Can I win her back? Advice please

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  1. #1

    Can I win her back? Advice please

    Hi Everyone,

    My relationship ended about 3 weeks ago. B and I were together for a year and a half. She was my biggest supporter and the most positive person I've ever had in my life. I'm usually a very reserved person when it comes to affection, but with her, it felt so natural. We clicked on a level that not many people do and, of course, we fell hard for each other. About 4 months in, her roommates got so sick of seeing me that it actually caused arguments between them. B decided to get her own place and proposed the idea that we live together, which I was not into at first. I didn't want to rush it. However, after a couple months, I convinced myself that living with her couldn't possibly be a bad thing. And it wasn't. We had our issues from time to time, but we always figured it out. We were having sex multiple times on days that ended in Y. I was cooking for her almost every night. I'd find random notes around the house that would keep me smiling all day. She would surprise me at work on her days off. The romance was definitely in full force.

    Fast forward about 6 months of living together. I expected the romance to slow down a bit. I mean, it was excessive at times, we couldn't keep that up forever. But, I didn't expect it to come to a halt like it did. I don't know the exact cause or moment, but I became very, very depressed. B was already settled into a career where she was making great money and was extremely happy. And here I am, struggling trying to pay my bills, at a dead end job that I hate and my dream job seemed further away with each passing day. I realized recently that I was still dealing with issues stemming from the loss of my father (10 months prior to meeting B) as well. I started to be cold and complacent. B had brought this to my attention a few times, but I got defensive and we never had a proper conversation about it. I've always had a hard time expressing my feelings and opening up to people, which doesn't help. Another 3 months later, she admitted that she felt like we were just roommates that shared a bed now. We never went out together, we rarely texted and called each other. I hurt B a lot since that shift. She was trying to open up to me and I kept rejecting her without really realizing I was doing it. But I never stopped loving her. She was my best friend and the only girl I had eyes for. I was just going through a deep depression and I let it get the best of me. Unfortunately, it affected her for about 8 months. I never sought help, or even really tried to confide in her. She was sick of it, and she should have been.

    "You wore me down and it hurt the whole fucking way," B said, just before she started dividing up all the things that we bought together.

    I couldn't even form a complete sentence. Actually, neither of us said much of anything. We just stared at the floor.

    After B ended things, she stayed with a friend for the week while I moved out. I reached out to her twice during that time to try to have an honest conversation, but she was not interested. She wanted space. I was devastated, even more depressed than I was before. That was the worst 7 days of my life. I woke up on my mom's couch the following day and I decided I was not going to feel sorry for myself anymore. I put myself into counseling and, the next day, I had an interview for an entry-level job in my chosen career field and I got it. I immediately quit my dead end job and signed a lease for an apartment. For the first time in a long while, I felt happy and wore a genuine smile. I know that I was not actually ready to try to reach out to her a third time. Of course, it's a bad idea. But, I did it anyway. She said we can "maybe [talk] in a few months." I couldn't convince her to hear me out and then received a very plainly stated, "don't contact me again," text. I should not have given in to that moment of weakness.

    So, here I am, it's been about 10 days since I've contacted her (though I did have a friend grab my spare car key from her on my behalf.) I know it's way too early to do anything besides work on myself and keep going with the no contact rule. But, I'm constantly asking myself, can this even be saved? I was horrible to her on an emotional level and probably don't deserve a second chance. But, I would do anything just to have a chance to show B that I am on the right track and making great strides towards being the man she fell in love with.

    Does anyone have any advice for a situation such as this? Is it even salvageable?

    Thanks,
    R



  2. #2

    it's too early to tell either way. But you should ride this wave of getting your ish together. It'll do your self wonders. It sounds to me that you may have had some underlying issues with her being more successful than you in the beginning. Maybe focus on you and put her in the back burner. You would be more attractive that way.

  3. Women don't just leave. They leave to whore around especially in western society then, some cuck marries and her raises her bastard kids. Its pathetic. When a woman leaves, you are suppose to stew in your shit according to society. Pickup gives you another way of being. Step out of the shit, away from monogamy, and cuckoldry. Create an ideal life for you. See, monogamy is what society sells to keep things orderly. So, when young, thin, attractive, the V bomb goes to alphas. When they stop calling, cucks, betas, and captain save a hoe is suppose to jump on that toxic grenade and clean up the mess that is her life.

    Start approaching lots of women. If you must, use tinder, preferaby, bumble (less attention whores and then must msg you otherwise, it unmatches). Spend the next couple of years, spamming cold approach, chatting with lots of women, making new wings, friends and actually creating the sort of lifestyle whereby, a woman will actually regret dumping you. Most men are absolutely pathetic and women are right to have dumped them.

