others more of a problem, thus leading to drinking. I could safely assume you're mistaking your confidence with approaching people as intertwined with your alcoholism rather than your ability to cope with the potential rejection from others. If you don't feel bothered being rejected (from the numbing boost from the alcohol) then you feel more confident. Makes sense?

  3. #3

    It sounds like you have to learn a whole new set of skills- being social while sober. There's no reason you can't do it. It just takes practice. Without alcohol to dull your self-preservation instinct, you have to learn that mistakes and rejection are not actually scary.

    "having your life together" is all relative. For a homeless guy, his life is together if he gets a regular gig digging ditches. For a bigshot CEO, his life is together if he completes the merger with time to spare to watch his kid play soccer. Be proud of the path you're walking, and concentrate on where you are going not where you have been. If a woman doesn't like where you are going, then it's not a good fit so better to discover that sooner than later.

    Also you rank these women "9" based on their looks. Looks are obviously important but don't forget that you deserve a woman who "has her life together" also.

  4. #4

    Getting good with girls also means having your sh** together. I have subdivided my answer into two parts so you can work on both at the same time. Work on this for a couple of months, then review and make a new plan going forward.


    1) Meet girls
    You can go to the bars, but it depends on what works for you. For most people with a former addiction it is out of sight, out of mind. If you have a smoking problem, you don’t want to constantly hang around smokers, and if you are addicted to candy, you avoid the middle isles of the supermarket. The same goes for being an (former) alcoholic, you don’t want to be in an environment where you are constantly being tested and seduced to drink alcohol.

    Luckily you don’t only have to go to bars to meet girls. There are quite a few options: daygame (street, coffee shops), online (FB / dating apps), and through your social circle. This might suit your current situation better (also with respect to your curfew)? If you like then go to bars, but pick a way to meet girls which you feel fits your current situation in life, as well as your schedule.


    2) Get your life handled
    Get your issues handled (living arrangement / other things), and you will notice your confidence (and game) with girls will go up as well. You will naturally radiate more confidence, as you will trust yourself and your ability as a man to make changes to your life and to deal with problems head on.

  5. I know a lot of people are not a fan of Owen Cook but, the point to create your own ritual or process is a thing of genius. How do you generate a positive state? If you feel out of place, grab a drink; my choice is water. I don't want stimulants or alcohol. That shit will make you anxious and alcohol lowers your testosterone. Man boobs and ED are not a look you want to have.

    I bump my state. I like EDM. I just do a bunch of spamming small sets, into larger sets, merge, and repeat. What I notice is that, someone will just make it known through IOIs of strong interest or disinterest. At that point, I will follow suit, and progress naturally. Its Halloween tomorrow. I am going to a local pub. Nothing big time or hectic as say, last weekend but, out none the less. Costume parties are an excuse to peacock and be in a obnoxious costume.

    I taught myself how to shuffle to EDM. I cannot hit a beat to save my life. Regardless, it keeps me moving, it is funny, and it bumps my state. I usually workout before going to the club. You would think, it would make me exhausted, and I would want to sleep after. Not the case. I feel the workout high. I will take a shower, shave or just line up my facial hair, I will put on some nice swag, and I will get out.

    I don't do canned routines though, I have things that are insta icebreakers, and things that just have been successful for me in the past. I always try to see humor in everything especially blow ups, crashing, and burning. I minimize time between sets especially after a hard blow out. I prefer larger venues then smaller so, I do not burn out a entire venue in 4min flat. Most importantly, I get going and start the sec I leave my house. I could be talking to the cab driver (if I don't drive myself). I will talk to random girls off the strip, in line, the girl at coat check, the bouncer/security personnel (prevents me from getting dragged out later or called out by one trying to be a white knight). I do my best to refrain from sitting, being at the bar or on the edge of the room. I rather be in the middle of the dance floor, on the dance floor rather then hovering over it. I usually go with friends who are a fair bit younger then me given, most of my friends are married, engaged or living common law.

    tip: TALK TO EVERYONE. Guys = new friend/wing Girls = new friend/fwb/ons/pull etc....!

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