GF not giving in to SEX

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  1. #1

    GF not giving in to SEX

    Hey guys, it has been a while since I have been on here and I used to go out on the field with fellow members on here, but I have been out of the game since I'm in a long relationship. To summarize my gf of 3 years is a very good girl and was considering marrying her. It has been hard to find a good girl, but there is a huge problem that is making me not take the next step, the sex! In the beginning sex was amazing, public, bjs random, etc. Now I have been too good to her, I have been losing my edge. She controls sex. She never initiates anymore. I feel maybe I'm not being man enough in her eyes. I'm always there for her because I care and try to make her feel positive when stressed etc. I feel like she is getting her way. I know it is my fault, but I'm so out of focus that I'm not sure how to get her to want me again. She says I always just grab her when I want to have sex that I don't romance her etc. Now I feel so clueless on how to get her to initiate and want sex!

    I need to take a step back and focus on myself and focus on how to train her, how to make her want me and desire me, otherwise I feel I will fail and I cannot marry a girl that is not willing to initiate or desire me. We have no dirty conversations as we were living together for a while, I decided to buy a condo and am wanting to take this time to rethink my strategy. Hopefully a fellow member can help me solve this issue and give advice.



  2. Blitz-

    A falloff in sex in a LTR is pretty normal, so don't beat yourself up too much. It's difficult to keep things fresh when you get to a certain degree of comfort with someone. As far as "training" her, I don't think you need to think of sex in those terms. I think you need to re-evaluate the way you're seducing her. It might seem sort of weird to think about "seducing" your woman, especially if you're considering marrying her - but that's just the thing, she hasn't stopped wanting that just becuase you're in a LTR. A lot of guys mis-understand the seduction / foreplay process and don't invest enough time in it. You should begin hinting at sex, sort of casually, way before you actually want it. Weave some suggestive texts into your convos during the day, and gradually escalate the imagery/descriptions until you're talking dirty. Make her want it, make her want you. THEN she will initiate it. Once she's warmed up, you can more safely transition into the hotter and heavier dirty talk ( the stuff that turns most guys on ).

    Don't think about it in the mindset that she's lost that attraction, it's just that the attraction takes a different form. She wants to be desired, she wants to be seduced. You can't just treat her like a light switch where you expect her to be horny and willing to fuck at a the drop of a hat.

    If you want her to want the sex, make her want the sex. She wants to be seduced, she wants to feel sexy - all you need to do is get here to that point and anchor yourself as the person who turns her on consistently.

    Put in the work, change your mindset, and she'll surprise you.

    Hope that helps,

    Jax

  3. #3

    Thanks for the reply Jax and yes you are right. I know for a fact I'm taking the wrong approach to seducing her. Any tips for seduction and making her desire you for LTR, maybe books?

    I do need to invest time in it as I do not focus much on that aspect in the relationship. I just go see her and we workout together, talk about business etc but have lost the focus and have no idea how to get back up to that point again. I can't even feel like saying sexy or suggestive texts for some reason feels as if it was a friendship. She does not sext any more nor do I. Just normal good morning hun, hows work, like the old couples, that is exactly how it feels. Not sure how to even bring the spice back. It was all lost when she moved in with me and my mother (yes I know terrible idea). She now has her own place and want to take this as a step to start over and find a way to make her want the sex.

  4. I don't have any good resources off the top of my head, but it sounds like you guys need a good ol fashioned reset / jump-start. She clearly cares about you a lot and is comfortable with you, you just need to break out of the cycle / habits that have got you to the point of being comfortable to the point of not being sexy.

    Here are some ideas. Set a date for you two. Say you're gonna go out, but dont tell her much more than that. Take her out to dinner at a place she doesnt know, grab drinks, bounce around to a few different bars - do all the shit that you would normally do with with a girl you're TRYING to have sex with. Girls love that process, and you're already operating with her being comfortable with you. You just need to keep her guessing and take her out of that comfort zone. Working out together, living together etc are all good ways of building comfort and solidifying long term relationships, but they can often be counteractive to keeping chemistry lively.

    You're right, her moving out is a good point for you to set up a new pattern. Go out to some spots around her new place and end the night at her new place. Break the cycle. Have sex with her at the end of the night, and then text her the next day with "omg that was so much fun, you were so sexy" or something like that. She needs to feel sexy and desired by you. Tell her how sexy she was and how hot she made you. Describe specific moments where you couldn't help yourself and you just wanted to devour her. Do all of that, but do it over a period of time that allows the mood to escalate naturally. Ask her what her favorite parts of the experience were, etc. Sexualize the convo and keep the heat going, that way, when you guys meet up there will already be a bunch of desire built up.

    Hope that helps,

    Jax

  5. #5

    Your right brother, she is too comfortable! I have tried taking her out doing spontaneous things, but she so comfortable that she wants to sleep early, etc. I have "romanced" her as well, and everything is perfect then next couple days we are at the beginning! I feel like I can't keep it up!

    There was one night that rekindled relationship. She got drunk and it was the best sex ever, porn style, it lasted two days, then it went back to normal..How can it be steady? She seems to go back to that comfortable stage. Even the sex has gotten boring! She just likes the same position over and over, I need to get her out of that comfort zone. I feel as I dug the hole too much and can't get out! Right now her sister is living with her and she has been stressed as her sister does not work. I will try those techniques such as sexting and hopefully it can be a start. Because before I would be aggressive as in "I want you right now mami" and she would just laugh..It has gotten so bad, like I said too comfortable! Need to break that habit. Otherwise I feel I will cheat.

  6. #6

    Sometimes women are wild in the beginning because they want to impress you.

    27 is a good age to see what your options are.

  7. if a gal is using her pussy as a weapon to punish, extort or coerse behavior out of you:

    get rid of her. that attitude/ punishment reward shit is garbage. and how we train dogs

    are you a dog?

    djm

  8. #8

    Sometimes it's not about spontaneity. It might be along the line of peoples tendency of always wanting more when they know they already have something. Like you might think you want a BMW and you'll be happy, but then you realize your next goal is "a Porsche". I'm not saying she's looking for that because social norms tell her otherwise, but often people seek out affairs even when their mate pushes them for sex because "people want what they cannot have". (or at least what appears like they cannot have).

    There is a great ted talk on long-term desire.

    I think if you listen to her talks carefully (she has a bunch), she does provide some outlook on at least the process of attraction in LTR.

    If you're then able to use what she tells you and apply attraction and seduction you've learned. Could work.

  9. #9

    Read Mating in Captivity.

  10. I've been with my partner for 5 years and our sex was pretty good. A year ago we started having some problems with sex and went to a consultation with a specialist psychologist in pairs. Since then we have continued with sexual therapy and now we are fine.

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