    Chasing, begging, and being pathetic is the surest way to make sure she fucks around. If you have girls in your life, if your fb, and social media is you just getting wild with girls at clubs, suddenly, your little cherish isn't a big deal anymore. 29 is far too young to be moving in with a woman he barely knows. Indifference goes a long way. As in, if a woman is not earning her keep, for instance, low sex drive, no libido, not in the mood, you dump her. You think if Avicii was in the city and her girlfriends had VIP, she wouldn't be in the mood lol

    Similar to Dark Knight Rises, you need to claw your way out of the pit, and make something of yourself. Despite the way society talks of men, men take breakups harder then women. Women then just sleep around and the men act like sissies only adding fuel to her rampage.

  4. #4

    You should work on yourself and getting to a place where you feel great, accomplished, you have good friends, women like you, you have hobbies you love, maybe you always wanted to travel somewhere. In other words, where your happiness comes from within.

    Then and only then should you reach out and ask her for a bite to catch up or something chill along those lines. You have both moved forward at that point so during the hang out see how you feel and if you want to start flirting all over again.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Gender:
    Location
    NYC
    Age
    31
    Posts
    198

    Can I win her back? Advice please

    Quote Originally Posted by r1288 View Post
    Hi Everyone,

    My relationship ended about 3 weeks ago. B and I were together for a year and a half. She was my biggest supporter and the most positive person I've ever had in my life. I'm usually a very reserved person when it comes to affection, but with her, it felt so natural. We clicked on a level that not many people do and, of course, we fell hard for each other. About 4 months in, her roommates got so sick of seeing me that it actually caused arguments between them. B decided to get her own place and proposed the idea that we live together, which I was not into at first. I didn't want to rush it. However, after a couple months, I convinced myself that living with her couldn't possibly be a bad thing. And it wasn't. We had our issues from time to time, but we always figured it out. We were having sex multiple times on days that ended in Y. I was cooking for her almost every night. I'd find random notes around the house that would keep me smiling all day. She would surprise me at work on her days off. The romance was definitely in full force.

    Fast forward about 6 months of living together. I expected the romance to slow down a bit. I mean, it was excessive at times, we couldn't keep that up forever. But, I didn't expect it to come to a halt like it did. I don't know the exact cause or moment, but I became very, very depressed. B was already settled into a career where she was making great money and was extremely happy. And here I am, struggling trying to pay my bills, at a dead end job that I hate and my dream job seemed further away with each passing day. I realized recently that I was still dealing with issues stemming from the loss of my father (10 months prior to meeting B) as well. I started to be cold and complacent. B had brought this to my attention a few times, but I got defensive and we never had a proper conversation about it. I've always had a hard time expressing my feelings and opening up to people, which doesn't help. Another 3 months later, she admitted that she felt like we were just roommates that shared a bed now. We never went out together, we rarely texted and called each other. I hurt B a lot since that shift. She was trying to open up to me and I kept rejecting her without really realizing I was doing it. But I never stopped loving her. She was my best friend and the only girl I had eyes for. I was just going through a deep depression and I let it get the best of me. Unfortunately, it affected her for about 8 months. I never sought help, or even really tried to confide in her. She was sick of it, and she should have been.

    "You wore me down and it hurt the whole fucking way," B said, just before she started dividing up all the things that we bought together.

    I couldn't even form a complete sentence. Actually, neither of us said much of anything. We just stared at the floor.

    After B ended things, she stayed with a friend for the week while I moved out. I reached out to her twice during that time to try to have an honest conversation, but she was not interested. She wanted space. I was devastated, even more depressed than I was before. That was the worst 7 days of my life. I woke up on my mom's couch the following day and I decided I was not going to feel sorry for myself anymore. I put myself into counseling and, the next day, I had an interview for an entry-level job in my chosen career field and I got it. I immediately quit my dead end job and signed a lease for an apartment. For the first time in a long while, I felt happy and wore a genuine smile. I know that I was not actually ready to try to reach out to her a third time. Of course, it's a bad idea. But, I did it anyway. She said we can "maybe [talk] in a few months." I couldn't convince her to hear me out and then received a very plainly stated, "don't contact me again," text. I should not have given in to that moment of weakness.

    So, here I am, it's been about 10 days since I've contacted her (though I did have a friend grab my spare car key from her on my behalf.) I know it's way too early to do anything besides work on myself and keep going with the no contact rule. But, I'm constantly asking myself, can this even be saved? I was horrible to her on an emotional level and probably don't deserve a second chance. But, I would do anything just to have a chance to show B that I am on the right track and making great strides towards being the man she fell in love with.

    Does anyone have any advice for a situation such as this? Is it even salvageable?

