Too attracted to her at an early stage: How to handle?

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  1. Too attracted to her at an early stage: How to handle?

    Going to make this story short: I met a girl on a random, natural occasion recently (through friends) and got some signs of attraction from her.

    Now, I think I have a good chance to take her out, which I will try to do. Problem is that I already developed strong emotions for her. I know this will impact my game in a negative way. The problem is that I simply think she is a better match for me than any of the girls I've met before.

    How should I approach this? Should I wait until these emotions fade before I ask her out? Any other strategies?

  2. #2

    Excellent question. A few things I think have helped me, although I haven't yet nailed down the winning combination:

    • logically recognize this is happening, and stop thinking about her whenever you catch yourself doing it
    • keep busy elsewhere ... this is to distract you from building fantasies up in your head
    • don't say anything about her to your friends ... this is a weird one, but unless i've reached the "she wants in my pants" stage with a girl, telling my friends about a girl correlates with early-dating trainwrecks.
    • be more blunt ... this is to nullify nervousness and counteract the tendency of you to screw up your flirting because your emotions are making you pathetic. e.g., if you have her # now, I'd straight up text her this instant "Hey, I think I saw you winking at me at <event>. Want to go on a coffee date?"
    • plan your date in advance, and make sure it just a little short... e.g., first date is exactly 30 minutes in the coffee shop and then you HAVE to leave. Don't fall into the trap of "oh we're vibing so i'm going to stay and enjoy it" ... your neediness will seep through and she'll smell it. If you leave at the peak of the interaction, she'll be wanting more.

    Overall, the plan is to put yourself in a straightjacket where you're forced to be a cool, calm, assertive guy, no matter how loud your emotions are screaming at you to be weak and needy.

    p.s. waiting for your emotions to fade sounds self-sabotaging.

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