Weird relationship situation? What do I do? Very confused.

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  1. Weird relationship situation? What do I do? Very confused.

    Hi,

    Okay. I have a girlfriend, very nice girl, sweet girl. We've been dating for months. Before we were together I was talking to a girl who lives abroad, in Scandinavia.

    The girl from Scandinavia came to visit me in the UK last weekend. But she came with two friends, and we hardly got any time alone. I was quiet and couldn't get my personality across. As her friends were constantly moaning and wanting to explore London, whilst I just wanted to have time with someone I had been speaking to for 7 months.

    When she got home she basically said we are too different and she's disappointed I'm not the person she thought I was blah. She said I'm indecisive and quiet. I explained to her all the things that were going on. She then told me she needed time to think.

    Today she told me she likes me and cares about me and doesn't want to lose me, but isn't ready to visit me again or for me to visit her yet.

    I asked when she will be ready? She said she doesn't know.

    What concerns me is why am I madly attracted to this girl when I have a girlfriend? and she lives abroad? Do I need to see a therapist? What do I do?

    What is so special about this girl from abroad? Not only do I have a local girlfriend, but there is millions of girls in the UK local to me. But I for some unnatural reason really badly want this girl.

    Need advice, please.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Gender:
    Age
    37
    Posts
    474

    When you are this desperate there must be something missing in your current relationship, and maybe even in your life.

    You displayed poor social intuition in the way you handled your "guests". You should have shoved those three people a good time in London, taken them to your favorite places and talked passionately about your life in London. They would all have appreciated it, and the girl would have loved that you took the lead and she would have found plenty of opportunities to talk to you alone. Then afterwards, you could have said that it was great having them visit, but next time, you would like that just the two of you could hang out together. Expecting her to ditch her friends to sit in your room and talk just to you was a terrible plan.

    But since you have a girlfriend, there are of course more glaring problems. The solution definitely isn't to keep dreaming about the girl. The question is to ask yourself what need this girl is fulfilling, and then ask yourself why that need is not fulfilled already.

  3. #3

    You don't need to see a therapist, but the girl that came over was expecting more alpha from you.
    She's waiting for you to get your shit together. You could try to salvage what little chemistry you have in the mean time before you go for round two in Scandinavia.

  4. Quote Originally Posted by job20 View Post
    You don't need to see a therapist, but the girl that came over was expecting more alpha from you.
    She's waiting for you to get your shit together. You could try to salvage what little chemistry you have in the mean time before you go for round two in Scandinavia.
    I think you're 100% spot on. What messed me up is my Wing men pulled out on me at last minute. My alone time with her was nice, we had a nice dinner, made out in public. When her friends came, I froze.

    Like the poster said above I don't know what it is in my life that makes me so desperate for her. She said we are too different then I basically convinced her she didn't see the real me due to her friends. Now she said she doesn't want to lose me but isn't ready to see me again, yet. So she's kind of done a u turn but it is still confusing.

    I need to detach my feelings from her and focus on my actual relationship.

  5. you shouldnt be chaeting on anyone man

    its dishonest. and you are creating serious karma for yourself

    she isnt available and that is what you like

    if she was in uk and messaged you 50x a day you would dump her in an instant

    if you want multiple girls then let theall know. otherwise go single and slut around all you like :-)

    djm

  6. The girl from Scandinavia came to visit me in the UK last weekend. But she came with two friends, and we hardly got any time alone. I was quiet and couldn't get my personality across. As her friends were constantly moaning and wanting to explore London, whilst I just wanted to have time with someone I had been speaking to for 7 months.
    She came with two friends because she wanted to do both things; 1) explore London and 2) Explore you.
    London stood perfect, but you sucked; that means you gave her well decorated b.s for 7 months and failed to stood up on that value.
    I have seen this happened with my cousin.

    Today she told me she likes me and cares about me and doesn't want to lose me, but isn't ready to visit me again or for me to visit her yet.
    Now, She feels something because of 7 months of friendship; hence she cares about you.
    Its not at all that she likes you, its only because you were nice to her.

    What concerns me is why am I madly attracted to this girl when I have a girlfriend? and she lives abroad? Do I need to see a therapist? What do I do?

    What is so special about this girl from abroad? Not only do I have a local girlfriend, but there is millions of girls in the UK local to me. But I for some unnatural reason really badly want this girl.
    She's not your soulmate man! You are madly attracted because she rejected you. Its like chasing the cat - if you know- but in opposite way. So don't give b.s about looking a therapist! you don't need one!

    All you can do now is be a good friend and show her the improvement in you; so that when she'll visit next time you will be better that London!

    Noire Licorne

  7. you shouldnt be chaeting on anyone man

    its dishonest. and you are creating serious karma for yourself
    This is TRUTH!
    Karma always gets back to you! Because karma is a bitch and no one is an exception to it!

    My philosophy says: Love more than one girl but never cheat on anyone. Do your karma right by telling the gals that you love them all with freedom and let them love you back.

    Noire Licorne

  8. My father gave some good advice. When looking for your spouse you're supposed to decide what a woman needs to have in order for you to marry her. After you have done that you marry the first woman that fulfills the needs. In your situation if your girlfriend passes the test then you have to go with her (even if your madly attracted to the second woman). The emphasis is on choosing the FIRST one that passes the test.

    One wrong way to do it is to compare the two woman and choose the "better" one to date. The reason you don't do that is because one day you'll meet an even "better" woman than the one your already dating and then what do you do? You'll never settle on one woman because you'll be looking for that "better" woman.

  9. #9

    Weird relationship situation What do I do Very confused

    I thought I was the only one. That ttyS0 threw me for a bit. Then I re-read everything else was off. Do you have hardware box checked in cutecom? Curious.

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