    Thanks,
    R
    You started down a path where I was like "Fuck, another one.... 😒" But then, you said you "got off the couch and stopped feeling sorry for yourself" AWESOME. "Quit my dead end job and started my career path" YES!!!!!!

    ...."then I reached out to her"... 🤦🏾|♂️

    WHY?!!!!..........

    Keep fucking GROWING. Dont worry about her right now. Stop asking if you can "save" it. FUCK IT! Do YOU! When/if that time comes, you can cross that bridge, but right now, you aren't even close to that.

    You need to work on developing your emotional maturity. Learn how to communicate with women. Stop keeping shit inside and self-destructing and hurting others in the process. If you go back to her now, without any of that being worked on, you would fuck it up again.

    Instead, grow. Spend the next year or two just becoming a great man. Then, after you NO LONGER CARE FOR A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER, reach out and apologize. When there's no agenda, your apology will be more heart-felt and sincere as it will be coming from a GOOD place that wants HER to be happy. Right now, you just want YOURSELF to be happy (or more-so than her).

    Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Gender:
    Location
    NYC
    Age
    31
    Posts
    198

    Can I win her back? Advice please

    Quote Originally Posted by r1288 View Post
    Hi Everyone,

    My relationship ended about 3 weeks ago. B and I were together for a year and a half. She was my biggest supporter and the most positive person I've ever had in my life. I'm usually a very reserved person when it comes to affection, but with her, it felt so natural. We clicked on a level that not many people do and, of course, we fell hard for each other. About 4 months in, her roommates got so sick of seeing me that it actually caused arguments between them. B decided to get her own place and proposed the idea that we live together, which I was not into at first. I didn't want to rush it. However, after a couple months, I convinced myself that living with her couldn't possibly be a bad thing. And it wasn't. We had our issues from time to time, but we always figured it out. We were having sex multiple times on days that ended in Y. I was cooking for her almost every night. I'd find random notes around the house that would keep me smiling all day. She would surprise me at work on her days off. The romance was definitely in full force.

    Fast forward about 6 months of living together. I expected the romance to slow down a bit. I mean, it was excessive at times, we couldn't keep that up forever. But, I didn't expect it to come to a halt like it did. I don't know the exact cause or moment, but I became very, very depressed. B was already settled into a career where she was making great money and was extremely happy. And here I am, struggling trying to pay my bills, at a dead end job that I hate and my dream job seemed further away with each passing day. I realized recently that I was still dealing with issues stemming from the loss of my father (10 months prior to meeting B) as well. I started to be cold and complacent. B had brought this to my attention a few times, but I got defensive and we never had a proper conversation about it. I've always had a hard time expressing my feelings and opening up to people, which doesn't help. Another 3 months later, she admitted that she felt like we were just roommates that shared a bed now. We never went out together, we rarely texted and called each other. I hurt B a lot since that shift. She was trying to open up to me and I kept rejecting her without really realizing I was doing it. But I never stopped loving her. She was my best friend and the only girl I had eyes for. I was just going through a deep depression and I let it get the best of me. Unfortunately, it affected her for about 8 months. I never sought help, or even really tried to confide in her. She was sick of it, and she should have been.

    "You wore me down and it hurt the whole fucking way," B said, just before she started dividing up all the things that we bought together.

    I couldn't even form a complete sentence. Actually, neither of us said much of anything. We just stared at the floor.

    After B ended things, she stayed with a friend for the week while I moved out. I reached out to her twice during that time to try to have an honest conversation, but she was not interested. She wanted space. I was devastated, even more depressed than I was before. That was the worst 7 days of my life. I woke up on my mom's couch the following day and I decided I was not going to feel sorry for myself anymore. I put myself into counseling and, the next day, I had an interview for an entry-level job in my chosen career field and I got it. I immediately quit my dead end job and signed a lease for an apartment. For the first time in a long while, I felt happy and wore a genuine smile. I know that I was not actually ready to try to reach out to her a third time. Of course, it's a bad idea. But, I did it anyway. She said we can "maybe [talk] in a few months." I couldn't convince her to hear me out and then received a very plainly stated, "don't contact me again," text. I should not have given in to that moment of weakness.

    So, here I am, it's been about 10 days since I've contacted her (though I did have a friend grab my spare car key from her on my behalf.) I know it's way too early to do anything besides work on myself and keep going with the no contact rule. But, I'm constantly asking myself, can this even be saved? I was horrible to her on an emotional level and probably don't deserve a second chance. But, I would do anything just to have a chance to show B that I am on the right track and making great strides towards being the man she fell in love with.

    Does anyone have any advice for a situation such as this? Is it even salvageable?

    Thanks,
    R
    Whatever you do, don't listen to @meetjoeblack. His advice is shit and had many problems of his own

    Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk

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